John Kelly
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, July 8, 2005
1:00 PM
John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.
____________________
John Kelly: It was sump pump time this morning. Out to the below-ground-level landing at the back of our garage to see how much water was there and then back inside to plug in the cord. Whirrrrrr. Up it went, through the hose to the side of the house and out into the street. Only a little bit of Tropical Storm Cindy got into the garage, but it's another reminder that I need to snake out the drain that's out there. If course, I don't even know where it goes. Under the house? To the street? Deadends after four feet? Dealing with it has not been a high priority.
Are you surviving the storm? And how are your nerves, now that London has been attacked and there are machine guns on the Metro?
Recapping the week:
Monday was on flag etiquette, with a rare outburst of political opinion from Answer Man. Tuesday, my assistant, Julie Feldmeier wrote about the 81-year-old woman who grew up on the family farm that became Camp Moss Hollow. Wednesday was on an indefatigable Herndon woman who is collecting stuff to send to troops in Iraq. Yesterday Julie met a kid who shined at camp. And today we reminisce about high school reunions.
As Ric Ocasek said, "Let's go!"
_______________________
Hollidaysburg, Pa.: I've just landed my first post-college job at a PR firm in the Friendship Heights area. A small town girl all my life, I'm packing my things and moving to DC at the end of the month. I am not familiar with any nuances, stigmas, or colloquialisms of what it is to be a true Washingtonian. Can you give me the 411 on what it's like to live here so I won't feel like such an outsider?
John Kelly: You're already saying "DC," which is a good start. This notion of a "true Washingtonian" is fraught with controversy, however. There are some who believe you can never be a TW, unless you were born within the city limits and never left them. But what you want is to feel a part of the city. To that end, learn its geography. Walk everywhere. Take the bus. Ride a bike. Explore beyond Friendship Heights. Go to Georgetown once, just so you can say you've been, then leave it to the tourists. Go to free stuff around the city: concerts, movies on the Mall. Meet your neighbors. Don't be surprised if they're also from Pennsylvania. Don't be afraid to go to the suburbs. They're not as bad as you think. But don't move to a crappy apartment in a suburban part of Arlington and then complain that there's no nightlife or cool people. And whatever you do, don't EVER sign the back of a Metro farecard, even though there's a little line that says "sign here."
Other suggestions?
_______________________
Gaithersburg, Md.: John, how many police officers does it take to kill a deer?
John Kelly: Well it took three in Arlington County. For those who missed the story, a deer jumped over a guardrail, plunging 30 feet and onto I-66. It was injured and to put it out of its misery, a police officer shot it once in the head. That didn't kill it, two other officers drove over it in their cruiser. When THAT didn't kill it, a plastic bag was put over its head to suffocate it. The deer's name? Rasputin.
So, a freaky story. Arlington County is investigating it. Perhaps they'll decide it's best to just keep pumping bullets into deer until they die, I said, DIE!
Reminds me of a something that happened to me once. My Lovely Wife and I were awakened early, early one morning by a horrible sound. It was a cat killing a bird in our front yard. I opened the door and shouted the cat away but then was confronted with a bird in agony. The humane thing to do was to kill it. But how? I didn't have a service revolver. Or a police car. And I didn't think of a plastic bag. I had some bricks in the garage and thought that might be the best way, but the whole thing kind of sickened me, so I dragged my heels. Finally, I went and got a couple of bricks and came back upstairs, only to find that the bird was gone. I assume the cat had come back and finished the job.
I mentioned this to a friend later and he said, "Shovel. A shovel would have done the trick. Wham!" So now I know what to do next time.
_______________________
washingtonpost.com: Va. Officer Probed In Killing Of Deer (Post, July 6)
John Kelly: Read it here.
_______________________
Reston, Va.: John, I have to ask. Why do you think the donations to send-a-kid-to-camp are so low? I've sent my usual donation in. I think it's a great cause. Are Kelly readers less likely to give money than Levey readers? Did everyone spend their year's donation money on the tsumani relief?
