Tell Me About It

Hosted by Carolyn Hax
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, July 25, 2003 12:00 PM

Carolyn takes your questions and comments about her current advice column and any other questions you might have about the strange train we call life. Her answers may appear online or in an upcoming column.

Appearing every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday in The Washington Post Style section, Tell Me About It ? offers readers advice based on the experiences of someone who's been there -- really recently. Carolyn Hax is a 30-something repatriated New Englander with a liberal arts degree and a lot of opinions and that's about it, really, when you get right down to it. Oh, and the shoes. A lot of shoes.

The transcript follows.

Editor's Note: moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.


Have Third Baby?: Carolyn,

Love the show!

Here's the situation: Wife and I delighted to have two children. Should we have a third? She wants third baby NOW, I say, yes, I want a third baby, but am concerned about the significant problems/stresses/fights we had when she was pregnant with the first and second babies -- so, I propose that we seek out marital and/or individual counseling first, and then attempt pregnancy. She says that she would be willing to attempt individual counseling after she finds out she is pregnant, but not before. I stick to my guns and say we need the counseling beforehand. She gets angry and says: "Oh, forget it then! You shouldn't be so controlling! We've moved beyond those problems in the past and you shouldn't be so negative about us! We'll just not have a third baby!"

Should I keep sticking to my guns on this? I do want a third baby, but I am also afraid of the very significant fights that happened before and fear could happen again. Stress doesn't go down well between us.

Thanks for your thoughts on this!


Carolyn Hax: If you really are controlling, counseling should help, and if you aren't controlling and she just accuses you of it, counseling should help.

And, if this is how you handle stress in front of your two kids, counseling should help.


A Fellow Introvert Who Would Like To Be More Extraverted: While your advice for the friend who wrote in for today's column was mostly okay, it seemed kind of harsh to completely blame the writer for the issues she was having with her friend. What about her friend making fun of her in groups? Being extraverted doesn't give a person the right to be a jerk.

Carolyn Hax: I thought I addressed that possibility in the answer.


Boston, Mass.: Hello everyone, happy Friday,

I could end up sounding like a horrible person, but here goes. I own a house where I rent out rooms to several people. In one room there is a married couple. We were all pretty good friends beforehand, and they got married while living at the house. They said they were going to find their own place after the wedding. Because of money constraints (and my rent is very cheap) they asked to stay on.

Well, now she's pregnant. I'm happy for their news, but (here's the horrible part) I'd rather they not stay on after the baby is born. I know legally, I probably can't ask them to leave. This is a house full of grad students. We simply can't have a baby here. The hours we keep, sleep is precious and frankly I just don't want a house to be that domestic. And asking three other people to live in that sort of situation is unfair to my other tenants. The lease will be renewed during her pregnancy, so maybe I can change it.

On a personal note, am I absolutely horrible for wanting them to move out at this point? I am not sure how to handle this.

Carolyn Hax: Not horrible at all, I don't think. But you're right, you're in a spot where some people may think you are horrible, and you also do have to check out the legal implications before you do anything.

Still, I think they'd be flirting with horribleness (terrible word; should be horribility or something) if they seriously expected to bring a baby into a grad-student group home. So, talk to them, in a "What do you think we should do about this?" kind of way. If it passes the legal sniff test and if you can afford it, maybe you can offer to waive the rent for the remainder of their lease so they can save for a deposit on a new place.


Columbia, Md.: Happy Friday Carolyn and Liz,

I really enjoy Nick's cartoons. They are typically perfect with your column and often milk-out-the-nose funny. And I like his drawing style, too.

You've mentioned he's in L.A. now. Is he working on something that we might see? i.e. should we look for him to come out with books, or prints or anything like that? I think he's really talented and I'd be interested in any more work of his.

Thanks! Hope that came out non-stalker-like (grin). Love the column, as always.

Carolyn Hax: Thanks, and Nick'll be tickled. (Or Tick'll be nickeled.) He's actually working full-time on the column now, as an editor and mail-reader as well as cartoonist. He makes his work available upon request, but if you guys express a wider interest, I'll pass your suggestions along. He has had it in mind to do something for years, but it's a busy little shop we run, and so he hasn't gotten around to it yet.


