There's a positive difference between bribe and reward

(Rob Donnelly)

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Whether a behavior becomes a habit has a lot to do with how the rewards are given. (Don't forget: Attention and praise are your most reliable rewards.) Unsystematic one-shot incentives will lead to dependence on the reward.

Here are ways to make rewards effective:

Be specific about the behaviors you want. Explain to yourself, first, and then to your child what specific behavior you want to develop. Vague commands like "be nice" or "show respect" are too general. Rather, say, "When you're playing with your sister, keep your voice down and don't take her toys." When you see the desired behavior, praise it specifically and enthusiastically (the younger the child, the more enthusiastic you should be): "You stayed in your seat all through dinner and you used your inside voice. That's great!"

Identify a small number of behaviors. Start with no more than two or three you want to develop. Remember: The reward does not produce the results; rather, you want to encourage repeated practice of the behaviors. Focus on getting a couple of behaviors locked in as a habit, then move on to the next ones.

Model the behaviors you want. Show the child exactly what the behavior would look like. Then have the child do it and praise her for whatever parts she copied correctly. If you see other people behaving correctly -- at the store or out to dinner -- punctuate what you see with your comments and approval.