John Kelly's Washington Live

John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind.

Discussion Archives / Recent Columns

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John Kelly: I think I've never been so happy not to have cable TV as I am now. We moved last year and we never signed up with cable. Or satellite. So now we get the broadcast channels only, and not all of them very well. I have a little stub of a broken antenna that I move around to pull in a grainy image. (For some reason, Channel 7 always looks great.)

If I had cable I'd probably be watching Hurricane Rita slowly approach. I'd be getting annoyed at the same videotape shown over and over and OVER again. And at the cable newsfolk trying gamely to tell the same story over and over and OVER again.

See, you can live without cable.

To recap: This week Answer Man peeked, quite literally, into the windows of Old Town residents. Then Tuesday recounted the story behind a new statue of a Norwegian princess on Mass Ave. Wednesday I announced that Duke Ellington is the school we'll support with our grocery cards. Yesterday I satirized the National Zoo's day-by-day panda blog. And today I let readers rant about some of their pet peeves.

Feel free to spend the next hour ranting, or doing anything else that's legal among consenting adults joined digitally across fiber optic cables or modems.

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Washington, D.C.: My rant: I know these may be fightin' words, but BICYCLISTS! Do these people KNOW that they have to follow all traffic rules? Every day I see at least one bicyclist run a red light, blow a stop sign, ride the wrong way on a one-way street (narrowly avoiding death -- either theirs or my pedestrian self). I know, I know, you all are saving the environment with your non-polluting ways, but it doesn't mean you're exempt from the rules of the road. Oh yeah, and wear a helmet so when your law-ignoring butt gets hit by a car, you won't splatter your brains all over me.

Ahhhhhhhh! Much better!

John Kelly: The thing that bothers me is when they ride on the sidewalk. When I was a kid, and was often astride a bike, riding on the sidewalk was considered the uncoolest thing you could do. You were basically admitting you were a wimp. I've ridden by bike in DC traffic so I know it can be dangerous, but that doesn't mean cyclists should pass that danger on to pedestrians by riding on the sidewalk.

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Mt. Lebanon, Pa.: Will you still be writing about the "joys and annoyances of living in Washington" once Global Heating seriously takes over and turns the tidal basin into a depiction of the Basin Street Blues now plaguing New Orleans. If so, from what high ground will you and your laptop (and satellite connection) be perched? Don't forget to wear your waders.

The rains are breaking the levees open again. Seems we've seen this movie before.

Thanks much.

John Kelly: "Mount" Lebanon, Pa.? Just how high up are you? And do you have room for one more?

Here's the thing I don't get about global warming, and those who argue that it doesn't exist: Okay, so what if it doesn't exist? Aren't the things that we could do to reduce it (even if it doesn't exist) better for the planet and its inhabitants in the long run, anyway? I mean, better gas mileage, new non-polluting forms of energy, better bike paths, more sidewalks, etc. etc., good for us? We should be doing those things even if there isn't global warming, and since most respected scientists think there IS something to this global warming thing, it really behooves us to change our ways.

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Alexandria, Va.: OK, so we all know the escalator "walk left, stand right" rule. But what do you make of a guy who barks the rule at, then tracks down a violator to educate her on her transgression (and not very politely, I might add)? My first thought: rude. My second thought: Dude, you were in such a hurry that you had to shout at her, but you go out of your way to harass the offender. Haven't you lost twice as much time now?

John Kelly: That's almost borderline assault. Simply saying, "Excuse me, can I get through here?" ought to be enough. Yes, it would be nice if everyone knew to stand to the left, but in most cases the idea is to get on your way, not educate the transgressor.

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Look, Don't touch: John - Ok, so my rant....I absolutely hate it when people (strangers!) come up to me and touch my hair. Yes, my hair is red, yes it is curly, but there is nothing spectacular about it (well, maybe it's a little spectacular). People will come out of nowhere and touch it! Keep yer paws to yourself I say! Do you ever have that problem?

