Housing Envy

"I'm envious of her financially," says one renter of a homeowner friend who bought two years ago. "She's changed her life completely. I feel like I'm losing out here, and I'm not a person who likes to lose."

The sharp increase in housing values in the Washington area has created a great divide between those who own houses and those who don't, and nowhere does this play out more than in the workplace. Those who don't not own homes now look enviously at their colleagues who do, and their different financial situations can lead to strains, stress and some veiled anger.

Daniela Deane and Amy Joyce were online Friday, June 17, at 11 a.m. ET to discuss Housing Envy: Soaring Prices Create Divide .

A transcript follows.

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Daniela Deane: Hello everyone! You've got two of us today. For those of you who used to follow me, I was one of the real estate reporters here at the Post for 6 years until getting a new job here three weeks ago. Amy, of course, is our workplace reporter. We've got a slew of questions already. I'm getting the feeling our story struck a chord out there...So, let's get started! Thanks so much for joining us.

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Stupid People: This article outlines what really ticks me off about this area. Always about trying to get what others don't have around here. Cars, schools, kids, houses, etc. Such a personal competitive area. I don't get it. The DC housing market is over-priced over-valued. Why do people participate in it? Because you have to have what others have to be perceived as successful in the DC area. What morons. I rent and I refuse to buy a home in this area. I will not, will not! pay $500k for a lousy townhouse an hour from work. What a rip off. I rent a nice home on an acre lot and pay half of what someone is paying for that townhouse. And when it is time to buy, I'll be packing it up and moving somewhere else.

Daniela Deane: We're going to kick off this discussion with some anger this morning, because the sentiment in this question is, in a way, exactly what Amy and I are talking about in our story. This is a competitive area, I agree. It's an area full of very smart, very educated, very ambitious and ultimately highly successful people..And that can make anyone feel inadequate. Full disclosure: Although my husband and I did buy a house when I moved back to this area 8 years ago, there are some fabulous houses on our street and ours is one of the most modest. I love my neighbors -- I couldn't have asked for better -- but there have been times that I've looked at their houses and wished that I too had a house that nice, a house that big, a house with that kind of curb appeal...This is a great area in so many ways. But it can also be tough, in exactly this way. Amy, what do you think?

Amy Joyce: You bring up a very good point, and I think you reflect exactly how people are feeling around here these days. I wonder if that will change, or if we will now always be New York City like in our housing prices? There's that ongoing exasperation in DC that the first thing you're asked at cocktail parties is "So, what do you do?" and if you aren't some sort of Important Person, the party goers move on to the next. Are we now seeing that question change to "So, where do you live?" ... and as you say "Oh, I rent in Bowie" the conversation drops off?

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Re: Housing Article: Thank you so much for this article. It couldn't have come at a more perfect time for my mental state. My landlord is selling my tiny apartment and I have to move. I've looked into buying but realized that anything I would want to buy, I would need to get a second job. The housing crunch in this area is stressful, to say the least. As a government worker, I'm priced out of the market unless I want to buy in a shady neighborhood or so far out that my commute will be increased 10-fold.

Daniela Deane: I understand how you feel. And you're not alone, as our reporting on this story showed. What I can suggest is to talk to a mortgage broker and see what you can afford. A mortgage broker I talked to for this story told me that people are surprised when they see what they can borrow...Okay, okay, I know, you gotta be careful with these new loan products and be sure you can afford the payments no matter what happens. A lot of people though are opting for interest-only loans and lower down-payment mortgages as the only way to afford to buy in this market. I'm not saying you should do that. I'm just saying it's worth your while to talk to a mortgage person and find out what you can afford. And then be ready to compromise on what you want to buy. Everybody who is buying these days is compromising on location, size, style, etc..just to get something. Explore your options is what I'm suggesting.

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cap hill: Hi, great article. I have had similar experiences with co-workers. My partner and I were lucky enough to buy our townhouse on Capital Hill ten years ago for 275k ( !! ) and when we refinanced last year to redo our kitchen it was re-assessed at 750k, and the couple across the street sold their similar townhouse for 900k! The one thing that people should realize that, enviable as it is, if we sold our place where would we go? I do not have the temperament to commute from a McMansion, or the patience to move to a marginal neighborhood and wait for it to change ( I did that in my 20's in Baltimore)

So just be grateful! Have a good day!

