This week's contest
Style Invitational Week 869: We give the crossword, you give the clues; plus readers' Googlenopes
STAX: The patron saint of lumberjacks.
It's time for our backward crossword, this time courtesy of master constructor Paula Gamache. The words are already in the grid (click on the slideshow at right): Send us funny, clever clues for any of them. The clues don't have to be as brief as real clues, but they can't be really long. Please say which word the clue is for; don't just write "36 Down." See the results of our last crossword contest by clicking here.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. For second place -- in the theme of our previous "Nunchuck" catapult gun -- Russell Beland has donated the Baby Shower, which shoots out inch-long infants of various colors. The package does remind the consumer that "real babies should never be catapulted or thrown," along with the standard disclaimer that this product is not suitable for children under 3 years. So if you have a child 3 or older who'd like to shoot a baby . . .
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 24. Put "Week 869" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published June 12. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results was sent by both Chris Doyle and Tom Witte; Tom also wrote this week's honorable-mentions subhead.
Report from Week 865
in which we sought yet more Googlenopes -- phrases that still yielded that "no results found" icon when you offer them to the Universe's Biggest Search Engine. Once again, some of the thousands of 'Nopes submitted were just convenient misspellings of names. For all the results below -- which were still unique at press time -- the phrases were entered within quotation marks. Capitalization didn't matter in the searches.
Several entrants noted to the Empress that they were more amazed by the phrases that did produce a few hits, such as "National Beet Day" (discovered by Tom Kreitzberg) or "the wisdom of Tom Cruise" (noted by Russell Beland). These have been called Googleyups, and yes, we'll have to get to them. (We have already done Googlewhacks, in which there is exactly one hit.)
The winner of the Inker
Both "Nobody understands me like my husband" and "Nobody understands me like my wife" (Mark Richardson, Washington)
2. the winner of the nine-inch-long black gummi rat:
"I was persuaded by the picket sign" (Dan Steinberg, Silver Spring)
3. "President Obama wigs" (Mike Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)
4. "I lost lots of weight by eating better and exercising" (Sheri Tardio, Prince Frederick)
None: The Less -- Honorable mentions
"Lady Gaga wore a modest" . . . (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)