The Style Invitational 'joint legislation' results with translations
Our biennial contest to combine the names of freshman members of Congress into "joint legislation" tends to cause more than the usual amount of head-scratching among readers of the results: Sometimes what's screamingly obvious to one person is utterly mystifying to another.
The Empress did figure out all of the entries below without much difficulty, but when she showed them to her predecessor, the Czar, he responded with "huh??" to a number of them - until she explained them, patiently as if to a sweet but slightly foggy aunt; then he'd say, "Ah, right. Very funny!" (This is not to cast more aspersions than usual on the Czar; during his reign years ago, when he showed the same sort of entries to me, I responded in just the same way.)
Below is a translation and/or explanation of each entry. To see the results without the answer keys, click here (results appear below the new contest).
The winner of the Inker:
The Yoder-Scott-Toomey Environmental Health Act to prevent stores at mall entrances from gassing customers with clouds of perfume. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.) (The odor's got to me.)
2 The Duncan-Meehan-Ellmers Act to broaden the standards for what constitutes a chemical peel. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.) (Dunkin' me in Elmer's [glue].)
3 The Duncan-Pearce Act to reform CIA interrogation techniques. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City) (Dunk 'n' pierce.)
4 The Johnson-Hanabusa Act, which would make self-gratification a federal crime. (Matt Kane, New York, a First Offender) (Johnson-hand-abuser.)
Statutes with limitations: Honorable mentions
Adams-Ribble-Walsh-Landry Act adding to legal duties for married women, joining cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and childbirth (a.k.a. the Offense of Marriage Act) (Dave Zarrow, Reston) (Adam's rib'll wash laundry.)
Barletta-Young-Boozman-Hanna-Gibson-Toomey Act prohibiting underage bartenders. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria) (Bar let a young booze-man hand a Gibson to me.)
Ellmers-Long-West bill shortening wabbit season to one month. (Mitch Bailin, Alexandria, a First Offender) (Elmer's long rest.)
Kinzinger-Ribble-Hurt Resolution to condem mother-in-law jokes. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.) (Kin-zinger rib'll hurt.)