John Kelly: When My Lovely Wife was pregnant, people used to touch her all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but enough to creep her out. I've since learned it's not uncommon. There's something about a big pregnant belly that cries out to be touched, at least among some people. And when our second daughter, Beatrice, was a toddler, she had really curly hair. It was really cool, like bedsprings hanging off her head. Manys the time we were in the checkout line at a grocery store and a stranger would reach over and tug on a lock. Could this be a throwback to our primordial days, when we would sit around grooming each other?

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Panda column: That was one of the funniest columns I've ever read!

John Kelly: Thank you. It was fun writing it. I haven't heard from the National Zoo. I'm embarrassed to say that My Lovely Wife (and Daughters) are addicted to the panda cam. They look at it many times a day. My wife knows all the nooks and crannies where the cub hides. She's always shouting at the cam operator--"No, he's not over there! Move the camera to the left!" I wonder if I should get her a puppy or something.

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Dupont Circle: I remember reading an article (I am almost positive it was one of your columns) sometime in the fall of 2002. It was about a man who went to a restaurant once a week and ordered 5 meals all to himself. I remember you posed the question to readers as to why he would do such a thing, but sadly I missed the column that answered the mystery. I think I have waited long enough for the answer. Please please please tell me. Thanks.

John Kelly: Not me, I'm afraid. I've only been writing this column since 2004. March 2004. March 7, 2004, to be exact. Not that I'm counting.

A man who went to a restaurant once a week and ordered five meals, you say? Did he eat one and get the others to go? Was he suffering from a really split personality?

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Larry, Curly, Mo.: John,

The rant in today's column about people who are too lazy to properly stow their shopping carts in the "corrals" which stores provide prompts me to expand upon that rant: I am handicapped. It drives me crazy when people think that the handicapped parking spaces in front of Giant, etc. are a convenient place to leave their carts when they are done with them. I can't tell you how many times I have had to leave my vehicle (I can walk, but not far) to move carts so I can park where the law allows me to park. It is extremely rude of these able-bodied, but lazy, customers to be so inconsiderate of their less fortunate fellow shoppers. The irony of this situation is that, as painful as it is, I ALWAYS return my own cart to the store or a cart corral so the next handcapped person will not be inconvenienced. I implore others to be more considerate.

John Kelly: Hear that, folks?

Here's another reason to practice cart hygiene: A couple years ago my daughter Gwyneth was not paying 100 percent attention to the shopping cart she was pushing in a grocery store lot. It got away from her, rolled through the lot, picked up speed and collided with a Toyota. The owner happened to be right there. He pointed out the dent. We had to file an insurance claim to fix his bodywork!

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Near Zoo, Washington, D.C.: Pandacammonium - Other animals are worthy of their own "cams". I find the Golden Lion tamarins amusing and the chimps are always licking something interesting.

John Kelly: My favorite is the naked mole rat cam at the zoo. I could watch naked mole rats for hours.

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washingtonpost.com: Naked Mole Rat Cam

John Kelly: You may have to be patient and wait until a NMR comes into view. It's worth it though.

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Front Royal, Va. (formerly Annandale, Va.): I gave a contribution to Capital Hospice last year. Now they pester and pester me for donations. Such fancy, slick paper and requests. This is not where I want my donation money to go! It saddens me to get something from hospice - it brings back sad memories. If I want to give to them, I will. Just don't pester me!!!! Several solicitations arrive weekly - and the family deaths just pop into my mind. Thanks, hospice, for constantly reminding me and making me so sad.

I asked them to stop - but they didn't. Also, Americares was a pest for awhile. This was after the tsunami. Now, when I give (I gave to Salvation Army for Katrina), I blacken out my address on my checks. I will do the same for Rita.

John Kelly: In defense of charities, they have to spend some money on fundraising. If they were completely passive about it, no one would know about them. Of course, they have to strike the right balance. If you're concerned that they may be spending too much on fundraising, check them out. Ask what percentage of donations is spent on the actual work of their organization. If it's less than 80 percent or so, you might want to give to someone else. Also, try telling them again how you do or don't want to be approached.

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Maryland: John,

How are your evacuation plans coming along? Do you have a sure-fire way of leaving this area quickly?

