Post Magazine: Raising Austin

Post Magazine Story

Austin Harple, 9, was such a sweet baby. Then the "terrible twos" started--and didn't stop. Now Austin's parents, Jeanne and Chuck Harple, are working like mad to keep his behavior problems from wrecking his future.

The Post's Peter Perl, whose article about Austin appeared in Sunday's Washington Post Magazine, was online Monday, March 22 at 1 p.m. ET to discuss the story with Chuck and Jeanne Harple.

Perl is a Magazine staff writer.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Good afternoon and welcome to everybody. We have an unusually large volume of comments and questions, so we will try to get to as many as we can. In some cases, we will post your comments for informational purposes because many readers are interested in locating resources to help them deal with childhood behavior issues. Thanks to everyone for participating...

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Fairfax, Va.: Both Jeanne and Chuck are an inspiration - kudos to you both on the efforts you are making with your son!

I'm wondering about the sensory disorder that Austin has. My 4 1/2 year old son has always had trouble with most loud noises - the vacuum cleaner when he was an infant (and a TERRIBLE sleeper) was our earliest episode. Lately, we had to back out of Monsters Inc. on Ice because of the other children's joyous, spirited screaming. And, at the Wiggles concert, when my younger son was singing and dancing, my older son covered his ears and buried his head in my and my husbands shoulders for over half the concert. He also hated to have his finger or toes nails clipped, although he has become more tolerant of this.

Is this the kind of thing you experienced with Austin? I suppose I'm looking to learn if my son has is displaying the same behaviors as Austin.

Thanks.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: Yes, this sounds familiar. I would recommend you get "The Out-of-Sync Child" from the library and also get private testing of your child.

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Silver Spring, Md.: I have a 14-year old son who has been diagnosed with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder and mood disorder. I am a single parent with little support and have found my son very difficult to parent. He does not follow the rules and frequently will not get up to go to school. Where do I turn? The school system has been of no help.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne Harple: Try to find a good behavioral specialist such as the one mentioned in the story. You might also contact the Parent Encouragement Program in Silver Spring. They were very helpful and supportive.

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Falls Church, Va.: How does your daughter feel about her brother? Does she get upset over the amount of time and energy that you spend with him? Is she able to have her friends over to your house without any problems?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Chuck Harple: Maddie is very loving toward her brother, and also very protective. Yes, she does have friends come over and it has not been a problem. Their rivalry is no more than normal sibling rivalry.

Peter: As the parent of two competitive 20-plus-year-old sons, I think that the relationship between Maddie & Austin is pretty typical of siblings who are close in age.

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Richmond, Va: Reading your story brought back many memories of my childhood - as my brother exhibited the same behaviors as Austin. I'd like to offer two comments:

First, while it got worse for as he became a teenager - my brother was eventually able to turn things around and now - as 30-something with his own family - there is no sign of how he used to be.

Second, please please please (if you haven't already) get some outside assistance for Maddie. As an adult, you may be able to credibly evaluate that his "I'm going to kill you" threats aren't serious, but children don't have htat capability. More or less my entire childhood I was scared that I or my family was going to be physically harmed or killed by my brother - though my parents never took the threats that seriously. It had lasting effects that took years of therapy to undo.

Please don't forget that Maddie is profoundly affect by Austin and how you cope with him.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne & Chuck: Thanks for your comment and question. We are both very aware how Austin's issues effect Maddie, and she sees a therapist also. If affects the whole family and we are quite aware of that.

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Stanton Park, Washington, D.C.: My cousin's daughter (who is now 16 and in college) had many of the same problems affecting Austin. A few years ago, they found a partial solution with a diagnosis of Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome, also known as Irlen Syndrome. As I understand it, the problem arises because different colors of light arrive at the eye at different rates of speed (what causes a rainbow), but the brain of someone with this syndrome does not process the colors "normally." It makes everything blurry and causes problems no only with reading, but with coordination and with dealing with other people. The solution involves colored overlays or glasses. My cousin's daughter can read, catch a ball, and even socialize much more easily with her Irlen glasses or contact lenses. The web site is www.irlen.com. I have no affiliation with this organization. I'm just hoping it might help Austin.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Peter: We will pass along your comments for other readers. The Harples don't think this is part of Austin's situation.

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Washington D.C. : Can Austin, himself described /articulate what his disability is and how it affects his life and others around him?

