John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

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John Kelly: The scene: a Rosslyn parking garage.

The characters: Two women and one man.

Woman 1: We should put up a sign.

Woman 2: Is that a hoot or what?

The Man: This was the spot, huh?

Woman 2: Yes, in our building.

The End

Before I came into work this morning I stopped by 1401 Wilson Blvd, specifically the garage, which Bob Woodward has finally revealed to be The Garage, the place he met Deep Throat. It's actually quite a nice garage: nice walls painted in a two-tone scheme. Verges Rivera, Karen Carleton and a second woman who asked not to be identified, were down there when I stopped by, communing with history. They're civilian DOD workers. They expect the tourists to start showing up, but so far it's pretty peaceful. The guy manning the little booth said he hadn't seen too many visitors so far.

I said goodbye to the trio and trudged out of the garage, and toward the Metro, which today is full of people lugging suitcases and tourists. I felt really out of place, having neither a Samsonite or a fanny pack and a pair of Bermuda shorts.

Columns this week were about TV signoffs (yes, TV once signed off for the night), a service that mails your contraband items back to you before they're confiscated at the airport, the send-off of the first campers to Moss Hollow, a day in the life of a foul ball at RFK, and a California nurse who is fighting the scourge of spyware and adware. I'm curious what your experiences with adware have been.

Two more things before we start the chat today: A couple weeks back a chatter mentioned Roy Rogers getting hit in the face by a pie and letting loose with some blue language. Tom Turner, a retired deputy sherrif from Northern Virginia, called to say that he often served on Roy's security detail and never met a nicer man. Tom didn't see Roy get it with the pie, but he was at the pie-thrower's sentencing. He said he doubted Roy would have sworn. I checked the clips on the incident and, indeed, The Post story said that it was members of the Sons of Pioneers who let loose with language that would make the prim and proper blush. Roy just wanted to kick the guy's butt.

Finally, anyone who loves rock and roll, or Judaism, or rock and roll AND Judaism, should check out a new web site called www.jewsrock.org. Washington Post Style writer, and former pop music critic, David Segal is one of the brains behind it and it is hilarious.Two years ago, when the site was in its planning stages, David asked if I would write an essay on the Knack, a formative band in my life. That essay is up on the site now and the Knack itself was back on TV a few weeks ago, on that strangely compelling show, "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Time for a Knack revival?

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Herndon, Va.: Hi John: Happy 4th! I need your advice... this weekend I am going to paint my kitchen walls red. Yep, red. Now my question is, what do you think is the more appetizing color: chimayo red or venetian red? Thanks for your input.

John Kelly: I don't know what those colors look like. You'll have to compare them to something we can imagine. Tomato? Brick? Arterial blood?

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Frederick, Md.: John, have you been down to the Folklife festival yet this year? I heard there are Omani bagpipers. Sounds a bit wierd!

John Kelly: As opposed to Scottish bagpipes, which don't sound weird at all.

I haven't been. Anyone out there able to describe the sound of an Omani bagpipe? Exploding tomato? Functioning brickworks? Sucking chest wound?

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Bowie, Md.: This is a complaint about Metro buses. For the last two months the B22 leaving New Carrollton at 5 p.m. has been late by 5 to 10 minutes every day. It has not shown up at least two times. In addition, the driver seems afraid to use the HOV lane futher delaying the trip. I have complained to metro a few times ( even though the only time you can is 8:30 to 5, Monday thur Friday, in other words when I am at work), sadly I feel if you answer this question I have a better chance of getting this problem solved, then if I called metro every day.

John Kelly: I sent your complaint to the folks at Metro. They're checking with the appropriate people in the Metrobus department. "The bus folks can check the route, the schedule and also speak to the drivers that may have any issues using the HOV lane," said Metro's Steven Taubenkibel.

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John Kelly: Hey, is that guy from last week around who said his wife was meeting her lover in Gaithersburg? Is there an end to the story?

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Washington, D.C.: Do you have any goods spots where one could take a drive? I have a new car but barely go anywhere in it, as I take the bus most places. Just a short drive will do.

Thanks

John Kelly: I like to drive out along the border of Howard County and Montgomery County. There are twisty roads near a place called Brighton Dam that are fun. (Lime Kiln Road is one.) What do others recommend?

