Gene Weingarten: Christina Aguilera isn't the only one who botched the national anthem

(crash of cymbals)

On rocks and dirt we stand!

(Cannons, trumpets, fluegelhorns)

And we eat food!

Countries without particularly majestic or recognizable natural resources must go with what they have, which creates actual verses such as this, from the Cameroon anthem:

"From Shari, from where the Mungo meanders/From along the banks of lowly Boumba Stream,/Muster thy sons in union close around thee,/Mighty as the Buea Mountain be their team."

Some more ancient anthems suffer a bit from their quaintness. Based on an old legend that does not appear to be well buttressed by science or anecdotal evidence, the Japanese anthem is based almost entirely on the contention that, given enough time, pebbles grow into boulders.

Perhaps the most famous and stirring anthem is France's "Marseillaise," which we Americans generally hear in French, which is fortunate because French sounds so elegant, poetic and high-minded. The song, in fact, warns its citizens that savage enemies are arriving "to cut the throats of your sons and consorts," regrettably requiring that these rude and violent foreigners be massacred in such a way that French farmland is irrigated by their blood - which, being non-French, is "impure."

So, for the moment, I'll stick with our stupid ramparts. And by "for the moment," I mean "until next week," when, in this here space, as a service for generations to come, I'll rewrite our anthem.

E-mail Gene at weingarten@washpost.com.