Couch Slouch: Look at what LeBron James's 'Decision' has done to the NBA

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Sunday, February 27, 2011; 11:45 PM

The wake of "The Decision" is still wreaking havoc on multinational corporations, professional basketball franchises and itinerant announcers. Months after LeBron James's one-man lottery played out on live cable TV, ESPN remains embarrassed, NBA teams keep retooling and Jim Gray's it's-my-mike-or-you-hike broadcasting career continues to spiral.

Today we will concentrate on the NBA ramifications because, quite frankly, Couch Slouch can only focus on one thing at a time.

By taking his talents to a solitary, sandy beach in South Florida, LeBron has reshaped the NBA landscape, causing a sudden continental drift and reversing generations of Western migration. If Horace Greeley were alive today, he undoubtedly would exclaim, "Go east, young man," or, at a minimum, book a three-day cruise to Staten Island.

With a flurry of trade-deadline activity, here is a look at your new, post-"Decision" NBA:

l In Miami, the Three Tenors - LeBron, Dwyane Wade and the other guy - perform one show nightly to standing ovations, but the show might close before the NBA Finals.

l With the assistance of Isiah Thomas from a thousand miles away, the Knicks have united the song-and-dance act of Amar'e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony - a.k.a. "Shoot First, Ask Questions Later" - for a tragicomic run at the world's most famous arena.

(More on this later, in our special "Kourtney & Kim Take New York: NBA Version" section.)

l From Knick to Nugget, poor Danilo Gallinari just went from a city full of Italians to a city full of Olive Gardens.

l The Celtics made just one roster addition (Jeff Green), figuring they can still rely on Kevin Garnett's trash-talking, finger-pointing, groin-grabbing antics to secure another championship.

l Kendrick Perkins is now in Oklahoma City, where his signature scowl will become the latest cow tipping sensation.

l Deron Williams is now with New Jersey. The deal included an E-ZPass.

(Former Jazz coach Jerry Sloan reportedly was sitting in a Ramada Inn lounge, sipping a scotch-and-water, when news of the Williams trade flashed across the big screen. "What the hell?" he said. He immediately paid his tab, hailed a cab and told the driver to make double time to EnergySolutions Arena, but halfway there thought to himself, "I don't need this anymore," and asked the fella to take him back to his bar stool. You made the right choice, Jerry.)


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