Below the Beltway

A Liberal Dose of Humor: Gene Weingarten can make fun of Democrats AND Republicans

gene weingarten, eric shansby
(Eric Shansby)
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By Gene Weingarten
Sunday, March 28, 2010

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column suggesting that Republicans are fanatic, Bible-thumping, right-wing paranoiacs. This resulted in a lot of outraged mail from fanatic, Bible-thumping, right-wing paranoiacs. They claimed I am somehow biased against them.

Well, duh. As I've said before, I am so liberal that I should be tried for treason and executed. But my column was based on fact: A poll had revealed that most Republicans believe, for example, that Genesis should be taught in schools as a valid scientific explanation for the origin of life, and that President Obama might want the terrorists to win. In the column, I claimed to have found a secret second half of the poll, which I made up, lampooning these idiotic notions through exaggeration.

One letter-writer dared me to do the same sort of hit job on Democrats. I responded, smugly, that I'd be delighted to do that just as soon as Democrats demonstrate a similar nutty paranoia. So the guy sent me a link to a 2007 national poll revealing that more than half of all registered Dems believe that George W. Bush might have known of the 9/11 attacks in advance, and let it happen anyway.


Ahem. As it happens, I have just come into exclusive possession of questions and answers from an unpublished, shocking and completely spurious poll of Democrats. Here are the highlights:

If the Supreme Court's decision had gone the other way and George W. Bush had not become president in 2000, how would things be different today?

Thirty-two percent said, "There would be no greed and hunger, and nothing to kill or die for, and no religion, too, and all the people would be living life in peace."

Forty-seven percent said, "Cars would run on sunshine."

Under what circumstances might you condone the use of a handgun?

Twenty-nine percent said "for self-defense by a uniformed police officer, but only if he or she has already been shot at least twice."

Thirty-one percent said "as a source of metal for plowshares."

What bad things that have happened in the last year can fairly be blamed on Barack Obama?

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