Amy Joyce: Right. That's the big dilemma that those homeowners should remind their non-owning co-workers: You can sell a house for a load of money, but you can't move on because you'd have to buy for an insane amount too. That's simplifying it, of course. But it's a dilemma all area homeowners are facing. I wonder if this is causing young people who live in areas not typically family-friendly to start to turn neighborhoods, like Adams Morgan, into a more family friendly place, because they can't move into a place like AU Park anymore?

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Washington, DC: There is a simple reason people can talk with joy about this. luck. luck, luck, luck, luck, luck, luck, luck, luck, luck, luck. ADMIT it you were lucky, not smart, not crafty, not educated. You were lucky.

That's everything in this housing market, and living here. I myself bought 2 months ago in Brightwood (yes I enjoy it), and realize I was lucky (me and my wife outbid 5 other people).

I also got a house cause I got married and was LUCKY enough to meet someone I care about and get a place to help with income. Buying my own place NEVER would have happened if I was single (much as I wanted to).

I was LUCKY to get a job here after moving down to DC three and a half years ago. If I stayed 2 more weeks without finding work I would have been BROKE and had nothing, and had to leave. It's all luck. LUCK!

People, People! Do not rub this stuff in other people's faces, and start telling people they need to buy, or that they are not smart for trying to get a house. You'd have different stories if you were living elsewhere.

Just count your blessings, I am sick of all these DC people shoving it in everyone else's faces. As lucky as I was, I really feel that it is immoral and sickening what people have to do here to just get a house.

Daniela Deane: You know what? Most of the people we interviewed for this story understood that completely. They kept saying that it wasn't that they were so smart, but that instead they had been lucky to buy at the right time. I really do believe a lot of homeowners around here realize it. I sure do, I know that.

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Chinatown Envy: Hi, I have total homeownership envy. Due to a divorce, I went from a comfortable house in College Park to a tiny apartment. I hope to buy a place next winter-spring, but even small condos nearly anywhere in the city are going for more than my nice SFH did when we bought it 2 years ago. I'm really interested in a less-expensive place in SE or NE, but I'm concerned about being the target of "gentrification" backlash to newcomers that has been extensively reported in the Post. How bad is it in reality, assuming I'm a decent neighbor of obviously modest means?

The alternative is to pour every dime into a small condo, probably in the Chinatown or U St areas, and hope the condo market doesn't crash when the rates go up. Since so many new condos have been built, do you think that market will be especially vulnerable due to overstock?

Daniela Deane: Certainly people have talked about and speculated about an eventual condo glut..There are so many condos being built now. BUT...The truth is condos are still very hot commodities and for the precise reasons you mention: People have been priced out of other types of housing and so condos have become more and more popular. If you really want to buy, then just buy what you can now and start building equity is my advice. I'm sorry about your divorce. Divorce hurts in every way, I think, and financially is certainly one of the big ways. I'm sure though that with time, you will recover. Best of luck.

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Herndon, VA: I am also a nurse, and was able to buy a townhouse only after taking a second job and a boarder, and borrowing heavily on credit cards, life insurance policies, retirement assets and family. It was so tough for so long. We ate baked potatoes with cheese many times for dinner. I think it is a shame that nurses and probably teachers and other professionals who spend years in college earning a degree, preparing for a career, and land in low to moderate paying, but very necessary positions really need a little help with their first house, perhaps as part of their first job offer, or some other kind of incentive. On another note, we are in the middle of an acute nursing shortage. I cannot image that people would choose nursing reading that it takes a full time job and a part time job to make it financially.

Amy Joyce: That is *so* true. We just had a story in the Metro section earlier this week (I believe) about teachers who can't afford to buy homes in their school districts. I've heard the same problem from first responders (like fire fighters who work in Loudoun County, but have to move even further out to afford anything) and of course, nurses. There is absolutely a nursing shortage, and the fact nurses can't find housing is just depressing. You're one of the lucky ones (despite the baked potato overload)...

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Arlington, Virginia: The housing situation has created serious tension among friends. Why should I feel guilty because I bought a couple years ago and now my friends cannot afford to do so? The envy seemingly translates into guilty because I have what they want. I hate feeling guilty and hate the apparent rift it can create. Any suggestions???

Amy Joyce: This sounds like a Hax question to me. Maybe you need new friends. You have a house. If that's what you wanted, and you're happy with it, let yourself be happy. Are you sure this is causing a rift, or are you just perceiving it that way? Your guilt could make them feel like you are gloating. You have a house. They probably have something you don't...