John Kelly: Every time I climb the 20 stairs to my front door I'm reminded that it's unlikely that my house will be flooded. We live on a hill. There are many irritating aspects related to that, not the least of which is the sheer level of effort it takes to get in and out of our house. But I think my neighbors down the street would be flooded before I would be. At least I hope so. In other words, I'll be sheltering in place.

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Alexandria (Del Ray), Va.: Hello John! I have the same "rant" as Olgamarie Maccary insofar as those address labels go. It bugs me that charities spend money to produce the labels when that money could be spent for the cause the charity supports. I have friends that use those labels and -NOT- send a dime to the charity. If I don't want to support the cause, I simply run the labels through the shredder (I shred everything that has my personal info on it.). I get repeated requests for donations from the same charity and more address labels! How can I do to stop the labels from coming when they ignore my silence?

John Kelly: Silence is so easy to ignore. I think you have to let them know how you feel. Just say: Please take me off your mailing list. This label ploy must work for the charities, since it's so common. Anyone out there work on that side of the nonprofit biz and can weigh in?

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Old Town Alexandria: John:

Enjoyed your column this week on the "looky-loos" peeping into the houses in Old Town - sounds like you were right in my neighborhood (ooh, scary, Post columnists wandering the streets - hope you don't let Weingarten do that too often). What is even stranger is that a lot of these houses, including ours, have mail slots right in the front door. So occasionally I can be sitting in my living room watching TV and suddenly see a pair of eyes at the mail slot. Little kids (and sometimes brazen adults) think nothing of walking up to the door and opening the mail slot so they can look into the house. A good, loud "HEY" usually sends the little monsters back out onto the sidewalk.

John Kelly: I don't think you can be an introvert and live in that neighborhood. A reader named Anne who lives in Old Town sent me this e-mail:

"We frequently have our shutters open because I am a bit claustraphobic. It's been entertaining over the years to watch the tourists watch us. My children will never forget the woman, nose pressed to the window pane, who commented: 'I like the country Hepplewhite stand but that print is really tacky.' "

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Cleveland Park, Washington, D.C.: John -

In the several blocks around my office (Penn Quarter, near Ford's Theatre), I've noticed that all of the newspaper distribution boxes (Washington Post, Washington Times, USA Today, City Paper, etc.) have gone missing. Any idea why this is so?

John Kelly: I imagine it's a security thing, perhaps related to this weekend's antiwar demonstrations. They always remove those boxes when there's going to be a parade, so people can't stick bombs in them. Same reason they weld shut the manhole covers before the inauguration.

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Washington, D.C.: John, I'm furious. I figured that you might not agree with me, but you would at least listen.

I awoke this morning to a cable news report that relief organizations do not want the public to donate clothes to the relief effort. They said they don't have any place to put them and not enough volunteers to sort through them. often the donations end up in landfills. LANDFILLS! They also said that a lot of the clothes have been allowed to fester outdoors where they get wet and begin to mildew.

First, if you don't want clothing donations - fine. Broadcast that point early and often.

Second, what about the people in other countries who could use them - rather than just dumping the overage into a landfill?

Or setting up thrift stores for people who want to save a few bucks on the ridulously high price of clothes. That money can go to a relief effort and the stores could employ a few evacuees.

And finally exactly how often are you supposed to give and how much? I am now hit up for money at every move, every day. The Starbucks, the drycleaners, my kids' school, the office, the gym and when I get home to turn on the TV, what do I see? Another ad to please give. On the weekends, it's my church.

Now we are segwaying into the holidays. No doubt will there be ramped pleas to help over the holidays, but to also help those here at home. Last fall - at the start of the school year, I wanted to donate my time and that of my kids to a homeless shelter. My philosophy is that we should not sit down to eat until we make sure someone else also has a meal. But we were abruptly and rudely turned away. They wanted a check - and a big one.

With a small child to support and a mortgage to pay, I can give tangibles or time. But my mortgage company won't understand if I say my payment is late or nonexistent because I donated it all to the relief effort.