Southerner moved north: The closest match on a computer dating service is a woman in my office. Like, eerie carbon copy tastes and personality and resume' close, right down to the fact that she makes the same sort of mistakes at her job that I did when I first started. I mentioned this in passing to her six months ago with the out that I was disqualified by one thing in the profile, and she laughed it off and said she had a boyfriend.

Since then, she's broken up with the boyfriend, and changed her computer profile to remove the disqualification and otherwise make it more similar to mine. Do I take a signal from this, and if so, how do I broach the subject without being harassing or damaging the work environment? (It would be so much easier if she would just ask me out, but perhaps I should take a signal from the fact she hasn't?)

Carolyn Hax: Helloo, you -know- this person. Do you have feelings for her? Yes/No. Base your decision on your personal chemistry, not your Web ads. Microsurgery is really cool, but you don't need it to fix a hangnail.


Southern Maryland: Carolyn & All,

I've been a reader for quite a while and now need some advice badly. I've been married for 10+ years to my high school sweetheart. The past few months there has been tension in my marriage (which probably has been there longer but I've been in denial). Something set me off last night that I asked my husband to set it all on the table. -- a subject we've been avoiding. After we both broke down he cried -- something I've never seen. We both love each other very much but he said that "he's not sure if he's in love." I hear this all the time in your chats. I asked if there was anyone else and he answered "no." I believe him. We're both scared to death about what we need to do next. I want to save my marriage. We have no children but lots of plans for the future. I want the future to be together. Can you steer me in the right direction as far as counseling or soul searching? Obviously there's more to this story but that's the jist of it.

Thank you

Carolyn Hax: Foyst of all, congratulations on facing it. That took [parts].

I think the next stop for both of you, together and separately, is to figure out whether the kind of love-but-not-in-love you guys have is enough to sustain you. ALL relationships cool after the first few years, no getting around it, so don't think in terms of what you've lost since those first buzzy days. Instead, think of what you have left. Did the catharsis make you want to spend a languid dinner together, catching up, or did you both crave solitude after? And, more generally, do you feel good about yourselves in the marriage, or do you feel you have to perform; do you get along without effort, or do you constantly have little fights; do you share life burdens well (large and small), or does one of you feel s/he's always the one to do more? The last one is particularly germane when it comes to having kids.

These are just starter questions, but you get the idea. If you want to try counseling to help you play with other ideas, be specific about this when you shop around for one you both like.


New York: Carolyn,

UGH!; This is so petty but here goes: I really enjoy fashion, but my last boyfriend was really big on "real beauty is on the inside" and sort of considered it a waste of time and money. As a result, I didn't really bother to dress up much when we were together. Now that we've broken up, I find myself wanting to be fashionable again, but I can't help thinking that if I walk out of the house in a stylish and potentially expensive outfit, people won't be able to see the real me. I know how stupid this is because he's obviously still affecting me, (though I do feel that I'm over him in most other respects) but I can't seem to get past it. Thoughts?

Carolyn Hax: If the real you likes fashion, take that bad self shopping. Beautiful day for it, sales are on.


Anytown: Hi Carolyn-

I was really struck by the woman in your column today. In many ways, the relationship she described reflects the one I feel with my own best friend and, in fact, I was just talking about this dynamic with someone else the other day. She (the third party) suggested that our relationship sounded kind of like a sibling rivalry, and that if I was feeling the tension/competition, then either my friend was also, or that it was telling that she didn't pick up on my feelings. I think that analysis was true in my case; it may be something for the woman in your column to think about. Does her friend ever seem to pick up on the feelings of insecurity, and if not, why not?

As you your comment that perhaps they may just not continue to be best friends, I find this to be the hardest part of any relationship (romantic or not). How does one decide when to let a decades-long relationship go? Your comment to the person who didn't want to talk with her sisters anymore was that she might regret it later if she acted hastily. Do you see friendships with non-relatives differently?

Carolyn Hax: Hi. I don't see them differently except that you rarely have to face down an estranged friend at Thanksgiving.

I don't think you let any significant relationship go lightly, but I also don't think they should be forced to continue at any emotional cost. The safe middle might be hard to hit in practice, but in theory, it's easy--make sure to include both past and present realities when you make your decision. If you're objective about it, one usually outweighs the other, and that can tell you pretty reliably whether it's worth it to stay or go. If the decision is to try to keep the friendship, then it's all present--how do you interact now, and why, and what can you do to improve it.

