Style Invitational Week 874: A Facebook status-line contest; and Googlenope Jeopardy
Apple martini Slurpees and some sort of glop that appeared to be muskrat with ziti. Late New Year's resolution: Never accept a dinner invite from Lady Gaga again!
For the three of you out there who aren't yet familiar with Facebook: Everyone with a Facebook account can post a "status line" -- basically a short announcement that's broadcast to the person's "friends" who see it on their "news feed." Facebook users often use their status lines to say what they're doing today, what they just did, when they'll be away from home in case any burglars are reading this, etc. But many people also use their status lines for various wry observations and words of (dubious) wisdom: One of the most off-the-wall Facebook pundits is our own Bob Staake, who entertains his 2,442 friends with such pronouncements as "A riding lawnmower: One of 50,000 household items that can't be wrapped in a tortilla -- easily, I mean."
Bob is so enamored of Facebook that he offers this week's contest: Write a funny Facebook status line -- anywhere up to 420 characters (or 30 words, to be safe if you don't want to count) but far shorter passages are welcome -- that incorporates at least seven of the 50 words and phrases listed below, as in Bob's example above. You may make the word plural or change its tense, and may also change capitalization. You don't get ink just for fitting in dozens of words on the list; you get ink for being funny and clever. You don't have to use your line as your Facebook status, or even have a Facebook account, but if you do, both the Empress and Bob will be happy to accept your friend request.
The words: glop; rash; Lady Gaga; swerve; tapas; BP; ginormous; museum; dental; frisky; wireless; infomercial; asparagus; tuba; goalie; hyperventilate; pineapple; squishy; projectile; dinner; tea bag; harpsichord; Cuisinart; New Yorker cartoon; Metro; muskrat; vacation; Lindsay; strewn; ziti; zit; Secretariat; Tupperware; apple; escalator; trophy; Slurpee; effete; acid-free; parental control; venison; fastball; martini; status; otter; bicuspid; Fenty; anagram; chronic; Santa.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an idiotic little diorama consisting of a cardboard presidential desk at which sits an egg-shaped stone. It is called Prez BaRock. Ho ho! Passed along by Style's Christian Hettinger.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 28. Put "Week 874" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published July 17. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Beverley Sharp; this week's honorable-mentions subhead was sent by both Chris Doyle and Tom Witte.
Report from Week 870
in which we printed a list of phrases that were entries for the Week 865 Googlenope contest (i.e., they couldn't be found on Google at the time) and asked you to provide question that the 'nopes might answer:
The winner of the Inker
A. "Tattoos your mom will love":
Q. Daddy, what are you going to get me during your next custody weekend? (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
2. the winner of the Obama bobbletorso:
A. "The ruly and gruntled mob"
Q. What was the benefit of secondhand smoke at the NORML rally? (Cheryl Davis, Arlington)