John Kelly
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, June 24, 2005
1:00 PM
John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.
Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind.
The transcript follows.
Discussion Archives / Recent Columns
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John Kelly: Another gorgeous day. I say we all cut out right after this chat. That's what's going to happen here in JKW HQ. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
But before then, let's look back. We started off Monday with the story behind the Big Hands in front of the IRS building in New Carrollton. Tuesday I railed against the "self evaluation" (and talked with pediatricians about how snowed under with summer camp health forms they are now). Wednesday was about Glen Echo Park, which in its day was a great amusement park, as long as you weren't black. Thursday was about a local girl and how Camp Moss Hollow let her stretch her wings. And today we channel the great Heloise, with reader hints that you probably shouldn't follow.
You definitely shouldn't follow this Actual Incident, sent in by Toni Miller of Manassas, who writes:
My mother was a "saver", the original recycle-queen who never threw anything away. She would often buy products in bulk, just to realize when she got home that she had no room to store anything where she could get to it easily when it was needed.
One day, she finished up a gallon jug of Wesson Oil and decided that would be the perfect place to store her liquid Lysol that she used to mop the floors. She filled the jug with Lysol and stored it under the sink in the kitchen, not bothering to change the label (after all, she knew what it was).
A few months later, she was going to be late coming home from work, so she asked my sister (10 years older than me - I believe she was around 17-18 at the time) to fix dinner. My sister decided to make chicken. She went in search of oil, which was normally kept in cabinets under the counter, but apparently we were out at the time. When she couldn't find the oil where it should have been, she started to look where it should not have been, and came across my mother's jug under the sink. She proceeded to make a bunch of baked chicken, lovingly coated on all sides with liquid Lysol.
I thought it tasted funny and wouldn't eat it. My other sister's boyfriend, who was trying desperately to make a good impression on the family, ate 4 pieces and raved about how delicious it tasted. It wasn't until my mother got home, and I got ratted out for not eating my dinner (which caused me to raise a major stink over the nasty chicken), that my mother realized what had happened. Thankfully, my sister's boyfriend suffered no ill effects from the Lysol-baked chicken. In fact, to this day (he's now my brother-in-law) he insists the chicken was really good.
So. My hint would be to a) not store any potentially lethal household products in standard food containers, and b) if you DO decide to do this, at least re-label the containers!
Good advice.
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Herndon, Va.: Hi John: I'm back from vacation! So, what did I miss?
Signed,
Rather be drinking fruity rum drinks
John Kelly: The Nationals still lead the NL East and the DC police chief's car was stolen. And I spent all last Saturday repainting the iron railing that leads up to my front door. I went through SEVEN cans of Rustoleum spray paint: three primer, four glossy black. I still can't feel my finger tip. It's numb from pressing down the nozzle.
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Palm Beach, Fla.: What's your social life like, John?
John Kelly: Not as good as it should be. It involves a lot of falling asleep in front of the television. I'm wondering if I should try to get on a lot of Rich Leiby's old lists and go to a different glittering opening or event every night. That could be mahvelous.
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Washington, D.C. 20011: C'mon John - tell us more about your conversation with Heloise! We're all very curious. Thank you.
John Kelly: Jura Koncius, that scamp, had called me on the phone and said, "I have someone who wants to see you." But she didn't say who it was. Then about 20 minutes later, she came into my office with a woman in dark glasses, with a scarf pulled over her head, like she was incognito. It was Heloise.
I've seen her before, at various journalism conferences, but had never talked to her. She's quite funny, actually. She's a second generation Heloise. Her mother started the column. What Heloise II should really write is an autobiography abuot growing up with Heloise I. Her mother was an identical twin, and Heloise Jr., told me some chilling, "Mommie Dearest" type stories. For example, when Heloise was about 5, her mom and her aunt would dress the same and then call her into the room, each one standing in a corner and saying, "Come to Mommy!" Weird, huh?
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Fairfax, Va.: John-
I have to admit. I didn't love your grand prize winner. I thought some of the others were much more poignant,funny and appropriate. How did you pick the winners? Did Heloise offer some hints?
John Kelly: Which one was your favorite?
