On TV

Reality, Non-Reality and Everything In-Between

Post TV Columnist Lisa de Moraes takes a look at what's on the tube in a fast-paced give and take about reality, non-reality, cable and you name it.

Lisa was online Friday, Nov. 18, at 1 p.m. ET to discuss the latest on TV.

The Columns:

Sitcom-alot: Kennedy Lawford May Get His Heir Time (Post, Nov. 18)

Fox Gets Philbin -- And Even -- for New Year's (Post, Nov. 17)

CBS Cruises, but SpongeBob Sops Up Viewers (Post, Nov. 16)

Martha Stewart's 'The Apprentice' Is No Perennial (Post, Nov. 15)

De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.

A transcript follows.

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Washington, D.C.: What in the world is happening to 'Lost'? In recent weeks its seemed more like Alias on a deserted island Michelle Rodriguez laying beatdowns all over the island. I am convinced now that the show's creators are completely winging it.

By the way, did Rodriguez accidentally attend acting school for dogs? Apparently she believes sneering and growling are acting.

Lisa de Moraes: Hi. They are winging it. It seems to be a point of pride for them. Love the acting school for dogs...

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MCI Center: Lisa --

You missed Christopher Lawford's biggest ongoing acting role. He played Charlie Brent, one of the romantic leads on All My Children, for quite a few years.

Of course, he was about 15 years older than the character was supposed to be, and the fans had a major howlfest on the Internet about it, but when all was said and done, he didn't do too bad a job.

Lisa de Moraes: I was begged -- begged -- by one of my sources not to emphasize his soap work because he's done so much else, this person noted. (Like playing an aide on "Terminator 3.") Anyway, I took pity on the guy and only mentioned one of the soap roles he had. Consider it my contribution to the Kennedy dynasty. But thanks for mentioning it in my chat, so that all those soap non-fans now know...

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Washington, TV Land: Hi Lisa --

Do you have an opinion about what's happened to sad old TV Guide? The new philosophy seems to be: "Nobody watches the networks before 7 or after 11, and nobody cares what's on local stations at all."

Lisa de Moraes: I'm told it took a ton of manpower($$$) to put out all those regional/local listing guides and they decided to cut those costs and concentrate on features and other reporting....

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Bowie, Md.: Any comments on ABC moving Alias to Wednesdays at 10?

Lisa de Moraes: yes: "bye bye!"

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Cincinnati, Ohio: I just wanted to tell you that I find your reviews so much more entertaining than most of the shows described. The one in today's paper about the Lawford "kid" and the proposed "reality" show is very funny; I might actually have to watch it if it makes air time, and really, after the buildup you gave it, how can they not put this on? I'm already picturing Maria and Arnold and Uncle Ted in cameos.

Lisa de Moraes: I'm sure the producers are looking forward to those too -- Personally I can't wait for this to get on the air. You see, it's only a script order at this point, boys and girls, but if we all clap our hands and say out loud together "We believe in the Kennedys!" it will grow strong and become a real sitcom on the Fox network. Are you with me?

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Chicago, Ill.: I missed both Lost and Veronica Mars on Wednesday because my stupid wife made me pick up our daughter from her church. Thank God UPN runs Veronica Mars reruns on Sunday at 9 in Chicago, but should I even feel bad that I missed this episode of Lost? Did I miss anything at all? It looked like it was kind of stupid.

Lisa de Moraes: Sorry, I can't seem to get past the "my stupid wife made me pick up our daughter from her church" in order to see what your actual question is...Which part of "my stupid wife made me pick up our daughter from her church" do you think does not make you look like a drip?

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Denver, Colo.: Lisa --

I enjoy the chats -- thanks for taking our questions. I have been watching "Commander in Chief" but the more I compare it to "West Wing" it comes up lacking. I think the biggest difference is the budget. WW just spends more to get the look and feel right. There seems to be hundreds of extras on WW, multiple limousines and sets that are cluttered with the detrious of people who are overworked. The plots reflect a serious look at difficult issues with a least a wink towards making the opposition seem like more than just props. In C-in-C it seems that there is only one secret service agent anywhere around the place. The plots barely rise above soap opera caliber There are few exterior shots that don't look like sound stages and finally, the writing is nowhere near as sharp.

