Tell Me About It, Carolyn Hax

Drama and public fights - what's not to love?

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)
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Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, January 24, 2011

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

My on-again-off-again girlfriend insulted me and a new friend in public during a small get-together. She insinuated that we were flirting. At the time, we were off, but there was no flirting. She cussed us out so badly that New Friend never wants to be in the same space with Girlfriend. During a recent event, I invited some of New Friend's friends to join me at a happy hour. While New Friend was not specifically invited, she was nearby and assumed she could come. That means on-again Girlfriend can't come. She is mad as hell. What should I do?


Picture me (or any of x thousand people reading this) flicking you in the forehead, and free yourself of this bad relationship once and for all.

It stood there cussing you out in front of your new friends and you still weren't able to conclude definitively that you were in the presence of extremely unhealthy behavior.

No doubt there's some shaky emotional health in your history, too, for you to be so accepting of hers (and to ban her from happy hour, yikes), but still - you're the one writing in, so I hope that means you're ready to hear this: Break up and get well. Please.

Start by being single for a while, weighing what you've come to accept as "normal" in a relationship, and observing drama-free couples to learn better ways to get along.

Unless drama and party fights are what you want. If that's the case, then have your new-friend happy hour, exclude your girlfriend and wait for the show to start.

Dear Carolyn:

How do I get over the pain of never being a Mommy? We are completely infertile, both totally broken. Adoption is not an option for us for a plethora of reasons. I am a stepmom and I have good relationships with my stepkids, but as everybody and their dogs like to remind me, I am not their mom. I will never be anybody's mom, and it is breaking my heart. I feel like such a loser.


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