A colleague told me I was suffering from compassion fatigue. Maybe I am. But if no one wants to accept the help in the form I can give it...then stop asking for it. Use my tax dollars and go away. I am at my limit. This well has run dry.

Sorry John. I just had to vent.

John Kelly: You raise a couple of interesting points. The first has to do with old clothes. This issue has come up a few times in this chat, and you're right that many charities prefer cash to cast-offs. The problem is that by giving some object--clothing, furniture--you may be setting up a scenario where it COSTS money for the charity to deal with it. They may have to store it, or move it, or even discard it eventually. Money is more portable, and can be spent however the charity sees fit.

But clothes really pile up, don't they, and we love places that will accept them. There's a group called PlanetAid that has yellow clothing collection boxes all around town. (The boxes are yellow; they don't accept only yellow clothing.)I looked into them and they're connected in a weird way with this shady outfit in Denmark that has been called a cult. Most of the clothes donated to PlanetAid are packaged and sent to be sold in Africa. They don't end up on the backs of local poor people. Yet those boxes are always stuffed, because people just want to get rid of their clothes, and can't stand the idea of throwing away perfectly wearable items.

There are charities that will accept donations of labor, though you may have to hunt around to find them. There's www.dc-cares.org. You can also look under "volunteers" on the D.C. Craig's List. Are there others out there who can recommend hands-on volunteer opportunities?

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Las vegas strip: When cars can stay off the sidewalks, everyone will be much happier.

John Kelly: Ooooh. That's bad.

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Washington, D.C.: I am completely grossed out by people who answer their cell phones in the bathroom and, God forbid, on the turlet. Worse, the number of people who think this is ok appears to be rising. Anyway, yesterday, I was in the bathroom when a woman in another stall answered the phone and then had a lengthy chat with her pal. Suddenly the words of "I've been sitting on the tooooil-et allllll the live long day" came to mind and I started laughing - a lot. My question - who is the weirdo in this story? The person taking a call while TCB? Or me, the person laughing on the turlet? Thanks.

John Kelly: No, you're definitely not weird, although laughing maniacally in a bathroom stall will probably give others the impression that you are. That is pretty gross, though. This is part of our increasing inability to be alone with our own thoughts. It's the same reason that cell phones now have video games on them. God forbid if we're not occupied for a few seconds. I'll bet this woman's phone conversation wasn't critically important. She wasn't telling someone how to defuse a bomb or remove an impacted molar. I bet she was just shooting the, um, breeze.

Of course, I find it impossible to spend any quality time in the bathroom without something to read.

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Alexandria, Va.: I know in the past you have posted complaints about the Metro system. I have one about a certain bus I ride in the evenings. One particular driver on this route does something I consider rude. My husband thinks it is not rude, just comical and a bit quirky. The driver, when stopped at a red light, will jump out of the bus, run over to the button to push for the walk signal, press it and then come back to the bus. She will do this even if there are several cars in front of her. I think leaving her seat during the trip leaves too much room for error. It seems so rude. What would happen if she couldn't get back to the bus before the light did turn green? What if someone decided to take the metrobus for a test drive? It seems wrong. Am I right? Or is my husband? I quite frankly don't see anything comical about it, although I do agree that it is VERY quirky

John Kelly: That's really weird, and I'm sure it's against Metro regulations. The driver leaves the bus with the engine running? So she can push the "walk" button at the crosswalk? Why does she do that, I wonder? To get exercise? To make the light turn green more quickly? If you e-mail me the route number I'll ask Metro: kellyj@washpost.com.

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Ward 4, Washington, D.C.: John-

I asked Marc Fisher about this yesterday, and he didn't know the answer. Is the any chance you might have some information on this? Thanks.

Sunday (18 September) at about noon, my husband and I were shopping at the farm market at Dupont Circle when there was a VERY loud squealing of tires followed by a crashing noise.

Several people, my husband included, ran off in the direction of the noise. (I didn't think I wanted to see whatever it was.) A pedestrian had been struck by a car on P St, in front of the bus stop at the corner of 20th and P. After he made sure that 911 had been called, he came back.

