Couch Slouch: Seattle Seahawks, losing record and all, continue soaring through the NFL playoffs
If the yahoos had their way, the Seattle Seahawks would not have had a chance Saturday to stun Sports Nation. Because in a perfect world - and, heaven knows, America is as close to a perfect world conceivable, other than if it were built inside a retractable dome - a losing team does not qualify for the NFL playoffs.
Imagine if this shabby 7-9 team now makes the Super Bowl - the entire East Coast might sink into the Atlantic Ocean and Peter King might drown in his venti cup of cinnamon dolce latte.
The Seahawks' ridiculous and preposterous triumph over the defending champion New Orleans Saints was so life-reaffirming, it blunted the blow to mind and body absorbed when my Team of Destiny, the Philadelphia Eagles, tumbled to defeat.
The Seahawks, playing at home, were whopping 11-point underdogs and, to be honest, they felt like 111-point underdogs. I could not find a single soul in Seattle - other than Eddie the Dog - who thought the Seahawks would win.
(Column Intermission I: During Saints-Seahawks, here was NBC analyst Mike Mayock's first pregame comment: "The great equalizer in this sport has always been turnovers." And here was his first in-game comment: "The chess match has begun." Somewhere in the great beyond, Howard Cosell tweeted, "Ah, the indefatigable mediocrity of the jockocracy.")
Did I think the Seahawks had a chance? Uh, no. They are - how shall I say politely? - not very good. Frankly, they stink.
Here are the scores of the nine games the Seahawks lost this season: 31-14, 20-3, 33-3, 41-7, 34-19, 42-24, 40-21, 34-18 and 38-15. That's right, every defeat was by at least 15 points; if you closed your eyes, you'd swear Bruce Coslet were coaching them.
Still, I vigorously defended the Seahawks' postseason "bid" against the braying hordes.
Just last week, one of my loyal readers, Neal Steik of Lynnwood, Wash., wrote to me: "Many feel the Seahawks were undeserving of the NFL playoffs, due to their sub-.500 record. Your thoughts, oh wise sage."
Neal, I shall quote Descartes on this: "You are deserving of the playoffs if you make them. You are undeserving of the playoffs if you miss them."
(Column Intermission II: During Saints-Seahawks, NBC's Tom Hammond noted: "Meanwhile, Reggie Bush has gone to the locker room. He is not on the field." Bush probably had to go pick up one last payment from USC - maybe Pete Carroll brought it with him.)
Yes, with a losing record the Seahawks made the playoffs and got a home game.