I liked the sheer lunacy of it, the way it seemed to be addressing that age-old problem of getting red wine out of a white carpet. And I gave it bonus points for vomit. As anyone who knows me even slightly knows, I'm a sucker for vomit.
Heloise did not help me pick, though when she was in my office, she saw a manilla folder marked "HINTS" and said, "Do you want some help copy editing these?" I politely declined, fearful that she might grab the folder, run from my office to the roof of the building and board the HELOcopter, which no doubt was waiting up there.
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Clarksburg, Md.: So. What DOES make an Irishman ticked? Taking away his pint of ale?
John Kelly: This Irishman wasn't much of a drinker. A disappointment, I know, but then kidnappers can't be choosers.
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Alexandria, Va.: Remember those TV shows or movies in which some developer would try to coerce a shop owner or other little guy into selling his property so that the developer could build a skyscraper or something? The developer would hire some thugs to do some evil deeds and the innocent, hard-working little guy would have to be rescued by the hero. Thanks to the Supreme Court, this scenario will never be played out again. Who needs thugs and mobsters when all you have to do is get the city government to force the little guy out? The only question left is whether or not there is still room for a hero. For better or worse, I think the best chance for a hero in this case comes from our state governemnts. I would like to urge all of your readers who do not think their local governments have the right to seize their homes so that someone else can build a new mall or office park to write letters to their state representatives and governor. Ask them to pass a law against this practice, as several other states have. (Sadly, if you live in DC, it's official: There will be no hero.)
John Kelly: To be the devil's advocate for a second: What if you live by a crummy strip mall of liquor stores and Dollar Stores and all you'd like is to have a decent sit-down restaurant to go to? Then you might be happy to have the government move to buy property by eminent domain. And you might live near the Skyland shopping center in Hillcrest. The residents I've spoken with there will be delighted by the Supreme Court's decision.
Whenever I hear that the mean old "government" is doing something, I remind myself that the government is actually you, and me, and the rest of us "citizens." And if we don't like what they're doing, we should let them know. Which is, of course, exactly what you're recommending. The sticky thing about circumstances like these is that sometimes the few have to suffer for the benefit of the many.
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Des Moines, Iowa: I have a question. How many types of quarks are there, and can you give me some examples on how to use them around the home?
John Kelly: Oh, there's only one type of quark, but it's a very versatile product. Saute some quarks in olive oil with cilantro and a dash of red pepper flakes and it makes a very nice pasta sauce. Or, put one quark in your toilet tank and it will keep it from getting stains around the water line. They also make a nice substitute for gutta percha, should you be out of gutta percha. Which Heloise never is.
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Arlington, Va.: Rumor on the street is Chief Ramsey's car was not stolen but repossessed. MPD and the DC govt has been very quiet since the car was repo'd. The Post should look into this.
I work for a Federal Law Enforcement agency and the car does not show up on the stolen vehicles list for the area. Interesting?
John Kelly: According to our DC cops reporter, Del Wilber, it was listed as a stolen vehicle in the NCIC, the FBI's computerized index of crimes. If the DC government's being quiet, it may be because it's kinda embarrassing to have the top cop's car stolen. And even so, Ramsey talked about it, probably more than he wanted to.
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Springfield, Va.: That's my husband's office building in Monday's Answer Man column. Personally, I think "Put the money here!" is the most obvious explanation for those hands. In something completely unrelated to that, why do people who write in to your chat act like Roy Rogers Restaurants are no more? Locally, they have locations in Franconia, Alexandria, Gaithersburg and Germantown. Frederick MD must love Roy Rogers, because they have six locations there.
John Kelly: One reader said the hands are close to the American Sign Language symbols for "you" and "owe," but artist Larry Kirkland says it ain't so. He wrote me after the column ran with this explanation:
"Once the committee selected me they asked that the art work 'bring some of Monumental Federal Washington to Prince George's County.' But the GSA requested that the work NOT be about the IRS. When I explained to an acquaintance the interesting dilemma he suggested I read the Constitution. (He is of the mind that income tax is unconstitutional). Therefore the concept for the work.
"Look at a dollar bill and you will see the pyramid, also it is the logo of the GSA. There are 13 stripes on the columns--and 13 stripes on the US Flag.