As I grew up with a similar disability in the same area, and I recall that no one ever really sat me down and told me about my disability and what it meant for my life. All I ever remember were the feelings that I was different but not knowing how or why I was different.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne & Chuck: We have talked to Austin about his situation numerous times. We think he understands it, although understanding it as a 9-year-old and learning how to master it are two different things.

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Prince Georges County Maryland: The article cited the 'Interlude' program within the School system. Is there a similar program within Prince Georges County Maryland?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: We are not sure, but you should contact your school system directly to find out.

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Alexandria, Va.: I'm not going to be able to make the chat this afternoon but I just wanted to say thanks to Peter and the Harples for having the courage to tell this story.

I work in the children's mental health field and there is a lot of skepticism unfortunately about children's mental disorders. We try to fight the skepticism with the science and research showing that these disorders are biologically-based, but I think personal stories and experiences such as that of the Harples are just as, if not more, compelling than all the research in the world.

So thanks, and I wish Chuck, Jeanne, Austin, and the rest of the Harple family the best.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks very much for your comments.

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Manassas Park, Va.: This story could have been called "Raising Riley", my 3 1/2 yr old boy. Around the age of 2 I noticed something was just NOT right. He was VERY speech delayed, had behaviour that was uncontrollable and showed numerous signs of sensory intergration dysfunction. I started the process of seeing all kinds of specialists and fighting with the insurance co. Riley is now in a special needs preschool and excelling. My question is that it is great that like you, we have the medical support "team", but what about support from peers? I struggle to find anyone who can truly understand what it is like to try and raise Riley. I know I have a very long road ahead of me and will continue to ride the rollercoaster of emotion on learning what works best for my son. Your story made me realize that I am not alone, but at the same time made me yearn for a "support system" outside of the medical field. Unfortunately, I won't be able to participate at 1pm because I have Riley's teacher coming over for a home visit. Look forward to hearing back from you though.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: We would love to start a support group of like-minded parents, because we all need it.

Chuck: Amongst your peers, nobody knows what you are going through. The response to this article has been amazing, in terms of learning how caring people are, people who didn't know what Jeanne and I have gone through. It has opened a whole level of compassion.

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Fairfax, Va.: The article's focus seems to be on Austin's difficult behavior. I thought behavior was a symptom but the article seems to imply that the professionals who work with him are only concerned about him behaving. Doesn't he have diagnosed learning disabilities? How do those affect his behavior? The parents and Austin seem to be struggling incredibly but the professionals seem to be out to lunch. The description of "Mr B" working with Austin was scary. Why is this child shaking?? The description of the school rating his behavior every hour, every day of the week and then calling his mom on a Monday morning so that she could tell him he lost a level sounds like a horrible set up for mom and for a 9 year old child. How could he possibly start the week feeling anything but angry? Someone needs to look at why Austin is so angry particularly about school. Even a child with disabilities should not feel that angry!!

And, why is he allowed to threaten people? No one should be allowed to tell their sister "I'll kill you" and have mom not respond quickly!! If the therapist/behavior consultant are advising this, I would get a new team.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne & Chuck: We are addressing these kinds of concerns every day. The verbal threats, as the article pointed out, are part of Austin's disability and we are working to help him learn the skills to substitute other words for threats.

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Fairfax, Va.: Many many thanks to the Harples for letting us have a glimpse at their life. That was very courageous and hugely insightful. Thank you. (Thanks also to Mr. Perl for his typically superb work.) My question: We have a 10-month-old boy. Is there anything we can watch for, anything we can do, at this stage for our son, or is this simply an organic condition that has to be treated once it appears? Again, thanks for your openness.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks for your comment.

Jeanne: We did not detect any symptoms until after 2 years of age. It is never too early, though, to learn more by doing research and reading, such as the book we recommended above.

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Herndon, Va.: Hi Chuck and Jeanne!

First, let me say that you sound like GREAT parents for doing what your child needs and learning what works and responding to him with love. My heart and prayers go out to you.

My two questions: I have a 7 mo old and two year old (both boys).....

1. Can you describe the early signs of this problem behavior? What would you watch out for?

2. And in your wisdom, you found that spanking did not necessarily help (can't blame you for trying it, btw.....it is a culturally acceptable thing!) so what about programs like Babywise that are heavy on the corporal punishment and strict scheduling for an infant?

I have read that these types of programs can aggravate a detachment type disorder. Do you agree?