The ambulance arrived quickly, and the pedestrian (who had been lying in the street not moving) was loaded in quickly. (I was parked on P St, and so had to pass the scene on my way home, after the pedestrian had been picked up.)

The car was extensively damaged, and we're both wondering if the pedestrian survived. I hope so. The scene just looked so bad, and other than call 911, we couldn't do anything to help, and now we find ourselves worrying and wondering about the victim.

John Kelly: My assistant, Julie, tried to check on this, with no success, but if the pedestrian had been killed The Post should have reported on it. It's our policy to report every auto-related death or crime-related death, at least in our Metro in Brief column. And local police departments typically issue a news release in the event of any death.

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More on Bikes: I am a runner and run on the Custis trail 4-5 times a week. Nothing gets me madder than a bicyclist (usually a commuter as they go much faster and seem to have great purpose) who doesn't give audible warning and then pass me so fast that I can feel their breath and body hair on me (okay a little exaggeration but you get my point). Is your destination so important that moving just a little more to the left when passing is a problem? It's very disconcerting and will, one of these days, be dangerous.

John Kelly: I am both of these things: a biker and a walker. When I'm walking, I hate it when I get no warning of a bicycle coming up behind me. When I'm biking, I try to give warning of my approach. Because I'm naturally shy, I loathe saying "Passing on your left." (I mean, we haven't been inroduced.) But I do say it, because the horn I have doesn't sound like a bicycle horn. It's shaped like a duck's head (a duck's head wearing a blue beret for some reason; it was a gift)and it sounds just like a duck. When I squeeze it people look around for a duck, not a bike. Thus I have to honk AND say "Passing on your left." I also slow down a little. It's not like I'm training for the Tour de Wheaton.

Not long ago I was coming up on a jogger from the front--we were going in opposite directions and I assume he could see me. I slowed as I approached and as I went by he said "#$@* bikers!" Sorry, buddy, we have to share the path. You want to job bike-free get a treadmill.

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rat cam: Oh great, your link just crashed the cam. Too much traffic.

John Kelly: Oh jeez, sorry. Everyone back to the panda cam. They have lots of money to maintain that, while the poor naked mole rats languish in semi-obscurity. You never see a contest to name the next naked mole rat.

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Frederick, Md.: John, the hurricane's a'commin. What provisions do you reckon we should store up on? Bread? T-paper? Beer?

John Kelly: Newspapers. Everyone is going to need lots of newspapers. If you haven't done so already, rush out and buy two or three copies of The Washington Post. You can stuff them under doors to keep out rising water, light them on fire if the power goes out. Why, you can even read them.

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Arlington, Va.: Please tell Connie Gay that I always push my cart inside another cart when I return it at the grocery store. Probably because I used to work at a grocery store, way back when paper bags were the only option.

And speaking of paper bags, my pet peeve: Those damn plastic bags they use now are like tissue paper! I have to get everything double-bagged to keep them from tearing. Heavy bags with boxed items (sharp corners!) required tripling. Which of course means I have gazillions of empty bags to deal with with I get home.

I also hate it when I have to call "customer service" at the cable company, and after the long and infuriating call is over they say "Thank you for calling." Like I'm doing it because I want to, when the only reason I'm calling is because they screwed up. Grrrrrrr!!!

John Kelly: My assistant Julie mentioned that at Whole Foods in DC you get a 5 cent refund for not using any bag at all. Anyone else noticed this?

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St. E's: "He (John Hinckley) wants to have a girlfriend. He wants intimate contact with a female," Paul Montalbano, chief of pretrial services at St. Elizabeths, the Southeast Washington mental hospital, testified yesterday.

That would make an interesting reality TV show.

John Kelly: I loved that John Hinckley story by Henri Cauvin. All Hinckley wants is a date. And who can blame him? Of course, the last time he got unhealthily interested in a woman he shot Reagan.

What would the reality show be called? "Insanity Date"? "I Married an Assassin"?

