Washington Post columnist Amy Joyce writes Life at Work on Sundays in the Business section and appears online every Tuesday to offer advice about managing interpersonal issues on the job.
The transcript follows.
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washingtonpost.com: Please stayed tuned ... we're having tech issues, but this discussion will start momentarily. Thanks.
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Amy Joyce: Good morning, folks. Late start today because of a technical glitch, but our smart folks at washingtonpost.com took care of it. So since we're getting a late start, I'll keep going until about 12:30.
Question for you: Do you and your co-workers talk a lot about the D.C. housing market? Does it bother you that the guy in the cubicle next to you was about to buy a house here in the late 1990s and you can barely afford a studio for your family now? Is our real estate market exacerbating tensions in your workplace or causing interpersonal issues? If so, e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com.
Okay, let's get started...
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Arlington, Va.: Amy, I just had a case of deja vu. I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning. Is it too early to call it a day?
Amy Joyce: What? You have a fever? Call it a day ... Or better yet, hunker down until 5, go home, make a comfy dinner, crawl into bed with a good book and realize that tomorrow is another day.
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Washington, D.C.: Amy,
Your good article on Sunday appears to have had an effect already -- flip-flop sightings so far this week are way down.
washingtonpost.com: Some Styles Just Flop at the Office (Post, May 17, 2005)
Amy Joyce: I just took mine off.
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McLean, Va.: Hi, Amy! I have been at my job for 8 months, and now my dept. is going to be moved to Reston which would increase my commute to at least an hour each way. I know, some people have it worse -- but I don't want to be one of those people who sacrifices quality of life for a job! My question is if my trying to find another position in another part of the company or asking to telecommute some days makes me "unreasonable?" Should I just suck it up and drive the hour? What do others do with this kind of almost-relocation?
Amy Joyce: Why would that make you unreasonable? I think you don't worry about what others do with this kind of relocation (it IS a relocation) ... if you don't want to make that commute every day, you need to figure out what you can do to make your life better. Because it *is* your life. Crazy thought, isn't it?
Figure out some options that would make work bearable for you. Then propose that to your boss. Two days telecommuting? A similar position in a department that is staying put? Find out what sounds good to you, then propose it. In the meantime, you might as well see if there are other jobs outside the company, too. It's good to have options.
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Washington, D.C.: I'm in a cube-styled office. There are certain noises that I'd rather not hear. For example: CHOMPING on lunch with mouths open. I don't have super-sensitive hearing or anything, but there is someone who sits near me that chews insanely loud. Not to mention they clip their fingernails in the office. Please advise how to make them stop, seriously, I can't take it for much longer.
Amy Joyce: I'm afraid unless you're willing to tell them to stop, you have to deal. Such is cube life. If you can't ask your co-worker to eat lunch elsewhere (which really, it's that co-worker's right to eat at the desk) then you need to get some earphones with soft music until said person is finished with lunch. Clipping fingernails? Take a walk for two minutes.
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Tenleytown, D.C.: Just wanted to comment on your article about office dress. I work at an elementary school and am astounded by teachers and student teachers(especially) who wear low rider pants and then have to bend down or work on floor with a student -- low rider pants + short style shirt does not make a professional role model for kids. Is there an appropriate way to suggest a dress code for teachers/student teacher? BTW -- I have no problem with pants or casual wear in the classroom -- just think it gets too casual.
Amy Joyce: Ah, ye olde plumber's issue coming to life with today's fashion.
Does your school not have a dress code? Most do. If you're comfortable enough, you might try the "I'm not sure if you realize it, but when you bend down..."
Otherwise, suggest a revised dress code to someone in charge.
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Boulder, Colo.: Hi Amy -- I'm a D.C. native transplanted out west. Love your column.
I left classroom teaching for a computer related job at a local university. I love what I do for now, recognizing I had to take a pay and position drop in order to change career fields. I learn quickly, and have the only graduate degree in the department (besides the department head.) Getting used to the hierarchy (me - supervisor-department head) is something of a change from a relatively independent classroom.
Recently, I've been feeling some animosity from our department head: for example, I presented an idea to my direct supervisor, he says great, present it at the meeting. The department head shoots it down quickly and loudly at the meeting, so that other people even commented on it to me. (Its not that she disagreed with my idea, but that she angrily rejected it).
Similar situations have occurred where I've given feedback in group meetings/discussions, and she says "No that's not right," in some way or another.
Now I'm seeing (or perhaps imagining) micromanaging...I put in a request for a workshop series, which my direct supervisor approved. The Dept. head looked at it and changed the attendance dates, cutting off the last of the series. Perhaps this is a case of their lack of communication, but I'm stuck with the consequences.
Am I being hyper-sensitive? Should I just lay low, and avoid speaking in meetings?
Thanks!
--SG in Boulder
Amy Joyce: Hi there, Boulder. (And thanks.)