The problem I find is that it takes forever to get somewhere where you can have fun driving. You're stuck in traffic first. But heck, even Rock Creek Parkway can be fun too.

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Fairfax, Va.: Hey John, Daily Reader here. So did your daughter setup a long birthday list of expensive electronics and brand clothing like the younger one? Do your daughters care/notice that you write about them?

John Kelly: Our older daughter doesn't seem as acquisitive as our younger one. Beatrice, the younger one, routinely has a gift list that goes to multiple pages. Often we have to badger Gwyneth into giving us suggestions. Now that Gwyn is babysitting, though, she's getting to the point where she can afford what she wants. For example, I won't buy her an iPod. I think theyr'e dumb. But she has almost enough money to get one for herself. Her big present today was a really nice microscope, with some prepared slides. That was on her list.

They know now to look at the column on their birthdays. (I cadged the idea from Bob Levey, who used to do it.) I think they like being written about, as long as I don't reveal anything too personal.

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BWI: Wouldn't it be cheaper to use 10-speed bicycles to patrol BWI concourses rather than Segways? Were the Segways a gift or a purchase?

John Kelly: The story I read said that the Segways were on loan from the Justice Department, so it seems that BWI is not paying for them. BWI also says the machines are good public relations for the cops, as kids stop by to look at them. (I also learned that the Navy SEALS use Segways. They sneak up on the enemy on them?)

I don't know what I think of Segways. At first I thought they were really stupid, another example of how lazy Americans are. We're just gonna keep getting fatter if we rely on Segways instead of leg ways, if you get my drift. Now I think they might be good if they replaced cars. If people used Segways for trips five miles or less rather than jumping in their cars, maybe that could reduce traffic.

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Shreveport, La.: My teenage daughter has seriously injured in a skiing ccident in February. Fortuntely she should make a full recovery, but has been housebound since leaving the hospitl in April, and this is likely to continue far into the year.

Since she doesn't like to read (makngme feel I've failed as a mother), and doesn't like sports, soap operas, "Judge Judy" shows or much else on TV, she has turned into something of a game show addict. She hs also turned into a clone of your "Heloise" daughter, bemoaning the stupidity of various shows and their contestnts.

One of her major bones is with Wheel of Fotune, where "things" have included such intangibles as "flickering candlelight" and "Southern hospitality." And 14 people surveyed for Family Feud, when asked to name an animal with spots, replied "Tiger." She'd also like to know why all the hosts, excluding Alex Trebeck of Jeopardy but including wholesome Donny Osmond of Pyramid, feel compelled to paw the contestants. As my daugher says, Ew.

But her main concern is that the shows vary so much in their difficulty. On Pyramid, to win $25,000 you have to name caegories after being told things in that category. These range from "what a wedding ring would say" and "numbers" to "things that are regressive." Um, certain tax sytems? And on Family Feud, a family tries to choose the best two answers to questions ranging from, "what color dress would bride never wear on her wedding day?" (black and red) to "what month are most babies born." ???

Too bad we don't live closer together so our daughters could explore these mutual interests. Hopefully ours will be off this kick once fall comes and her schoolwork resumes.

Bottom line, there are an awful lot of not so bright people out there, and most of us fall into that category at one time or another, so be careful not to cast stones. And if something bugs you, ignore it, or don't watch! I'm encouraging her to write to the producers of these shows stating her concerns. It will be interesting to see what comes of it.

John Kelly: Perhaps all this research will come in handy if your daughter decides to do a PhD on American game shows of the early 21st century. (Of course, she'll have to crack a book or two for that.)

Being an unabashed Anglophile, I subscribe to this weekly British humor mag called Private Eye. They have a feature called "Dumb Britain" in which they reprint stupid answers given on TV quiz shows. These came from the Weakest Link:

Host: Who became the US president after the death of Franklin Roosevelt in 1945?

Contestant: Abraham Lincoln.

Host: What is the only letter in the English alphabet that has three syllables?

Contestant: Z.

Host: What is the religion of Japan: shinto or brillo?

Contestant: Brillo.

Host: What is the abbreviation used for the branch of the [British] service called "Military Intelligence Section 6."

Contestant: MI5.

