Ask Amy

DEAR AMY: I have been best friends with "Laura" since kindergarten.

She got married and then got pregnant without telling me.

I rarely hear from her and when I contact her I get short, simple answers to any of the questions I ask. She never asks about what's going on in my life.

She is having her second child and I just received an invitation to her baby shower. Am I obligated to go because I have known her so long?

Or is there a polite way to say, "You don't make an effort to even be a friend, so I don't want to make the effort"?

Or can I just send a present and say, "Best of luck and congratulations"? -- Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: You could send a card (or say in person), "I feel like I only hear from you when you have these big events going on! Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm so sorry I can't make it to the shower but I hope you have a wonderful party." This is a polite, opaque statement, in keeping with the lack of intimacy in your friendship.

It would be very generous to also send a gift.

DEAR AMY: My wife's father died four years ago, and her mother, "Peggy," who is 86 years old, lives with us. This is fine with me.

My wife had to quit her job to stay home and take care of her mother, so we lost all my wife's benefits (such as health insurance) and now we have to pay through the nose for health coverage (I receive no benefits through my job).

My mother-in-law has cancer and we expected her to live less than a year.

That was three years ago.