Week 858: Same OED -- fake definitions of rare words; and 'men/women are like ...'
Embase: The chocolate inside the hard candy coating.
It's Part 2 of a contest we started in 2007. Here's a list of words that Loser Ne Plus Ultra Russell Beland has found in another small section of the New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary. If you know what any of them mean -- for example that an exossation is "a depriving of bone or fruit stones" -- good for you, but we don't care.
This week: Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. You may use it in a funny sentence but not in an unfunny sentence.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place scores the book "The World's Worst: A Guide to the Most Disgusting, Hideous, Inept, and Dangerous People, Places, and Things on Earth."
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 8. Put "Week 858" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published March 27. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Chris Doyle of Ponder, Tex.; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Brad Alexander of Wanneroo, Australia.
Report from Week 854
in which we asked for jokes in the venerable simile form "men are like . . . ," "women are like . . . ," etc., in eight categories. IMPORTANT NOTE TO THE EASILY OFFENDED: Yes, we realize that many of the jokes below are based on sexist stereotypes and attitudes that do not apply to a great many men and women, and certainly not to you.
The winner of the Inker
Women are like flashlights: Ones with two D's aren't always the brightest, but they'll do when the lights go out. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
2. the winner of the classic children's book "The Gas We Pass": Men are like Swiss army knives: No matter how useful they appear, they mostly just pick teeth and open beer bottles. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
3.Teenagers are like a freshly bottled wine: They might be palatable seven years from now. (David Kleinbard, Jersey City)
4.Men are like the TV yule log: They're easy to turn on, but you're not going to get much warmth out of them. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Hacksimiles: Honorable mentions
A man is like the Loch Ness Monster: You suspect there's something under the surface, but no one's ever seen it. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)