But you raise a larger point, and that is: Are our daughters too cynical? I received three messages of criticism from readers after I recounted my 12-year-old's eye-rolling reaction to Hints from Heloise. They basically accused me of having a mean daughter. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a critical reader. I don't want her to be mean, but I do want her to see humor in lots of places, even if that humor is unintended.

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Annandale, Va.: You wrote: "...the Metro, which today is full of people lugging suitcases and tourists."

I have to get out more. I rarely see people lugging tourists.

John Kelly: And I have to type more carefully.

That should of course be "mugging suitcases and tourists."

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Gaithersburg, Md.: Submitting REALLY early --

John, I'm the poster last week that complained that someone was watching me because another poster had a similar complaint about the whole 5:30 Medieval Times starting time.

Anywho, went last night (Wed), and had a blast. In calling Medieval Times, found out the 5:30 thing was just when the doors opened, so no issues there. We rooted for the blue knight, who lost, but good triumphed over evil in the end, so all's well that ends well. I think the most fun I had was quoting Monty Python's Holy Grail all night long, much to the dismay of my Lovely Girlfriend.

NI!

John Kelly: I'm glad you had a good time. You have to sort of revel in the kitsch. If you're the sort of person who's embarrassed to wear a paper crown, eat a chicken leg with your bare hands, and listen to Anne Arundel County teenagers try to do an English accent, then MT is not for you.

I was amazed by the knights' athleticism. Those boys wail on each other. I wish they had some female knights. That'd be cool. But I guess that wouldn't be historically accurate, unlike the fog machine, lighting effects and mood music, which no self-respecting knight of the realm did without in the 12th century.

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Arlington, Va.: Do you know of any charities/organizations that will take stuffed animal donations? I have a number of teddy bears that are not brand new, but are in excellent condition. I'm thinking along the lines of the police, or shelters who may deal with children in need...

John Kelly: We've looked into this before and found that most places, especially kids' hospitals, want brand-new animals. Having said that, I'm going to have a column next week about a woman who is interested in new and "gently used" stuffed animals. Stay tuned.

Anyone out there have experience with places that will accept used teddy bears and the like? I guess there's always thrift shops, which might mean that poorer kids could buy the animals cheaply.

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Washington, D.C. -- Re: Spyware and Adware: I work for a government agency and for all I know, they're spying on what I am doing right and I'm breaking rules that I didn't know about- or didn't read about...

My boyfriend sometimes uses my computer. No biggie because I have all sorts of protection on there. The problem comes with updates. I got sick and didn't do a regular update/scan once, which resulted in me wondering about our relationship for a little bit -- not enough to harm anything. He used it once to check e-mail, etc. and then later I found mini porn scene and ad when I opened up a media player to play a disc. No, the boyfriend didn't do it and the honest man told me so (he's honest enough that I know where his porn stash is), but I spent a few days wondering.

Moral: ALWAYS update and scan. And be honest with your partner.

John Kelly: I'm sure those rules are included in the Sarbanes-Oxley screen that pops up when you sign on, and which no one reads. For all I know, I could be agreeing to donate my spleen when I click "OK."

Yes, if we had updated more often and set up security better, we wouldnt' have had a problem with the adware. But those adware guys really infuriate me. I can't believe there is ANYONE who wants "interstitial ad content," that is, to be whisked to an advertiser's web site BEFORE getting to the site you really want.

And this partner honesty thing...Is there software you can get for that?

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The Supremes: Is it true Mayor Williams plans to seize the Post building and turn it into upscale condos for ex-DC officials and politicos?

John Kelly: My windowless office isn't going to fetch a very high price.

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New car guy: Maybe drive to 1401 Wilson Blvd and sit in the garage. I hear it's peaceful...

John Kelly: Then roll down the windows and revel in new car smell mixed with old garage smell.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Leaf Guy in love.

Do you think God is setting me up for another smackdown?

John Kelly: It depends. Does your wife know?

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Washington, D.C.: John, I'm not sure if the Metro folks lurk on your online discussion like they used to on Levy's but maybe they do and maybe they will read this.

I ride the 96 from Adams Morgan to Union Station on most days when the weather is unappealing (I walk the other days). When the bus is about to make the left turn from N. Cap to Mass. Ave and announces the next station, it says you can transfer to the Green Line... HELLO... it's the RED line at Union Station. I actually called this in a few months back, but it's not been fixed.

