Wedding Etiquette

Edith Gilbert is the author several books on wedding planning and etiquette, including "The Complete Wedding Planner" (Fourth Edition). Her expert advice has been featured in the New York Times and Chicago Tribune. In the last five years, Edith's answered over 30,000 questions about wedding etiquette.

To learn more about Edith, visit her at http://www.edithgilbert.com/ .

The transcript follows below.

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Landover, Md.: My fiance and I are trying to save money on transportation by renting a luxury car vs. renting a limo. Is it impolite of us to only book transportation for ourselves and not for our wedding party? I have been a bridesmaid at a wedding where this was the case, which turned me off. Now, however, I can completely appreciate the potential savings on this decision.

Edith Gilbert: In answer to your question, there is no hard and fast rule. It might be thoughtful,if possible, to provide private transportation for the wedding party?

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Bethesda, Md.: I work in a small office (about 20 people). In making up my invitation list for my wedding there are 2 or 3 colleagues I would rather not invite. We're friendly, just not overly so. Am I in an all or none situation?

Edith Gilbert: Sorry my dear, in your case it would be all or none. In a work setting one need only invite one's boss and if one invites co-workers, one must of course also invite their spouses and the invitations need to be sent to the home.

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Alexandria, Va.: Hi Ms. Gilbert,

Is it common practice for the groom's family to be requested to pay for the flowers at the wedding? I had never heard this done before but my bride's mother just made that request to my parents. What is the etiquette on this? Thanks.

Edith Gilbert: People have trends and customs in different parts of the country, and this is an example of such a custom. My answer to your question is that it is not a COMMON custom.

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Edith. I have a two part question. My fiance and I are getting married in October. For our guest list, we created an "A" list and a "B" list. Our intention is to invite everyone on the A list and if we receive negative responses, invite those on the B list. We intend to send out the A list invites early so there will be enough time to send out B list invites and leave enough time before the response date. Is this typical/appropriate? Second question -- my fiance recently received an e-mail from a friend who is on the B list. Fiance hasn't seen/spoken to this friend in a while. In the e-mail the friend said he and his wife are really looking forward to our wedding. How do we handle this situation? Do we go ahead and move this person to the A list? Would it be snarky of me to tell fiance he has to do a switch and move someone to B list? Thanks!

Edith Gilbert: Frankly I am not happy with this A list B list trend that has taken place lately. It might help you to know that the average negative response to a wedding guest list is 15%. Traditionally all wedding invitations were sent to everyone at the same time. There you have it!

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Washington, D.C.: Dear Edith,

I would appreciate your advice on how to plan who will be in your wedding party. How do you choose between one relative and another, and one friend and another? Some of my friends seem to come in pairs so it's all or nothing. Are there any particular things you'd suggest keeping in mind? Also, what do you think is the ideal number of attendants for a pretty large wedding (250)? I would appreciate your thoughts.

Thank you!;

Edith Gilbert: This is a decision you need to discuss with your fiance and ask him how many attendants he would like to invite. then the two of you ought to come to an agreement together.

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Columbus, Ohio: A couple of wedding invite etiquette questions. If you went to a college friend's wedding several years ago, but haven't talked to the person much since, should they be invited? What about cousins that you rarely see or talk to? What about inviting a friend or cousin but not including "and guest?" The intention is to keep it as small as possible, but aunts/uncles/cousins puts it around 80 alone and some of them we haven't talked to in years. Thanks.

Edith Gilbert: In answer to your question there are no hard and fast rules! If anyone questions your decision you can say, "We wish that we could have invited more friends and relatives, but space did not permit it, and we were forced to limit our guest list."

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Arlington, Va.: I've been invited to a friend and colleague's wedding and bridal shower but won't be able to attend either. Do I need to send gifts for both occasions, or is a wedding gift enough? Should I purchase both off the registry? I want to do the appropriate thing. Thank you!

Edith Gilbert: Yes, you may select the gift from the registry and some people decide to send a modest gift to the shower and a nice wedding gift and some people just send a lovely wedding gift. As far as I know there are no hard and fast rules.

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Arlington, Va.: My sister is having a destination wedding and I am curious as to your take on the etiquette involved. She is trying to have an 85-100 person destination wedding and by having it far away, she can justify keeping it small. In terms of invitations, she thinks we should only invite those we think will actually attend v. everyone she would invite if it were an at home wedding because she doesn't want to make people feel badly who cannot attend for financial or other reasons. What do you think?