Did you follow that (Babywise) particular program, or in retrospect (and if you had had a crystal ball) do you think you might have started more bonding types of parenting behaviors earlier (like longer breastfeeding or babyslinging) in hopes that it might have made some small dent in the total effect? (Or do you do these types of behaviors with your girls?)

Thanks for sharing your story to help us parents who are not where you are, but can benefit from your insights.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne & Chuck: Austin was breastfed; we created a loving environment for him. He has never lacked for love and closeness. We did not follow Babywise.

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Springfield, Va.: Not a question, just a comment. I commend these parents for dealing with this great difficulty. I have only recently become aware of problems such as the ones you describe. There wasn't much in the article to lead the reader to believe that anyone has any idea as to what causes something like this. I wonder if we are simply hearing more about it or if there is some underlying cause. At any rate, my thoughts and prayers are with this family as they struggle.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks for your comment. It is indeed a mystery.

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Arlington, Va.: After reading the article about Austin, I just had to write and applaud Jeanne and Chuck for all of their efforts to help their son. I would never dream of criticizing someone in your situation!!

How have Austin's issues affected the two other children? How do you find time to deal with your daughters when Austin demands so much of your time?

Thanks

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: We MAKE time. And with two of us, we make sure both girls get one-on-one time with each of us. Thanks for your comment.

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Leesburg, Va.: Thank you for this article and your courage to share the story of your son. Ours is a very similar story and it meant so much to me to know that we are not alone in our struggle. I know you mentioned that you work with several specialists but you did not get into specifics of your treatments. I want to share that we work with a nutritionist in the Silver Spring area, kelly Dorfman. email kelly-kellydorfman.com. It was with her assistance that we were able to see a significant improvment in our sons behaviour. With the addition of Fatty Acids to his diet and the removal of dairy products, (he tested as having a food sensitivity to these) we saw an immediate 80% improvement in him. Addtionally, we have him on mineral compound from The Apothacary in Bethesda. We did make the decision to medicate him for his OCD and anxiety - as well as supplementing with GABA. As far as the attention issue - I have found a natural supplement that has helped tremendously. While every day presents new challenges, we have him to the point of functioning at a very normal level. I just wanted to make you aware of these resources I have found. Please email any time at livip2001b-yahoo.com

Lynne A.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne & Chuck: Thanks very much for sharing your experience.

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Sterling, Va.: Have you been given any hope that this will not last into his teen years and beyond?

Have you found any support groups in your area?

Has your child ever been hospitalized for treatment and if so, do you recommend any hospital over others? What was the treatment term?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne & Chuck: We assume this is a longterm challenge for Austin and for us and we are trying to develop the skills to deal with it. We would like to join a support group, and no, he has not been hospitalized.

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Laurel, Md.: What do the Harples personally believe about the causes of Austin's behavior? The article says they've done some reading and have worked with experts, but it's not clear what they've concluded up to this point. Or is Austin viewed as "disabled"?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Chuck & Jeanne: One of his doctors said Austin has a mixed "cocktail" of symptoms and not one specific thing. He has an invisible disability that affects his ability to function like a normal kid. But we treat him like a normal kid--whatever that is?--with issues.

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Vienna, Virginia: I just want you to know your Austin sounds a lot like my Austin when he was nine. He's twelve now, and things do get a lot better. He has no official diagnosis, but has seen 5 psychiatrists and many psychologists. "Possible diagnosises" have been bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, OCD, sensory disororder, Aspergers, and the last psychologist said multisystem developmental disorder, which is basically a blanket. Through fourth grade Austin spent more time in the school's time out room than in class (that was in Nebraska). He's got a much better system working for him in Fairfax County Schools, and he now has a lot of friends. He doesn't rage anymore. I've taken him off all meds except Trazedone to help him sleep at night, and although he's definitely "different," he's well liked at his school, somewhat because of his differences.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know it does get better.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: Thanks very much for sharing your experience.

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Portland, Oregon: My son is 5 years old and was diagnosed with

autism at the age of 2.

My wife pushed the diagnosis, as a father I

was in complete denial about Carl being "slow".

My son is still non-verbal at age 5, though

I can see some intelligence inside him, he

is basically an enigma to me.

These early years are very tough. Do things

improve with time? Or do they merely change?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Chuck: Stay the course, and confront the problem head on, instead of running from it. That will improve your relationship with your child and with your wife.