John Kelly: First of all, thank you for your donation. I think there may be a few things going on. First of all, we started last year's campaign with more money in hand. That is, money kept dribbling in after the end of the previous year's campaign. So we started at a higher level. We also have a new bank and a new post office box this year and I think there may be some kinks in the process by which the donation reports come to me. (Because of the anthrax scare, checks no longer come to The Post.) And, to be honest, it may be that I don't have as many readers as Levey did or my readers may not be as inclined to give, for whatever reason. I tend not to hit people over the head with my pleas, but maybe that's what people need.
In years past we've gotten the vast majority of our money in the last few weeks, and I hope that proves to be the case this year too. Julie and I were out at the camp on Wednesday and I was reminded that it really is a great place for a lot of kids who don't get to have a lot of fun other times of the year. I wouldn't steer you wrong, so if you have even ever pondered a gift (tax deductible!) I hope you'll act on that impulse.
_______________________
Manassas, Va.: Will you indulge me a moment to mention the two things that aggravate me the very most these days? Both involve common courtesy (or lack of same), and both have been gettig worse instead of better in recent years.
I commute from Manassas into DC each workday, driving first to Vienna Metro and then taking the Orange Line into town. In the course of my commute, I regular encounter two behaviors that, well, just set me off. The first involve drivers who, seeing a long line to, say, exit from the Interstate onto a surface road, will drive up the speed lane and attempt to insert themselves into the line at the point of exit, rather than taking a place in the line with the rest of us. It is like they are so much more important than us that they simply cannot wait in line! Many times I have wanted to roll down the window and ask them just who the heck they think they are.... And, of course, their conduct is one of the main reasons that the line is there in the first place! This conduct also occurs at on-ramps to highways (don't merge at the first opportunity, but rather drive the the very end of the merge lane and force yourself in...), and in some other similar circumstances.
The second behavior deals with exiting Metro stations. I often see passengers debark from the Metro and force themselves into an existing line at an escalator, rather than taking their place at the end of the line. It is like thet are saying that just because they have arrived, they get to go ahead of those who arrived a tad earlier and are queued up to use the escalators! I predict that "escalator rage" will someday become the same problem that "road rage" is now....
How are we to deal with these simple lacks of courtesy, and exercises in extreme selfishness? Any help you can be in making these points, as strongly as possible, in your column would be GREATLY appreciated!
Thanks for your time. I will read your reply on washingtonpost.com, since I will not be able to listen to your online chat today. KEEP UP THE MARVELOUS WORK - I never figured that the Post could find a worthy successor to Bob Levey, but you have certainly filled the bill admirably!
Mike from Manassas
John Kelly: Yes, Mike, those are annoying things. Frankly, I usually don't let those people in when they're trying to merge to an off- or on-ramp. That's my little protest. Someone else usually lets them in, though, so it's not like it does any good. I'm one of those people who, when I see a sign on a highway that says "Left lane closed; merge right" moves over immediately so I won't get stuck. Of course then I have to let OTHER PEOPLE in. I don't think there's a good answer. Maybe I need to do a column titled "Ways You Are Supposed to Behave, for People Too Clueless to Know." But they probably do know, don't they? They just don't care and my being a nag probably isn't gonna change that.
_______________________
Frederick, Md.: Leiby has gone loco on us! He mentioned something about a "rigorous auditing" during his Scientology chat. At some point, everyone needs a rigorous auditing, whether it occurs naturally or with Metamucil.
I, myself, have been through the Stargate and have seen the little green men. It happened during the 70's. They were,like, hey man!
John Kelly: "Hey man, what took you so long?" or "Hey man, it's probe time"?
The '70s, huh? That explains a lot.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: The article in Style is titled, "Shaken, not Deterred." But it goes on to interview person after person who's scared of the Metro now. Uh, great title, but it has nothing to do with the actual content. One woman interviewed in the article said she should have taken a cab instead of Metro. Does she really think the probability of a bomb going off at the exact moment in the exact place she's on the train is GREATER than the chance of a car accident?
