On TV

Reality, Non-Reality and Everything In-Between

Post TV Columnist Lisa de Moraes takes a look at what's on the tube in a fast-paced give and take about reality, non-reality, cable and you name it.

Join Lisa on Friday, Dec. 9, at 2 p.m. ET to discuss the latest on TV.

Submit your questions and comments before or during the discussion.

De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.

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McLean, Va.: Hello, Lisa. Two rants about earth-shattering, life-altering topics today.

First, I can't believe there's still discussion about giving the CBS anchor job to Katie Couric. Are these people nuts? Seems to me there plenty of real journalists -- some of whom are also telegenic, if that's the primary consideration -- at CBS and elsewhere without having to resort to Katie. Sheesh. Can't we just make her go away?

Second, I hope CBS has exiled the bozo who thought a "family edition" of Amazing Race was a good idea. But, who knows? Maybe we'll have kids and family members on Survivor, Big Brother, American Idol ...

Lisa de Moraes: Hi. Yes there are real journalists who might bring more credibility, but TV is a ratings game and Katie cops a number. CBS's evening newscast has been "mired in third place" since forever, but the unexpected exit of all three longtime anchors in a year has kind of leveled the playing field which gives CBS some actual hope of getting back in the game. Re sacking bozo who thought of family edition of "Amazing Race" I can't help you on. Warm and fuzzy reality series are all the rage these days -- blame "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Eve "Fear Factor" is touting fact that it's getting away from the gross out eating contests and focusing on having contestants perform "big stunts." I think family edition was an effort to make Amazing Race warmer and fuzzier. I'm not sure it worked. Some of those families - pretty dysfunctional.

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Ellicott City, Md.: Lisa -- what should I watch as a Holiday Special now that Jessica and Nick are no longer together? I'm crushed ... the holiday depression is setting in.

Lisa de Moraes: Can't they continue to do holiday specials, kind of like Cher and Sonny did their show after they split? I'd watch that...But, in the interim: I'm assuming Babs Wawa's upcoming ABC special "Heaven: Where Is It? How Do We Get There? Will I Get Better Service There Because I'm Babs Wawa And Have Touched The Lives of Millions of Little People, Not Just Some Nobody Who Took In Homeless Puppies?" will be spectacularly gringe-worthy. And I hear the Steve Guttenberg Xmas flick is so bad it's good. That's on Hallmark Channel, tomorrow night, I think. Or, how about Neil Patrick Harris assuming the Rob Lowe role as star of CBS's annual treacly Xmas flick, "The Christmas Blessing."

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Washington, D.C.: There is a great deal of scientific evidence that too much of anything is not healthy ... that includes TV. The medical data, on physical and mental health, points to screen-time being a major culprit in everything from obesity to lessening the number of people who participate in the political process. What is your position on watching the "tube" for hours and hours a day?

Lisa de Moraes: Get a treadmill and put it in front of your TV. That takes care of the obesity problem. Get TV's and put them in the places where people have to line up to vote. That takes care of the not participating in the political process. Any other problems I can solve for you and America?

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Washington, D.C.: They're re-doing Dancing With The Stars? Do you think they'll be able to find some real stars this time?

P.S. I can't stand Katie Couric. Have you noticed that her hair is the same color as her face? If she didn't wear lipstick you wouldn't be able to tell she actually has a face.

Lisa de Moraes: The fun of "Dancing with the Stars" is that the "stars" are "has beens." I differ with you and hope they keep that up. Re Couric, I did not notice she had become so beige...

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Popetown: Lisa,

I have to disagree with your assessment about 7 million people being interested in pope movies. It's gotta be 14 million. Not even the holiest Catholic in the world could've watched both movies.

Lisa de Moraes: It would be interesting to see the research, re whether it was the same people twice or different folks for each flick. My guess, obviously, is that it was the same people.

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Falls Church, Va.: I posted this question last week, but you didn't answer. I'm not able to be online live.

Do you know if HBO's Rome is coming back for another season, and, if so, when?

Lisa de Moraes: Yes it is; but they've only said 2007.

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Providence, R.I.: Love your column and chat. How do you watch television shows? TiVo? Tape? Do you sit on your couch like Nielsen families and watch? Also, do you think there's any chance of Tom Shales ever doing a chat?