I would never suggest laying low. Call the boss on things when you decide you want to "fight" something. See what happens. When it gets to be enough, I'd suggest asking the boss for a meeting and laying things out: I would like to offer X, but I feel that you shoot down my ideas. Is there something I'm doing wrong? Then listen to what she has to say. I'm sorry, not a pleasant situation all around. Are you keeping your eyes out for other opportunities? Sometimes bad managers mean a tough/impossible work environment. It could be a problem that is fixable with better communication, or it could be that you need to find a better fit.
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Washington, D.C.: My office is moving in 1 month and an interesting thing happened last night related to the move. The computer support team removed everyone's keyboard trays from their office -- with no notice or warnings at all. So my previously somewhat ergonomically configured workspace is now quite uncomfortable.
This morning, I complained to the support team, who told me to go to the office manager, which I did. I requested the tray be returned; however, I suspect my request will not be met.
I've been here for 2 hours and can feel my back is tighter already due to the change in my arrangement. I don't know if I can physically handle another month of this. What are my options? A good friend suggested I contact OSHA (partly out of a joke), but I feel that is a bit over the top.
Thanks!
Amy Joyce: Just the tray? Like that little thing that hangs off your keyboard? I have carpal tunnel (and yet here I sit and type) and my doctor told me those things are horrible for us.
That aside, did you tell your office manager why you wanted the tray back? Most companies will do what's necessary to avoid worker's comp complaints. Otherwise, go buy yourself a $5 tray and put it back yourself.
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Columbus, Ohio: Hi Amy: How would you recommend handling this situation? I was accidentally CC'ed on a string of e-mails in which my boss was discussing raises with another manager. My name came up and my boss said he didn't feel I needed a raise this year because I got a substantial raise last year. I'm in a key position in my company and I work extremely hard -- in the office six days a week. I've led several major initiatives this year that have put the company on track to be millions of dollars over its goals. I have never received anything but a superlative performance review. Do I reveal to my boss that I saw this email I wasn't meant to see? Is it unrealistic of me to expect a raise again this year? Any general advice? Thanks.
Amy Joyce: I would be honest about this. Go to your boss. Explain that you were cc' ed on this e-mail, and tell boss to make sure you're off the list now. Then say "And when you're ready, let's talk about that raise. I think I've earned one and I'd like to explain why."
Tough, but be brave. It's better to tell him you were on this list now so if he realizes that later, it's not weird.
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Washington, D.C.: Clipping fingernails in the office! Seriously, I think that I am going to start a cause to fight for manners education in elementary and high schools. It should be a requirement because it's obvious that parents spanning across generations aren't teaching their kids manners. My parents taught me good manners and etiquette and, thus, based on what I've learned I would NEVER clip my fingernails in any sort of public setting. Nor, would I wear flip flops or butt baring pants to work. Where has common sense gone?
Amy Joyce: It disappeared with waistlines, I guess.
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RE: Boulder: Sounds like your immediate supervisor likes you well enough. If you feel close enough to them, have you tried having an open conversation with him/her about the reactions you are getting from the dept head? They may be dealing with a similar situation with the dept head, or may have seen this situation before, and may have some pointers as to how to better work with the dept. head.
Amy Joyce: Yes, since there is that good relationship already there, it might be best to talk to immediate supervisor first. This person will likely offer comfort, but it's also pretty clear this person hasn't been able to win much with the bigger boss.
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Anonymous: Hi Amy,
How does one deal with anti-immigration sentiments in office? I am from another country, my skin is brown, I came here legally on a work visa issues by my employer. I was approached the other day by a co-worker I don't know very well, and told that "so, you're the one stealing all our jobs" -- I guess he recently found out that I was not born and brought up in the United States. I was so stunned, that I couldn't even think of a response at the time.
Amy Joyce: Oof. That's pretty horrible. I would take that comment and just clue human resources, or your own boss, in on what this person said. Explain that you just wanted to let them know for anyone who might be put in that situation like you were. I'm sure they would like to know this person said something so stunning, and they will likely want to have a talk with this person. Most companies will want to educate an employee who says something like that.
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RE: Clipping fingernails: Ack! So gross. There was a guy in my office who did that. One day I just said to him, "Maybe it's me, but I cannot stand that clipping noise. Please take the personal grooming to the men's room." I said it with a smile and he kind of laughed, said OK and went to the men's room. When I heard the clip clip again the next week; I just had to look back at him and loudly clear my throat. It has never been a problem since. He may think I am a pain, but I don't care. I got my way on this and don't have my skin crawling at that sound!
Amy Joyce: Not just the sound, but the hygiene. Nothing like getting whacked with a co-worker's old, dirty fingernail. (Lunch, anyone?)
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Re: Keyboard tray: I think the poster meant the sliding tray attached to the underside of a desk -- that lets you position the keyboard where you want, height-wise.
Amy Joyce: Hmm. Again, I was told that's a no-no. But I do think there are pretty inexpensive trays you can get to attach to the underside if need be. I was told instead of a tray, you need to adjust your chair and desk to the right heights. A physical therapist should be able to 'splain.