These sort of attacks are extremely effective because they hit us where we live: public transportation at rush hour. It's something most of us do, but few of us have a choice about. But our irrational fear is starting to get the better of us. Let's get a grip, shall we? We should really all look to those admirable Londoners as a model for the reasonable way to handle a terrible event like yesterday.
John Kelly: I didn't read that article the same way you did. For a start, most everyone who was interviewed was ON the Metro, so they've overcome whatever irrational fear they may or may not have had. And the lady who mentioned a taxi said, "If my husband were here, he'd say take a taxi." We all do little things that we think will keep us safer.
You're right that the chances of any one person being killed on the Metro are slim. But if you end up being killed on the Metro, the chances are 100 percent. I think that's the equation some of us do in our heads. It's only human.
I wasn't worried taking the Metro yesterday morning, but last night after work was weird. I had to walk past a TV camera crew that was set up outside Farragut North, and as I descended on the escalator I was reminded of Dante: Abandon all hope, etc. I don't think I was scared, or at least not of getting blown to bits. It was the TV crew that unnerved me.
And the possibility crossed my mind this morning. Which car (or "carriage," as the Brits say) would be safest? Why is that guy looking at me? Is that trash on the floor, or a plastic bag concealing a bomb? We get such conflicting messages: Go about your daily routine, but FOR GOD'S SAKE IF YOU SEE ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS LET SOMEONE KNOW!
But, yes, get a grip.
_______________________
Vernon, British Columbia, Canada: If I were an american, i'd probably be a fence sitting democrat. i would have voted for john mccain over john kerry though. and reagan over carter. but it amazes me how many of your citizens have 'blinders' on when it comes to seeing any corruption or malfeances when it comes to the bush administration. i can only surmise that it is because these people refuse to believe that they could be duped again after the painful,damaging episode of watergate. now we seem to be on the start of a new gate, rovegate. could this finally be the issue to get people to take their blinders off, and start demanding openess and transparent government? it strikes me odd when i hear of the bush budget cutting social programs
yet his 'religious right' can spend as much or more needed for a program trying to get judges through. i guess that's social justice, no pun intended.
John Kelly: The impressive thing is that you know who John McCain, John Kerry, George Bush and Karl Rove are. Most Americans probably can't name a single Canadian except for Celine Dion.
_______________________
Wheaton, Md.: Here's one for Answer Man:
Of all the photos that have come out about yesterday's horrible attacks in London, the one that I've seen everywhere, including the cover of this morning's Express is of a man helping a woman and she's holding some sort of towel with eyes, nose, and mouth cut-outs on it up to her face. What on earth is that thing? It's really a creepy picture, I wish the media would use it less...
Love your chats - they make my Friday afternoons a little more bearable! But don't tell my manager...
John Kelly: I was really creeped out by that too. I asked David Brown, a Post science writer who is also a doctor, if he knew. He said he and Frances Sellers, an Outlook editor who is British, were talking about it. Neither of them has a definitive answer. It could be some privacy sort of thing,quickly fixed up on the street. But it looks pre-made, doesn't it? I wonder if it's to guard against infection. It is like something from a horror movie. I wonder if it will become an archetypal image from this attack.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: I appreciate the dedication and diligence of the overwhelming majority of law enforcement officers in our region, however METRO TAKE NOTE--
Whoever the officers were assigned to the Farragut North platform during the evening rush yesterday spent the entire time I was waiting for a train chatting in a tight little group (i.e. looking at no one but eachother). I could have walked by waiving a grenade launcher and they wouldn't have noticed. In fact a whole army could have marched by and they wouldn't have noticed. Also, if you need to keep a watch over a platform as long as a city block, shouldn't your officers spread themselves out?
This isn't a complicated pass-the-blame issue like funding, escalators, and rail car engineering. Metro, you need to do better. My life may depend on it.