Oh, and your other question, re picking up on feelings of insecurity, it's possible the friend picks up on them in a subconscious, sharky-way--the blood-in-the-water thing. She may get more aggressive when the friend appears weak. That's when you just say, "I'm insecure in these situations, and I feel like you put me down."


Virginia: Is there a tactful way to let a friend know that they are telling the same stories over and over and over and over....? If so, what is it? Thanks.

Carolyn Hax: Humor. "I love this story EVERY TIME YOU TELL IT," accompanied by over-the-top facial expression. At least, that's what I'd want if I were nattering on.


Carolyn Hax: Not that that ever happens.


Internville: Hi Carolyn,
What do you think about avoiding the dating scene altogether? I'm a 20-year-old college student with about 1.25 serious relationships under her belt who nonetheless has never been on a "date." Which is probably not that strange among college students; lots of people I know only Date-with-an-uppercase-D.

Anycrap, I always kind of thought that, post-graduation, my current (non)system would be just fine -- which is to say, do whatever you want, make friends while doing whatever you want and then if you develop feelings for one of said friends, cool.

But the other day, one of my friends who dates-with-a-lowercase-d was asking me for relationship advice about a guy she had just started seeing. And when I said, "You know, I can't really help you because I have no idea what this is like," she came back with, "Isn't that cute, pat pat, and BOY are you in for a rude awakening after college."

Meh? Her comment doesn't worry me too much (I'm in for a lot of rude awakenings after college)(cringe), but I'm curious: Do you think it's dumb of me to eschew the lowercase dating, the nonexclusive casual activities you do with people you don't really know? I mean, trolling bars for boyfriends, making small talk over dinner with strangers...I just don't understand the pastime of actively looking for a significant other.

Am I, like, a big weirdo?


Carolyn Hax: You kind of lost me on the case system, but, yes, a weirdo sociopath--after my own heart. (How do you feel about shoes?) Do what feels right, and you will either find someone who feels right or you won't find someone who feels wrong, and both seem like pretty good bets to me.


Washington, D.C.: About repeating stories -- this is something my mom does, I hate, but which has made it down the gene pool to me. I really appreciate it when someone points out to me that I'm repeating myself. I certainly don't want to be, and it lets me stop acting like a fool. Sort of like telling a friend she has spinach in her teeth.

Carolyn Hax: Well said. I'm so bad I've started saying, "I may have already told you this, but ..." Gives my poor victim an out.


Repetition Compulsion: But why is she/he telling the same stories?

Carolyn Hax: Doesn't get out much?


Somewhere, USA: Okay-this is going to sound really stupid, but a very close friend of mine just asked me to be her matron of honor. Love the guy, am thrilled for them both, am honored to be asked. Here's the husband and I have decided to start trying to have a baby. Possibility that I could be very pregnant at the wedding, a little pregnant, or not at all pregnant. I'm very superstituos and subscribe to the same view you do, why tell people your trying to have a baby? Nonone needs to know....but, do I have a duty to tell the bride I may be very pregnant? And, what happenes when I need to buy a dress? Wedding is in less than a year-Bride wants to go shopping I just buy something and bite my toungue knowing I may need to buy something bigger, but may not (never know how long it can take) Also, what if the bride gets upset I didn't tell her before or thinks I'm trying to steal her thunder(shes not at all bridezilly, but weddins do strange things to people, myself included when I was a bride).

Carolyn Hax: This is going to sound really stupid, too. Go about your normal business as if you are not pregnant (except the extra folate), because you are not pregnant. When you are pregnant, go about your normal business as if you are pregnant. Any friend who punishes you for this should be told, "Please don't punish me for this." Or sprayed with Velveeta, but I've found that's not always convenient.


Dupont Circle, Washington, D.C.: Hi, Carolyn, happy Friday and I hope everything is great with the twins! Let's say I have a knack for always avoiding difficult conversation, likely caused by the fact that my family always swept everything under the rug. Now I'm in a 18-month relationship with the most amazing guy in the world, one who admitted it took him months too long the first time he told me he loved me, b/c he was scared of rejection. How do two wimps like us start a conversation on what's next?

I'm very confident that I want to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful guy (yay!), but I am terrified that if I've even slightly misread his signals that I'll ruin everything. I'm emotionally exhausted from waiting for him to bring up where we stand, so I need to initiate. How do I get over my fear of rejection and push myself to even START an important conversation like this? Oh, and I'm confident that my communication issues are well-rounded, it's not that he and I aren't communicating as a couple. Thanks!