Jeanne: It DOES get better. The issues don't go away, but we all need support.

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Annapolis, Md: I want to thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It makes a difference to know that there are others out there that are having similar struggles with a child. You feel quite alone when you are in the midst of it. It really makes you appreciate the small stuff, when things start to come together though. As a parent of a child with special needs similar to Austin's, I applaud your courage and hope for you continued strength each and every day. My motto is, if things didn't go well today, well tomorrow we get to start over again. Every day is a new day.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks very much.

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Arlington, VA.: What do you think about entering your son in a martial arts (I recommend Tae Kwon Do) program? This provides an outlet for active boys and also instills discipline, as well as improved concentration. Obviously not the complete answer for Austin but this would definately help. I was the same kind of child and also experienced abuse from my father. One day, he enrolled me in a Karate class and NEVER let me quit. It worked wonders and my father became a normal person again.

Tom

Arlington, VA.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: Austin actually took Tae Kwon Do, but was not ready for it. We believe it will be helpful in the future for him, and we are also encouraging him in sports.

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Manassas, Va.: I read your story and a great deal of what you have described about Austin sounds just like my 6 year old son to a T. We are currently seeing a psychiatrist and we are going to counseling. The psychiatrist has not been much help. My son takes Celexa and Risperdal. He was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and now our counselor believes he may have a mood disorder. My sons episodes are now starting to happen at school. I am searching for help and answers and we are not sure where or what to do? Who finely diagnosed Austin? I would love to have the opportunity to personally talk with the Harple's. Their household sounds exactly like mine. Jeanne does Austin physically abuse you?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: No, Austin does not abuse me. I would not tolerate that. I would recommend having your child privately tested. We recommend Dr. David Block, a psychiatrist.

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Ashburn, Va.: Mr. and Mrs. Harple:

Thank you so very much for sharing your story. As the mother of a 12 year old with bipolar illness, much of what you have experienced resonates with me. I was particularly struck by the fact that you stopped going to church for a while because it was too stressful, and that now you go and sit in the balcony.

As a member of a brand new church in Loudoun County with several families with children with mental health issues, I was wondering if you could share your opinion on what churches could do to make families such as yours feel more welcome. I would like to find ways to help families with special needs kids feel not only tolerated, but welcomed with open arms.

I also feel a strong call to minister to the parents and siblings of special needs children. I know that I myself, in the worst times, wondered where God was in all this and why I felt so abandoned. Now in hindsight, I see His hand clearly. How can we help families to turn to God, rather than away from Him, in the pain of living with a very difficult child?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We would strongly encourage you to follow the calling you feel and try to get your church to explore this question. God has always been a big part of our lives, and prayer is a daily thing.

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Silver Spring, MD: Dear Jeanne and Chuck,

I read your story with great interest. Have you ever thought about getting a dog for Austin? It would teach him so much about sharing, loving, responsibility, and so on.

Congratulations for your enduring courage!;

Sophie

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: Yes, we are planning to get a dog when we either remodel our house or move to a larger one.

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Silver Spring, MD: My 15 year old son had many of the same issues, although in his case they began to subside when he was around Austin's age. He's now doing well as a high schhol freshman.

One thing that made a huge difference for him was role models/mentors - people he could relate to that he didn't feel like he was disappointing. There's an advocate for the learning disabled, Jonathan Mooney, who periodically speaks in the DC area. Jonathan had severe learning and relationship issues and is now a successfully functioning adult. He's very charismatic and irreverent, and he was very inspirational to my son. Hearing first hand from someone who could articulate what my son was feeling, who came out the other side and manages his difficulties successfully gave my son a lot of hope and a blueprint to follow. He also became close to a camp counselor who he admired.

Both these people were very influential to my son, who felt like a freak without a future, regardless of the support he got at home.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thank you very much for sharing that idea.

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Washington, D.C.: -I posted earlier, briefly. Just wanted to say that having grown up with a sibling very much like Austin, you could say we gained expertise in his problem as a matter of survival. I know the hell of this. I do urge you to get in touch with me -wisperlie-verizon.net. I definitely agree that Austin's problem is exaccerbated by food allergies. I know this problem intimately, suffer from it to a lesser degree as my brother (who was practically identical to Austin!;). It sounds a bit silly, but I will swear on a bible that nutrition is a big issue in this. Hyperactivity, intense impatience/instant frustration- is frequently a -food- allergy to sugar and preservatives. While it may not be in Austin's case, I do urge you to get in touch with me anyway, and I'll tell you our families story and let you decide.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We have tested Austin for food allergies and yet we also have explored diet issues very carefully. But we will get in touch because we know there is always more to learn.