John Kelly: Metro often peeks at this chat, so they may see your observation. Of course, they're probably pretty busy today. I saw a black-clad, utility-belt-laden Metro police officer chatting on his cell phone and had the same thought. I wonder how much of their time is actually spent looking for trouble, as opposed to being a show of force type thing. And who knows, maybe they also have plainclothes guys and gals out there, too.
_______________________
Re: rude people...: People just don't know how to behave anymore - they always think they are more important than everyone else. At the mall near me (north of atlanta) there is actually a sign at the elevator that says: Please allow people to exit before entering the elevator. I think I learned to do that when I was 5. But parents don't teach manners anymore -they teach their children to get theirs while they can.
John Kelly: I just saw this old Italian movie at the AFI where Roberto Benigni and Massimo Troisi (the guy from "Il Postino") go back in time to the year 1492 (and for complicated reasons try to stop Columbus from discovering America). As they're walking down the street a chamber pot is emptied on them from above. Now THAT'S rude. But I wonder if people back then would have considered it rude.
I'm not sure parents teach their kids to get theirs while they can. It's more like they don't teach them anything.
_______________________
Olney, Md.: This isn't really about Washington as much as it is a question of how did you end up where you are writing about Washington? I've always been curious. Thanks!
John Kelly: How did I end up where I am? You mean physically? Or spiritually? Or in this job? If it's the latter, I've been at The Post for 15 years, mostly as an editor but most recently as a writer in Metro. I always thought it would be cool to do a column, and so when Bob Levey retired I leapt at the chance, threw my hat in the ring, ran it up the flagpole to see who saluted, etc. Actually, I don't think too many people applied for the job. It is in many ways thankless. But I enjoy it nearly every day.
_______________________
Hartford, Conn.: What impact do you think the vacancy(s) on the supreme court will be on DC this summer? I expect there will be mass demonstrations by the religious right; when they find out they were lied to by the Pres. who promised them culturely conservative judicial appointments? And that they only loyalty he and daddy ever had, was/is to the big business and foreign country interests who are paying daddy back big time with multi-million dollar lobbying, speaking and consulting fees.
John Kelly: Sir/Madam: You sound awfully jaded. Have you considered moving to British Columbia?
_______________________
Del Ray, Va.: John,
I couldn't agree with you less about high
school reunions. Couldn't wait to get out
of there, never want to see those people
again. Since my sister-in-law was in my
class, loved high school, and goes every
time, I get the dirt on who's fat, bald, out of
the closet, divorced again, or in rehab
without actually having to do the thing
itself. Best of both worlds!;
John Kelly: Don't you feel bad about denying people your presence? I mean, can you be sure your sister-in-law is truthfully telling your classmates just how fat and bald (or not) YOU are? I did hear from many readers who feel as you do, and consider the day they saw their high school receding in the rear view mirror, never to appear in their windshield again, as among the best in their lives. I don't know why I go to mine. I joined my high school halfway through the 10th grade, and so didn't have long, time-forged bonds with my classmates, many of whom had known each other from elementary school. And as I hinted in the column, many of the friends I did make don't come. But I expect I'll do a bunch of sit-ups and go to this one too. It's the 25th.
_______________________
John Kelly Fan, D.C.: Gene Weingarten? Joel Achenbach? Marc Fisher? NO! the cleverest guy on washingtonpost.com is John Kelly. Keep us smiling, John. And run the kid stories in the paper on Wednesday, so we at least have Hax to keep us occupied.
John Kelly: Thank you. I think.
I hope there's always something--some tiny kernel, corpuscle, shard, fragment--interesting in my column every day, no matter the subject. And if I don't get $400,000 in the next three weeks I will have to reveal my most shocking column yet: "Donate to this camp or we shoot this dog."
_______________________
Rockville, Md.: Have to disagree re some of the merging comments, although maybe the dispute is best left for Dr. G. If entering a highway on an on-ramp, you get the whole merge lane.