"The right to vote and the right to voice your opinion are the foundation of our democracy. That is the intent of the work. Interesting to me that it is the subject of a work at the front door of the IRS!"
Haven't I also seen some Roy Rogerses at BWI airport?
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The Fire Escape, N.W., D.C.: The weather's great and I'm playing hookey today.
So John, have you and your family headed to the beach yet this summer. Which beach do you prefer? Ocean City or Rehoboth?
And I see a lot of folks boating and jet skiing on the Potomac,
Have you ever taken a dip in the Potomac, just for kicks?
John Kelly: Our annual beach pilgrimage takes us to Pawleys Island, S.C., where I've been going since I was a spotty-faced teenager. My brother's family gets a house, we get a house, and all the cousins play while the grownups sit on the beach and drink beer, stopping only occasionally to count the kids to make sure none have been swept towards the Azores.
We also go to Chincoteague occasionally, camping near the park. And we've stayed overnight at a hotel in Rehoboth but not Ocean City, though I've driven through it. I'm determined this year to go on a road trip, though, that takes me all around various vacation spots, from Natural Bridge, Va. to OC. Any suggestions on places I should go and people I should talk to?
My assistant, Julie, is going to Dewey Beach right after this chat. What should she expect there?
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Metro Center DC: Why did Heloise bring you a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne and three bamboo pole-mounted citronella candles...any significance behind that?
John Kelly: Heloise said she had been looking for a stuffed rat, in homage to the faux hint I had printed (put rat poison in those green Kraft parmesan cheese shakers!). But she couldn't find a stuffed rat, and champagne had to do in a pinch. I don't know why she gave me the citronella candles. We do have a lot of mosquitoes in the back yard, so they will come in handy. And I don't know if I've ever drank REAL champagne before, as opposed to cold duck or sparkling grapelike alcoholic beverage. Now I just need something to celebrate. Oh, I know, I'll drink to the fact that I have some real champagne (as opposed to sham champagne).
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London, U.K.: Mr. Kelly
Do you think the City should invite the Nationals to represent Washington in the Independance Day Parade? I know it's commercial and all that but what would be more welcoming and inviting for the tourists than having Screech waiving to the crowd while the Free-T-shirt Cannon Team giving away goodies? I know a free floppy hat would come in handy in that ferocious sun, and it has an W-for Washington- on it! Plus it'd definately become a crowd favorite if they can throw in a player/front office personnel or two in there, probably second only to that go-cart driving gang whom I can never pick up their name or appeal.
Of course this is from a Nationals fan's point of view, I don't know how other residents here feel about the Nationals's representation of Washington.
John Kelly: Aer you kidding? Washington has gone Nationals crazy! We'd love to see them at the Fourth of July parade, or cutting the ribbon on a new highway project, or smashing a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne on the bow of a new battleship. (As long as it's not MY bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne.)
I haven't actually seen the players doing a lot of meet and greets around town. That may be because the team doesn't have an owner, and so there's no big holistic outreach program. Or, they just may be really busy, leading the NL East and all.
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John Kelly: In my continuing efforts to become a Household Name (like Heloise), I had a few extracurricular activities recently that you might want to check out...
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washingtonpost.com: A Cure for Kids' Summer Reading Doldrums (NPR)
John Kelly: This is an essay on the NPR web site about the summer reading lists for kids.
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washingtonpost.com: http://marketplace.publicradio.org/shows/2005/06/17/PM200506173.html
John Kelly: And this is my commentary from last Friday's Marketplace. It was based on a column I did here, but ended up being quite different. Do I sound like a woman?
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Alexandria, Va.: John, what's the world coming to? I work as a lifeguard at a community pool. One of the rules is, no babies or toddlers in diapers. When I point this out to parents, some of them take the diaper off and then try to re-enter the pool. They get upset when I tell them naked babies are prohibited as well. Any advice?
John Kelly: Have you considered a job in real estate?
I guess the problem is that people think it's the diapers you object to, the way they blow up like a life raft when they get wet. And thus if they get rid of the diapers everything should be okay. But what you really object to--and what every god-fearing swimmer should object to--is the sort of noxious effluvia that the non-toilet trained produce. Just tell them the truth: If anyone soils the pool, you have to make all the swimmers get out and treat the water, and that's no fun for anyone.