Edith Gilbert: The new popularity of destination weddings brings up new and tricky etiquette questions. For starters, people who are invited to a wedding and cannot attend are still obligated to send a wedding gift. Therefore it is considerate to only invite people that you really hope will be free and able to come. In some cases people send a "Save the Date Card" and ask for immediate responses. Then wedding invitations are only sent to those who respond positively. Sometimes people are able to discuss this destination question person to person. I hope this helps.

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Connecticut: Hello Edith!; I am getting married at the end of October and have a response card question. My parents live in Virginia, where we are having our wedding. They are moving in August to a new home (also in Virginia). They are going on vacation for 1.5 weeks in late September. Assuming we mail out the invitations around Labor Day, I would expect responses to start arriving about the time they leave on vacation (they will have their mail held at the post office).

I am nervous that the move, being excited/stressed about preparing/returning from vacation, and not having a relationship with their new post office could lead to some potential problem with the receipt of the response cards.

1. Do you think this stress is really founded?

2. Do you think it is tacky/inappropriate to have the responses sent to my home in Connecticut? (My parents are generously hosting (ie: paying for) the wedding).

Thank you for your time.

Edith Gilbert: I heartily agree with you that sending responses to your parents' address would be stressful and your idea of having them sent to your home address sounds like a good idea.

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Washington, D.C.: Thank you for taking the time to answer questions. I am concerned about traditions in weddings. Is the father-daughter dance absolutely necessary? What about the garter toss?

Edith Gilbert: I wonder what is your reluctance regarding the father/daughter dance? Is your father handicapped? As for the garter toss, many couples nowadays are skipping this custom, especially older couples who are getting married.

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Washington: Dear Ms. Gilbert, I will be married in about one month. Everyone (caterer, mom) is telling me that we HAVE to do a first dance in front of our guests. The problem is that I am already a bit shy, we do not have a particular song that we would like to dance to, and we have not taken a year of dancing lessons like some couples I know. The idea of doing this dance is making me upset and I was wondering what you think about this. Is this something one must do at a wedding? Should I just get over it and do it since it will only be a few minutes anyway? Thank you very much.

Edith Gilbert: You don't need a year of dancing lessons to take a few steps with your husband on the dance floor. Just ask your Dad to cut in on you as soon as possible and enjoy yourself!

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Fairfax, Va.: Hi Edith, I'm 26 and getting married next year for the second time (its my fiance's first wedding). My first wedding was an all out bash for 120 people that probably cost almost $50,000. Unfortunately, the marriage only lasted about 8 months but the ex and I both know that things are better the way they are now. I've finally found the right guy for me and I can't wait to marry him, but I'm feeling somewhat guilty about inviting some of the same people to this wedding b/c I don't want it to seem like I'm begging for more gifts. Since I already own all the household/kitchen things I need b/c I received them as gifts from these people from the first go around, how do I tell them that their presence is what is important to me and we don't need gifts? Is there a way to do this or do I just get over the guilt? Because of all these issues about doing another wedding, especially one so close to the first (it'll be almost 4 years later), I'm tempted to want a small intimate wedding at the courthouse, but my fiance, since its his first wedding, wants a big wedding number wise, although we are trying to be frugal. Any advice on how to do things the second time around would be great!

Edith Gilbert: Under the conditions you describe--and the key word is frugal--I suggest that you compromise between a large fancy wedding and getting married at the courthouse. Why not plan a lovely small, private wedding for 50 or 60 people which includes immediate family and close friends? This would suit your circumstances perfectly!

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Charleston, W.V.: Is it ever appropriate for the divorced father and mother of the bride to sit side by side in the same row or pew?

Edith Gilbert: If both parents are not remarried and are on good terms, there is no reason they cannot sit together side by side at the wedding.

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Baltimore, Maryland: A couple is renewing there wedding vowels after 25 years and I have been invited to the ceremony. Do I take a gift?

Edith Gilbert: As a suggestion, it would be thoughtful to send flowers or bring a bottle of Champagne to celebrate the occasion.

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Washington, D.C.: Is it still appropriate to bring a gift to the wedding, or should it be sent ahead of time? I usually give a check for a wedding present, but at the last wedding I went to there was no gift table and I was walking around w/ the gift envelope clueless with what to do with it. Thanks.