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College Park, MD: Hi Daniela and Amy: Ok. Here goes. I'm an ingrate for saying this but I hate my house. Sure it has appreciated but we can't move up to a larger house because the houses we are looking at in Bethesda are now far beyond our reach. So this housing market is hurting also current owners who want to move up to a better house but can't afford to.

Daniela Deane: Definitely, definitely, definitely...One of the main reasons for the lack of houses for sale (even though there's more on the market now) is precisely what you're talking about: the move-up buyer has nowhere to move up to...You have to make a big jump in purchase price to get something better, there's no doubt about it. So so many people who would like to trade up, like yourself, are not doing it because they either can't afford it, or they can't find anything. That has contributed a lot to our housing shortage. Can you make your house better? Can you add on or expand? Or work on what you have, just making it nicer? I bet if you really think about it you can...

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Anonymous: A comment on home owners who say they can't move because the can't afford. At least they have a home of their own, we renters don't and at the rate its going never will in this area.

Daniela Deane: Everybody's got something that irritates, don't they?...Life ain't perfect for anybody, let's face it! Now, is Bill Gates really happy??? (If he is, grrrrrrrr)

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Alexandria VA: Hi there - I really enjoyed your article today, and I'm writing in to give hope to other first time home buyers out there. After looking for about a month, my husband and I just signed and ratified a contract for our first home - a 2 bedroom, three level townhome within walking distance of the springfield metro with all the amenities on our wishlist. We both work on the blue line, so it's perfect for us. And while our mortgage will be a few hundred more than we've been paying in rent, it's affordable. Probably because it only has 2 bedrooms, ours was the only contract placed on it - no bidding war whatsoever, but it's perfect for just us. It can happen - you can find the house of your dreams with some patience!

Amy Joyce: Congrats! And after only a month of looking, you're a lot better off than many homeowners around here. There are definitely places that are still relatively affordable around here. I don't want to say there aren't. Many of us just probably can't afford what we might be able to afford if we lived in, say, Pittsburgh. Or Ames, Iowa.

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Washington, DC: I have the same sentiments as the first poster. My husband and I rent, and what I have found to be the most frustrating thing is that all of the people who comment on why we should buy, just buy! have more often than not received money for that home from a relative.

If you earn your way into a nice home, more power to you. But if your parents pay for it, it's not yours! That to me is more frustrating that actually having a home - people who have no idea what it's like to support themselves in the real world. Thanks for letting me vent.

Daniela Deane: Yes, people are getting money from their parents, there's no doubt about it. One of the people we quote in our story, Harry Yeung, told me that his parents helped him with the down-payment and how grateful he was to them for doing that...Look, I've got friends who have inherited hundreds of thousands of dollars from their parents....while my husband and I won't...There's always someone who's got more, who's prettier, who's got a better job, smarter kids, a better house in this world. Unfortunately, that's what life's all about...What do the self-helpers keep telling us? Gotta be grateful for what we have...It's really true, isn't it? (Not that I've mastered it, mind you...!)

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Centreville, VA: We are bailing out of this ratrace!

My wife and I moved here in 2002, soon after the local real estate boom began to acheive full liftoff. We didn't buy because we wanted to get settled in the area first. Well, here we are three years later and friends of ours just paid almost half a million for a townhouse in Reston, $60, 000 above asking price, cash, no inspection. (Since then they have discovered numerous expensive problems that the sellers never disclosed)

We like the area well enough, but is life here really THAT great? I mean northern Virginia is okay, but you can find the same strip malls and big box stores all over America. And D.C. is not exactly San Francisco ~ so why on earth pay California prices to live here?

Fortunately my wife found her dream job in upstate NY, where we just bought a well-kept 1987 split entry with 2 car garage and huge deck in a great neighborhood for less than $120,000!!! And we won't have to plan our whole lives around traffic anymore!

Bottom line: It's a big country, and there's more to life then "real estate envy" and choking on car fumes. WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Amy Joyce: Well, there are a lot of good points there, but you forget one thing: People like D.C. And there are people who have jobs that only exist in D.C. Or families in this area. There are many reasons people live here, and love living here. Of course, with these housing prices, it's driving some people out. And it's also not looking like an inviting place to some recent grads to settle. I've spoken with numerous employers who say they lose a few job candidates now who just can't afford to live here.

But there are many folks like you, and so moving on once you find a great job is a great thing. Congrats.