I know WW is losing ratings and viewers to its new time slot but if WW went toe to toe with C-in-C I think WW wins hands down. Any thoughts?

(P.S. More of a rant than a question. -- Thanks for indulging me.)

Thanks,

Lisa de Moraes: Don't you just wish NBC had the nerve to put "West Wing" on Tuesday night at 9 and nuke "CiC"? But, alas, NBC is actually, finally, after all these years, getting some traction with sitcoms in that 9 p.m. hour and that is so not going to happen. "CiC" is a comic strip compared to "West Wing. Actually I kinda wish they'd camp-up "CiC" -- Geena Davis in the lead certainly lends itself to that kind of treatment of the subject. But new show runner Steven Bochco probably won't do that. He has, however, gotten rid of a bunch of the writers so you can at least look forward to the writing on the show getting better.

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washingtonpost.com: Sitcom-alot: Kennedy Lawford May Get His Heir Time (Post, Nov. 18)

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Lisa, I'm the faithful fan of Related on the WB who keeps writing into your chat! Surely I can't be the only chatter who loves this show, right? Is it doing well in the ratings. Will it live to see another season? It is so nice to have a show that focuses on women and relationships ... a nice break from reality shows, crime/legal dramas, medical dramas, etc. ... Yes, I know, it is just a glorified soap opera, but it's my guilty pleasure!

Lisa de Moraes: "Related" is only hanging on to about half of its "Seventh Heaven" audience -- and yet, WB cancelled "Seventh Heaven!" But, of course, we know that was about the $$$, not just about ratings.

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Burlington, Iowa: Hi, Lisa,

Is the trio of anchors on ABC World News Tonight a permanent thing, or will they eventually find a replacement for the irreplaceable Peter Jennings?

Thanks for answering my question!

Lisa de Moraes: It's "permanent" if the ratings are good. Otherwise, it's very temporary...Remember when Dan and Connie co-anchored? And how about, digging way back, when Babs Wawa was part of an evening news three-way?

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Washington, D.C.: End the madness! When will According to Jim get canceled?

Lisa de Moraes: When members of Nieslen households stop falling asleep in frontof their sets at 8 p.m. Tuesday with ABC on. Surely that's the only way "Jim" is getting a large enough crowd to survive. People can't actually be watching this show because they like it....

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Gaithersburg, Md.: Is it possible that Lost goes even more backwards in the timeline? I can't think of a show where the plot doesn't move forward, except for that one episode of Seinfeld which went backwards.

Lisa de Moraes: Can we please move it back in the timeline to when the creator was pitching it and have the network suits instead say: "No thanks, unless you can present us with an outline for the first two seasons that demonstrates you actually know where you're going with this show, that something will really happen every week and that those numbers are going to actually stand for something.

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Washington, D.C.: Assuming that the pending Talan-Kimberly Stewart nuptials are not merely a ploy for some new TV show ... should we be searching for some deeper symbolism in their relationship? (i.e., teenage reality television vets hold the same Hollywood status as famous offspring).

Lisa de Moraes: is there deeper symbolism in the engagement of two Hollywood faux-stars than the search for a new TV show? Kimberly didn't work out in those pitches to replace Nicole as Paris' sidekick on "Simple Life" so now she's hooked up with a Laguna Beach star...sounds like a match made in heaven/smart career move to me....

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Washington, D.C. Why is "Yes Dear" on TV? Would someone explain to me how it has survived a couple of seasons now? Is there anything about it that is remotely funny? And, while I'm at it .. .Stacked? Same questions apply.

Lisa de Moraes: ...also, According to Jim, Rodney, Freddie, Out of Practice -- why stop with Yes Dear and Stacked. I want Kaiser Family Foundation to do a really meaningful study in which they probe the reason why American's watch all of these What The *#(&% sitcoms in the millions instead of some lame study in which they discover that there is STILL sex on primetime TV...