Carolyn Hax: When in doubt, say it all. "I have wanted for a while to talk about where we stand but I've been paralyzed by fear."


Need a Snappy Comeback: At is was a very dark time for the Catholic church in America, my wonderful brother has decided to become a priest. We all knew it was coming, but he wanted to be sure -- and is -- and will be fantastic at it. But I've also noticed I've become extremely sensative to the comments some people make. Up to now, I've said nothing -- not wanting to get into a huge political and religious debate (people generally thinking that to remain in the church after all this scandal is stupid). But now I want to speak up. Something short and sweet to shut them up. What do you suggest?

Carolyn Hax: "I think it's great." Prefabricated snappy always comes out sounding like prefabricated snappy.


Carolyn Hax: Say that six times fast.


Chicago, Ill.: Regarding those of us that repeat our stories...

The Comte Le Rochefoucauld asked, "Why has god granted us the memory to rember the minutiae of our lives, but not that to recall to whom we have described them?"

Guilty too...

Carolyn Hax: Great quote, all three times you posted it.


Drunk Talk: Hey Carolyn, happy Friday!

You may need more info than this, but in an effort to keep it simple, here's my question: Generally speaking, when one professes their love to someone under the influence of many, many beers, would you say that is the truth talking?

Carolyn Hax: I would say it doesn't matter unless the truth repeated itself sober.


Somewhere out there: For Internville:

You're not weird. I gave up the little-d dating idea a looong time ago. I've never had a date with a stranger that I enjoyed. Ick. The whole idea of meeting someone for the sole purpose of sizing them up as a breeding partner (essentially) is a big turn-off to me. I'd rather get to know a human being than a potential boyfriend, and whatever happens later, happens. I'd much rather spend time doing fun things than trolling for boyfriends.

And the good news is I'm now happily capital-D Dating someone I've known for 10 years, so there you go. It works for me.

Carolyn Hax: I think a sanity truck overturned on the Beltway. Thanks.


About Introverts and Extraverts: I've been an introvert long enough to know... extraverts don't always realize when they are making you feel insecure. My basic rule these days is, if I mention it to them in uncertain terms, and they continue, then I have the right to get really upset/dump them/spray them with Velveeta.

Carolyn Hax: Can't argue with that, tx.


Re: anytown and today's column: Hi Carolyn--
I think Anytown makes a good point with the sibling rivalry thing. My sister made my life a literal hell growing up (physical and verbal abuse which increased in accordance to the degree I looked nice, did something well, got attention), and I recently figured out (duh)that I've been repeating this relationship with women throughout my life (example: a friend asked about a performance I had, I said "it went great!; Everyone seemed to have a good time and that makes it fun for me," and she says, "well, you know, everybody was really -bleep]ed up"). I finally feel like I didn't want to have to apologize anymore for just being myself--which happens to be a talented and lovely individual--and let most of these "friendships" die on the vine. Incidentally, I would use those same adjectives--talented and lovely--to describe my sister and these women. Just because I'm thriving doesn't mean I think I'm better. It just means I'm daring to participate and be who I really am. Hope that doesn't sound too much like a diva.....

Carolyn Hax: One who collects crystals, but that's okay, you also make sense.


Boston, Mass.: Hi Carolyn. I am in grad school, have been working next door to another graduate student for the last couple of years. Very sweet guy, very shy, kind and compassionate. We got to be better and better friends and the long and the short of it is over the course of a few years I fell in love, and after waiting for a long long time and thinking about whether I wanted to risk it, I told him. The funny thing is that normally I am very shy but I wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed or anything.

Anyway, he didn't even have to think about it, he just said he wasn't interested in a relationship. That I was expecting, because he is 32 and has never even been on a date. The part I wasn't expecting was that he told me that he liked me and was intensely attracted to me too, that I was everything he had ever wanted in a girl, and that he didn't think he would ever find anyone he liked more -- but nonetheless, rather than entangle himself or me, he was deciding to "shy away" from the whole thing anyway.

So -- to get to the problem, I don't know how to act around him now. If he had flat-out told me he didn't like me, it would be clearer, but as it is I am not sure how to react, and I feel sort of awkward. Any suggestions?