Edith Gilbert: It is much more helpful to send a wedding gift ahead of time, usually to the home of the mother of the bride, because it is such an ordeal to transport a table full of wedding gifts home after the reception. This is also where checks may be sent in advance.

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Washington, D.C. : Can you please stress how inappropriate it is to wear white to someone's wedding? Or off-white, or any other color that can be construed as white?

People, get over yourself and find something else to wear. It's not that hard!

Edith Gilbert: The reason one is advised not to wear white to a wedding is because this is in competition with what the bride is wearing.

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McLean, Va.: If I receive an invitation to a wedding, am I automatically obligated by etiquette to bring/send a gift?

For example, if I decline the invitation for one reason or another, is a gift still expected? Does it matter if the wedding is for an old friend versus an extended family member? Thanks.

Edith Gilbert: Yes, my dear, a wedding gift is expected even if one is not able to attend.

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Arlington, Va.: My boyfriend and I have 5 weddings to go to this year, all very good friends and all out of town. We may be buying a house soon, and if so, we'll be broke for the next year or two. Traveling is really expensive. I'm wondering how to cut costs -- if only he should go to his friends' weddings, and only I should just go to my friends' weddings, though we were both invited to all. Or is there a polite way to skip them? Neither of us want to miss any weddings, and like I said, these are very good friends, but I just don't know how to make it work financially without hurting feelings (our friends or our own). Any ideas?

Edith Gilbert: This is not an etiquette question, my dear, but a budget question! I suggest you decide to attend one of your friends wedding with your husband and your husband decides to attend one of his friend's wedding with you, and then send your heartfelt regrets to the other three weddings.

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Washington, D.C.: Why does the bride's family pay for the wedding and not the groom's?

Edith Gilbert: This is a universal tradition my dear!

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Washington, D.C.: We're both 54, it's his first and my third. How elaborate can we make it?

Edith Gilbert: How elaborate? That is entirely up to you and your budget. How does your fiance feel about this since it is HIS first wedding? What YOU wear will set the tone and for example, you could wear a white silk dress with a matching jacket and flowers or ornaments in your hair. No veil please. Otherwise there are no restrictions but to enjoy!

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College Park, Md.: Is it ok for me to wear a black dress to my brother's wedding? Or is black out of the question?

Edith Gilbert: Today a dressy black dress is not out of the question. But do make it look festive and not funereal. You can easily do this with pretty jewelry, pocket book, shoes and possibly a bright shawl. Enjoy yourself!

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Edith!

What's the proper way to handle inviting guests to the wedding, but not to the reception? I believe I've read that it's rude, and that guests invited to the wedding should also be invited to the reception. I've been to a couple of weddings where this was the case. I would hate to tell certain people that they couldn't come to the celebration afterwards. And how would you distinguish non-reception guests on their invitations?

Since I'm having a problem cutting my guest list, I was thinking of having a "come celebrate our marriage" party, where we can invite everyone we want.

Any advice/suggestions?

Edith Gilbert: There is no way you can invite people to a wedding ceremony and not to the reception afterwards! Yes,that would be rude. Sometimes people have a simple reception (cake and champagne) and invite everyone. Sometimes people cut the guest list and offer a nice lunch, tea, heavy hors d'oeuvres or dinner. The decision is finally up to you.

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Washington, D.C.: I'm invited to the wedding of a dear friend -- with whom, a year ago, I was in a relationship. His fiance's uncomfortable with my attendance though my friend is adamant about his desire to have me there. It's to be a small, intimate ceremony. Should I bow out? Is there anything I can do to make the bride less nervous about my attendance at the wedding?

Edith Gilbert: Yes, you can make the bride less nervous by declining the invitation because you have a previous engagement!

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Edith,

My fiance and I are getting married in Florida this December. We are planning a small, intimate wedding with about 60 guests - family members and close friends. We both feel strongly that we do not want children at our reception. Our concern is that there are 4 children in my immediate family, ages 4-8, (none in his immediate family) and I know my siblings would like to bring them. I love my nieces and nephews and am fine with having them attend our wedding ceremony if that is the wish of my siblings, but I would like an adult only reception -- my siblings know this. We plan to arrange for babysitting for the reception (and will pay for it ourselves). My question is, how do we address the invitations to my siblings with children? Is there a way to denote that the children can attend the ceremony but not the reception? We don't plan to put "adult" reception on the invitation, but I haven't found information in any etiquette book regarding children attending the ceremony but not the reception. I fear that this is because it's considered improper. I'm willing to compromise on all aspects of my wedding day - but this is the one issue I'm passionate over. Thanks so much!