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Washington, D.C.: Regarding houses ... I wouldn't say tensions are up in the workplace, but I know that some of us are beginning to grumble about our so-called "cost of living" raises. Our CFO insists that it's a certain percent, yet when we look at how much gas has gone up, rent, insurance, and basic necessities, it doesn't even come close.
Amy Joyce: Lots of folks are feeling that. Can you e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com? Thanks.
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Alexandria, Va.: From my perspective, the crazy real estate market has created almost a sense of comraderie at the office. Generally, people are in the same boat, and I have often commiserated with co-workers trying to get a house in this impossible market. I do, of course, resent those people who got houses ten years ago for so much less, but those people aren't talking about it -- at least not at my work!
Amy Joyce: Thanks, Alexandria. Can you please e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com? I'd love to chat with you about this.
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Rockville, Md.: Hi Amy. I got my B.S. last year and am making 35K in the health research field. Lately I have been feeling underpaid. Do you know where I can find statistics on average salaries for recent grads?
Thanks!
Amy Joyce: The Department of Labor tracks salaries in particular fields. You find those online at www.bls.gov. Also, salaries.com offers ranges.
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RE: Keyboard tray: Amy,
To clarify, what I meant when I said "keyboard tray" -- it is not the thing that hangs off the keyboard, but a piece of equipment that supports the keyboard under the desk (keeping the keyboard at a level more consistent with your elbows at a right angle, not bent up, so typing is "ergonomically" correct -- or so they say). I did tell the office manager I was physically uncomfy, but I really don't think they will care. Not sure what possessed these people to begin taking our offices apart 30 days before we move, but anyway ... that is not for me to debate!
Amy Joyce: Gotcha. Yes, this is the thing I've heard doctors say is actually really bad for us. Maybe find out if you can get an ergonomic nurse come in and fix things until you move. I think adjusting a chair and desk to the right heights is better for you physically (but I'm no doctor). However, you might want to emphasize that your company needs to accommodate you either way. It IS an OSHA/worker's comp issue.
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Cube City: To share or not to share the grade I received on my annual evaluation with my co-workers? I received the highest rating, so I don't want to share and cause dissent (Why does your supervisor give 5s when mine only gives 3 or 4? What do you do that I'm not?) But it also let's people know what the ranges are around the office. And I hated not answering direct questions from people who I consider friends.
Amy Joyce: If you don't want to share, don't. If asked, just say you'd rather not say, but you're happy with it. I know that sounds harsh, but in a week, it'll be over and you and your co-worker friends will be on to the next thing.
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Arlington, Va.: I have a co-worker who is NOT my supervisor but has a slightly higher title. Our office hours are 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. Each day around 8:15 a.m. she walks by my office and then again at 4:45 p.m. She doesn't say anything to me and I am not on her route to anywhere. I get the distinct feeling she is checking up on me to see if I am there. How should I handle this? My gut instinct is that she needs to mind her own business. She works a bit longer of a day because of her commute and I get all my work done. It isn't like a am slacking off. Any thoughts?
Amy Joyce: If you're not slacking off, what do you care if she's walking past your office? Especially when you don't know for sure that she's walking past to check up on you?
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Rockville, Md.: I have a boss that makes negative comments about co-workers to me. She makes comments about how they don't do anything, or how they are "the bad apples" in the office, etc. I never respond to the comments and I don't go back to those people and tell them what our boss said. I don't think it's appropriate for her to make these comments to me about other employees and I often wonder what she says about me to others. Any ideas on how I can get her to stop? (Going to HR is not an option and her boss does the same thing so going to him wouldn't help either).
Amy Joyce: You should say something to her. "Woah, too much information!" Or a little "I *really* don't want to hear that about my co-workers."
You're absolutely right that it's not appropriate.
In fact, could you all e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com with tidbits of bad management, like this? I'm compiling a list of Bad Management Tricks for a column.
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RE: Career Path?: Amy, I feel overwhelmed. It is time for a career change. One day I want to go to law school and the next -- I want to go to cooking school. How do you start to reconcile all the neat interests you have so that you can start working toward a worthwhile and exciting goal?
Amy Joyce: It is tough when you love so many things. And I wish there was an easy way to figure that all out.
First of all, don't jump to law school (or any graduate school) unless you actually want to dig yourself into debt for something you're not sure about.
Make a list of the things you think you might want to do and research career/school possibilities for each. Seek out people in those fields and ask them about their work. Ask family and friends what they could see you doing. Sometimes they have insight that will click with you.
And remember that (this will sound cheesy) each day is a discovery. You probably aren't going to know immediately what it is you want to do. But each day will be a step toward a life you like living.
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Amy Joyce: Okay, folks, thanks for bearing with us today and our technical difficulties.
Again, e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com about your housing situation at work. Are you jealous of the co-worker across the cube who landed a house before our housing prices hit the sky? Let's talk.
Meanwhile, join me again next week, same time, same place. Check out Life at Work the column in the Sunday Business section. This week? Americans don't take enough vacation!
Have a good week, all.
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