But aren't there some pools that allow babies? I took my kids to swimming lessons at the YMCA when they were like 9 months old. And there are baby pools. Suspiciously warm baby pools.
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Rosslyn, Va.: So I was listening to NPR the other day, to a man talking, but I missed the beginning of the segment. As I was listening I couldn't help but remember your column about how you are often mistaken for a woman on the phone, because this speaker also sounded a lot like a woman. I thought "Gee, John Kelly was right. I guess men really can be mistaken for women on the phone." Well, come the end of the segment: "John Kelly is a columnist for the Washington Post." I was blown away! You really were right, John!
John Kelly: Just yesterday I called a bank to speak with someone. The receptionist said, "Who may I say is calling, ma'am?" I said, "JOHN Kelly." She said, "Just a second, ma'am."
Then she came back and said, "She's not there, may I take a message." I said, "YESSS" in a comically deep, UnCola-man-like voice. And she said, "Oh, I'm sorry."
To paraphrase the Elephant Man:
I am not a woman. I am a man!
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Manassas, Va.: My late mother had the same reaction as your daughter to Heloise's hints. (I avoid similar aggravation by not reading them.) Mom's favorite hint was, it's easier to wash dishes and pots and pans if you soak them in water overnight.
John Kelly: Here's another True Hint Gone Horribly Wrong from Vicki Shoemaker of Woodbridge:
"When my brother was a teenager, like many his age, he was plagued with the occasional pimple, of which the acne medication available did nothing for, soooooo...he came up with the great idea of putting hydrogen peroxide in a Visine eye drops bottle in order to place a drop or two on a pimple that would appear. He left this on the bathroom counter and didn't label it, so I came home from work at lunch, saw the bottle, noticed my eyes were tired and red, and proceeded to drop a few drops of what I THOUGHT were eye drops into my eye, only to find myself literally blinded with pain from the peroxide!! Never again! I never again used any other bottle of eye drops other than my own from that day forward."
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Movie stars?: Hey John, F street NW by the Capitol has all the parking spaces blocked from yesterday at 8am until July 6th at 8pm, with "motion picture" written on the signs. Any idea who will be filming? As of now there are just a bunch of trucks with what look like metal pallets loaded on them.
John Kelly: I called the DC Office of Motion Picture and Television Development and they said it's for the live broadcast of the Capitol Concert on the Mall. I don't know why they'd need to be there so early, given that Independence Day isn't till July 4th this year.
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Rockville, Md.: John, You were right on the money about kids and their health forms for camp (and the upcoming school year, too!)
My son's pediatrician's office was swamped. I asked them to get my forms back when they could...and then asked his day care provider to copy her forms to take as a stopgap.
Still, I sent my the doctor's office staff a thank you card for getting the forms done and back in such a timely manner. Might I suggest other parents take the time and do the same. It may make them see they really are appreciated!
John Kelly: That's a great idea. That might stave off pediatricians charging to fill them out. A few other things might help, too: Some states, and I believe Maryland is one of them, are setting up online vaccination databases. That way your kid's shot records would be on a web page that doctors, schools, etc, could consult. Also, of course, give the docs lots of time to fill out the forms, rather than asking for them the next day.
One office manager said what really ticked her off were what she called "recidivists." These were parents who would move their kids to a different daycare or preschool every four of five months, each time necessitating a new health form.
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Hints from Levey: I loved the obvious "Hints from Heloise" columns ... but
my buddies and I used to look for the same thing with
your your predecessor's column. My favorite:
A guy wrote in to complain that he had accidentally
thrown some 100-year-old family documents into the
Metro recycling bin with his newspaper as he got off the
train. When he frantically came back later to find them,
the bins had been emptied and the papers lost.
The solution proposed by your predecessor: Metro should
put signs on the recycling and trash bins stating that the
material placed in them will be thrown away.
Swear to God!;
John Kelly: I'd prefer a sign that said: "Do not throw valuable family papers into this container."
There's only so much that can be done to protect people from their own stupidity.