Carolyn Hax: Act as if you missed the crazy bus. Wow. I guess just expect it to be awkward and sad for a while, and to get better with time.


A Fellow Big Weirdo: To the young person bewildered by our society's obsession with dating rituals: I'm 25 and have been through every dating scheme with the exception of this new "speed dating" (although I've read enough articles to know it's not for me). I was going broke and getting no where (and no one for that matter). Finally, I decided to just be: enjoy my job, my friends and family, my cat, and all the other things that makes life rosey. I am so much happier this way. Life sucks when you spend all your time chasing after some intangible fairy tale.

Carolyn Hax: Traffic must be backed up for miles.


Wondering...: I'm in an awful dilemma and I don't know what to do. I'm getting married next week and my bridesmaids keep snarking at each other. This has been going on the entire time. I'm stuck in the middle of trying to mediate between them, but I'm tired of it. I've told them to get over it, but they don't and I just can't deal with them anymore! What can I do to get through the wedding?

Carolyn Hax: Stop trying to mediate and pretend they all get along, or fire them and reimburse them for their dresses, or get them all into the same room and start a shaving cream fight.


Washington, D.C.: Hi Carolyn-
I have a friend (it really isn't me, I swear) who is going through some relational stuff with her boyfriend. I've become her default go-to buddy to talk about this. The thing is, after a certain point I really want to say something like "You know, we've had this discussion many, many times before. Can you either do something about it or stop talking about it all of the time with me," without sounding like a terrible friend?


Carolyn Hax: No no, that's what good friends say. Except they rephrase a little, into, "We've had this discussion many, many times before, and you're still miserable, so let's talk instead about what you're ready to do about it."


Seattle, Wash.: Carolyn,
Love the column & the chats.
I finally got out of abusive marriage after WAY too long and have since met a truly wonderful woman. We are insanely happy together 'cept for one little thing: her kids. They are older (17-24) but a constant source of trauma/drama for her--one just had a baby and went on welfare, one went to jail for some bad felony stuff, another's about to drop out of school and got his girlfriend pregnant, etc.
I really do want to marry her someday because we are so great together, but I don't know how to deal with the probability that it'll always be something with her kids and the attendant hillbilly soap opera that is their lives (with apologies to any hillbillies out there).

Carolyn Hax: Thank you.

It's great that you got out of the abusive marriage, but the 2d generation soap opera might be trying to tell you something. Remember, the woman you love is also the woman who raised them; are you sure she's pathology-free? You've done the marriage thing, so I'd just keep things as they are, enjoy her company and see how the drama unfolds.


Washington, D.C.: Looking at the history of the computer I share with my live-in boyfriend, I recently noticed that he was looking at personal ads and set up a new, anonymous e-mail account. I know it was wrong to look. But I'm crushed. And unsure what to do. I want to ask him about it, but am worried about his reaction. (I admit I've been bad and snooped a bit before.) He claims to be crazy about me and bought me an expensive gift recently. I'm feeling very confused and unsure about things.

Carolyn Hax: The gift might be guilt. Tell him what you found and accept responsibility for being a snoop.

Better yet, move out and navel-gaze for a while, at least until you see why you let a relationship drag on even though the trust has long since left the building.


County seat of He's-still-a-Jerk-Ville: So the phone rings in my office on Wednesday, and it was a guy I dated like a year ago (to whom I haven't spoken since). He was calling to apologize for treating me so badly and to say he thinks about me all the time, how great I am, frippity fra. I was totally blown away that he called, and not really in the good way. I kept up small talk with him for a few minutes, muted the phone so I could chuckle while he told me about being recently dumped in an manner as equally inconsiderate as his dumping of me... and heard myself agreeing to have coffee with him when he comes in to town next month (moved to another city in January, apparently).

I DON'T want to have coffee with him. I have no interest in catching up. I have no idea what possessed me to agree in the first place. Should I e-mail him and tell him to forget it before he gets here? Wait for his call and tell him then? Screen the call and giggle? He's a total a**hat, but I don't really feel like returning the crappiness by behaving badly (well, maybe a little, but not really). What's the best thing here?

Carolyn Hax: When he calls again, tell him you were grateful for his apology and, upon second thought, decided you'd like to leave it at that.


