Carolyn Hax: Let friend know she erred in booting overweight bridesmaid

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)
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By Carolyn Hax
Saturday, May 8, 2010

Adapted from a recent online discussion:

Dear Carolyn:

So college friend A just disinvited college friend B from being a bridesmaid -- because B is fat and would ruin the pictures and the look of her big day. Friend A did tell me that if B lost some weight, she'd let her back in the wedding party.

Her rationale is that B promised to lose the weight by the wedding but didn't, and that whenever there is a big bridesmaid everyone is looking at her and not the bride.

I am so angry about A's nastiness that I can't even think straight. Is it kosher for me to drop out in solidarity with B (with whom I am actually not that close)? What is the best way for me to communicate to A that she is a gigantic [idiot]? I don't know if I even want to be friends anymore.

B hosted a bridal shower, has come to all the fittings/food tastings/other assorted events. She's a good egg. I heard from mutual friend C that B spent the morning crying. I would too! What can I say to B?


Wow. Everything you hope to accomplish, you can accomplish in one move: Trust your revulsion and end your friendship with A (which obviously includes dropping out of the wedding). When A asks, tell her exactly why. B doesn't even need to hear it from you; it'll make its way around. I hope C follows your lead.

Dear Carolyn:

Why do mooches always catch the breaks?! Husband and I work and take care of our family. We're paycheck-to-paycheck, but we make it work (live within our means and all). Yet my brother- and sister-in-law live beyond their means and are CONSTANTLY having to be bailed out by family. Just found out they inherited a car from a family member who passed. I know they "need" it, they have only one car, but that's only because they don't take care of anything.

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