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Montgomery Village, MD: To Chuck & Jeanne, My heart goes out to you as we have raised an ADHD/ADD child who is now 24 years old. We have not had the behavior problems as most of his anger was focused on/at himself and as a teenager, at us. He continues to have self-esteem issues as he struggles academically in college. He thinks he would like to be a social worker or psychologist. This is my main comment to you: You are doing the right thing. No matter how many critics you have, and how often you may want to give up, don't. Your child does have a future. I'm thrilled to see all of the progress that's been made in this area in the last 20 years. I hope that Mr. Perl will follow up on your story in the future. Good luck!;

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks very much.

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Alexandria, VA: I have to say...I really would hate being in your position. But it's wonderful to see that you've gotten such a strong group of doctors and behavioralists behind you. Have any of the parents/neighbors that were avoiding you "come back" since you've started more sophisticated treatment and handling of Austin? I'd be curious to find out what their feelings were after this article.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: No, we have not heard from those people.

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Reston, VA: Have the Harples been given a long-term prognosis for their son? Do experts expect him to "grow out of it" or improve significantly with age? How have other young people with this combination of syndromes faired?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Peter Perl: These diagnoses are so varied and are specific to individual kids, so it is very difficult to generalize about kids like Austin.

The Harples: We can't predict the future, but we have made progress and we feel it will continue and he will become a responsible, compassionate, functioning adult.

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Hamilton MT: I was disturbed by the picture of Austin holding a sword...why not only allow toys that are more a reflection of the non- aggressive behavior you are trying to instill in Austin? I would also be curious as to the specific games that he is allowed to play on his GameCube.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We do not allow any kind of violent toys or games. The sword was part of his Halloween costume. As the story indicated, we also keep close track of what Austin is allowed to see in movies and television.

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Fairfax, Va: Hey, y'all,

Amazing story. I guess the one thing that deeply troubles me is the fact that these conditions are perceived as "new," or at least "recent." Is it safe to say that people have been born with, and suffered from, these kinds of things for generations, but that they were not recognized for what we know them to be now; and what happened to the children that suffered from them before they came into the spotlight? Are they the inhabitants of our jails and prisons? What would have happened, 35 or 40 years ago, to a 9 year old boy who had berserker rages and continually threatened to kill his sister?

It's all pretty heartbreaking.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks for your comment.

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Oakton, Va. : I would first like to just thank the three of you. You have done an incredible service to anyone who is parenting a challenging child -- and to Mr. and Mrs. Harple, I have also already sent you a personal note of thanks and support, in care of Mr. Perl. My question today is for Mr. Perl. Mr. Perl, let's say you're at a cocktail party or barbecue. Next to you, two people are chatting about "this ADHD myth" -- they are among the legions of people who refuse to believe that ADHD and other neurological disorders affecting children's behavior even exist. Of course, those people have never spent a day in the shoes of parents such as Chuck and Jeanne Harple. Now that you have, would what be your response to the people next to you at the party?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Peter Perl: Interesting question. Anyone who doubts the existence of ADHD at this point is obviously not very well informed.

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Sterling, VA: My son has ADHD and asthma. He is medicated a lot on both. My concern is his mood swings and telling which medication is doing it?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: I would recommend a book, "Straight Talk about Psychiatric Medications for Kids" by Timoney Wilens.

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Pittsburgh, PA: Our daughter just turned 2 and has exhibited sensory integration problems since birth (very light sleeper, gets very upset around loud noises such as the vacuum, blow dryer, mixer). Is she too young to be tested? Who should we talk to first? Her pediatrician? Since we don't live the D.C. area, what would you suggest as our first step?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: Try an occupational therapist. They specialize in sensory issues which pediatricians sometimes do not recognize.

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Cleveland Park: I am so impressed with your energy and commitement to your son and other children. I was wondering, do you as a couple get to spend some alone time together? How do you wind down after the kids go to bed. It sounds so stressful. Thanks.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We rely on Jeanne's mom to take care of the kids sometimes; our behavioral specialist Sharon Weiss has "commanded" us to get out more and not always talk about the children. We value our time together.