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Washington, D.C.: Lisa -- I'm pained about this Marth Apprentice thing. I'm going to miss it. The way her jaw clenches when a contestant starts talking about "people don't want to see perfection" and then eases up when the next contestant drones on and on about how they just want to serve the goddess that is Martha. I'll miss the creepy daughter's expressionless face, and even cigar man is entertaining. Sigh. Do you think the Donald put the squeeze on NBC to dump her? What kind of bad blood is pooling between those two?

Lisa de Moraes: Much as I'd love to think Donald had everything to do with this, Martha's show never even opened. I think what you're seeing is the disconnect between the media's obsession with Martha and the overall American public's tepid interest at best....

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Anonymous: Your hilarious description of Christopher Lawford's heir-brained scheme to land a show on Fox raises the question: how does a network that broadcasts beautifully written and acted drama like House even contemplate airing such dreck as the Christopher Lawford laughfest? Have they no shame?

Lisa de Moraes: One is supposed to be serious, the other is supposed to be funny... And let's not forget that House was picked up by the previous person who ran Fox's entertainment division. This is in development under the new guy, who came from FX -- which is not exactly known for its comedies. That said, I'm still hoping and praying this one make it to air...

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Washington, D.C.: Have I been lied to? I distinctly remember an interview with a Lost producer where he said that they definitely knew where they were going with the whole show. Is this like when you realize everyone knew there was no Santa Claus before you?

Lisa de Moraes: exactly the same. I think when they said they definitely knew where they were going with the whole show they meant "four seasons."

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Falls Church, Va.: Speaking of network news, I think Bob Schieffer is great as Crazy Dan's replacement -- any chance he will be made the permanent host?

Lisa de Moraes: I doubt it, particularly now that CBS News has a new president who was brought in by Big Cheese Les Moonves to lead the "revolution."

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Burke, Va.: Man, I nearly lost my lunch just thinking about Barbara Walters in a "three-way" ...

Lisa de Moraes: ...you're welcome!

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Silver Spring, Md.: How does Steven Bochco spice up Commander in Chief? He brings in Zach Slater -- all grown up. Where's Kelly -- I'm sure she's not that busy.

Lisa de Moraes: you apparently missed that previous chat: Next sweeps: very special CiC episode, "The President's Breasts are Missing." Next season, POTUS is no longer a woman.....really, it's so simple.

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Washington, D.C.: How are ratings for shows figured out? Like, do the Nielsen families have to watch the entire show? Or is it just calculated by who's watching the first 5 minutes? The end? What?

Lisa de Moraes: No, only cable shows try to snooker The Reporters Who Cover Television with numbers that reflect who watched only one minute or more. Broadcast networks put out "average audience" stats. Except for things like the Super Bowl when they also put out those silly "reach" stats, but even then they confine themselves to releasing stats on how many people watched at least six minutes of the same -- which is of interest to advertisers because if you saw six minutes of the Super Bowl, chances are you saw an ad break...which would seem to imply there's an ad break every six minutes on the Super Bowl....

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TGIF!: Pookie, I admit to being on of the dozen people still watching ER. I have to say, it was pretty good last night.

Lisa de Moraes: so did a plane crash into downtown Chicago -- I missed it. Really, Chicago is such a sh** magnet. A tank plows into the downtown hospital, then a helicopter plunges into the same hospital, now a plane crashes into downtown. Did they build this city on an ancient burial ground or something?

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Re: Lawford vs. House: Okay, assuming you could pick only one, would you rather have a show like House that you can enjoy watching while you're doing your job or a show like Lawford that will provide endless amounts of material for you to describe in your hilarious way in your columns?

With apologies to Weingarten, I heart you.

Lisa de Moraes: it's all about the column....I'll take "Sitcomalot" any day. It's like a gift from heaven.

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Friday hit drama?: Why does CBS call Numbers a hit drama? Why is that Jim Belushi show still on TV? Why, Pookachoo, why?