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washingtonpost.com: Hinckley Wants Girlfriend, Psychologist Says in Court (Post, Sept. 20)

John Kelly: When Frankenstein wanted a girlfriend he had one built for him....

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Grooming, D.C.: Dibs on your big, juicy head lice!

John Kelly: I can pretty much guarantee that's the first time that particular sentence has ever been posted on a Washington Post-related Web site. I bet it hasn't even shown up on Slate.

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Lawrence, Kan.: The news at AU with Pres. Ladner reminds me of a t-shirt my husband had when he was a student at Georgetown in the 1980s. On the front it featured a Warhol-like series of pictures of G'town's President Healy and the Jesuit vow "Poverty, Chastity, Obedience." Printed on the back of the t-shirt: "If this is poverty, bring on chastity!"

John Kelly: Wouldn't it be great to have your own chef and fly around the world first class? Who even knew that was possible in the groves of academe? Of course, Ladner is in some pretty nice groves.

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Takoma Park, Md.: This is a question for Answer Man. Do you know why all the CVS stores (at least the ones I've been to), have put their soap under lock and key? I've been to two stores actually needing a bar of soap, and what a hassle! I mean you can't even get anyone to answer a question let alone find someone with a key to open up the locked cabinet. I've asked at both places and was met with a silent glare. I, along with many others, are now refusing to go to CVS anymore. I've heard a rumor that it was because of all the homeless people stealing soap. Surely it can't be that? But, I honestly can't think of any other reason.

John Kelly: We have calls into CVS stores but so far they have been strangely mum on this subject. Which stores have you noticed this at? I guess they're concerned with theft, unless you can turn Irish Spring into methamphetamine. (But women like it too!)

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McPherson Square, D.C.: I think you should do a story on Odonna Matthews. In this week's Giant sale circular, there's a letter noting her retirement at the end of the month. I always remember her radio spots with the various food preparation/health/nutrition advice.

John Kelly: That's a great idea. I sometimes think it would be neat to have a luncheon with all those people you constantly hear from in DC: Odonna Matthews, Lon Anderson, Lisa Baden....

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Alexandria, Va.: I think you made up that Joe Flynn complaint. First off, Joe Flynn (better known as Capt. Binghamton from McHale's Navy) died several years ago. Second, a delivery truck driver who complains about double-parkers ??? Why, cause then he has to triple park ??

John Kelly: You've never been to Columbia. Everything is on Little Patuxent Parkway and all the buildings have the same name. All the roads are slightly curvy, so you can't take in enough of a swath of landscape to get your bearings. There are delivery drivers even now who have been driving around for years, like ghost ships lost at sea.

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Arlington, Va.: Posting early because I'll be in meetings all afternoon (yawn)...

With all the hooraw about the botched New Orleans evacuation, and now the supposedly better-organized Galveston/Houston evacuation, which has led to 100-mile traffic jams, people running out of gas, etc., etc., I'm beginning to think that in the event of an evacuation of the D.C. area, my response will be "to hell with it, I'd rather die at home." Given how bad traffic is around here on a normal day, what's the point of getting on the road with 4 million morons to try to escape whatever it is?

John Kelly: Remember when this issue first came up, after Sept. 11, when we were told to stockpile duct tape and have an emergency gathering place for our families? It does seem the reality is somewhat less reassuring. Maybe we need to go back to the days of shelters, like the fallout shelters of the cold war. Should our schools and libraries have bunkers in them?

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Long Beach: HINKLEY REALITY SHOW TITLES

I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND

TRICKLE DOWN DATE-ONOMICS

CAN I CALL YOU JODIE?

ASSASSIN OF LOVE

HINKLEY'S MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR

John Kelly: Let's see if we can get Mark Burnett aboard.

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Irish Spring...: Is that the soap that's magically delicious ?

John Kelly: Well, that would explain why the little shamrocks, hearts and diamonds in Lucky Charms taste like soap.

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Irish Spring : Irish Spring turns into leprechauns!

John Kelly: That would explain why CVS keeps it locked up. Wouldn't want all those pots of gold falling into the wrong hands.