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Ashburn, Va.: Just a comment here -- you are terrific parents! Your tenacity and courage and unfailing energy is truly inspirational.

I have a child with juvenile diabetes (just entering the teen years) and all the anger that goes along with a chronic disease. I get so tired sometimes trying to help him cope. Your story was a warm blanket for me. You inspired and energized me to do more.

I think you should write a book about your experience with Austin -- who, by the way, clearly has a wonderful heart. With parents like you, there will be no limits to his life.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have touched the lives of many parents.

Nan

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: Thank you very much.

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Crofton,MD: Your son sounds just like our 8 year old son. Probelems began at age 3, kicked out of two preschools and his elementary school in 1st grade. He was suspended four times in Kindergarten and finally after changing his IEP several times was placed in an Alternative Special Education program through Anne Arundel County. He he been diagnosed with ODD, ADHD, Mood Disorder and BiPolar. He has been on Ritalin, AdderallXR, Paxil, Depakote, Trileptal, Clonidine, Lithinum ALL with NO real sucess. Finally, we took him to Kennedy Krieger for an evaulation and they diagnosed him with Severe Anxiety and graphic motor dsyfucntion. He is now on Zoloft with some sucess. Although everyday like you I hope and pray he has a good day. It especially caught my attention that your son as well as mine dont like itchy socks and shirt tags and seams. My son also chews his shirts; long sleeves cuff of the shirt short sleeves the collar of the shirt. My question is that I am currently trying to implement the Feingold Plan along with giving him DMAE/DHA supplements, did you explore these options and if so did you see any improvement or side effects? Appreciate your input/advise and thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully, more of those perfect parents with perfect kids may now understand what it is like to be in our shoes.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: Thanks for your comment. We are familiar with those treatments but did not use them. Best wishes to you.

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Walkersville MD: Your son sounds very similar to my own 7 year old son with PDD-NOS. Have you ever tried the GF/CF diet? If so, was it successful? We are thinking of implementing it, but have heard mixed reviews regarding its effectiveness with behavior and socialization issues.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: No we have not, but we are always looking for new ideas and possibilities.

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Washington, DC:

Mr. and Mrs. Harple,

I really enjoyed your story in the post magazine and I wanted to convey my sincere admiration for your extreme patience with your son.

I myself was a difficult child, with ADD and Learning Disabilities. I caused many sleepless nights for my parents who worried that I would never turn out and live a successful life. And though my First Grade teacher actually had the tenacity to tell my parents that I had no actual hope of ever getting to high school and maybe it would be in my best interest to focus on what I could do, "I was very pretty, did they think I was interested in modeling? " I graduated from high school and went on to top tier University.

I could say it was easy, but it wasn't, I went to therapy, my parents went to therapy, when all the other kids were out having fun in the summer I was in my house working with my Mom on my reading and math skills and practicing paying attention fully for 20 minute periods. I still have problems, I still take a Ritalin substitute before I can take any tests or sit through any lectures. And I still get abnormally mad when I become frustrated with a situation. And I still deal poorly with bright lights and develop headaches from persistent aggravation of my senses.

However, using the tools that therapy and Special Education teachers gave me, I have learned to modify my behavior and become a better person. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, I know they love me. I have always known they loved me; the evidence was there every time I was upset and they spent the time to work with me.

Basically I just wanted to say hang on and keep being wonderful, because your son is aware how much you care and he will only thank you for it later.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We really appreciate your sharing your experience. Thank you.

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Washington, DC: How does Madison cope with Austin and his behavior? What does she have to say about the situation?

Also, how does Austin interact with Julia? Is there a difference in his behavior when he's with children her age?

Thank for you sharing your story and best wishes to your family.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: Austin and Julia have a very strong bond. He is very gentle, loving and protective.

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Tampa, FL: I am surprised that Austin's various diagnoses don't include Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning autistic cluster of behaviors. He has several of the classic symptoms, including extreme sensitivity to sensory stimuli, failure to properly interpret social cues, and social isolation. OCD and ADHD, which he has been dignosed with, are often seen in Asperger's. His bouts of rage and frustration might be relieved if his home and school environment was modified so that he could function effectively and comfortably. Surely there is a local Autism or Asperger's society that could help the family. He should be evaluated for Asperger's, if he hasn't been already.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We thought he had Asperger's and it was ruled out by doctors. He is on the "austism spectrum" however. Thanks for your comment.