Edith Gilbert: There is nothing in etiquette books on this subject because in the past people did not bring children to formal sit down dinners. They had nannies! I have had to address this issue in my book because so many people ask me this same question and more young professionals are guilty of bringing their little ones, whether they are invited or not! So, in a separate room at the reception you can provide a baby sitter with toys for the little ones, or probably offend some parents by saying on the invitation, "Dinner for Adults Following the Ceremony".

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Leesburg, Va.: Edith,

My fiance is telling me that it's his best man's responsibility to inappropriately "decorate" the bridal suite during the reception (gag gifts, images of questionable taste, etc). I have always heard that it was the maid of honor's "responsibility" to decorate the bridal suite w/ champagne, roses and other romantic items. Could you please settle this area of contention for me? Thanks much!!!

Edith Gilbert: I don't think it is anyone's responsibility to decorate the

bridal suite with appropriate or inappropriate items. Perhaps you are thinking of the shivaree. The French from Canada and Louisiana introduced this custom in the United States. In order to convince the evil spirits that these mortals are miserable,friends and family would tease the newlyweds and hide their belongings and make them targets of friendly abuse.

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Richmond, Va.: Ms.Gilbert, I'm getting married in just under two months to a wonderful woman. There's only one hitch -- her mother. From day one her mother has not cared for me, which I've come to accept as just part of who she is. However, I've learned from my fiancee that her mother does not deal well with being in the same place as her ex-husband, my fiancee's father, who incidentally is bankrolling the wedding. Both her mother and father have been invited, and my family is aware of the situation and has offered to "run interference" if things seem to be getting rough. I hate to put them in that kind of position and was wondering if you have any advice in case my soon to be mother in law decides to make a scene?

Edith Gilbert: Your family ought not to be involved in this unhappy situation. I have 2 suggestions. First have your minister make an appointment and speak to the mother and he will explain to her that this is to be a happy occasion for her daughter and tho' understandably it may be difficult for her, he is counting on her to help make it so. Your fiance can repeat the request with a big smile on her face! Then appoint a perceptive friend or relative of hers to be with the mother and keep her happy all evening.

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Arlington, Va.: My fiance and I would like our guests to give us cash, rather than silverware and such at our wedding but we don't know how to make that clear without sounding money-hungry. We already have everything we need for our household and would like to use the money toward a down payment for a new condo. We were thinking of sending a note along with the invitation making it clear that gifts were not necessary but suggesting cash if people still wanted to give us a present. What would you suggest?

Edith Gilbert: To mention wedding gifts of any kind on an invitation is a big NO NO! You may pass the word among your family and close friends to the effect that your household is quite complete and an option of cash at this time would be most welcome. This information may be passed along by word of mouth when your guests ask your family or friends where you are registered. Guests are free to do as they please.

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Scarsdale, N.Y.: One terrific idea is to set up a registry with your photographer, caterer or musicians -- but be sure to print the info on your invitation! Guests can purchase services from each that go to your wedding -- in the process they get an education on what really goes into a quality wedding. After all, you don't get acceptable canapes for Ruby Tuesday's or Applebee's prices. In fact, our caterer provided a list price on the registry but gave us a 10% discount for running a registry with him! This was great for guests because they were able to make sure they didn't embarrass themselves with a $25 set of salt and pepper shakers.

Edith Gilbert: Who's terrific idea was this? Sounds more like a fund raiser than a wedding. If anyone is embarrassed it should be the bride and groom.

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College Park, Md.: My future sister-in-law is thinking about asking my parents to pay for the part of the wedding that would include the drinks. However, I thought that the groom's parents only help to pay for the wedding if the bride intends to work. My sister-in-law doesn't intend to work after the wedding, and my brother will be a medical doctor who will be taking care of her quite well financially (thanks to my parents' support of him through medical school). What do you think? Actually, my future sister-in-law's parents are better off than my parents, so could easily afford to foot the whole bill.

