You Read It Here First!

Why wait for the tedious task of counting the votes? I'll tell you right now what will be in tomorrow's papers:

"Ushering in a new political alignment that could render President Bush impotent in his final two years, Democrats swept to victory in the congressional elections yesterday as voters vented their frustration with the war in Iraq, Republicans scandals in particular and GOP incumbents in general.

"The results set the stage for the first real power-sharing in Washington in a half-dozen years as incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi drew up plans to push progressive legislation, and broke the stranglehold that Republicans have had on Capitol Hill since the 1994 revolution that carried Newt Gingrich to power.

"White House officials said the president would remain just as aggressive in pursuing his agenda and expressed confidence that the Democrats will be forced to compromise rather than be painted as obstructionist. 'It could have been far worse,' said a senior administration official who insisted anonymity to deliver the official spin without having his name attached. 'We feel like we dodged a bullet.

"Tuesday's results amounted to a political earthquake whose aftershocks will be felt from Bangor to Baghdad, and throughout western civilization."

How's that? What happens if the Dems don't win? I've got that covered, too:

" In a stunning surprise that defied expectations, the Republicans held onto their Capitol Hill power base yesterday, bolstering President Bush in the final two years of his term and dashing the hopes of Democrats who thought that they were about to emerge from the political wilderness.

"In turning back a stiff challenge from the Democrats despite the accumulated setbacks of war and scandal, the GOP rendered inoperative a spate of preelection polls, mindlessly parroted by the media, which seemed to assure that their party's 12-year hold on power would be undone by an unpopular president and an equally unpopular war.

"It was a crushing defeat for House Minority Leader Nancy Peolsi and her fellow Democrats, who had already ordered drapes for their new offices, and left party strategists wondering whether they would be shut out of power for the remainder of the century. 'It's all Karl Rove's fault,' said a senior party strategist who insisted on anonymity so he could deflect blame for the debacle. 'We made the campaign about bashing Bush and the war, but once Rove got rid of "stay the course" we lost our main talking point.' "

See how easy it is?

Meanwhile, no shortage of prognostication out there. Weekly Standard predictions : Bill Kristol says the Dems will take the House (winning 40 seats) and Senate. Fred Barnes says the Dems will seize only the House. In fact, only one of the Standard's pundits, Andrew Ferguson, sees the Republicans holding the House.

In the WashPost's biennial contest, Mort Kondracke, Tucker Carlson and even conservative activist Paul Weyrich predict a Democratic House, but a Republican Senate. Only two GOP strategists, Mary Matalin and Kellyanne Conway, forecast the Republicans holding the House (albeit by one seat).