Life at Work Live

Washington Post columnist Amy Joyce writes Life at Work on Sundays in the Business section and appears online every Tuesday to offer advice about managing interpersonal issues on the job.

The transcript follows below.

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Amy Joyce: Good morning, all. It's Tuesday, which means it's time to talk about your life at work. As always, join in with your own insights and stories to help your fellow workers and workers-to-be. I am never able to get to all the questions, as much as I wish I could. But some of them may end up as the topic to a Sunday column, so keep your eyes peeled.

With that, let's get started.

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Rockville, Md.: Hi Amy. Thank you very much for your article about religious/traditional dress and the workplace. I am also a Muslim woman who wears the hijab. I think one reason this type of discrimination occurs is because people tend to assume things about someone who dresses differently, (i.e. she must not speak English, she recently came to this country, etc). These assumptions turn out to be wrong a lot of the time, especially since the number of Muslim-American converts is increasing. Thanks again for raising awareness about this issue!

Amy Joyce: You're welcome. I think most discrimination occurs because of a lack of education/knowledge/understanding about a particular culture.

So much to say and think. So little time. (another comment about the column and a link to it follows).

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Arlington, Va.: Your Sunday column about unique issues facing Muslim women in job interviews reminded me of an instance a few years ago when I was working at a law firm. A male law student, having had a good screening interview at his law school, was invited to a day of call back interviews at the firm. Before that day, he e-mailed the recruitment coordinator to notify her that he was a Muslim, and pursuant to his view of his faith, he would not shake hands with (or otherwise touch) any woman during his interview, and he hoped that this would not cause a problem.

This caused quite a stir at the firm. Some people saw it as a defensible exercise of his faith, while others saw it as a gesture of contempt toward women disguised as respect. Some people worried that, even if the firm accepted him, clients might be offended by his practice.

In the end, the interview went off without any apparent incident, and he was not hired. I had to marvel at how neatly this interviewee put the firm in the untenable position of having to choose between sex discrimination and religious discrimination.

washingtonpost.com: Discriminating Dress (Post, September 25)

Amy Joyce: Someone else mentioned this same sort of issue to me as I was reporting out the Sunday column. The company I spoke with made sure the man who could not shake hands with women did not have to. I'm sure this will light a lot of controversy in both directions. So how would you (any of you)handle this situation, and why?

I'd be particularly interested in hearing from managers who have had to deal with this, and what you did.

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Southern Maryland: I have a second round interview tomorrow (after first round of phone interviews). Wish me luck!

After the interview I'm being taken to lunch, whoo! That has me a little nervous. I just have to remember not to babble and make sure I don't give too much info.

Amy Joyce: What do you mean, make sure you don't give too much info? Just treat this lunch as you would any face to face interview, but with multiple eating utensils. Put your napkin on your lap, don't eat with your mouth full, and sell yourself! Good luck. Consider yourself rooted for.

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Richmond, Va.: When you have a supervisor that you are close to (go to happy hours with, etc.), how do you strike a serious tone and discuss the fact that you think you are underpaid? I can even back up my fact with comparative salaries, etc. Also, is this appropriate? Does this ever have a negative impact on the worker/supervisor relationship? Thank you for answering.

Amy Joyce: If this is your supervisor, then yes, salary talk is appropriate. Schedule a lunch or meeting with this buddy/boss of yours and say that you need to talk to her seriously about something. When you sit down, explain that you think you are underpaid, back it up with your info, then ask what can be done about it. Period. This person, as much as you might consider her a pal, is your supervisor. You need to go to her with your issues as you would any supervisor, but don't do it over a pint. Do it in a way that she will also take seriously.

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Washington, D.C.: I was given conditional employment and awaiting a T/S clearance. Most, if not all, of my process was completed in June/July. Do you know how long most people are waiting for their clearances? I have heard nothing and I am going insane. Debating on whether I should pursue temporary employment or permanent in light of my situation. Please help if you have heard anything on the length of T/S clearances these days?

Amy Joyce: I'll throw this one out there to the many clearance-savvy people who usually read this chat. My take: the process will drive you insane. It takes a long time.

People? People? Chime in here.

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Fairfax, Va.: How do you deal with workaholic boss who expects you to be the same way?

Amy Joyce: Draw boundaries. But get your work done. Work hard, but do it well. Give him nothing to complain about.

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Turbans and Yarmulkas: Amy,

For your Sunday column (or any previous columns), have you looked into the effects of a man wearing a yarmulka or turban to a job interview? It would be interesting to see if the discrimination is limited to women in these types of scenarios.