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Washington, D.C.: Is it true that Metro Transit Police Chief Polly Hanson sent DC Police Chief Ramsey a "Club" for his car when she learned his car was stolen? I love a good sense of humor. Sounds like Hanson has one.
John Kelly: Metro was unable to confirm this for us, but spokesperson Lisa Farbstein said Hanson "has one hell of a sense of humor."
Of course, the Club's not gonna do much now: barn door open, cow gone, etc.
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Boyds, Md.: John, my friend, this question is probably more suited for Hax, but I like you better.
Yes, I was snooping, because I've been suspicious of late, but I found the email message that confirms my fears. My wife is having an affair and is meeting her "boyfriend" at 11:00AM tomorrow in Gaithersburg. I know where they're meeting, so I'm asking you what should I do. My inclination is to show up at 10:50 and confront them when they get there with a copy of the email so they can't lie their way out of it. On the other hand, our marriage (6 Cears) isn't great and probably won't survive the issues that have led to this (yes, I'm aware these things don't happen in a vacuum), so do I let her have her fun then have a discussion about it when she gets back?
I'm leaning towards the latter, mainly because if the guy says anything smart alecky about whats going on, I worry I won't be able to control myself and I'll throttle him. But also because my wife and I haven't been "together" for months now, so maybe she should just get it out of her system.
Ahh...married life.
John Kelly: Are you sure there's something illicit about this? Have you ever been in Gaithersburg at 11 on a Saturday morning? I can't think of a less likely place for an assignation.
But, having said that, it sounds like there's nothing worth salvaging here. She's gonna be mad you snooped on her e-mail. You're mad because you think she's having an affair (which is worse, somehow, than ABOUT to have an affair). If you "let" her do it and then confront her about it, she's really gonna think you don't care about her. And if you don't care about her, then you don't belong together. And if you do, then you need to talk to her.
But what do I know? I've been happily married for some number of years, the precise amount of which escapes me right now.
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Washington, D.C.: Speaking of stolen cars in DC...
Comcast Sports Net reported last night that several cars belonging to some of the Washington Nationals players were vandalized in a parking lot at RFK while they were away on the latest roadtrip. Also, reportedly, one player's car was stolen.
There's nothing, nada, zip about this in the Post (print or online) or in any other media outlets today.
Heard anything??
John Kelly: I hadn't. That really stinks. You'd think the Nationals adn RFK would have a protected place for the players to park. Hey, Brad Wilkerson can park his car in front of my house. Just leave me the keys so I can move it when I mow the lawn.
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Alexandria, Va.: I was laughing so much at your Heloise column this morning, people on the Metro were looking at me strangely.
Very humorous!
John Kelly: Thank you. That's my aim: to make people look at you strangely on the Metro. My Lovely Wife enjoyed it too. I don't think I saw her snort cereal milk through her nose, but that's only because she was eating waffles this morning.
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Centreville, Va.: Mr. Kelly -- I've been a Sunday newpaper subscriber for six months. During that time, my neighbors have commandeered my newspaper most weekends. If I get up before 10, which is generally unlikely, I can call to get another one delivered. My neighbors are generally feeding their dogs by 5:30 each morning, even on the weekends, so I can't get up before them to fetch the paper.
I'm considering cancelling my subscription, but I still want to read the newspaper. I really like my neighbors. They give me tomatoes in the summer. Besides buying them their own subscription, what else can I do?
John Kelly: Yikes. You could call your carrier and ask if he can bring it up closer to your house. That's something they do for the elderly, so it may not apply in your case. Or you could set your alarm clock and then peek through the curtains until you see your neighbor get the paper and time it so you're out there at precisely the same time. Or you could just bite the bullet and talk to your neighbor. I mean, he's STEALING your paper? What gives him the right? Maybe he thinks it's HIS paper. Or because you sleep so late he thinks you don't really want it.
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Anonymous: "Suspiciously warm baby pools." LOL!;
Reminds me of a sign I once saw at a "Jacuzzi" store: "Welcome to our ool. Note there is no 'P' in it. Keep it that way."
John Kelly: I remember having to go the bathroom at the beach as a kid and asking my dad where the toilet was. He just pointed at the Atlantic Ocean.
