Style Invitational Week 876: Write a song parody about the oil spill

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
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By The Empress
Saturday, July 3, 2010

To the tune of "Under the Sea," sung by a shrimp:

They say there'll be no fish slaughter, that they'll make my home pristine.

But how can they clean the water when they can't keep their restrooms clean?

-- from the Capitol Steps' "Under BP," by Richard Paul

This week: Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. We almost always print more songs on than we have room for in the print paper; on the Web, we can include a link to the melody, but the ones we publish in the Style section have to be set to very well known tunes.

Winner gets the Inker, the Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets a very neat roll of packing tape that is clear except for the continuous column of human vertebrae running down the middle. And this is . . . This Is Spinal Tape. Donated by Loser Jeff Contompasis, who once gave us a device that turned a hot dog into an octopus.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 12. Put "Week 876" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published July 31. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Craig Dykstra; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Contompasis.

Report from Week 872

In which you were asked to combine the beginnings of someone's first and last names to create a new, pertinent term: Numerous Losers came up with "Algo: The former veep's last words to Tipper," "Jelo: One who jiggles in the right places" (Jennifer Lopez) and "Sico: Someone who derives a perverse satisfaction in humiliating others" (Simon Cowell).

The winner of the Inker

TiWo: that new technology that allows you to replay your life without embarrassing moments (Tiger Woods). (Cliff Kellogg, a First Offender)

2. the dress custom-made from two Loser T-shirts: Marvosa: A disorder in which someone continually describes himself as a genius despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary (Marilyn Vos Savant). (Dion Black, Washington)

3. Jacam: A new moviemaking device that does away with the need for actors (James Cameron). (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

4.Charkra: An esoteric concept of rightness in some Eastern sects, considered a key on the path to true smugness (Charles Krauthammer). (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

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