Edith Gilbert: Sorry, your future sister-in-law would not be getting off to a good start by asking the groom's parents to pay for any part of the wedding! If this is to be discussed at all, the groom should be the one to discuss "the wedding budget" with his parents and hope that they will offer to cover some of the wedding expenses, in addition of course, to the rehearsal dinner, which is usually paid for by the groom's family. Whether your sister in law is going to work or not has nothing to do with anything.

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Washington, D.C.: How do you address an invitation when the wife is a doctor of medicine and the husband is not and they share the same last name?

Edith Gilbert: The safest way to address an invitation when the wife is a doctor of medicine and the husband is not is to address the envelope as follows on two separate lines.

Dr. Mary Smith

Mr. Thomas Smith

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Edith Gilbert: The typical Filipino wedding has sponsors who are reverently referred to as Ninongs (male) and Ninangs (female) You may wish to consult the book Kasalan by Jose Moreno. Instead of 7 bridesmaid you could assign your cousins helpful honor roles such as one could be in charge of the guest book, one or two in charge of receiving gifts, one in charge of handing out programs, one to light candles, one to supervise cutting of the wedding cake, one could do a reading perhaps in Filipino during the ceremony.

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Washington, D.C.: What is the suggested attire for a "black tie optional" wedding?

Edith Gilbert: This question comes up frequently and my standard reply is if you own a tuxedo--wear it! If you don't own a tuxedo it isn't necessary to rent one because a dark suit and white shirt will do nicely. If you don't own a dark suit then you might consider renting a tuxedo. I hope this helps!

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Washington, D.C. : My fiance and I are in the process of choosing the menu for the wedding reception. We will likely offer our guests a choice of beef, chicken or fish for a seated lunch. My question has to do with the invitations. Is it necessary to include full descriptions of the menu selections when offering guests a choice? Please let me know your suggestions with respect to the wording on the invitations. Thanks!;

Edith Gilbert: On the response card you could have guests check Beef, Chicken or Fish if you like. However, giving guests a choice slows the service down and instead you might consider selecting a luncheon menu as you would in you own home and offer them a combination menu with a portion of beef & fish, or simply chicken or fish.

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Maryland: I am getting ready to get married and am trying to decide whether to invite the former friend that introduced my fiancee and myself. Is that appropriate?

Edith Gilbert: Certainly, my dear, this would be most thoughtful for you to do!

Edith Gilbert: Certainly, this would be a most thoughtful and kind thing for you to do!

Edith Gilbert: Of course, this would be a kind and thoughtful thing for you to do!

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Alexandria, Va.: Hello, I am getting married in a few months and I have just a few questions. Is it ok for me not to want single people to bring dates? When I say that, I am not speaking of people who have partners they are living with or are engaged to or something, I mean bringing someone they have either just started dating or someone they just know. All of the single people coming to my wedding have other friends that will be there as well so no one will be on their own without knowing anyone. Are favors necessary? My father is deceased and I do not have a "substitute", how do my fiance and I handle the first dances? I know that he would like to dance with his mother but maybe he could do that without fanfare and the only first dance would be his and mine. Lastly, some of my guests have children and we are not inviting them (issues of cost, space, disruption) and I know that should be obvious by the way the invitation is addressed, but how do I handle it if people try to RSVP for their children as well as themselves (I can't afford to hire a babysitter)? Thank you very much.

Edith Gilbert: In answer to your questions--No, single friends do not need to bring dates. Favors are not necessary. Please invite someone special in your life--a close relative, friend or your boss--to cut in on your first dance. If people ask to bring children you need to reply that you are terribly sorry, but space will not allow and that you hope they will understand!

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RE: Invitations: Edith, My pet peeve is brides who put the parents name on the first line of the invite and the parents are not paying. Several friends have done this and I think it is tacky and deceitful. My parents are paying for my wedding so their names deserve to be on the top line. To me --when you just stick mom and dad's name up there but you are paying you are sending a message that says they didn't pay but you want the appearance of them "giving you away."

Edith Gilbert: Sorry, but I heartily disagree with you. Putting the bride's parents name on the head of the invitation is a courtesy that they deserve!!!!!

