Obama's Unbelievable Offer!

Has Barack Obama got a deal for you! "If you buy a car from Chrysler or General Motors, you will be able to get your car serviced and repaired, just like always," the president announced from the Grand Foyer of the White House this morning. And that's not all! "Your warranty will be safe," the salesman-in-chief went on. "In fact, it will be safer than it's ever been, because, starting today, the United States government will stand behind your warranty." And check out these incentives! "If you buy a car anytime this year, you may be able to deduct the cost of any sales and excise taxes," the president promised. No credit - no problem! "We are working intensively with the auto finance companies to increase the flow of credit to both consumers and dealers," Obama pledged. The official purpose of the president's appearance: to announce his demands for further restructuring of General Motors (including the ouster of its CEO) and of Chrysler (including a forced marriage to Europe's Fiat). But as Obama stood there, squinting into the Teleprompter with his sales team of economic aides at his flank, he sounded as if he were cutting an ad for Ourisman Chevrolet. So what's it going to take to put this car in your garage today? How about "a generous credit to consumers who turn in old, less fuel-efficient cars and purchase cleaner cars?" Whatever it takes, this salesman is ready to negotiate. "I'm committed to doing all I can to see if a deal can be struck," he vowed. If you act today, he may even throw in the floor mats. "Some of the cars made by American workers right now are outperforming the best cars made abroad," Obama pitched. Such as this cream puff: "In 2008, the North American Car of the Year was a GM." With Corinthian leather at no extra charge! And wait until you get behind the wheel of this beauty: "This year, Buick tied for first place as the most reliable car in the world." Reporters walking back to the White House briefing room from the morning's presidential announcement got into the spirit of the day. "Zero money down!" proposed one. "Will he throw in a few oil changes?" wondered another. "How about an extended warrantee?" Before it's over, the president may well offer all that, and a free detailing, too. "I wake up every single day asking myself, what can I do to give you and working people all across this country a fair shot at the American Dream," the president said. This morning, he got his answer: He will sell cars at prices so low he's practically giving them away.