Lisa de Moraes: Is there any show on the air that the presenting network does NOT call a hit in its promos? The head of HBO called "Rome" a hit the other day in the New York Times, for gosh sake. "Hit" has become the most worthless word in the English language...

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Eastern Market, Wsahington, D.C.: Re: Evening News 3-way: Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings from 20 years ago and the current Brian Williams -- a gay man's best reason to skip happy hour!

Lisa de Moraes: okay, this is creepy, but in the best possible sense of the word....

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Olney, Md.: Lisa,

I missed "Criminal Minds" this week (I was too busy kicking my darn dog down the stairs. So what if she hadn't eaten all day? I have programs I wanted to watch!) Was it any good?

Lisa de Moraes: ...funny...

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Pittsburgh, Pa.: (apologies if this message is coming through multiple times. I kept getting an error message while trying to submit through Firefox, so now I'm trying I.E.)

What's with Mallard Fillmore mentioning Veronica Mars four times this week? Sally Forth mentioned it (and Rescue Me) also this week. Is this really a question for Gene Weingarten?

I love the show, but I'd almost rather NOT see a plot line on Mallard Fillmore about filling out petitions and stuff. It's just strange.

Lisa de Moraes: It can only be part of a sinister marketing campaign hatched by the shows's publicists to use cartoon ducks and chicks to manipulate their readers to watch their low-ish rated UPN series. Evil genius, I say, though I'm not sure the cartoon duck audience and the Veronica Mars audience are one in the same. They might better have Better had they placed the pitches in Zits...Zippy the Pinhead? And, by the way, Mallard is ill-informed in saying that the timeslot is killing "Mars." The show is getting better numbers this year than last -- 3.0 million viewers versus 2.7 million viewers at same point last season, thanks in part to its "America's Next Top Model" leadin...

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Rayne, La.: Lisa, How can NBC greenlight E-Ring back nine for a full season! This is one of the worst shows on NBC. Plus they had to move 8/7 on Wednesday to 9/8 central because it was getting killed by ABC monster hit Lost.

Lisa de Moraes: One word: Jerry Bruckheimer. Okay, that's two words..unless we spell it Jerrybruckheimer....

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Rockville, Md.: How about that supersize episode of Lost the other night? A whopping 4 minutes longer than usual! What a jip!

Lisa de Moraes: Did they actually promote that as a supersized episode? What rot...

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Waldorf, Md.: Am I the only one who likes How I Met Your Mother? I miss Friends, and this seems to be a fine substitute. But instead of a coffee shop, they meet in a bar ... and you have to admit, Doogie's slimy character is pretty funny. Anyone?

Lisa de Moraes: Neil Patrick Harris -- aka Doogie Howser's -- character on the show -- sleazy Barney -- is by far the best written, best acted character on the show. He is reason enough to watch this otherwise ho hum CBS Monday sitcom. If they're smart, they'll morph the show and give him more to do.This show is only a fine sub for "Friends" in its Tired Era -- the last three seasons.

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Herndon, Va.: Why in the world did Fox order "Kitchen Confidential" if it was going to show it 3 times, pull it for baseball, then cancel it? No wonder people don't like to start watching a Fox show; they rarely broadcast the show then cancel it for low ratings. If they let Arrested Development hang in for as long as it has they could've at least given KC a season.

Lisa de Moraes: I cannot explain some of the decisions that Fox makes with its series at the start of the season. It's virtually impossible for anything to stick what with their baseball commitment....

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Anonymous: I am ashamed to admit that I am HOOKED on Freddie. What's wrong with me? And how's the show doing, ratings-wise?

Lisa de Moraes: Well enough to renew but, more importantly, what's WRONG with you? What do you like about this show? The apartment?

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Lincoln Park, Washington, D.C.: Am I the only person who finds it a little tacky that NBC 4 is using George Michael's horseback accident as a ploy to attract viewers tonight?

Lisa de Moraes: It's the November sweeps, one of four times a year when TV execs throw out the window any shred of decency and self respect they have still lying around....

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Rockville, Md.: Lisa, what is your prediction on when "Scrubs" will return and which time slot it will receive?