Amy Joyce: I did focus on Muslim women dress, but I tried to highlight in the column that the discrimination is not limited to Muslim women, of course. Religious discrimination in the workplace, in general, is rising. However, it's rising among Muslims at a greater rate than other religions. But I'm afraid the issues occur with men or women in similar situations/different religious.

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Lake Ridge, Va.: Good morning Amy,

Do you think a prospective employer owes you an explanation for not offering you a job when they have checked your impeccable references? Especially after you instructed them not to do so unless they were going to offer you a job.

Amy Joyce: I'm afraid they don't owe you anything. If you want to know why they didn't hire you, you can ask. I hear from employers/employees alike who have asked or offered some sort of info., but remember that they likely won't say much to protect themselves.

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D.C. Area: I'm about to go for my first real job interview tomorrow! I know I'm supposed to write a thank you note after the interview -- should this be done by real mail or is sending an e-mail acceptable?

Amy Joyce: Both are acceptable these days, but you should try to get a read when you go on this interview as to what they might want. (Are they a more modern, hipster kind of environment, or more traditional. Did they e-mail you a lot in the process, or use the phone, etc.?)

In fact, you might want to do both. Immediately send an e-mail thank you after the interview, but pop a handwritten note into the mail as well.

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RE: Clearance: I'm in the same situation (nearly) as the poster from earlier. I was offered (and accepted) a conditional offer in February. I didn't hear anything until May, when I had my background interviews/etc. I have been told by my recruiter that my background portion was filed as complete in July. Now, I'm waiting again. They said it could take anywhere from three to six more months. The horrible thing is my current employer had to be interviewed as part of the background investigation so he's knowledgeable about the whole thing. It makes for a very anxious waiting period. You just have to be really, really patient. Good luck!

Amy Joyce: Ugh. Red tape, red tape. Good luck with that wait. I don't know that I could do it, but I'm glad so many folks in this area can. Anyone with more words of encouragement?

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Amy!

Love this column! I read it religiously. I have an annual review coming up in November, and in the meantime am supposed to be thinking about my accomplishments. I plan on printing e-mails I've received from people I have worked with that say "good job," "thanks for the great work," etc. Any other thoughts on what to do? Should I present those e-mails along with a list of my projects? Even if I usually didn't do anything particularly spectacular when working on the projects (besides completing them in a timely manner). I want to show that I've put a lot of thought into this, and go into this meeting prepared. Any advice would be appreciated!

Amy Joyce: You plan ahead. That's good. I think it's fine to print out the e-mails (I call them the "Ego File." Even if you can't use them during review time, it's helpful on a bad day to look them over again and remember you're appreciated).

You might as well print them out, along with your own memo of what you think you've accomplished and really done a great job on this year. Just don't overload your supervisor with a bunch of so-so e-mails. Pick a few good ones. In the end, it will be your words explaining your accomplishments that will really be important. Good luck.

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Washington, D.C.: Love your column! I am a government contractor (sorry to be so vague but I have bills to pay).

My job is to write a five to ten year strategic plan for our office despite numerous public announcements that indicate the agency is slowly killing our program. My supervisor and boss are both in deep, deep denial about our demise.

Any thoughts about turning these lemons into lemonade?

Amy Joyce: It sounds like your job is to give meaning to your office so the big agency doesn't flush you down the toilet. No pressure.

You need to come up with a plan, perhaps with your supervisor/boss, where you also (especially) show how important you are.

Don't just say what you want to do, make it relevant to the agency, and let them understand why they should not get rid of you.

Let us know how it goes.

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RE: Lake Ridge, Va.: Maybe you have to consider that your references aren't impeccable.

Amy Joyce: Good thought.

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RE: Real mail or is sending an e-mail thank-you note: Hi Amy,

I'd vote for both, especially given the fact that in some agencies, snail mail takes practically forever to get through the mail checks and such. So, just to be on the safe side that the employer will get your thank you, I'd send it via e-mail and then drop the hard copy in the mail.

Amy Joyce: Yep, I think that's best, too. And I'd like to just follow this thought: I've had several hiring managers tell me that at times it will come down to two pretty even candidates. The one who sent the thank you always wins out.

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RE: Print-outs: A co-worker is obviously looking for a job. He has several times in the last week left print-outs of e-mails from other companies on the general printer -- sometimes for hours. I and many others need to use this printer in order to get our work done. Additionally it is often hard to find your own stuff without flipping through others print-outs as there is typically a pile. I feel rude knowing this yet sort of want to be able to tell him that he is being silly by printing these out on the general printer. Am I correct to ignore it?

Amy Joyce: Depends on how you feel about this person. I would probably tell him and say hey, you might want to be more discreet. Then he can do what he wants from there. (Sometimes, people want to get caught in a situation like this. It may be his way of trying to get a good counter-offer.)