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Heloise Hint: I like to store all my phone numbers on Speed Dial. In case I forget which Speed Dial Number I have assinged to a particular person, I have designated another Speed Dial Number to Information so I can call them to ask for John Q. Public's phone number without having to dial 411.
John Kelly: Good idea. Have you ever called 411 to ask for the number for 911?
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Arlington, Va.: John, If you are looking for any outside help with your self-evaluation, can you put in that your constant readers look forward to the comics page every day because of you? Not to take away anything from your predecessor, but I thoroughly enjoy your column. Your writing is fresh, your topics are neat, and there is a level of self-deprecation that makes me think if I saw you on the Metro, you wouldn't scoff if I gave you a topic suggestion. Good luck with the eval!
John Kelly: Thanks. And please give me a topic suggestion on the Metro, or anywhere else you see me. Unless it's standing curiously still just past the breakers in the ocean.
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San Diego, Calif.: Whoa, man, your column's like, far out and with it. Like, I read your column when I'm not surfing the waves. It's, like, really messed up over there in Washington, huh?
John Kelly: It's gnarly dude. But somehow we get by.
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Washington, D.C.: Nah, you don't sound like a woman. Hey, that picture on the NPR page isn't you. For one thing, there's no hat. For another, he has a Blackberry. Can't fool me.
John Kelly: You're right. They got some handsome Stock Photo Man. I aspire to look like him.
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Washington, D.C.: JOHN!;
You don't know how long you've been married?
Are you serious?
John Kelly: I'm pretty sure it's an odd number. And it changes on August 1st. Hey, that's pretty good isn't it? I remember the date.
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Washington, D.C.: After witnessing your Medieval Times picture, I became inspired to go and experience the revelry of old times past. So, I purchased my tickets for 7:00 PM and lo and behold I find out AFTER I buy them that I have to be ther promptly at 5:30! 5:30 PM on a Tuesday night! Guess that means I will have to forfeit my tickets as -- hello! I have a job that lasts until 5:00 like most people do (which means I have NO hope of making it from DC to the Baltimore area by 5:30). That's ridiculous. Of course this is mentioned no where on their web site and no where prior to the purchase of these non-refundable, non-transferrable tickets. Boo to Medieval Times, I say! Boo!!
John Kelly: Are you sure? On some days they have more than one show. If you bought it for 7, the show should start at 7. There aren't 90 minutes of activity before the show starts. They do hope you'll mill around in the gift shop but you don't have to. Call them until you reach a live person.
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Springfield, Va.: Hi John! I am a 33 year-old doctor who (apparently) sounds like a 12-year-old on the phone. I love the telemarketers who ask "Is your mom or dad home?" Depending on my mood, I usually say "How the heck do I know? They live in Ohio," and hang up.
John Kelly: But I bet you don't sound like a child in person. No one I mention this to can believe it happens as often as I say it does. That's because they can see me, or picture me. They see my rugged, chiseled features. The day-old growth on my jawline. My broad shoulders. My cowboy hat and chaps.
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Gaithersburg, Md.: Do you think Boyds could tell us where this meeting is taking place, so the rest of us can come and watch a little drama?
...on second thought, I probably won't be awake at 11am Saturday morning, so never mind.
John Kelly: I'm excited when I can actually sleep till 7:30. My sleeping late days are over.
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Arlington, Va.: John, would it be o.k. to let your "public" know about a benefit car wash tomorrow that will benefit a junior girl scout and her parents injured in a car accident earlier this year?
The information is below:
CALLING ALL GIRL SCOUTS! Troop 533 is sponsoring a benefit car wash on Saturday, June 25 to raise money for MacKenzie Clare - a 10 year old Junior Girl Scout from Leesburg - who was paralyzed in a car accident on April 2. The car wash will be held at Farlington UMC (intersection of Rt 7 and 395) in Alexandria, VA Saturday, June 25 starting at 8:00 AM.
MacKenzie, her parents, and two other Girl Scouts were driving to a Girl Scout event at Port Discovery in Baltimore when their car was hit by a truck. The other girls in the car have gone home, but MacKenzie,
her mom, and her dad remain hospitalized in Baltimore and require extensive therapy and medical care.