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Alexandria, VA: Hi, I just wanted to comment about people saying the home owners are lucky, it's not fair, etc. To some extent that is true, but you also have to realize that the people who did buy, whether this year or ten years ago, probably made some sacrifices and definitely a conscious choice to forgo some luxuries in order to become a homeowner and maintain that home. When my friends say they absolutely can't afford to buy, but insist on driving new luxury cars, wearing designer clothes, taking exotic trips and spending lots of money on eating out and nights on the town, that really means they find those things more important than home ownership. Yes, it's unfortunate that we can't all buy our dream homes and have all the other trappings of a rich and famous lifestyle as well, but where there's a will to buy, there's usually a way.

Daniela Deane: Yes, that's true! Erin Call, one of the two nurses in our story, went through hell with her townhouse when she first bought. It had so many problems and she sunk a lot of money into it...Homeownership is often hard work, let's not kid ourselves. Maintenance on these older homes we have in this area can be a nightmare. The maintenance on my 50-year-old rambler can really get me down sometimes, for instance..Sometimes I feel like it's going to just fall down around me...These are all trade-offs. It's all trade-offs, isn't it?

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Hanover, Md.: What's my problem? I just turned 25 and I feel like I missed out on the opportunity to buy a reasonably priced home in the DC area. I know 22 and 23 year olds who (with the help of their parents) have townhomes of their own. It just makes me angry that I am wasting my money on rent when I could be putting the same money into a investment that is almost certain to appreciate. But when it comes down to it, I have only been working full time for a little more than two years, I have a car bill, student loans to repay, and I am just not ready to buy anything. Have you observed this same sentiment from other young professionals?

Amy Joyce: Yes, you're certainly not alone. Who wants the responsibility of worrying about roof leaks and broken dryers when they could just call the landlord anytime there's a problem? Many young professionals are still just figuring it out, and know they might not stick around this area. So buying, particulary in this market, might not make sense. Think about New York: How many people do you know in the city there that actually own?

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Arlington, VA: Oh, c'mon Amy ! About your statement above - "So, what do you do?" and if you aren't some sort of Important Person, the party goers move on to the next. Are we now seeing that question change to "So, where do you live?"..... People ask questions of work because we all do so many different things here in DC. The government is a vast array of issues. Also, people ask question about where one lives because of our commute and the fact that the areas are so different. Arl/Alex is another world compared to Fairfax/Woodbridge

Amy Joyce: Oh c'mon? You're agreeing with me, actually. Housing, because of the market, commute issue, prices, has become the new common question, even among complete strangers. It's amazing how we ask or reveal questions that in past years would have seemed way too personal ("How much did you pay for your house in Arlington? Did you get an inspection? Did you have to sell your first born to afford that?)

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Rockville: Daniela and Amy, Love your chats. Here's my two cents. I bought my modest, 2 bedroom Rockville condo in the mid 90s before things got crazy. I loved it because it was full of light, in a nice neighborhood with great green space, close to work, and cheap. Since then, I have gotten married and had a child, but by that time, the prices went crazy so we stayed put in the condo. Frankly, I do not experience house envy. I live in a nice area with great schools. We are a little snug, but comfortable. Our mortgage will be paid off in less than 5 years. We have lots of money in savings and in retirement funds. We also have a comfortable lifestyle, go on nice vacations, and don't worry about money. It is all about choices. If we had to put all our money into a huge mortgage, we would not be anywhere near as stress free and happy as we are now. People should not imagine that everyone wants the mansion on the corner. Not everyone does.

Daniela Deane: Ah, someone who's happy! I agree with you: It is all about choices..And living with the choices you do make...Maybe we should've gotten Dr. Phil on, or Oprah, huh?! One very interesting comment an agent I spoke to about this story said to me, though, that when it comes to real estate, not making a decision is actually a decision in itself (it got cut out of the story!)...Some people just have trouble pulling the trigger, i.e. making a decision, and that ultimately is their decision....

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Capitol Hill: Gosh, I've never thought about this before. My partner and I own a big, beautiful townhouse just four blocks from the Capitol. Should I avoid talking about our home while I'm here in the office? My partner is an attorney...that's why we're able to afford such a nice place. We'd never be able to afford it on my salary!

Amy Joyce: Lucky you. Just be happy. But as mom always taught you, don't brag.