If you're driving&your lane ends, you can merge anytime up to when the lane ends
John Kelly: I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. I agree that when your lane ends you have all the way until the end to get over. But when there's a back up on a road to take the exit onto a highway, you should get in line behind everyone elese, not nip over right at the exit point (while talking on your cell phone, doing your nails, eating your Big Mac and worming your dog).
Reminds me of when I was at Carter Barron a few weeks ago. There was a longish line to the men's room. I was about halfway back. A guy walked up and got in line in front of me. "Wow," I said. "You must really have to go, huh?" He looked at me, claimed he didn't know I was in line (nor, I guess, the 10 guys behind me) and then sheepishly left.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: Re: "FOR GOD'S SAKE IF YOU SEE ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS LET SOMEONE KNOW!" I think the chances are far greater that someone can get killed by all the people slowing suddenly on the Beltway or I-270 to read those annoying message boards that are just telling you to "report suspicious activity".
John Kelly: And who knows what all the stress of living in the early 21st century is doing to peoples' arteries and hearts? Eventually you have to just let it go.
_______________________
Oh, Canada: Hiya John
Celine Dion is not a single Canadian. She got married in 1994 to some guy named Rene. Don't ask.
John Kelly: You scamp. Is this Dan Aykroyd or Mike Meyers or one of those other humorous Canadians?
_______________________
London photo mask: In response to an earlier question, it appears that the "mask" featured in the picture was a bandage of sorts to cover burns/lacerations that the woman had. The BBC website had an article on eyewitness accounts, and one of them was of the man in the photo who was helping the woman with the mask. The story can be found at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4663643.stm
John Kelly: Amazing. Thank you. I have family in England, including a brother-in-law who commutes to London every day. Luckily, he's okay.
_______________________
Real Washingtonian, D.C.: Root, root, root for the Nationals!
John Kelly: There you go. I had a nightmare last night that I looked in the paper and saw that the Nationals were 14.5 games out of first place. Come on All-Star break!
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: Regarding the submitter talking about escalator etiquette:
If he/she is talking about people who exit, say the middle, of the train and go up and cut in (like his example of drivers and the merge lane), then I back him up.
But if I exit the front of the train right about where the escalator picks up, I am not walking to the end of the jumbled mass we call a line.
Not every aspect of life is gonna be fair brutha
John Kelly: Ooooh, that's an interesting detail. I try to judge the crowd. If they look friendly or distracted I may try to insert myself. If not, I go to the end of the line
_______________________
Re: getting killed on metro: Since most people don't understand the laws of probability, most people think most possibilities are either/or - i.e., that the chances of something happening are 50% - Either I get killed on metro or I don't. No explaining to those people that they are incorrect (most people don't understand even very simple mathematical concepts) - so it's not completely useful to waste your time worrying about it.
John Kelly: of course you're right but I don't think it's unusual that people would worry about these things. The odds of you getting killed on the Metro are slim. Therefore, the odds of you seeing a suspicious package on the Metro are slim. Does that mean you shouldn't keep your eyes peeled for suspicious packages? Or that if you see one, you shouldn't report it, since, after all, the odds of getting killed on the Metro are slim? No, you do what makes you feel comfortable. (That may include walking to work, where you're more likely to be hit by a car or eventually get lung cancer from breathing in exhaust fumes.)
And then there's this dichotomoy I've been hearing the last few days: We shouldn't worry around here because there's been no specific threat made against the Metro system. But there wasn't one made against London's Underground either.
_______________________
Gaithersburg, Md.: "Donate to this camp or we shoot this dog."
Well if it comes to that, for god sakes man don't let the VA cops do it. The only have pellet guns or somethin out there
John Kelly: No, I'll have Stephen Hunter do it.
_______________________
Embarassing High School Reunion: Hi John
At my high school's ten year reunion, I didn't see one of our favorites, so I piped up, "Has anyone heard from John Napolitano? I always thought he would be most likely to do hard time." The group went silent, and one of them finally volunteered, "He's in prison doing 5-10 at Greenhaven." Oops.
John Kelly: I wonder if Greenhaven has reunions. I guess they call that recidivism.
