Miss Manners: ‘Really': You should try it

Dear Miss Manners:

I'm afraid I often encourage nimrods who are ranting (parroting) hate radio. I'm one of the few people in existence who actually listens when others talk. And when listening, one occasionally grunts "Uh huh" to show we're still there.

Unfortunately, "Uh huh" can convey both "I hear you" and "I agree." I certainly don't agree, but I wonder if there's some other noise one can make that simply registers, "I heard." Perhaps you can suggest some noise. One that's even shaded toward, "For the love of God, have you listened to yourself?" "You're spouting blither, you fool!" would be even better.

Occasionally, I get irked that I'm used as a sounding board, since what's transpiring is in no way a "conversation," but that's another topic. Who said, "A bore deprives you of solitude while denying you company"?

The word for which you are searching is "Really?" Miss Manners asks you to please note the question mark, which indicates a polite form of skepticism, but, if said gently, is interpreted merely as encouragement to continue ranting, rendering it polite if also self-sacrificing.

But that is only one service that this useful little word can perform. If rendered as "Well, RE-a-lly!" it can express mild indignation. A flat "Oh, really" is a sign that one's attention is wandering.

Yet the beauty of "really" is that it is almost never perceived as an insult. Possibly because, as you have observed, bores tend not to listen to others.

And the answer to your other question is Giovanni Vincenzo Gravina, the 17th- to 18th-century literary figure and jurist.

Dear Miss Manners:

I've kept in close touch with an old classmate via e-mail and was made an honorary godfather of his daughter 26 years ago. I have never seen or spoken to her. This goddaughter had the audacity to e-mail me requesting if I could get her an iPhone, as she needs it at work and can't afford it at this time.

I was planning to give her a nice gift this year, but it was nothing in the price range of an iPhone. Should I give in to her request or just ignore it and give her something more affordable? How should I write her a letter that I can't give her an iPhone without hurting her feelings?

Her feelings do not sound like what Miss Manners would call delicate.