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The Style Invitational 'joint legislation' results with translations

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Sunday, February 13, 2011; 12:00 AM

Our biennial contest to combine the names of freshman members of Congress into "joint legislation" tends to cause more than the usual amount of head-scratching among readers of the results: Sometimes what's screamingly obvious to one person is utterly mystifying to another.

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The Empress did figure out all of the entries below without much difficulty, but when she showed them to her predecessor, the Czar, he responded with "huh??" to a number of them - until she explained them, patiently as if to a sweet but slightly foggy aunt; then he'd say, "Ah, right. Very funny!" (This is not to cast more aspersions than usual on the Czar; during his reign years ago, when he showed the same sort of entries to me, I responded in just the same way.)

Below is a translation and/or explanation of each entry. To see the results without the answer keys, click here (results appear below the new contest).

The winner of the Inker:

The Yoder-Scott-Toomey Environmental Health Act to prevent stores at mall entrances from gassing customers with clouds of perfume. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.) (The odor's got to me.)

2 The Duncan-Meehan-Ellmers Act to broaden the standards for what constitutes a chemical peel. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.) (Dunkin' me in Elmer's [glue].)

3 The Duncan-Pearce Act to reform CIA interrogation techniques. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City) (Dunk 'n' pierce.)

4 The Johnson-Hanabusa Act, which would make self-gratification a federal crime. (Matt Kane, New York, a First Offender) (Johnson-hand-abuser.)

Statutes with limitations: Honorable mentions

Adams-Ribble-Walsh-Landry Act adding to legal duties for married women, joining cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and childbirth (a.k.a. the Offense of Marriage Act) (Dave Zarrow, Reston) (Adam's rib'll wash laundry.)

Barletta-Young-Boozman-Hanna-Gibson-Toomey Act prohibiting underage bartenders. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria) (Bar let a young booze-man hand a Gibson to me.)

Ellmers-Long-West bill shortening wabbit season to one month. (Mitch Bailin, Alexandria, a First Offender) (Elmer's long rest.)

Kinzinger-Ribble-Hurt Resolution to condem mother-in-law jokes. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.) (Kin-zinger rib'll hurt.)


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