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Fairfax City, VA: Love your chats and columns! Here's a question. Isn't most of the equity wealth just on paper? Unless you move to another region where houses are so much cheaper, the profits don't really mean anything. None of us who bought a home a few years ago can really afford to move into another home in this area and weather the significantly larger mortgage. The 'profit' just doesn't seem to matter if a house bought five years ago that doubled in price when you can't really afford anything else and most people don't have the option of moving to another part of the country.

Daniela Deane: Yes, that's true,it is on paper...BUT...you can re-finance and take cash out and you can get a home equity line or loan and use some of that equity, so in another sense, no, it isn't just on paper either. And let's face it, psychologically, all that equity real makes people feel good...See what I mean?

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Falls Church, VA: Its the height of idiocy that I make $70K+/year and cannot afford even a condo in a nice neighborhood anywhere east of Leesburg or north of Stafford! And no, I don't mean chic/tony neighborhoods like Clarendon/Ballston/Adams Morgan/etc, I just mean safe and clean. So I rent. Better to rent in Falls Church than own in greater nowhere!

Amy Joyce: Absolutely. And like someone else mentioned, you don't have to worry about replacing your roof, repairing leaks, etc. We all have ways to deal with the housing market, as crazy as it is. Renting is a good option, and from what I can tell, relatively affordable these days. (I'll just wait here for the angry posts about that comment!)

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Foggy Bottom, D.C.: Hey, hey... let's not get carried away here with an 'envy' campaign. Makes us renters out to be bad guys, people who can't make it in America, people who are losers. Puh-leez! I bet if you asked homeowners if they're 'envious' of those who live where landlords do maintenance, lawn mowing and snow plowing, where they can walk to Metro and stores, where their insurance is a piddling amount, where they have flexibility and choice, where they might have a pool and exercise room that someone else cleans -- well, you might find some of those folks saying 'yes.' Some of us rent by choice, you know. And not all of us believe the American Dream is home ownership. Nasty proposition, calling us envious. It's like setting up a generation war over Social Security. Cut it out.

Daniela Deane: Gosh, no, we did not mean to imply that renters are in any way bad guys...And you know what: I am envious of anyone who doesn't have 3-foot long weeds in their front yard like I do...As I said earlier, homeownership can also be a hassle, there's no question about it...And Erin Call, one of the nurses in our story, certainly said that...She's glad she bought, but in the beginning she had some hard times when she found out the place needed a lot more work than she ever imagined...It's all one big trade-off!!!!

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Capitol Heights, MD: From my experience, it's worse with friends than coworkers! We have friends who have already "upgraded" to their second house... we couldn't even afford what their old one sold for. How do you deal with friends who keep insisting you'd better "hurry up and buy" while you still can? It's frustrating to keep telling people a massive mortgage is just not in our budget now...

Amy Joyce: "Do you have a downpayment to give me?" That might shut them up. I'm sorry, tough spot, if owning is what you want. But your friends need to be more tactful. Just make it clear that you don't want to hear it anymore. And remember, it could level off, or even drop. So you could be the smart one here...

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Washington, DC: I think the earlier person's comment about the competitiveness of DC is an important one. We are just lucky enough to have a roof over our heads, but it's hard to remember that sometimes. I find myself turning into an entitled, overprivileged brat sometimes when I see what my friends who have trust funds or rich parents are able to do. But I have to get a grip and recognize how fortunate I really am.

But I also want to point out how disgusted I am by the level of greed that people show. Someone in my neighborhood bought a home in the high $500K, put MAYBE $100K into it, and is trying to flip it for a million. Ridiculous -- and that sort of greed filters all the way through the housing market to affect even the poorest of the poor.

Daniela Deane: Yes, I think you're so right...Washington is a very competitive place and we all need to learn to be grateful for what we do have...The self-helpers tell us that that's the key to happiness in this life..Cuz let's face it, even if you had bought, there's definitely someone on your street who has a better house! And a better job! And looks better in their bathing suit too!