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Reston, Va: I see the brief mention of a nutritionist in the article. Can you expand on what happened w/that consultation? I'm not implying Austin is malnourished, but there was no mention of any fresh fruits or veggies in his diet. Best of luck to you all.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: Austin eats tons of vegetables. He actually has a very healthy died, even though he gets fixations from time to time. He actually likes asparagus and broccoli!

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Columbia, MD: I also commend the Harples for your courage in publicizing all you have gone through regarding your son's disorder. My question may be more for other readers of these questions, however, or perhaps the Harples may reply as well. My question is are there support groups specifically for the child him or herself from learning that he/she is not alone with the problem? Also are there any mentoring programs that other might recommend, especially for adolescents who may benefit from twenty-year-olds or older persons who have coped with the disorder - or perhaps a book that adolescents might read that is written for the adolescent, ideally by someone who has successfully coped with the issues Austin has coped with? Thanks again.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Good question. Let's see if readers have answers.

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Ft. Washington, Md.: Mr. perl,

Why this article? What was your

motivation?

Thank you,

Shellye H.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Peter Perl: I have several friends who have raised children with issues similar to Austin's and have always marvelled at their ability to cope with such problems.

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Clarksburg, Maryland : I cried as I read the article last night. I have a 13 year old brother that has been label has having "austism ". I see so many of the same traits. He is in a program in Montgomery County, Md which has suspended him 4 times because of his behavior. I have stretch my resources. Believe me "my brother" will win this battle. I am 21 yrs older than him and this issue has a large heartache for my mother.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Jeanne: Best of luck to you. It's an ongoing battle but it's worth it.

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Silver Spring, MD: Do you ever feel that Austin is simply a "master manipulator" and has everyone around him wrapped around his finger?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: Our son is a 9-year-old struggling to fit in. All kids do some manipulating, but we also know how to say "no."

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Washington, D.C.: Hello,

I have a 7 year old son that has the social skills of a 4 year old. I would like to know more about your behavioral "play" therapist and behavioral consultant. What is the difference, how did you find them, how long have you had them, are they very expensive, etc? Did you consider putting him in a social skills group with other children? I was considering a group for my son but maybe a "play" therapist might be more beneficial. Any comments or suggestions are welcome. Thank you.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We have been very happy with the play therapy provided by Kay Klein for the past two years. Our behavior consultant, Sharon Weiss, has been terrific for the past four years, and we also benefited from her book, "From Chaos to Calm." Yes, you should explore play therapy, but we would not recommend social skills groups at such a young age. Good luck.

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Ashburn, Va: Chuck, Jeanne, thanks for sharing your family story. Peter, this was another excellent read.

Chuck and Jeanne I have a question for you. My wife and I are having behavior issues with our early 3-year-old girl. Obviously, we read with great trepidation that our future could resemble your present if we don't get things under control. The pediatrician has finally provided a behaviorist after I complained to the pediatrician because my wife's concerns were going unheard. The pediatrician recommended Sharon Weiss, but she will not see our daughter and my insurance will not cover her fee because of her lack of medical credentials. Therefore, how is Sharon helping your family as oppose to the behaviorist who is working directly with Austin?

Are there any parent support groups in N.VA for parents with young children?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We had to fight with our insurance company to get coverage. We urge you to pursue this.

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Annandale, Va.: Our Son Too. Steven is now 25; your story was ours. We found many things that helped as the years went by. When he refused to take Ritalin in junior high, we found nutritional substitutes, made diet changes, and other changes I would love to share with you. He is (miraculously) today a great success -- just bought his first home himself and will be married in October.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: How great! Thanks.

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Clifton, Va.: My wife and I were much affected by your story because it so much parallels our own experience with our bipolar son (who also carries the alphabet soup designations: ED LD, ADHD and ODD). He is now 16. We went through many of the same trials you describe in your article. We want to share with you that it was not until our son was treated with the "atypical antipsychotic drugs" that we began to see major improvements in his behaviour. He has been on Zyprexa, which caused unacceptable weight gain, and Geodon, and he is now on a drug called Abilify. He also takes an antidepressant called Zoloft. He has easily been on a dozen different drug combinations, some of them involving four different medications. Abilify (with Zoloft) is the most effective thus far, and he is taking a mere two pills daily! He is vastly better than he was at age nine. For years we were reluctant to begin using these drugs, and now we wish we had started sooner. Good luck to all of you in your family. As you have already noted, things do seem to get better with time. For anyone who might be interested, my wife Margaret runs an e-mail support group for parents of ED children in Fairfax County that discusses issues relating to education and the school system.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thank you very much.