Lisa de Moraes: Midseason -- how's that for vague -- and Tuesday

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Rochester, Minn.: Is there any truth to the report that Arrested Development is being picked up by Showtime?

Also what's the rating of Night Stalker like? It does have tough shows to compete with.

Thanks.

Lisa de Moraes: "Night Stalker" averages 5.3 million viewers. But, honey, last week was it's last episode. ABC has cancelled it.... It's time to let go of this one. And don't hold your breath on Showtime picking up "Arrested Development" -- it's unlikely. Boy, you sure know how to pick 'em...You need to fall in love with a nice, safe new show, like "Earl" or "Freddie" that's going to be around for a while. Think of it as dating: the losers may be loads more fun, but they're gonna break your heart when they leave -- and they always leave...

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WHOA: Whoa dirty word alert.. you are gonna written up by Kaiser look out

Lisa de Moraes: I think they operate under the assumption teens don't actually read....I think I'm safe....

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ER Watcher Here: Yes, a plane really crashed into downtown Chicago. Pratt put a mean old man on a medi-copter with his wife who really loves him despite the fact he's a drip (that was the

V(ery) S(pecial) E(pisode) portion of the show). He looks up in time to see an explosion in the sky, and it went from there. BUT -- the reunion between Neela and Michael (doctor in Iraq) at the end was like the ER of old. It seems like someone writing at NBC gets that we don't care about all the newbies. AND -- Heleh got rehired!

But seriously? Serena Williams as hysterical mom? She gave me a headache.

So now I can say I watched so you didn't have to!

Lisa de Moraes: Yes you can, and for that I'm grateful...

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Re: TV Guide: With cable and satellite systems now providing on-screen guides, there's no need to buy a magazine to get the listings.

Lisa de Moraes: exactl....

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Washington, D.C.: Lisa, what's your favorite TV show? And why?

Lisa de Moraes: This question reminds me of that flick "Groundhog Day." I'm gonna keep answering it until I get it right. So I won't say the BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice" because I'm so sick of answering this question that way I no longer can stomach even thinking about the BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice." I'm now going with a contemporary show and my choice this week is: "My Name is Earl" because it's a) new and b) charming and c) stars unattractive looking people which is so refreshing....I promise to have a different answer next week, for those of you who are disappointed with that answer...

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Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.: Lisa -- Is that John Stamos sitcom ("Everybody Loves/Hates/Is Indifferent To Jake" or whatever it's called) coming back midseason? I seem to recall that it was actually much better than one might expect it to be.

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, it's going to air Mondays at 9:30 p.m. after "Emily's Reasons Why Not" which is a new ABC comedy, the pilot of which was good but since the showrunner left right after the pilot it's anybody's guess how good it will be after that. Stamos' show is called "Jake in Progress" and I too was surprised that it was actually good. But, of course we were surprised; it stars John Stamos....

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Tenleytown, Washington, D.C.: Dear Lisa: House was a huge disappointment this week -- while the episodes last year with Sela Ward were handled well, this was trite as well as cliched. Lost looked like epic cinema in comparison.

Lisa de Moraes: Hooray -- they can't plow through the Sela Ward episodes fast enough for my taste. Best news I had all week was learning that she's doing a sitcom for some network or another, which means she won't have time, nor, presumably, will she be contractually able, to return to "House."

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Old balding white men question: Is Martha's male sidekick the same as the Donald's? Is he (or is either of them) the same as the butler that appeared one one of the reality shows where eligible bachelors/bachelorettes live in a mansion and vie to be given the final rose by the main contestant?

Lisa de Moraes: No, and I really miss that butler from "Joe Millionaire." He was charming in a scuzzy, reality-series sort of way. But I think the hunk gave the chicks jewelry, not roses, on that show. Unless I have my reality series butlers confused...But the balding white guy on Martha's show is the head of her company's board, I believe. You appear to be saying that all old balding white men look alike -- isn't that insensitive? Lord knows we don't want to be insensitive on this chat.

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The word Hit: "Hit" has become the most worthless word in the English language ..

