Carolyn Hax: Don't push husband to demand more from son

Dear Carolyn:

Seeking unbiased opinions on a few things.

1. My husband has two adult sons from his first marriage. Their mom was an addict and "abandoned" the family when the boys were 5 and 18 months. So my husband was the primary parent.

Come my husband's birthday, Father's Day and Christmas, the older son/daughter-in-law do not give my husband anything, except a card, if I send them an e-mail reminder -- otherwise they bring nothing. The younger son does give gifts to his dad. To me, it's a slap in the face not to give your father a token gift. This couple has no problem taking the generous gifts from my husband. My husband says, "It doesn't bother me, I'm a giver, not a taker," as his default defense. My husband DID confide in me once that he is ashamed his boy turned out to be a "taker." Hubby will not tell him this. He does not want to "estrange" the son he sees only several times a year.

It bothers me to no end that this son isn't grateful to his father for his sacrifice.

2. My husband is addicted to motorcycles. He was when I met him (we've been together six years). If he were single, he'd use all of his five vacation weeks to travel the country on his motorcycle. He and I take about two weeks of "together" vacations. His other weeks, he rides while I stay home.

He encourages me to use these weeks to visit friends and family, but I resent being shoved aside for his motorcycle trips. Every January we get into unpleasant discussions as he starts mapping out this year's trips. When I protest, he gets angry that I'm trying to keep him from enjoying his "passion for riding."

I used to ride with him sometimes, but back and neck problems prevent me from continuing. I did not enjoy that mode of travel much anyway.

What do you think?

Arizona