Lisa de Moraes: I watch them earnestly. Honestly, you guys have NO idea how tough this job is. You think it's fun watching episodes of "According to Jim" in order to try to figure out what the Family Friendly Forum, or whatever the heck those advertisers call themselves, were smoking when they named it the most family friendly sitcom on TV? It's grueling, thankless work. Re Shales doing a chat, I'll pass along your request.

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Holiday Musings: Lisa,

You know what I really miss? Kathie Lee Holiday Specials. Not the show themselves, mind you, but the Tom Shales reviews. They were great.

Lisa de Moraes: I know, I miss Shales' reviews too. We were discussing it the other day during a Style section meeting about holiday fare -- aka our annual get together to decide how to do this year's version of the annual Style story on why all holiday movies suck. Somehow we got to wondering who, if anyone, is the new Kathie Lee of holiday specials. We couldn't come up with anyone. It's sad.

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RE: Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer: Is it just me or does his father come off as a total jerk.

And is it true what they say about Elf "dentists"?

Lisa de Moraes: You didn't know it was a teen angst project?

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Severna Park, Md.: There is also scientific evidence that TV is totally awesome!

Everyone yap yap yaps about how much better books are than TV. Blah blah blah. TV gives me light and warmth throughout the year. If you want light and warmth out of a book, you have to burn it.

I'm just sayin ...

Lisa de Moraes: Wow -- which shows are you getting that give you light and warmth? I'm just askin....

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Bethesda, Md.: I heard that "Joey" was canceled ... and then I heard it'll be on a break but will come back after the winter Olympics. Which one is true? I hope it hasn't been canceled because it's been pretty funny this season (unlike it's boring first season).

Lisa de Moraes: It will be "back" after the Games, but not on Thursday night, NBC says.

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Ballston, Va.: Do you think at some point you might bring some journalistic value to your job? You know like give us some breaking news on Dave Chappelle? Or do you just sit in front of your TV and say "hmmm, that was good." or "hhhmmm ... that wasn't good." I mean, does your editor ever feel cheated in any way?

Lisa de Moraes: Mom? Is that you again?...

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Panda Show: If Tai Shan was to make a movie, what do you think the plot would be? Godfather, Part IV? Tai, the Butterstick?

Lisa de Moraes: No, silly, it would absolutely have to be a procedural crime show, in which Tai Shan solves all those animal deaths at the National Zoo, and then talks to the ghosts of the dead animals while wearing a tight T-shirt....

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Arlington, Va.: Hmmm, I think I smell a rat. Tuesday during the day NBC and Apple announce a deal to sell NBC shows on iTunes. Then Tuesday nite on "The Office" Michael gets overzealous and buys someone a video iPod for a Secret Santa gift. How cool to watch an TV episode about a video iPod ON a video iPod.

By the way, Lisa ... I want your job.

Lisa de Moraes: Oh honey, smell of rats at NBC was already very strong, since that recent episode of "Medium":

Arquette Hubby: Look hon (holds up newspaper), they're having a sneak preview of "Memoirs of a Geisha" at the Bijou.

Arquette: "Memoirs of a Geisha"! I love that! Let's go!

(Cut to)

Movie theater. In lobby, under huge banner that reads "Memoirs of a Geisha! Two Big Thumbs Up!" Arquette and hubby encounter someone with whom Arquette Huggy had very hot sex years ago:

Hot Sex Chick: Hi Arquette hubby! Remember our hot sex? Well, you're wife is seeing it right now in her capacity as person who sees dead people and old sex acts. But that's beside the point -- what are you guys here to see?

Arquette Hubby: (nervously) "Memoirs of a Geisha"!

Hot Sex Chick: "Memoirs of a Geisha"! We just saw that! You'll love it!

(Cut to ad for "Memoirs of a Geisha.")

Get used to it. You're going to see a lot of this kind of thing on all the networks.

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Alexandria Ranting: I can't believe McLean's rant! What TV news shows have they been watching if they think Ms. Couric would be out of place? Walter Cronkite retired many, many years ago.

Lisa de Moraes: Are you suggesting that all news programs are little better than "Today"? That's a scary thought.

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Reprint the old Kathie Lee reviews: Label them an "appreciation" or something. I loved them.

Lisa de Moraes: What a nice idea....seriously.

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Frigid City, Mo.: Posting early since the frost is making using the keyboard hard.

Per last week's discussion on whether or not Katie Couric is --hot --, this Web site lets you, the informed public, decide:

Reportervote.com

The current results might surprise you.

Lisa de Moraes: have at it, guys:

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Bada Bing: Whither Sopranos?

