Ask Amy

DEAR AMY: Please answer this sensitive question. Should I tell my siblings' spouses that I was sexually abused by our father?

I have chosen never to visit my parents in order to protect my children.

My siblings are aware that our father sexually abused me during my childhood. They are married with children between 2 and 16. They travel across the country once a year (with their children) to visit our parents.

I have been told by many therapists that they are responsible for their own choices.

However, I feel a knife in my chest at the thought of that man's ability to hurt these children, right under their parents' noses.

My siblings have chosen not to tell their spouses.

I need your opinion, and I hope they will read your reply.

Should I tell their spouses and risk losing the relationship with my siblings? --The Protector

DEAR PROTECTOR: Your therapists are right. Your siblings are responsible for their choices.

And you are responsible for yours.

If being silent causes you pain and makes you worry about other children in your family, then you should not be silent.

This is a very sad and heavy burden. Your father's actions have placed all of your family relationships at risk.