The immediate goal of the car wash is to help raise money to purchase a modified vehicle and assist them with their medical bills.
WE NEED YOUR HELP to make this event a success! Participate if you can - if you can't participate, come by and let us wash your car - tell your friends and neighbors to come, too!
John Kelly: Sure, if you're out that way, and you car is dirty, check it out. I remember reading that story. Very sad, and every parent's worst nightmare.
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Arlington, Va.: You don't sound like a woman, but you do sound short.
John Kelly: That's why I wear the hat. The chaps are just to prevent chafing.
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Washington, D.C.: I'm somewhat disapointed in the person who stole Chief Ramsey's car. He's acting as though he doesn't know how funny that is. It's obvious that eventually even the cops here will find him. He needs to use the car to build on the hilarity. This will not only amuse the public (meaning me), but it will also give him a better story to tell when he goes to jail. A decent start would be getting a ticket from every traffic camera in the area, but I feel there are better things that could be done with the car. I'm sure you and your readers can come up with something better for this person to do.
John Kelly: That's a great idea. If he was an entrepreneur, he could set up a "Get Your Picture Taken in the Chief's Car" business. Or rent it out like a limo for proms. He could also just drive slowly around the Beltway in the left lane, his turn signal flashing the entire way.
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Southside, Va.: "...The government is actually you, and me, and the rest of us "citizens." And if we don't like what they're doing, we should let them know.." John, I love you man, but this is one of the most naive sentiments I've seen expressed in a long, long time. Look at the administration we've got and the things they do, and you realize quickly that the little guy means approximately bupkiss (sp?). Thanks.
John Kelly: I'll let that little guy comment slide....
But can't a lot of little guys do something? And I had a premonition this morning while stroking on my ergometer that the Republicans will be out in 2008. The people are finally going to be fed up.
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Nationals Parade: Remember that the team plays a game almost EVERY SINGLE DAY... including July 4th, when they are at RFK at 1 p.m. They don't have a lot of free time to go meeting, greeting and parading, although certainly a real owner would make that happen a little more.
John Kelly: I agree, and I'd rather have them playing and winning than meeting, greeting and losing. But it would be kind of nice if they were more of a presence in this town.
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Silver Spring, Md.: John, I just can't put your picture with the voice, I don't think you sound like a woman, but instead a younger, smaller man. Say 26yrs old, 135lbs.
John Kelly: And that's exaclty what I was one.
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Alexandria, Va.: Your reader whose paper is being stolen needs to talk to his neighbor, as you suggested. No other course of action is reasonable.
Your reader whose wife is being stolen needs to talk to her. I would talk to her tonight. Tell her you know about the affair and the meeting tomorrow morning. Then he should tell her he'll be at a lawyer's office Monday morning. Alternatively, he could post the location on your chat and a bunch of your readers could show up and heckle them.
John Kelly: Heckling never solved anything. I think it's lawyer time.
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Washington, D.C.: The eminent domain issue has little to do with whether or not it will sometimes be used in a way that is for the good of many. The issue is that it's simply wrong to force a family out of their home because some developer wants to build a new stip mall. The developer should have to negotiate with the person and pay a price (market or not) that will get them to leave. Otherwise, they should find a new location. Furthermore, if the development in question isn't profitable enough to pay the added costs of negotiating with people instead of throwing them out, I don't see how it can be profitable enough to justify the seizure that the Supreme Court just OKed.
John Kelly: Okay, how about this: The county needs a new water treatment facility, because, after all, citizens need to drink clean water. They look all over the county and there's only one place where it can go, on some property the governmetn owns. Unfortunately, next door is an old guy who lives in a 100-year-old farmhouse. Man, it's going to stink there. But he's the only one who can smell it. It's kind of too bad for him, but I don't see how else you fix something like this.
Now, it's tricker when it's a private development, as in the recent Supreme Court case. But these cases also involve the government, deciding that private development is requried to spur the renaissance in a neighborhood.
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Gaithersburg, Md.: About the Medieval Times thing ... and this is a little weird. I just ordered tickets yesterday - and was complaining to my girlfriend, who I'm going with, that while the show was at 7 - tickets say to get their by 5:30. She commented she would write in to complain to you, but is now insisting that she wasn't the one who posted the previous comment.
