By Lisa de Moraes
Wednesday, October 27, 2010; C06
A pack of zombies sent to the Lincoln Memorial to frighten commuters, terrorize women and scare a year's growth out of local children was turned away by the brave U.S. Park Police.
Yes, Zombies Take Washington -- promised to us by basic cable network AMC as it prepares to launch its zombie series "The Walking Dead" on Halloween -- morphed into Zombies Politely Listen to Law Enforcement.
Minutes before the zombies arrived en masse, courageous U.S. Park Police were cracking jokes about zombie punctuality. AMC had warned that the zombies were going to show up at 7 a.m., WaPo TeamTV's Emily Yahr reported Tuesday.
But things got deadly serious when the two-dozen bloodied and tattered undead wandered down 23rd Street NW and tried to cross the road to invade the Lincoln Memorial.
"Who is the organizer here?" U.S. Park Police Sgt. David Schlosser demanded to know. He was met by silence; one zombie chewed on her sleeve.
After a short conversation with a non-undead official -- she appeared to be the pack's tour guide -- the zombies were led away obediently. Yes, the zombies will try to eat your face, but they're law-abiding face-eaters.
It appears the zombies did not know that they needed a separate permit to enter property administrated by the National Park Service.
Thwarted in their efforts to eat some tourists' faces and plug the AMC horror series, the zombies crossed the street and wound up on Constitution Avenue between 22nd and 23rd streets NW, in front of the American Pharmacists Association, and became a tableau on the current state of health care.
The reanimated corpses began waving at motorists. Turns out they're law-abiding, friendly zombies who will try to eat your face.
"Zombies -- to the limo!" a zombie tour guide bellowed after about 10 minutes of this goodwill-building with the local commuters, Yahr reported.
Half of the zombies dead-walked onto a charter bus to go eat the faces of commuters at the Foggy Bottom Metro station and maybe scare to death some GW patients gazing out their hospital-room windows.
The other, lucky zombies piled into a faux motorcade and headed to Georgetown; they were going to try to eat the face of the president of the United States, with Yahr in hot pursuit.
Turns out, Washington commuters are so polite, they will pull over for a motorcade, even if the motorcade is filled with zombies. (Note to self: A gal can't do better than to rent a town car and put American flags on top when she's got to get somewhere in a hurry.)
Zombie letdown: The corner of Wisconsin and Prospect in Georgetown was pretty dead at 7:45 a.m. on a Tuesday. When the zombies got out of the motorcade limos -- not as funny as clowns climbing out of a tiny car at the circus, but still pretty funny -- it was witnessed by only a couple of passersby. But a lone employee at the Restoration Hardware on the corner did come outside to record the incident on his cellphone. And a parking enforcement official also stopped to take a cellphone picture.
The motorcade drove around the block and reappeared -- this time not as the Zombie Motorcade, but as the Faux POTUS Motorcade. This was clearly an enormously talented motorcade that can play many roles -- the Helen Mirren of motorcades.
The zombies clawed at the motorcade, but you know how it is when you're playing to an empty hall -- your performance is bound to lack vim.
After awhile, the zombies decided to head to Farragut North. It was a shrewd move -- the streets were packed with commuters, many of whom took out their phones and recorded the zombies as they descended to the Metro station.
"I wish something this interesting happened every day on my walk to work," one passerby said.
"I don't know if I should take your picture or just run like hell!" another commuter said to a zombie. The zombie staggered for the camera. The commuter chose YouTube stardom over safety and continued shooting the incident.
This was the audience they'd been looking for all morning. The zombies came back upstairs for an encore and attacked the motorcade again. Commuters gave them rave reviews.