I realize in the grand scheme of Metros woes, this is minor, but that's the whole point. If they can't even get announcements on the bus right, is there anything they can get right?

John Kelly: They have chimed in in the past. I'll also send them your observation. They said that if the person who noticed the New Carrollton bus problem sent them his or her e-mail address they would get back directly. Rather than get lost in the crowd, if both of you want to e-mail me at kellyj@washpost.com, I'll pass you on. And if anyone needs me to paint their house or powerwash their deck, let me know.

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Tampa, Fla.: John,

Reading your story this week about catching the foul ball at the Nationals game got me wondering... were you at the game when this happenned? I guess as a human-interest columnist you're very adept at noticing these things, and making a point of getting the scoop for your column. When this happens when you're out with your family and/or friends, does it irritate them at all when you get up and leave for a bit to investigate these things, or are they used to it?

John Kelly: Yes, I was there. So were My Lovely Wife and her mother. I'd gone with the express purpose of writing about foul balls. My original idea was to interview EVERY SINGLE PERSON who caught a foul ball. But I soon realized that would be near impossible. There's no way to get from one part of the stadium to another fast enough. There are too many ramps. You'd need a jet pack. (Say, where is my jet pack?) So instead I decided to just concentrate on the first foul ball. I ran from my seat in Section 512 in the first inning and didn't rejoin them until the seventh. I don't do that sort of thing too often.

By the way, it was funny that my mother in law was there. About 20 years ago, Ruth and I took her and my mother to a game at Memorial Stadium. We got there early, during batting practice, and had seats down the first-base line. I'd brought my mitt, thinking we were in a pretty good spot for foul balls. The instant we sat down, and I mean the very second, a ball came screaming at us and hit my then 60ish mother in law right in the sternum. It knocked her back in her seat and bounced onto the field. Ushers came rushing from everywhere. I felt so useless. There I was with a glove and I hadn't snagged it. But I hadn't even gotten my bearings yet. Scotty McGregor picked the ball up and tossed it to us. My mother in law was fine but she couldn't talk for two days. [Insert joke here.]

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Omani bagpipes: If you were still a British colonial possession in the 19th century, then you have bagpipers, cricket, and rugby. Don't ask, it's just the way things are.

John Kelly: You probably also have warm beer, light opera and an affection for being caned.

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SpamCity, Va.: A while back I clicked on something online inadvertently at work, sending waves of spyware into the computer. Two weeks later, like an animal finally giving into the virus, it died, but it was a slow and painful death. I never had this problem with my Mac at home, so naturally I felt horrible when they came and installed an entirely new computer for me. I had only been here two months.

John Kelly: They say that Macs are better at resisting all this scumware than PCs. Next time, I think that's what we'll get. For now, we're using the Mozilla Firefox browser, as recommended by The Post's Rob Pegoraro.

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Silver Spring Md.: Happy birthday to Gwyn!

(Is she the bass player?)

((Bass players are the coolest!))

John Kelly: No, she's the singer and flutist. Bass players are cool. But is there anything cooler than an Omani bagpipe player?

The answer is no, because why do you think we have the expression, "He's as cool as an Omani bagpipe player"?

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Alexandria, Va.: Do I have to read your columns in order to participate in this discussion?

John Kelly: No. But participating in this discussion obligates you to read my column from now on. So think carefully before making your decision.

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Deep Throat's garage sale: Quick, grab the t-shirt concession rights for the garage before it's too late. This is your best shot at untold riches.

John Kelly: What should the slogan be? Keep it clean, folks.

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Fuzzy stuffed animals: I read about a US soldier in Iraq who donates stuffed animals to the children of Iraqi soldiers so I bought many yard sale stuffed animals and surface cleaned them to send over. Something is better than nothing for an Iraqi kid.

John Kelly: To whom are you going to send them? I'll have to ask Julie, my assistant*, to look into that.

(*My assistant who isn't here today, having decamped to upstate New York last night for the long weekend. The incomparable, and unrelated, Liz Kelly, is doing chat chores this afternoon.)

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Uptown Washington, D.C.: John, Whose chats do you monitor or participate in?