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Fairfax, Va.: I got married three months ago. My husband and I are both in our late 30s and wanted to keep our wedding party small. We both chose to have a few of our close friends in our wedding party. He asked the sister he's closest to (he's the youngest of 9!) to be a part of the ceremony with readings and I asked my brother (only sibling) to do the same. His sister graciously agreed -- my brother was hurt he wasn't asked to be a groomsman and declined any part of the ceremony. My brother is still in a huff he wasn't part of the wedding and hasn't spoken to me since then. Was it really poor etiquette to not have him as a groomsman?

Thanks!

Edith Gilbert: No my dear it is poor etiquette for him to be in a Huff! It is an honor to be asked to give a reading.

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Bethesda, Maryland: I have a few friends who, despite being told that we are not inviting single people with a guest, and having the invitations addressed to them alone, still rsvp'd with a guest!; What is the right way to go about telling them that the invitation is for them alone, and no guest?

Edith Gilbert: I am afraid you need to call this person and say sweetly that they seem to misunderstand that her guest is not included and she will meet so many other nice single people at your wedding you are sure she will have a good time. Is there someone a friend or a couple that she knows that you could suggest that she could go with?

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Alexandria, Va.: What is the etiquette surrounding who throws a bride her wedding shower? I've been a bridesmaid many times, and sometimes the bride's mother throws the shower, other times it's a family friends, and more recently, friends have expected the bridesmaids to plan and finance the shower. Is there any rule on how this should be done?

Edith Gilbert: Mothers of the bride are not supposed to host showers as this seems like trolling for gifts. Instead friends or bridesmaids usually do host showers.

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Washington, D.C.: Thank you for doing this chat. I have a dance question. My fiance and I are planning on walking into our reception and immediately doing our first dance. After dinner, we are planning to do a father/daughter dance with my fiance cutting in at the end. Is this proper or do I have it backwards?

Edith Gilbert: When you do the father/daughter dance is up to you, when you first walk in or after dinner.

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RE: Wearing white to someone else's wedding: Please don't wear something that could be confused with a bridal dress. This is an especially thoughtful "rule" for small or informal weddings where the bride may not be in floor length white satin. My sister-in-law-to-be showed up at my wedding in ankle length white lace. I was wearing knee-length champagne satin. (She expressed horror at my choice and even offered to let me wear her dress -- this offer came 10 minutes before the wedding and was made by a woman 7 inches taller and 60 pounds heavier than me).

Edith Gilbert: How odd!

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Laurel, Md.: My fiance and I are keeping our wedding small and provided 25 invitations to my future mother-in-law. She felt that was not enough, so she made copies of the invitation and sent them to her co-workers! Now what can I do? My parents can't afford to add more to the catering list and my future mother-in-law refuses to pay for the additional invitees. We are having a buffet reception.

Edith Gilbert: This is a most unfortunate situation! I can't begin to imagine how this can be handled. I just feel terribly sorry for you!

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Alexandria, Va.: How do you handle this situation ... I was recently in a wedding that involved a $200 dress, $100 shoes, $400 plane ticket, $300 for hotel and at the wedding the bride (who I slowly realized over the wedding I didn't like) asked where her gift was. I was planning on sending something small once I could afford to EAT again as I know you have a year to send a gift. But now I am so furious with her presumptiveness, I am thinking of not sending one at all.

Edith Gilbert: I am afraid to agree with you and say that the bride was very rude. Whatever you decide to do, if and when you send a modest gift, is entirely up to you.

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RE: Receiving lines: They seem like a waste of everyone's time to me, and I don't really want to go to everyone's table during dinner (when do we get to eat?). We're having an outdoor wedding with cocktails/dinner right after, so I'm not even sure how it would work into the timelines. Are receiving lines necessary? And if so, how would it work logistically?

Edith Gilbert: A receiving line is the solution when guest would like to greet the bride and groom after the wedding. Some may have come a distance and though some people don't care for receiving lines, in the long run this is still be best way to deal with the situation.

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D.C.: I was told by a friend of mine that an old friend from college I no longer speak to intends to invite me to her wedding in the fall. I figure I can decide what to do at the time, but I get the feeling that my invitation is more of a solicitation for a present. As of now I do not wish to attend, nor invite her to my wedding should I have one in the future. Am I still obliged to send a present?

Edith Gilbert: You haven't yet been invited so let's deal with it when the time comes.

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Edith Gilbert: It's been wonderful chatting with all of you. Thank you so much for sending such interesting question. You may find more answers in my book "The Complete Wedding Planner." Good luck and best wishes! Edith Gilbert

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