Lisa de Moraes: It goest to March, HBO sayest...(sayeth?)

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College Park, Md.: Is it wrong that I love Project Runway? I can't seem to get enough of it.

Lisa de Moraes: I have not yet watched new edition but have heard from someone here that it's terrific, even though scary Wendy Pepper is back.

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Philly, Pa.: Why do all the TV haters get to hang around the TV chat? I mean, I don't intrude on their Brainy McEgghead chats going on and on about how reading is hard or whatnot.

Lisa de Moraes: Let's crash that chat next week, shall we?

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Largo, Md.: It seems every actor/actress is a executive producer and every show has 3 and 4 of them. So what does an executive producer do?

Lisa de Moraes: An executive producer gets paid a second time. If you're the actor you get paid once, if you're also an exec producer, you get paid again. I'm trying to get the Washington Post to make me an executive producer. So far, no luck, though. There is no defining what an exec producer is, because it's been rendered pretty meaningless. You can't throw a dead cat in Hollywood these days without hitting an executive producer. It's like lawyers in Washington.

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Katie would be PERFECT for CBS!: It's the only "news" show where she could improve the journalistic credibility.

Lisa de Moraes: I know -- particularly during the fantasy wedding bits during sweeps. You're not a fan of Schieffer, I take it.

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Louisville, Ky.: Re: iPod and Geisha,

If all of you people with DVR and TiVo hadn't messed everything up, we'd only have commercials during the commercials. You have only yourselves to thank, really. You ruined it for the rest of us.

And really, wasn't it pretty cold that Pam repeatedly chose the iPod over the teapot?

Lisa de Moraes: Come on, it will be fun watching the writers on shows trying to come up with new and clever ways to work products into storylines. Washing machines, iPods, the Geico gekko(I'm watching him right now on my tv and really, someone should star him in a sitcom).

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K Street: Tai Shan should be the next mysterious animal to turn up on Lost. He and Vincent could hang out together.

Lisa de Moraes: Perfect!

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Washington, D.C.: You know how everyone always asks who the hell is watching shows like Yes Dear and According to Jim? Well, this Thanksgiving I found out the answer ... my parents. They love those shows and were shocked that I didn't consider them appointment television. So the mystery is solved -- you can all blame my parents for keeping King of Queens on the air.

Lisa de Moraes: As I suspected, parents are to blame. Isn't it always that way? Oh wait, maybe that's a question for Hax....

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Capitol Hill, D.C.: Lisa,

I hear that now that Saddam Hussein has boycotted his own trial, he will be getting his own talk show on Fox. Since he only speaks a rustic dialect of Arabic, his ratings may suffer, at least at first. Do you think (here's where your advice comes in) he should kill some folks on the air to boost ratings? Or should he have live "dates" with barnyard animals? Only someone who watches a lot of TV could answer this question.

Lisa de Moraes: I am only posting this question because I am shocked and awed that it got by the decency police over at dotcom. Isn't the Web great?

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Chicago, Ill.: NBC is moving The Office and Earl to Thursdays? That's not good. What am I supposed to watch on Tuesdays now, Commander in Chief? I'm sure that's where they are going to move Joey and pair it with Scrubs.

Lisa de Moraes: I know what you mean, but NBC is to be commended for realizing that its Thursday is supposed to be the Sacred Night of Comedy. Maybe we should form a book club to meet on Tuesday nights?...

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Annandale, Va.: Lisa,

I am thinking about you right now as I look out and see the stars through the sun roof of my brand new car. I mean -- MY BRAND NEW CAR! Don't you just want to hug me? I mean, after all, I do have a brand new car and all. It's a car. It's brand new. And it's mine.

Lisa de Moraes: Are you on your way to go see "Memoirs of a Geisha"?

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de more-EYES Rules TV Land: Lemme get this straight; Al Sharpton (?!) is getting his own sitcom, but "Arrested Development" is getting canceled? Is there a God?

Lisa de Moraes: no. didn't you get the memo? But hey, if putting Sharpton on CBS's comedy lineup is what it takes to get "Yes Dear" off the lineup, I'm willing to make the sacrifice and watch..

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Capitol Hill, D.C.: Lisa,

I really enjoyed "Rome" and found it of generally very high quality. Now with the Caesar character gone, the series will have lost its "center of gravity" as it looks toward beginning its second season in 2007. But by then, "The Sopranos" will have film its final episode, so why couldn't James Gandolfino be hired to play Caesar's ghost? I know he's way fat, but who knows what old Julius would look like after a year or so in the afterlife? And after all, they're both Italians (Caesar, not Cirian Hinds, and Fat Jimmy). Right?