John Kelly: Well, mine, of course. And Lyndsey Layton and Steve Ginsburg, when they do theirs. Weingarten is in a league by himself. (And will eventually be in a cell by himself.) Marc Fisher's I look at. And I like dipping into Lisa deMoraes's and Paul Farhi's and Desson Thomson's. We have a lot of good chats. I think that's one of the things that really distinguishes our Web site.

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T-Shirt Slogan: Wait, you want a slogan for something dealing with "Deep Throat," "Woodward," "Felt" and "Garage" to be clean?

Hahahahahahahahaha.

John Kelly: I didn't say it was going to be easy.

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Washington, D.C.: Do you realize that there is an advertisement flashing above your head that reads "Looks like Nerds can get back to being dorks." What is The Post saying about John Kelly?

John Kelly: The tragedy is, if you were to meet me, you would learn that I'm one of the coolest guys around. I can even start a jukebox just by hitting it with my fist.

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Silver Spring, Md.: I have a Metro complaint, too, so I thought I'd run it by you since I have already been ignored by Metro. Also, it's kind of goofy, so I think you'd appreciate it.

The problem is that the escalators that go up to the street level at Union Station are reversed. As you are exiting, the one on the right goes down, and the one on the left goes up. So the pedestrian traffic has to cross over from walking on the right to walking on the left, and there are constant near-collisions. It may seem like a small thing, but if you had to go through every day, it gets big. I asked the station manager about it once, but of course he just shrugged.

I would recommend that the Metro board try going between these escalators and the platform a few times in a row to get the picture, but since they don't ride Metro, they probably wouldn't get it. However, if you wrote a column about it...?

John Kelly: Wait, before we get to your complaint, let's dispense with the earlier complaint about the bus announcement. Metro's Steven Taubenkibel writes: "There is a programming error with the voice annunciator system on this particular bus. [We] have sent this information to our Bus Maintenance Department and Operations Planning and Support Department for correction."

Hey, who among us hasn't had problems with our voice annuciator systems?

Criss-crossed escalators? There must be an explanation. I'll ask Metro!

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Washington, D.C.: Serious question: do any of the other world's great cities have business women in business clothes who stroll the city streets in tennis shoes? I've yet to notice this trend in New York, Boston, San Francisco, Paris or London. What gives?

John Kelly: Robin Givhan once wrote a wonderfully withering story on this very topic. Women were calling for her head. I agreed with her. Hey, what's the point of fashion if it's not to be uncomfortable? You think I like squeezing into my shiny black Church's English Shoes monkstraps? (My wingtips, on the other hand, go on like butter.)

The real problem, ladies, is the flip-flops. We have been invaded by flip-flops and business suits this summer. It's like DC's women are on their way to the pool.

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What's wrong with Germantown?: Hi John, I was perusing through some of the Washington Live transcripts and back in february someone wrote in lamenting about the crazy D.C. housing market and in your response you said "Don't move to Germantown. Rob a bank instead." We just bought a lovely townhouse in g-town and while I had reservations about moving there, too, I was wondering if there was any truth behind your comment or were you just being facetious?

John Kelly: Did I say that? It's possible. And it's probable that I was being facetious. I spend a lot of my time in that state. (I would never recommend robbing a bank when embezzling from your employer is so much safer.)

I do remember a time when there was no "there" there in Germantown. It seemed to be only townhouses and apartments, with no other amenities. I think that's changed. It must have. Congrats on the move.

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Temple Hills, Md.: For the person with the stuffed animals, check with your local police department. They use stuffed animals for abuse cases when children are involved. (Call first because they tend to have storage issues and don't always need donations.)

John Kelly: Another suggestion.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: On Segways: Plus, they're also ideal for many disabled individuals. My mom is an amputee, and has a lot of trouble on hills with the way the machanics in the artificial leg work (hence why she lives in flat Detroit, and can't travel much). A Segway would be perfect for her, and would allow me to show her around a bit mroe when she comes to visit.

John Kelly: That does sound like a good and defensible use of the Segway. I really should go on one of these Segway-based tours they have around here. I could get my boss to pay for it.

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Arlington, Va.: How 'bout "my anonymous source went to this garage and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?"

John Kelly: Good, good. I think we could sell a few of those.

