NOTE: This archive only contains Carolyn Hax columns through March 2011. Her more recent columns are located here.

It's not me, it's you (but really, it's me)

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)
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Washington Post Staff Writer
Saturday, February 19, 2011

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

Got dumped after two months by someone who said that while he felt he was falling in love with me and I was perfect for him, things were "too easy" with me, that he would just keep being himself if he dated me because we're both introspective introverts, and he realized he wants an extrovert with a stronger personality to challenge him to greater heights. Ouch. What can I make of this feedback? How can you fall in love with someone but reject their personality?

Strong personality?

The only thing to make of this is that you dodged a bullet. He wants an extrovert? Good luck, buh-bye.

Or, he just spun a yarn because it sounded better than, "I'm not feeling it and I want to break up" - which, after two months, isn't so much a personal insult to you as a common case of two people who are perfectly fine . . . for other people.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't read too deeply into his feedback. Maybe he isn't a doink, but his breakup logic makes him sound like one - or, like a very immature guy.

Re: Personalities:

I don't think that's being a doink. We all want to complement and better ourselves. I don't want to be with someone whom I'll just sit on the couch with. I want to live!

Anonymous

Then: 1. Get out and live! Don't expect your extroverted date to be your cruise director.

If that doesn't work with an introverted date, try: 2. Saying to your introverted couch buddy, "Let's go see X/do Y/try Z."


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