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Falls Church, Va.: How is your old Datsun roadster running? Inquiring minds want to know. And regarding Mount Lebanon, Pa.: I lived there until I was 15...it is a suburb of Pittsburgh with high taxes that pay for overrated schools. It's a bit like Falls Church City, with much, much, lower proper values and more interesting architecture. You can buy a nice 1930s colonial there for $300,000 that would easily cost $1,000,000 or more in parts of the Washington area.

John Kelly: It's a sad story. I just had a lot of work done on the Datsun. The engine sounds great, the brakes are tight. But it's leaking coolant. Looks like the head gasket has a problem. It'll have to go back in the shop, but I happen to be broke right now so it's become an expensive garage ornament.

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Mail slot peepers: I have a friend who lives in Center City Philadelphia in a rowhouse with a mail slot on the front door. To discourage the persistent neighbor girl to stop looking in the slot and trying to engage them in conversation, they finally hung a little curtain over the slot. Problem solved!

John Kelly: Isn't that cute? Where's the curtain? On the inside or the outside. (In Alexandria they'd have to use little shutters.)

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nekkid mole rat: Shouldn't we start a clothing drive or something for the poor dear?

John Kelly: They're very comfortable with their bodies. They don't mind being naked. Oh, and they do have some hair. Between their toes.

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Irish I was clean: Irish Spring is green people!

John Kelly: Did you soylent yourself again? Disgusting boy.

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Alexandria, Va.: As a longtime Old Towner ambler, why didn't you ask the resident why they aren't ever doing anything interesting ?

John Kelly: I occasionally see them beating their chests with their fists and grooming each other. Oh, wait, that's the gorilla house at the zoo.

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Rockville, Md.: On the shopping cart issue, John, please let your readers know something.

I will not ever leave my infant in the car alone while I return a shopping cart to the store. If there is a mid-parking lot corral, and it's within arms reach of my car, then okay.

But I will not ever leave my infant in the car alone while I return a shopping car to the store. I will park in in front of my car, as not to obstruct anyone else from getting a space but I am SICK of so-called do-gooders who think I should.

"Why don't you take that back to where you got it," one woman shouted at me last Saturday at the Giant at Leisure World.

Leaving my child alone in a parked car would put me on the evening news wearing handcuffs and being called a bad mother.

For the last time.....either help me out and take the cart back yourself or LEAVE ME ALONE!

John Kelly: That explains at least one shopping cart, but I'm sure not everyone has your excuse.

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Stafford, Va.: Love the column John, hate the rants from the self-centered people who think everything is about them. For example, tell Nancy in today's column that she just needs to just exercise a little more patience and remember we're not all here to make her life easier. If you have to worry about something, for goodness sake, make it something worthwhile.

Andy

John Kelly: The irony is, at the end of the day, there's very little that's worthwhile.

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Washington, D.C.: I work for a non-profit, here is my response:

I don't think people truly understand the way non-profits work. Organizations would need a huge number of staff just to sort all the donations - do you really want staff spending their time weeding out ripped or moldy sweaters, instead of serving people on the ground or behind the scenes? It is not feasible for organizations to take tons and tons of clothing donations and open a store! What about rent on the building, insurance, employees, benefits, lights, heat, cleaning the clothes, storage space, parking, etc. etc. etc.

As for donating time, that is too bad that this poster had a bad experience when trying to volunteer. But keep in mind, volunteering is not just showing up the week before Christmas ready to do something. Volunteers need to be screened and trained. Non-profits are being responsible to their clients by not just letting anyone come in to "help". An untrained volunteer takes staff time away from serving constituents.

So please, be patient with nonprofits. If you don't want to give, don't. Do your research, give what and when you can. Remember that our organizations are staffed by people just trying to help others, and while your intentions are good, sometimes the organizations know the best and most efficient way to deliver the aid that is most needed.

John Kelly: Thanks for the explanation.

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Dontating clothes, time: I'm a student at Georgetown and they have green clothing recepticles, the clothes go to a Catholic charity. If you have free time to donate, animal shelters always need people to help socialize the animals. Also, all of the Smithsonian musuems (and the Zoo!) need volunteers, both for regular shifts and special events.

