Results of Week 265

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The results of Week 265, when we last did this contest that we repeat for Week 884 (1998):

Fourth Runner-Up: The Slipscoop: A combination bedroom slipper and pooper scooper. No need to stop and bend over; simply slipscoop it up and place-kick it over the neighbor's fence. Three points! (Sunny C. Doman, Falls Church)

Third Runner-Up: Rogocaine: A cross between Rogaine and cocaine. It grows nose hair. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Second Runner-Up: Gromit: Combination syrup of ipecac and tile grout. Makes triumph out of tragedy when you don't quite make it to the toilet bowl. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

First Runner-Up: The F'c'w'le'ha: A combination forecastle (fo'c's'le), gunwale (gunnel) and halfpenny (ha'p'n'y). I have no idea what it is, I just get a kick out of the idea that no one knows how to pronounce it. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

And the winner of the Chinese Propaganda Record:AK-486: A combination of an AK-47 and the RU-486 "morning after" pill. This assault weapon has an automatic-delay firing pin, permitting disgruntled postal workers to rethink their rage. (T.J. Murphy, Arlington)

Honorable Mentions: The Sigmoidoseat: A combination sigmoidoscope and deck chair, molded to resemble seats at the MCI arena. This chair allows you to watch the Wizards play on TV while staying at home, and you get the same sensation you'd have after shelling out $75 in the new arena. (T.J. Murphy, Arlington)

The Sport-futility Vehicle: A combination futon and sport utility vehicle, this device is for people whose idea of off-road adventure is to pull off the road and take a nap. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The Bordullo: Half brothel, half think tank. An establishment where Washington men go to pay for what they REALLY want: Cogent policy analysis. (David Genser, Arlington)

The Escaladder: A combination escalator and ladder, similar to an escalator that you climb step by step. This device is often found in Metro stations. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The Buzzclock: A combination buzz saw and alarm clock, this device activates a spinning blade in the headboard and a conveyor belt in the mattress after its snooze button is hit a third time. What time is it? Time to stop sawing wood! (Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)

The Pink: Pen and ink packaged together, so you don't have to keep refilling the pen. No muss, no fuss! (Russ Beland, Springfield)

The Bassipult: A sound-activated bassinet and catapult. Never again be bothered by Baby crying in the night. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

The Heliblower: A combination helicopter and leaf blower, for people who want to one-up their neighbor's annoyingly loud lawn-maintenance appliances. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

The Remoilet: A combination remote channel changer and toilet. Not only do you not have to get up to change the channel, you don't have to get up for anything, ever. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

And Last: Circlepost: The Washington Post printed in a round format. I know this doesn't fit the contest, but it would fit my parrot cage nicely. (Joe Ponessa, Philadelphia)

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