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Silver Spring, MD: I disagree with the premise of this article. I have been a renter of a beautiful townhome with great landlords for six years. Prior to that, I lived overseas, wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my career but wanted to live in a house instead an apartment. By December, 2005, I will be, with the exception of my car payment, at ZERO debt, no credit cards, no school loans, NADA!! And during this time, I have been able to purchase outright (i.e. no financing), all the quality furniture and accessories I have wanted for my home, go on great vacations across the world and live in a property that has appreciated in value 100% which I have right of first refusal to buy when I am ready -- at 85% of the appraised price! Having a mortgage during these years may not have allowed me to do all the wonderful, fun and life-fulfilling things I have done, as well as do things like help my niece at college, put new carpet in my mom's house. Most repairs my landlords pay for and the houses in my development are worth anywhere from $400K to $800k, depending on size. I'm sure ownership has it's own set of benefits, but I wouldn't regret the decision to rent vs. buy for me personally at all -- I listen to people lament over housing costs and finding affordable, quality housing -- that's not my issue -- my biggest decision is where to go in 2006 to complete my immersion language training -- I am single, no children and have a retirement fund -- you can't take it with you -- think about it . . .

Amy Joyce: That's so true. And you're not the only who feels that way. However, there are many, many people desperate to own. Hopefully your post will reach a few of them and make them realize life is good, yes?

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Washington, DC: My wife and I have been looking forever to buy in this area, but cannot afford anything within an hour's commute from work without using an interest-only loan - which is DANGEROUS in a market that is a bubble ready to burst, like it is now. I'm a software developer and she works in the arts.

We've decided to leave the area. We're headed South where things are a bit cheaper and we can have a normal standard of living.

BTW, who is buying all these overpriced houses/townhomes/apartments? Are they mostly investors looking to flip them?

Daniela Deane: Well, that's one tack to take, isn't it? Pack up and go somewhere cheaper...We're sorry you're leaving. We've been bashing this area a bit today, but let's look at all the good things here too: It's a great job market, it's an area full of very interesting people, it's a great place to work on your career, great public schools, an international community, etc. etc. ..many many good things here. The other part of your question: Yes, there are a lot of investors buying (a national study showed about one in four homes last year were bought by investors), but no, that's not everybody who is buying...A lot of people buying are people just like you and me, normal folk who need a place to live...

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Bailing O, UT: My husband and I bailed too. I just couldn't face paying so much for a house I didn't feel was worth it. Granted, my husband worked from home and I was in a position where I could easily move and find work elsewhere. Point is, if it's feasible, it might be worth looking into!

Amy Joyce: Absolutely. D.C. is not for everyone, and there are certainly a million wonderful places to live. Particulary if your job is as flexible as it is. Good for you, finding what you want.

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Burke, VA: The only thing my equity has done for me is to raise my property taxes.

Daniela Deane: Really? Tell the truth now...You don't feel at all good about how much more you're worth on paper, how much more freedom that could give you?..But yes, property taxes are the flip side to all this..Mine are enough to make you swoon now...

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Washington, D.C.: This article was right on the mark. I have this same envy issue, but it is with friends, not coworkers. I know a ton of couples and young families who bought places a few years ago and now are loving it and hoping to move up to even nicer neighborhoods. And I am completely envious because I will probably have to start out in a neighborhood worse than the ones they currently live in, in a smaller home, although I want to be in the nice move-up neighborhood too. My question is, how do you recommend we deal with this envy? Instead of just being jealous every time we go visit them?

Daniela Deane: Concentrate on what you do have. Be happy for what you have. concentrate on the positive in your life rather than the negative. (I am in no way implying that I'm good at any of this, mind you!) But I read a great story the other day (yes, in our paper) about writing a gratitude journal...It said to write down five things that made you happy about your life every day...The article said that that very act will start working its magic after awhile...I may try that...Seems reasonable to me. Dr. Phil, could you join us today please??!!!

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Arlington, VA: Don't you think a lot of the envy and anger comes from what you said before - this area is filled with bright people who have worked hard to get where they are and to have something completely luck-based start separating people financially makes them feel like they weren't smart enough or didn't try hard enough. I think it's very much like the dot com boom where some people made out and others missed out narrowly and it was just sheer luck. People don't like to think life is unfair and yet here we are.

Amy Joyce: Sometimes I think people *do* like to think life is unfair. It makes everything more manageable in a twisted way. I guess that's sort of what you're saying, too.

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Los Angeles: I'm confused why would this be a subject for conversation at work? First of all I go to work to perform and do a good job and try not to talk about personal things (like my mortgage etc.)and if a co-worker would mention that he/she just bought a great house near the beach I would be most happy for that person. What's up? What makes Washington DC so different from lalaland??