John Kelly: More suggestions. Thank you.

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Washington, D.C.: I thought I was the only one driven insane by CVS locking up the soap!! Every DC location I've frequented recently does this. I asked an employee at the Columbia Heights location and she told me people were stealing soap, and re-selling it--a soap black market?! It is incredibly annoying to track someone down and they sure do get annoyed when you spend time trying to read the ingredients on a bottle of body wash. You'd think they would want to lock up more expensive things...

John Kelly: A soap black market. I love it! I can just see a shady character opening his jacket to reveal boxes and boxes pinned to his lining. "Pssst! Buddy! Want some Dial? Want some Ivory? I can hook you up."

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Cell phone use: I'm a barista a starbucks and it was a quiet day in suburbia so I was by myself helping the customers while my manager was in the back. The long customer answers her cell phone and goes into a long conversation on whether or not she needs breast implants. Then she asks the other person to come over and checks out her breasts so she can get advise. I can't imagin being a part of such a conversaion if she was talking to the person in person and not on the phone...

John Kelly: And for this Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone?

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Clothes for nekkid mole rat: They have enough clothes. They want cash.

John Kelly: As long as they don't spend it on breast implants, I'm fine with that.

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Mail slot redux: The curtain hangs inside the door on velcro strips, and it's just large enough to block the mail slot, including its edges. It's actually pretty cute!

John Kelly: Thanks for the clarification. What I need at home is a little basket under the mail slot, to keep our dog from eating the mail.

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Wilmington, N.C.:

In regards to the woman who justifies leaving her cart in the parking lot by saying she won't leave her kid in the car alone...keep the kid in the cart, push it to the corral, and carry the kid to the car. Gee, how hard is that?!

John Kelly: But I think she also has a fox, a chicken and a bag of grain in the cart. How should she handle that?

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Carts: Always put a kid in the car last, that way if someone carjacks you, they won't have the kid. What my mother taught me!

John Kelly: Remember when mothers used to teach us how to sew on a button or make a really good peach cobbler? Now they teach us how to keep our kids safe from carjackers.

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Wheaton, Md.: Let me tell you, we bicyclists witness a thousand times more traffic infractions by motorists. Don't think a few reckless cyclists are the cause of all the anarchy out ther. Drivers should council all their fellow drivers about driving safely first.

If I am scooting ahead of traffic or running a red light, it is usually to get a head start and build up some speed so some maniac does not come up behind me and start laying on his horn. I think it is worse being stuck behind a cyclists slowly, painfully accelerating than one that cheated to get ahead of you but that is at least going full speed.

Omost city streets, I am going at or over the speed limit, but drivers feel obliged to pass me anyway. I do thirty down Jones Mill Road, where the speed limit is 25, and people still pass. Would they pass another car doing thirty? I doubt it.

John Kelly: Once again, the message is: be considerate of others around you, whether aboard a bike, a car or your own two feet.

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Mt. Lebanon, Pa.: Yeah, we've got a spare bedroom. Our little cat will likely sleep with you.

I'm an engineer. What difference does it really make if you're drownded by flooding caused by Global Heating or storm surge? And if Mother Nature is at work on "payback" for our negligence and destruction, that's one baloon payment coming due I don't want to be around to reckon with.

Famous quote: He who is destined to be hung will never drown.

Thanks much. HLB

John Kelly: I'm allergic to cats, so I'll risk the storm.

Thanks everyone for stopping by today. LOTS of great comments I didn't have a chance to get to. If you didn't see your post here blame my inability to type fast enough-- or think fast enough. I'll be in the paper on Monday, natch, and if you're at the National Book Festival tomorrow, look me up. I'll be introducing a few of the speakers in the afternoon.

Stay dry. Be nice. And if you have anything column-worthy, send it my way: kellyj@washpost.com.

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implants: The implants worked for me and I think the mole rat will like them too.

Mei Xiang

John Kelly: Just had to get this one in...

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