_______________________
McPherson Square: I saw a fellow a week or two ago crossing 16th Street at K Street. He looked enough like your photo that I pointed him out to my husband. But the fellow was wearing a blazer the color of a Post-It note. Do you have such a thing in your wardrobe? It was some color, I tell you what.
John Kelly: That could have been me. I have a yellow--there's no other word for it--jacket that has thin blue stripes on it. The jacket is loved by some, detested by others. I only wear it in the summer, and this year, for the first time, I am accessorizing it with a pair of two-tone (black and white) wingtips. Just part of my continuing effort to bring some color to our drab city.
_______________________
Baltimore, Md.: John: I commute to DC via the MARC train. Last night, they made everyone show their tickets before letting them pass onto the Union Station platform. Of course, unlike AMTRAK, you can still buy a ticket, for cash, once you are on the train. So the ticket showing policy seems like a limited deterrent.
Then, I come back to DC this morning, get off the MARC at 7:15 and, right inside the station, is Homeland Security honcho Michael Chertoff doing a TV standup, presumably about how secure we are.
Nothing like a sudden flurry of activity after literally moths of lackadaiscal security.
John Kelly: There does seem to be a certain "cow gone; close barn door" element to all of this. But then, what else are you gonna do? Evidently it's not like on TV where crack teams of secret agents are constantly monitoring threats and can leap into action at a moment's notice to foil the bad guys. We sort of generally know that terrorists want to do things like blow up subways, but unless we get specific intelligence it's hard to foil specific threats. And even when do have specific information, as with 9/11, we STILL have problems dealing with it.
_______________________
Frederick, Md.: Do you think Michael Jackson goes to his high school reunions?
John Kelly: I don't think there's enough of the same Michael Jackson that WENT to high school to reunite.
_______________________
Endoftheli, NE: If you're on the platform at Shady Grove in the late afternoon and see a middle-aged schmo hanging back waiting for the crowd to finish shoving its way onto the escalator, that would be me. I wait maybe 90 seconds, and then I can head on down without anyone sticking me in the back with their briefcase and without having to shuffle along in abbreviated steps the last 20 feet before the stairs. So long, lemmings!;
John Kelly: That's commendable, and a reminder that, in the Great Scheme of Things, 90 seconds saved here and there is not going to add up to a whole lot come judgment day. However, if I've got a bus to catch, watch out.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: John, I think you might have some idea of how to deal with this challenge. Have you noticed how many signs are already popping up on DC lawns for candidates running in an election that's taking place more than a year from now? These things are like ugly weeds popping up and they're only likely to get worse before next year. I really feel like there should be a law that limits how far in advance of the election these things can be out there (something more reasonable like 6 months or 3 months.) It used to be that paper signs just would fall apart in the elements before to long, but now it looks like they're making them out of indestructable material designed to survive the apocalypse. The real problem here is that to pass a law limiting these things requires the very politicians who seem to thrive on seeing their name plastered all over the neighborhood. How do we get this limited in some way? I'm thinking peer pressure with the neighbors or starting a campaign of contacting the offending campaigns and also encouraging voters to vote against these early-bird polluters (for example right now the prime offender in DC is Adrian Fenty. Probably an indicator that as mayor he would slap his name on everything; trash cans, light poles, and probably insist that his "beloved" (sic) Nationals be renamed the "Fentys".)
So John, any solutions or ideas on this one?
Thanks.
John Kelly: I think the politicoes are never gonna go for it, for exactly the reasons you mention. Why would they limit their ability to hype themselves? They'd probably also claim some free speech protection. How dare you tamper with their ability to inform the public? The only laws like that I've seen are ones that make you take stuff DOWN within a certain time frame.
Although, if we could make a law forbidding merchants from putting UP various holiday decorations until a certain date, that might be worth it.
_______________________
RE: John Kelly fan: Sorry John. I like you. But Gene is THE man!; Anyway, thanks for your great columns.
John Kelly: He is, yes. And he once removed a thorn from my paw, too.