Daniela Deane: Well....people can talk about everything with people they work with, can't they? People often make their best friends at their workplaces, don't they? We picked the workplace to concentrate on because of the idea that two people who make the same amount of money can be worth such vastly different amounts because of the real estate they bought...And I think it's pretty universal, actually. I bet it's happening in lalaland too would be my uneducated guess!

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Anonymous: Someone once told me that a house is not an investment - a financial one i.e., but an emotional investment. People should buy or rent a place they love and that will give them a good quality of life. With that will come good health and the money will flow to you. They shouldn't be stuffing themselves and their families in these tiny condos just so in their minds they think they did the fincanically right thing, because the market is never a sure thing.

Amy Joyce: That's a wise Someone. It's hard to think of it that way in a market that is all about buy, sell, make money, but a house is a home... a place where you want to go to relax, rest, entertain, enjoy. No matter if you own or rent. If you try to stuff yourself in a place that you don't like, just thinking it's a wise investment, I think little good can come from that.

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Pennsylvania: Hi Daniela and Amy,

Thanks for the great article today. Boy can I relate! Last year, when I still lived in Arlington, I became very discouraged by the expensive housing market. I'd always rented and didn't have enough money to buy. What frustrated me about friends who did own was their complete lack of understanding that it's tough to buy in this hot market if you don't have any equity from an existing house. I also had friends from the midwest laugh in my face that I didn't own anything. I told them that they wouldn't be able to afford housing in the DC area either. Fast forward. I moved to the Philly area for a new job and housing here is much less expensive. I was able to buy my first house but totally sympathize with those who aren't able to. I think that's what it comes down to--empathy.

Daniela Deane: ...and gratitude and appreciation for what you do have in life...

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Rockvillem, MD: Excellent article, and very true!

On the flip side, how do us renters overcome "rent envy", or homeowners that complain about their never-ending home repairs and costs and balk that the rest of us don't understand responsibility?

Daniela Deane: Ha! I definitely get rent envy! Just call the landlord and ask them to fix the water coming into the basement..Yes! Everyone has their issues and their crosses to bear, don't they...Okay, that's it..I'm calling Dr. Phil myself today!

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Washington, DC: OK, not to sound too cruel. But I am tired of the people whining about not owning a house. You know why I do? Because I had a small wedding, no honeymoon. Because I was willing to move into a neighborhood before it was hot. Because I was willing to take a big chance. Not go on vacation and live in a scary financial place for a while.

I am sorry that you can't afford it. I know that it's tough. But there is also the reality that you have to make sacrifices.

Daniela Deane: Choices, choices, choices....It's a lot about that, isn't it? ... And then living with those choices...But heck, whining is fun! (I wish my husband would understand that...)

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S.S.: I'm 24 and will soon graduate with my M.A. Unfortunately, I'm one of the many people working in the non profit industry (DC has the largest number of non-profits in the country). I plan to stay here for a while, but with student loans to pay back and a non profit salary to do it with, buying a house isn't even an option. As a young, educated professional, I don't see a future for myself in this area because I'm simply priced out. I shouldn't have to wait to marry and hope that I meet a man who makes considerably more money than I do to afford a house. What's a young woman supposed to do?

Amy Joyce: You do just what you're doing: Focus on your career, your life, getting your loans paid off. If you like your job and like the area, you stay. There is nothing wrong with renting. And you don't know what might happen with this housing market. You may be very able to buy in a few years. Of course, I'm the workplace reporter, so I think it's wise to focus on finding that job you love so you want to get out of bed and go to work and make the world a good place everyday. I feel like the house decision, and where-to-live decision, follows.

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Ashburn, Va: Count me in on the envious. My household income is currently greater than 75K. That puts me in the well-off category in any other area of the country outside of New York and Los Angeles. Yet I don't own my own house. Why? Because I'm 24, my partner is 23, and we weren't working 4 or 5 years ago when we could afford to buy something. Nowadays, the only places we can afford are run down condos, broken down 50+ year old single families in the extreme exburbs, and maybe, on a good day town houses in impractical Woodbridge, Leesburg, and Manassas. Even those cities are becoming more out of reach each day.

I never had the opportunity to cash in on the housing boom like our parents did and now I suffer for it. So my advice to young people these days is this: go far away to college and STAY THERE. I'm sure you'll have a much better time of it.

Daniela Deane: Ouch. Okay, here's one bit of advice...

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Amy Joyce: Phew, you all wore us out. Obviously, housing's a huge issue in this area. Thanks for reading the Post and joining us on this chat today. Have a great weekend.

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