Is someone watching me/us?
John Kelly: Obviously, but the real question is: What are you doing at 11 a.m. tomorrow?
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Silver Spring, Md.: Leaf Guy. Things have been looking up lately. Don't tell God, OK?
John Kelly: I was actually speaking with one of His minions this morning and he didn't mention you.
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Upper Marlboro, Md.: John,
Has anyone asked Chuck Brown to do the Nats theme song? Go-go is genuine DC created music, and Chuck Brown is the grandaddy and progenitor of the sound.
John Kelly: Didn't he sing on Opening Day? I haven't heard him since then. We're going to the game tomorrow night, so I'll listen.
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RE: Health Care Forms: Here's my question - While I realize that all of those forms are probably a pain to fill out, isn't it part of the job? I mean - I get that there are things that parents should be doing better and truly believe that a doctor's office can have a clear policy of how long it will take to process all of these forms, but it really irks me to have to PAY to get the forms filled out. (ESPECIALLY knowing that every single appointment that I make is not honored in a timely manner and I have wait hours on end to see the doctor at my scheduled time). Shouldn't it just be a draw? They make us wait hours on end for our scheduled appointments so we shouldn't have to be charged a fee for having a form filled out.
John Kelly: The waiting stinks, and I always complain when I have to. Our pediatrician doesn't charge per form, but has some annual $40 or so fee that's supposed to cover all that stuff. Also an irritant, I suppose.
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Silver Spring, Md.: Does your daughter play upright bass or bass guitar? Or both?
John Kelly: Regular. It's My Lovely Wife who wants to learn standup. But she's even shorter than me. She'll have to get a stepladder.
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Friday's Marketplace: Are you sure you're not one of the Johns from They Might Be Giants? Because that's exactly who you sound like.
(They do have that song called "How Can I Sing Like a Girl", you know.)
John Kelly: Partical man, partical man...
I love TMBG, and even interviewed them once. Or at least 50 percent of them.
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Southern Maryland: So, John, how many total years have you been married, and out of those how many were happy? I've heard the remark "14 happy years -- 14 out of 20 isn't bad."
And the guy whose wife is having 'assignations' in Gaithersburg -- let her have at it and find somebody for yourself. Marriage is only a piece of paper; nobody takes that stuff seriously anymore.
John Kelly: I think we were married in 1987. I have a tiny, laminated copy of our marriage license in my pocket, so I suppose I could check.
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Heloise Hint: I used to have a problem waking up on time every morning. My solution was to tattoo the words, "GET UP" on the inside of both eyelids so whenever I saw those words, I knew it was time to get out of bed.
John Kelly: Ouch.
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Groovin' on DC: Hey John, Lots of people have complained to you in the past about life in DC. I just got back from vacation (I visited my old stompin' grounds), and I'm happy to report that I am just darn glad to be back in DC. I even had traffic cops yelling at me my first day back--but I forgave them because I was driving crazy. I figured if I could feel one-ness with the law enforcement community, then I really did belong here after all. Viva la DC!;
John Kelly: Awright! You should start a blog, whyilovedc--or whyilovetohatedc.
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Re: Boyds: Go to Gaithersburg, hope the guy says something smart, and beat him down. When will you ever have a better excuse to let all the rage that living in Washington DC produces out on somebody?
John Kelly: We can't condone violence.
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On the Gburg Tryrst: Marriage counselor first, then the lawyers.
I hope there are no children.
John Kelly: Me too. Boyds will have to let us know next week what happened. Can this marriage be saved?
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Washington, D.C.: Your water treatment plant counter example falls under the traditional use of eminent domain. The government can't barter with someone, or go to another county, to build a new water supply. A private entity, in these cases usually corporations, can. Do you really think it's right for the government to force one private party to surrender their property so that another private party can use it?
John Kelly: Private party? Count me in! Last one in the jacuzzi's a rotten egg.
I think I've made my opinion quite clear. Just because I can't understand it doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
That's it for today. Thanks for stopping by. Don't forget that I expect each of you to donate to Send a Kid to Camp. Don't make me sic the Supreme Court on you. As always, I'm at kellyj@washpost.com. Have a great weekend.
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