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Hit the beach: Why aren't you waiting in line to cross the Bay Bridge? Don't you have a hotel reservation? All work and no play ya know.

John Kelly: Because I'm pathetic. We don't go on vacation till AUGUST! I don't know if I can last. To top it all off, I have to spend this weekend writing a sermon. That's right. For church.

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Washington, D.C.: Re: Sarbanes-Oxley

I had to laugh at your column and mention of this in response to the adware and spyware problems. I also work for a government agency -- however it's an agency of a foreign government. No Sarbanes-Oxley here, so I often wonder about what happens here in those areas. Sure, there was this technical things pages long that I signed to work here, but my eyes glazed over with the 5th word and does anyone actually read that? And if I break violations while I'm technically on foreign sole, what happens? Do they trot me over to the DC line and drop me, never to return or what? (If they did that today, it wouldn't be so bad. I would just wander over to my busstop and start the weekend early. Monday would not be wonderful, but that doesn't count on Friday.)

Of course, the system is so strict here that it's hard to imagine things getting through. I miss it at home when some company comes up with a new program that takes me where I don't want to go. I appreciate free speech, but can't there be a limit?

John Kelly: An agency of a foreign government!?!? Do tell!

I'm sure there's nothing you can do wrong. You probably have diplomatic immunity. The other day I saw a car with diplomatic plates make this very obvious U turn right around a sign that said "No U turn." He probably figured he was safe.

Free speech is our friend, but I definitely don't see how the first amendment covers someone hijacking my computer so I can look at their stupid web site.

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John Kelly: In response to the post about the New Carrolton bus, Metro's Steven Taubenkibel sez:

The Metrobus B22 leaves the New Carrollton Metrorail station and operates on Route 50 to Route 197.

In order for the Metrobus to access the HOV lanes, the bus driver would have to cross over 4 lanes, then back 4 lanes back to go one exit. This would be a very challenging maneuver, especially during the rush hour period. Once the B22 complete's its' trip to Bowie it returns as a B21 to New Carrollton. The bus route encounters traffic at 197 and 450.

There are traffic issues during the rush hour period. However, based on this correspondence today, our BUS personnel will follow up with a route check to visually see how the buses are operating, particulary during rush hour.

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Garage slogan via Maryland: I've never Felt better

Hold Your Next Clandestine Meeting Here, Ask Me How

John Kelly: Nice. How about: "You moved the flower pot?" Kinda subtle.

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Washington, D.C.: I love how the Post hosts all these online chats. It makes the paper seem so much more accessible. Do you know if there are any other papers who hosts chats on a regular basis? Since the chats seem to get questions (and comments) from all over the country, it seems they are much appreciated.

John Kelly: I'm sure there are others, but I don't think anyone does as many as we do. We're chat crazy!

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Anonymous: Dangit John, thanks to this discussion now I have to walk home in my pumps. Actually, the reason I wear flip flops is for reasons of fashion: it helps my shoes look better and last much longer than if I walked around in the all the time.

John Kelly: But why deny yourself the opportunity to buy more shoes?

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Silver Spring, Md.: Yeah Church -- Where have you been hiding?

I got our newsletter this week and saw you were speaking on an upcoming Sunday (and are a member to boot). How come you never say hello. Do you attend first or second service? You must show yourself!

John Kelly: Second service. And I'm painfully shy.

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Good Web Chats: It's true. The Post has great web chats. So many well-informed, witty... and quick hosts. I always wonder how you and your colleagues come up with such clever answers so quickly. All this makes me feel that The Post must be a very interesting place to work.

A chat that you didn't mention, by the way, is the one by Dana Priest -- more serious than some, as she is an expert in intelligence (the military/political sort), but very interesting. Robert Kaiser, who writes about politics and related issues, also conducts very good chats.

Re where Weingarten will end up: If he's in a cell by himself, he will, at least, have a lot of visitors, what with all the young female readers who throw him virtual panties.

John Kelly: Yes, I've been very impressed by both those chats whenever I read them.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: RE: Germantown

Germantown today is building a new town center, with sidewalk cafes, shopping within walking distance for many residents, the new Black Rock Center for the Arts, and a large new library in progress.

