Alan Simpson and NOW, chest-bumping
The feminist movement has a new slogan: "Tits for an Ass."
This felicitous phrase was coined by none other than the National Organization for Women, which Wednesday morning arrived on Capitol Hill with 1,500 nipples -- the rubber kind from baby bottles.
The nipples, in cellophane gift bags with purple ribbon, were presented to the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform by NOW "as part of its 'Tits for an Ass' campaign calling for the removal of Alan Simpson."
Simpson, the one-time Republican senator and now a co-chairman of the commission, got in some trouble this summer when, in an e-mail about Social Security to an official from the Older Women's League, used an old H.L. Mencken line to describe the government as "a milk cow with 310 million tits."
NOW President Terry O'Neill had planned to present the nipples to Simpson outside the Senate hearing room where the commission was holding a public meeting this morning, but when Simpson slipped in a back door, O'Neill marched into the committee room and up to the dais to hand over the T&A package.
O'Neill told Simpson that she was giving him the nipples "in hopes that you'll have the decency to resign from the commission."
"Very kind," Simpson replied, as an aide took the package. "I will have the decency to donate that to the children's hospital."
"Senator Simpson, if you would talk a little about not cutting Social Security," O'Neill requested.
"I'll talk to you later, I sure will," Simpson said with his Wyoming folksiness.
O'Neill was not going to wait. She informed Simpson that cutting Social Security benefits means "millions of people would be thrown out of the middle class and into poverty."
"I spent my life helping people," Simpson said irritably.
"Cutting social security benefits, with all due respect. . ."