Arlington, Tex.: What the heck does "navel gazing" mean? I see the phrase everywhere, but still can't figure it out. I may be the dumbest person alive.

Carolyn Hax: No, the dumbest person alive has written to me, and the postmark wasn't from Texas.

It means to be introspective to the point of self-absorption.


Re: Snoop: Wrong to snoop on a computer they own together? Sorry, not in my book. It's one thing if it's a computer he owns separately, but this is their machinery he's using. She has a right to know how something she partly owns is being used.

Carolyn Hax: Sung to the tune of that John Denver classic:

On my forehead
Makes me dizzy ..."

If you suspect something, you ask about it. Once you start lurking around, the damage is already done.


Confused: What's an a--hat? I've never heard THAT before....

Carolyn Hax: Me neither. I meant to ask what that was, but I was all caught up in my navel.


Somewhere, USA: I think the bride with the bickering bridesmaids should gather them together, burst into tears, and tell them they are ruining the most special day of her life and don't they know its all about her?

Just kidding. I think she should fire them and make them all wear the same dress whilst sitting in the pews carping at one another. Fun for everyone!;

Carolyn Hax: Brilliant--fire them without telling them they're fired.


Arlington, Va.: What's an "a--hat"? A new style of millinery? ewww

Carolyn Hax: You people scare me.


Best-friend issue in Washington, D.C.: Carolyn,

Hello. Love your column and live discussion. I'll try my best to give you the Cliffnote version of my issue: My best friend and I have been friends since we were in Pre-K (we're now 25). I love her like a sister and we have been there for each other through everything. We're very, very different when it comes to lifestyles (I'm very much a girlie girl-- love fashion and living in the city; she's a small town girl--very outdoorsy, biking is a huge part of her life). We have very opposite tastes but for me that has never been an issue until recently. I am hardly the materialistic snob--god forbid I like to dress up nice and keep up with my appearance--that is normal. I totally accept her for who she is and I have never, ever expressed anything negative about her lifestyle, but the comments and wisecracks she has made over the last couple of months tell me that she doesn't accept who I am. We might not agree on everything but I definitely don't pass judgement on her just because she and I live different lives. What gives? Is this a case of jealousy? insecurity? Do I bring this up to her?

Carolyn Hax: Maybe it's her response to condescension? "She's a small town girl" looks like a well-dressed slap at her lifestyle. Do a navel check, then tell her you feel like things have gotten snarky between you.


Re: Snoop: Sorry to make you bang your head. What I meant was: What if she just stumbled across the information? I look at my history for different reasons. If the information is there, staring her smack in the face, it's almost irresistible to check it out.

Carolyn Hax: Thanks, I feel better now. Stumbling across is very different (scientific term: "way different") from snooping. Something stumbled across that doesn't seem right should be checked out--that's just normal protection of self.


Re: Velveeta: I thought spraying someone with Velveeta was the equivalent to buying your date a rose from the flower guy in Adam's Morgan... (aww, Lisa nostaglia) Coco sad.

Carolyn Hax: And Mongo straight!

Velveeta sprays are a good thing.


Arlington, Va.: I love it when the chats deteriorate! I am going to wear my a--hat all weekend to keep the sun off of my fair white skin!

Carolyn Hax: Who said the chat was deteriorating?


Dorkville, USA: For all you word freaks out there, the technical term for navel-gazing is omphaloskepsis, and is defined as contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation. Try that at your next cocktail party.

Carolyn Hax: I've been to Dorkville. They all stand in line at the supermarket, not striking up conversations.


Derriere Chapeau: I came across the term A--hat on internet bulletin boards. I interpreted it as the acceptable version of the insult involving the bodily orifice.

Carolyn Hax: I have not been to Derriere Chapeau, however.


Carolyn Hax: But I'm pretty sure I've driven by it.


Derwood, Md.: Has your audience dropped off in the 2nd hour of your show, now that you are opposite a WP chat with the guys who do "Puppetry of the Penis: The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami?"

Carolyn Hax: That's it for today! Just realized there's someplace I have to be. Thanks all, and have a great weekend.


Re: Snoop (from Richmond): But it didn't sound has if she just stumbled across said information, she admitted to being nosy in the past.

Carolyn Hax: Right, which is why I answered the way I did, that it's time to talk out or move out. Ongoing discussion doesn't change my original advice on that one. Thanks for the chance to clear that up.


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