Same with "Breaking News": "This just in! We have word that a cat is stuck in a street on the corner of Main and Elm ..."

Lisa de Moraes: oh, and "exclusive" which apparently means, in TV news-speak, that they are the only network interviewing that person at that exact minute in time. Another network may have the same person for the same interview 30-seconds later...

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McLean, Va.: OK, this was really hard, but I finally managed to come up with some GOOD things to say about the last episode of "Lost."

1. The opening shot played just like a spot-on satire of those Corona Beer commercials (beautiful tranquil beach scene, natural sounds, then BOOM!)

2. The Mr. Eko character

3. They managed to recap all the events from Jin washing up on the beach to our "present" place in the timeline in just a few minutes.

Of course, this last point also highlights just how slowly this story has begun to drag. (Wait! Strike that! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts. . .)

Lisa de Moraes: I like your attitude. Every Day, in Every Way, We Grow Kinder and Kinder...

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Birmingham, Ala.: Whoa! I've missed a few of your columns because I was busy with work the past month or so, but today is the first I knew that you didn't like Out of Practice. Along with the consensus choices of new sitcom winners (Everybody Hates Chris, My Name is Earl), I truly like Out of Practice. Some alumni of Frasier work behind the scenes, which I think shows in some of the writing. I think Henry Winkler is doing a good job of playing the anti-Fonzie, and I enjoy the playboy brother and the lesbian sister. What kills it for you?

Lisa de Moraes: It's not that the show is so awfully bad. Not "According to Jim" bad. It's just that the show has such a tremendous cast and they're squandered on mediocre-at-best writing -- and I know mediocre-at-best writing, believe me. I have taken mediocre-at-best writing to new heights. I'm tremendously disappointed in what I've seen so far, because I had great expectations for this one.

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McPherson, Washington, D.C.: What do you think of the Cobert Report? It was kind of iffy at first but I think he's settled into a groove. I love "better know a district"! George Bush: great president or greatEST president?

Lisa de Moraes: started off a bit shaky but definitely in a groove now. Last night's show was great.

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Alexandria, Va.: Lisa,

How is the Colbert Report doing? Does it look like it will last the 8 weeks Comedy Central gave it to establish itself?

I find it very funny, but it does take some getting used to.

Lisa de Moraes: Au contraire! Comedy Central gave it an order to fill out the rest of the season, or the rest of the year, or the rest of the decade, or something. Anyway, they gave it a big vote of confidence....

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M y name is (not) Earl: Love the show, but only the men are indifferent looking -- the women are beautiful! (Granted, one in an ultra-tacky, ready-to-wear boobs kind of way). Following the typical TV mode of so-so looking but funny men + gorgeous women = hit.

Lisa de Moraes: Joy is beautiful? Wow, you need an eye exam. The motel housecleaner friend is pretty, I admit, and very funny.

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Boston, Mass.: Have you noticed that there are no housewives on Desperate Housewives? Bree is a widow, Susan is a divorced single mom, Edie is also divorced and single, and Lynette is now working outside the home. Gabrielle is the closest thing to a housewife the show has, but with her husband in jail and given her infidelities, the housewife label doesn't seem to fit. Soccer games and minivans aren't exactly the stuff of riveting television, but are the writers really that uncreative that they could not come up with one interesting plot line involving an actual housewife? Rename the show "Sex and the Suburbs." Them ladies ain't housewives.

Lisa de Moraes: This is an excellent point and one I hope is not lost on the network or Marc Cherry if he's not too busy counting his money....

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Daily Show, NYC: Lisa, You should TOTALLY be a "special news correspondent" to the Daily Show on Comedy Central. Your sense of humor would fit right in and it would be nice addition to the mostly male cast. (I think Samantha Bee is pregnant, so the show needs another female while she is out on maternity leave!) You should have your agent talk to them about special guest appearances!

Lisa de Moraes: Have you seen the crowd from The Daily Show get up on stage when the show has won an Emmy? A sea of white men.. no room for women on that boat...I'm out of time. bye.

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