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Great Mills, Md.: Chuck and Jeanne,

I was very touched by your story. It reminds me of some other children I've come in contact with who have since "calmed down." There are so many neurotoxins in our food that make us crave more and disrupt our emotional balance. Have you considered removing (entirely) MSG from your son's diet? This would be very difficult, but the rewards could be huge. Dietary changes can sometimes be a way to reduce medication necessary. The Feingold Diet is another program for children with overactive and disruptive behavior that has shown great results. Have you explored these two dietary changes? They require more work to cook from basics or buy health food meals, but a trial (it would have to be strict) could show promise. There's a lot of literature on this topic available on the internet. We are on a no-MSG diet to support my husbands very extreme sensitivity. Some websites that are helpful include: msgmyth.com feingold.org

I hope this helps your family somehow. I just felt that I had to write and this seemed to be the only way how.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks.

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Frederick, Md.: I just wanted to tell the Harples, bless them! I felt like I was reading a version of my son's life story. He is 27 now, and he gradually learned to control his temper and impulses. He has grown into a fine young man with a good job and friends. But wow, your story took me back and made me even more proud of him and how far he came.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks very much.

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Annapolis, MD: Thank you for being willing to share your experience with so many stangers. Reading a text on the subject is nothing like being introduced to someone else's experience so intimately.

I am interested in your system of contracts, as was wondering if it would be possible to see one if I contacted Mr. Perl directly. My child is not ADHD as far as we now know or have reason to believe, but I have found that some of the exercises which develop focusing skills are very useful for him and also some of the other techniques which encourage positive behavior development.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We recommend you consult a professional about "contracts" or "visual cues" that can help.

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Champaign, IL: I'm sure you'll hear this from many people today, but you guys are amazing. Your strength is incredible and your love is inspirational. Thanks for opening your home--that would be courageous for any parent....

best of luck!;

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks very much.

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Arlington, Virginia: To the Harple's:

Now that you know all that you do and if you knew it when Austin was younger, at what age would you have started to get help for him? Along those lines, would you have been open to a friend suggesting that you get help?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We started very young, when symptoms first appeared. And yes, we would have been open to suggestions.

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Rockville, Maryland: I'm curious wether or not anyone has read this article to Austin and if so what was his reaction?

-Eric

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Chuck: Austin read most of the article last night and he thought it was great, and he said, "I think it's a good thing."

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Arlington, VA: The Harples should be thankful they are relatively well-off (Nottingham Elementary School) and have the socioeconomic and political muscle to get a response from the Arlington Public Schools. If this was a Latino child in a single-parent, Columbia Pike household, the child would be in juvenile hall and APS would wash their hands of the "problem" with no concern whatsoever.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: We have struggled for everything Austin has gotten from APS. He is at Nottingham because it has the only "Interlude" program for elementary. When we talk to school officials, we also mention that other parents don't have the resources to fight for their child. Your comment is well-taken.

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Silver Spring MD: I'd be willing to co-start a support group for parents of kids like Austin and my Alexander. Would you be and anyone here be interested in helping?

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Yes, but we would prefer one in our area. Thanks.

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Ashburn, Va.: Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have an almost 9 year old son with a very similar story. If you ever get a support group going I would be very interested in joining. I have found nothing like that in this area. We need to be there for each other.

Thanks

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks. We will try.

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Arlington, Virginia: I am the Director of an inclusive child care center. Thank you Jeanne and Chuck for sharing your story. Many parents are struggling with their child's special needs and there are hours and days when they feel so alone, even with good professional support. Many of your struggles are specific to your son's unique challenges. Other problems, shared by many parents, include trying to get their kids up in the morning. One suggestion that some of my families have found helpful is for Mom or Dad to bring a small glass of orange juice to their child's room and see they drink it just after waking them up. My best wishes to you all.

Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: Thanks for your comment.

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Peter Perl, Chuck and Jeanne Harple: The Harples: Thanks to everyone for the great feedback. This was the reason why we participated in this story, to get a message out there. Kids like Austin are not "bad kids;" they are just misunderstood.

Chuck: Jeanne and I are very appreciative that we had someone as compassionate and able to work through our own personalities. Peter Perl has proven to us as a person "who cares."

Peter: Thanks everyone.

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