In the 80s and early 90s, Germantown did develop as largely a standard-issue collection of subdivisions and strip malls with a few office parks. But now that's changing, as it is becoming more of a "town" rather than just a suburb to commute from.

John Kelly: Yes, there's quite a lot going on out there, which, as you say, is a nice antidote to the sterility that once characterized G'town.

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Washington, D.C.: I'm the girlfriend of the guy from Gaithersburg who thought someone was watching us regarding our trip to Medieval Times. All I have to say regarding our trip to the Times was that it truly was a pleasure to be served soup out of a bucket by a man in tights.

John Kelly: I wonder if that would fit on a T-shirt:

"I went to Medieval Times and was served soup out of a bucket by a man in tights."

It's poetry.

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Flip Flops: Hey, we can't help it if we're all still pining for John Kerry in our own special way.

John Kelly: Bada-bing!

You mean even Swift Boat Veterans wear flip flops?

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Sneakers: I think the trend of ladies wearing sneakers with business clothes started in NYC years ago when there was a transit strike. Since taxis were hard to come by, the ladies started wearing sneakers so they could walk to work without crippling themselves, although be it in a stylish way. You probably don't see sneakers too much anymore as they have moved on to flip flops or knee high boots in the winter.

John Kelly: Everything seems to start in New York. If there's a garbage strike and people wear clothespins on their noses, we'll see it here in a few months.

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Fairfax, Va.: Are you on the short list to be nominated as a Supreme Court Justice? How do you feel about the right to bare arms? We had a staff meeting yesterday going over casual dress, and how tank tops, "plastic and/or rubber clothing," flip-flops, etc. etc. is too casual. My question, which floor are these people working on?

John Kelly: Rubber clothing?

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Washington, D.C.: As a woman, I tend to agree that the tennis shoe/business suit look is REALLY bad. In fact most of the people in this city just dress terribly. Flip flops are hideous too. With the flip flop thing I think that too often women look at what celebs are wearing and then try to imitate. I prefer winter in D.C. much more than summer purely because by the end of summer my corneas have bled to death from looking at all of the plump women squeezed into white pants or a miniskit a size too small and my ear drums have ruptured from the flip flop flip flop sound that I have to endure each day. Every woman entering the working world should have to endure a class on how to dress work appropriate. And, men! Don't get me started on all the men in this town with their out of date slicked back hair, pleated khakis and requisite blue button down shirt.

John Kelly: This woman is mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore!

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Boyds, Md.: Answer Man, I wasn't going to follow up... this is awfully personal, but you asked and really, no one knows me here. Soooo....

Well, we talked about our issues on Friday and I let on that I snooped and found out. She didn't meet her "friend," though she confessed that she was having an affair with the fellow for about a month. So on Saturday I went to my favorite soul-searching spot to contemplate life. For anyone of you out there in need of soul-searching, there is a great spot 15.5 miles south of Front Royal on Skyline Drive. Right past the 15 mile marker, there is a small parking area with a path that leads to spectacular views of the Valley, on a clear day you can see past several mountain ranges. So I went there and stared at my navel for a while, then realized that, sex notwithstanding, there hasn't been emotional intimacy in our marriage for over a year. And that's why we get married, isn't it? Emotional intimacy? I'm more relieved that there is a resolution to our problems, even if the resolution is divorce. So I moved out on Sunday.

The guy she's having an affair with is married as well, and I debated telling his wife (we met them at one of my wife's company functions, and they live in Germantown). I opted not to... I don't want to cause her any grief.

You know what? This ain't no picnic. It's for the best, but it still feels like my heart just got hit by a big ol' double-decker bus.

John Kelly: I'm sorry to hear all that. At least you searched your soul and came to a decision. This can't be easy, but it sounds like you thought through things the way they needed to be thought through. Good luck.

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Alexandria, Va.: Good bye - have a great weekend!

John Kelly: Same to ya! Enjoy the long weekend, everyone. Don't forget the bug spray, the sunblock and the designated driver. And don't forget to make a donation to help at-risk kids go to Camp Moss Hollow. You can donate by going to www.washingtonpost.com/johnkelly and clicking on "Make a Donation." Thanks to Metro's Steven Taubenkibel for answering our questions so quickly.

If anyone needs me, I'm at kellyj@washpost.com. Have a great Fourth.

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