_______________________
Olney, Md.: "And who knows, maybe they also have plainclothes guys and gals out there, too. "
They do! A few years ago, I noticed the same guy riding the train from Glenmont to Union Station. He never paid, just flashed something, got on, read a book, etc., got off the train, walked around, got back on, and off he went. Once I happened to go back on the train for a meeting about 1/2 hour after work and noticed him again. And he winked! This guy blended right in, it was amazing.
This post probably makes no sense, I was just so excited to have a reason to share this otherwise boring story.
John Kelly: I think right now a lot of people are thinking, "I want HIS job!" Of course, it's probably boredom interspersed with danger. As opposed to boredom interspersed with more boredom, which describes what most of us experience.
_______________________
Alexandria, Va.: I think your most shocking column yet would be getting that Arlington cop to shoot a dog! The donations would just pour in.
John Kelly: Sort of like a sick dunking booth?
You are a troubled individual.
_______________________
Eastern Shore, Md.: It's selfish of me, but one of the things I like best about your column, John, is that I -don't- get hammered for two or three (or seems like eight) weeks twice a year with columns aimed exclusively at fundraising.
I never read Levy during his fundraising periods, because that was all he ever wrote about. Now, I suppose I should donate this year in order to encourage you to keep writing stuff that -isn't- about camp...
John Kelly: It's a dilemma. Write about it too much and people zone out. Write about it not enough and they don't donate. I like those NPR fund drives where they end early if they reach their goal. Should we do that? The flipside is never ending, if the cash doesn't come in.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: Answer Man - lately I've seen several signs near my house in SE that read "No Boys Town" - do you have any clue what this means? Not that I, as a male, am offended, I just have no clue!
John Kelly: I don't know for sure but I'm guessing maybe someone wants to open a halfway house or facility for foster kids or something. And maybe some in the community are opposed.
_______________________
Rockville, Md.: If someone is in Endoftheli, NE (whereever the snot that is), why are they also in our metro station?
John Kelly: He says he catches the train at Shady Grove, which is at the end of the line.
By the way, my phone just rang and of course I didn't answer it, because I'm chatting, but I did check the message. It was Heloise.
_______________________
Arlington, Va.: Regarding merging, if it is in moving traffic (say the left lane merging to the right on the beltway) then by all means you should move over as soon as (safely) possible.
However, when traffic is crawling, and cars have to "take turns" it actually slows the flow of traffic to merge early. You should continue to the point of merge and then take your turn.
Unfortunately, most people don't know this rule of fluid dynamics, think you should ALWAYS merge ASAP, and try to keep you out as a cheater (not to be confused with the jerks on Clara Barton Pkwy, Glen Echo, who jump the single file line of cars going left)
John Kelly: I don't think what I see is "taking turns." It's someone zipping up and cutting in. Or trying to and hanging there in the lane one over from the exit lane, which has the effect of backing up THAT lane too, inconveniencing people. And when I say "people," I mean me.
_______________________
Rockville, Md.: But, wait, why did that "Shaken, not Deterred" article only talk about tourists who were worried? What about us regulars? I think I would be more concerned if I was visiting a place with a public transporation system for the first time. What about the rest of us? Huh huh?
Have a good weekend!
John Kelly: The stories in the A section talked with a lot of us "regular" people. The sentiment was basically the same: yes it's worrying but what're you gonna do?
_______________________
Southern Maryland:: I've had fears of a subway bombing in DC's Metro system ever since 9/11. It wouldn't be hard to do; just send in suicide bombers carrying explosives in a briefcase, backpack, lunch box, purse, whatever. For that reason I've not used Metro except on 2 occasions when I absolutely had to. They can't search every bag going in during rush hour. Since I'm claustrophobic anyway, being trapped in a dark, smoke-filled tunnel with hysterical passengers would be a fate worse than death.
Now for my pet peeve on the Metro, not that I'll ever have to deal with it again: The people who get off the escalator and immediately stop to look around and get their bearings while people are trying to get off behind them. Really frosts my shorts.