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Silver Spring, Md.: How long is reasonable to wait on hearing about a job offer? I've had two interviews with a company that told me they'd have a decision by the end of last week. I have not heard anything from them yet! Yesterday, I left a phone message but still nothing.

Amy Joyce: It's only Tuesday. The end of last week means Friday. And then they usually take long on top of that. Breathe a little, wait a couple more days, try again.

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Alexandria, Va.: My last day at my job is Thursday and yesterday I received our second annual "employee morale" survey. My question is how honest should I be? Last year's survey was pretty ineffectual due to fear of retaliation if people were honest. The office is full of hurtful gossips, blatant favoritism and incompetent managers. I'd like to do some constructive criticism, but I'm afraid of it coming across as just as a bitter ex-employee. Any suggestions from you or the peanuts would be appreciated!

Thank you

Amy Joyce: Be constructive, but don't be bitter. Make a few good points, and move on -- happily.

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New York: Dear Amy,

Thanks for hosting the chat. I find that I seem to get bored with my job/field every three or four years. I'm in a position now which I like well enough, and which suits my personality and work habits, but I'm getting to that three to four year point. I want other challenges, not all of which are professional. If I leave this field, however, I very likely won't be able to get back into it.

Can you recommend an approach (whether it's a book or seeking counseling) that might help me to do two things -- (1) understand why I get bored every 3-4 years, and (2) make sure that I am making the right choice if I leave my current well paid field? Thanks a lot!

Amy Joyce: I don't think it's unusually to get bored every few years. How about you look at what it is you're doing. Are you bored because you're not challenging yourself within that job anymore? Is there something you want to do within that job that might be a bit different from what you are doing now? Of course you're going to get bored if you are in the same job and not changing anything about it or your duties. Figure out if you can do something from where you are to make your work life interesting again.

Anyone else have some advice? (Quickly?)

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Chantilly, Va.: My co-worker is female and we work in very close proximity, one of those cubicle arrangements with barely there sides. I can see everything she's doing. I feel that she is dressing too inappropriately. Her outfits are "corporate-inspired," consisting of business looking blazers and skirts, but her skirts push the limits. There's barely any skirt coming from under her jackets and she never wears stockings so it's just miles of bare leg. She wears very tight blouses with low necklines. She also teases her hair to very high levels. I just get the feeling that she's flaunting the fact that she seemingly has remained under radar with her clothing for some time now. I realize winter is heading around now, but how should this problem be addressed now so when next year's warm weather rolls around she will possibly have considered a more appropriate wardrobe? Though I want to make a complaint, a wardrobe is a very personal thing. She's really a nice person and I don't want to put her in a bad light with our manager. Should I just slip her a secret note?

Amy Joyce: If you think her dress is impacting your work or the work of others, or clients, then try to say something to her if you want. But this sounds to me like something for her supervisor to deal with.

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Richmond, Va.: My co-worker is constantly talking to me while I'm trying to work. I hate it. Conversations are always about personal matter. He's diabetic and always talking about shots he gives himself in detail that makes me sick. Anything that pops into his head he has to bother me with it. If I'm reading, he begins to talk to me. If I continue to read without acknowledging him and I look very intent on what I'm doing he still does not let up. I've gotten to the point where I tune him out and I try to look like I'm not interested in talking or even listening to his endless stream of non-sense, but this does not seem to register in his head as a sign that I do not want to be bothered. What do I do? If I say something this surely will make things bad. I just know that no matter how nice I try to be if I say something about his talking he will most likely interpret it wrong.

Amy Joyce: Seems simple to me: Hey, Joe. I'm reading right now and really need to get this done. Let's talk later, okay?

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New York, N.Y.: Just a quick question that I'm sure you've gotten before ... I started a temp-to-perm (through a temp agency) job in June, and was hired by the company in September. On my resume, can I just say that I've worked for the company from June to present, or do I have to say that I was a temp from June to Sept. and then list this company from Sept. to present? I did work for this same company from June until now, but I don't want a prospective employer to call and have my boss tell him/her that my date of hire was really September, when I have June on my resume ... hope this makes sense. Thanks a lot, love the chats!

Amy Joyce: You worked there since June. Plain and simple. If you held a different position, you can outline that (June to Sept.: Widget maker. Sept. to present: Widget designer.)

But you worked there since June. No worries.

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Amy Joyce: Okay, gang, time for us all to get back to work. You can e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com. I can't answer all your questions, but your issues may end up as a topic for the Sunday newspaper version of Life at Work.

Thanks, and have a good week.

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Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.