John Kelly: That sounds like a bona fide phobia.
And, yes, that stopping short after getting off the Metro is awful. I'm planning an instruction guide for tourists that includes that.
_______________________
Burke, Va.: I've been known to cut into escalator lines on Metro. I have a VRE train to catch. It arrives and leaves at a specific time, unlike Metro. This sometimes results in some close calls. We all live and work in close proximity. Cut me some slack today, and I'll do the same for you.
John Kelly: "Cut me some slack today, and I'll do the same for you."
Now THAT's a commandment I wouldn't mind seeing displayed in front of a courthouse.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: "I don't think what I see is "taking turns." It's someone zipping up and cutting in."
Right- cutting in line is bad. I'm saying if you have 2 lanes going to one, and traffic is crawling, it's better for both lanes to be filled and take turns at the end rather than merge early and go single file up to the choke point
John Kelly: Gotcha. I'll keep that in mind. A "choke point" is something one never wants to encounter.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: "Although, if we could make a law forbidding merchants from putting UP various holiday decorations until a certain date, that might be worth it."
Oh yes please! I love Christmas but hate the fact that decorations seem to go up earlier and earlier each year. I don't know who wrote/sang this song, but it had a line that went something like: "There is Halloween and Christmas, and Thanksgiving is just a buffet in between."
John Kelly: I think Halloween decorations should be going up soon,actually.
_______________________
Washington, D.C. re: merge "etiquette": While it may irk people who go to an escalator/traffic lane "first" for other to sidle in; this is actually the most efficient way to move the masses in close quarters. When a lane ends on a highway, for example, if everyone does the "nice" thing and moves over as soon as they see the sign, the last quarter mile of the dsappearing lane would be empty, and the resulting traffic jam will be that much longer-- perhaps so long that later drivers would need to merge before even SEEING the sign. To really make the smoothest traffic transition, drivers should use both lanes as long a posible and slide over in to the space between cars in the continuing lane like a zipper. Next time you are stuck in a slow lane and a little Miata zooms past and tries to cut in, direct at least some of your rage at the self-righteous road rage at the all the vehicles in front of you which moved over 300 yards early and formed a bumper-to-bumper wall of "we-got-here" first so that later cars had nowhere to merge into.
John Kelly: More on this topic....
_______________________
Kingstowne, Va.: I fully agree with you and the other poster that people who don't get in line to exit a highway do not deserve to be allowed to get over later.
Getting ON a highway, however, the original poster is dead wrong. -IF- the traffic on the highway is moving slowly, you go to the end of the merge lane and take turns. (If the traffic is flowing freely, by all means get over whenever it's clear.) Otherwise it becomes anarchy--some people stop in the on-ramp to get over ASAP, others get stuck behind them, some idiots on the highway decide to get over into the on-ramp lane and race down the end to save 5 seconds on their commute..... Plus, if it is the rule that you must merge as soon as possible, then what's the point of having the merge lane there at all?
Sorry, rant over. People who STOP at the beginning of the on-ramp merge lane are a pet peeve of mine!
John Kelly: This is obviously a complicated topic. That's why everyone should take Metro. Oh, but then we have those escalator problems.
_______________________
Ashburn, Va.: Enough with the shooting! Can't we all just get along?
John Kelly: Yes!
_______________________
The Dog, OK: You should have said so, I'll send in the money right away!;!;
John Kelly: I should have brought out the dog earlier.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.: Can we have the link for donating to the camp?
John Kelly: Why, yes indeed.
_______________________
washingtonpost.com: Donate to Camp
John Kelly: See the link that says "Make a Donation" in the little box that says "Send a Kid to Camp"? It's as easy as clicking there. Please give early and often.
Thanks for joining us today. I'm headed to a baseball game this afternoon. No, not our beloved Nats. A friend is singing the National Anthem at Camden Yards. I'm putting my Orioles animosity on hold to watch him do his thing. Have a great weekend. And merge carefully.
_______________________
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.