Lisa de Moraes: okay, you need to turn your TV off and walk away.

(And suggesting that James Gandolfini could step in for the fabulous Cirian Hinds -- that's just wrong.)

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Washington, D.C.: So did you see the preview for the new Fox rip off show ... Ice Skating with celebrities ...? I almost gagged and died when I saw it ... It looked pretty bad.

Lisa de Moraes: leave it to Mike Darnell to find a way to skank up "Dancing with the Stars," which already read pretty high on the skank-o-meter. You gotta love the guy.

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Capitol Hill, D.C.: Come on, we all know that Tai Shan is going to wind up as a guest star on "Will and Grace" before the season is up, which will prompt uproarious gay "bear" jokes from Will and Jack, Karen will compare his physique to Stanley's, and his cuteness will prompt Grace to lapse into another pathetic pity party over her childlessness. And they'll all battle over who gets to bed him.

Lisa de Moraes: ...perfect, if you can find a way to make it a crossover episode with "My Name is Earl" when it moves to Thursday.

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Eastern Market, Washington, D.C.: Let's put the ol' Butterstick on "My Name Is Earl." I mean, it's only a matter of time before he's going to be stuffing his face and lounging around like a redneck hick full time anyway, as pandas are wont to do. He'll fit right in!

Lisa de Moraes: We're still working out that storyline...

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Alexandria, Va.: I realized why Super Bowl commercials are so appealing. If you follow the NFL same team from week to week (the Redskins on Fox), you see the same commercials week after week. I had to stop drinking beer to notice this.

Lisa de Moraes: But you're not supposed to stop drinking beer when you watch the NFL. The NFL was created to sell beer....

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Survivor: Since Annandale started it with the mention of the car -- which is how it went down on Survivor last night -- let's talk about this year's season. Currently left on "the island" we have a fishmonger, a gay Mormon, a reallllllly skinny sports radio announcer (she is getting scary skinny) and Stephanie the obligatory pharmaceutical sales rep. What would reality TV be without pharmaceutical sales reps?

Also I read that Jeff Probst is staying on for future seasons.

Which begs the question: is this a great country or what?

Lisa de Moraes: ...yes and thanks for the great trend story: Pharmaceutical Sales Reps on Reality TV Series: Do They Have an Unfair Advantage?

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Jersey, Jersey: Tuesday Nights are meant for "House" not book club. Sheesshh! !

Lisa de Moraes: Saturday night then? After AMW. Fox ends an hour early, we could meet then.

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Earl crossover - : #87 -- Taunted a baby panda at the zoo. Earl makes it up to the panda by preventing Joy from turning it into a coat.

Lisa de Moraes: Brilliant. You guys missed your calling. You should be out in Hollywood, double-dipping as star and exec producer of your own sitcom...

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Tai Shan and Bear Jokes: Come on, "Will and Grace" would never panda to their audience like that.

Lisa de Moraes: ...da dum dum!

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A: The promos for American Idol say this will be the best season ever. Didn't they say that last year?

Lisa de Moraes: Maybe this year they've changed Paula's meds?

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HQ For The War on Christmas: Fox News has declared war on The War on Christmas. Will they have the flag morph into a Christmas Tree morph into the Fox logo before the week's over? Wasn't Jon Stewart's retort towards O'Reilly great?

Lisa de Moraes: I know -- and you thought the folks at FNC didn't have a sense of humor...

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Potomac, Md.: Why is The Apprentice still on the air? I watched the first season with great interest, but it's gone (more) corporate and is really boring. And does The Donald really have that many high-position job openings available? And why give them to people who survive his unreality show?

Lisa de Moraes: Because, while its numbers are down, the remaining viewers tend to have money. Go figure. Advertisers like having their spots on shows watched by people with money and when you're a network like NBC, which is in some pretty big ratings trouble this season, you grab at shows like that. Re the jobs, I'm assuming The Donald just figures they salary into the cost of doing business in TV. Really, $250,000 is like the cost of 5 minutes of a TV program.

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Brilliant statement from meteorologist yesterday: This is true, I swear I saw it with my own eyes and had two witnesses. Brian Van der Graff actually said yesterday that "the more it snows the deeper it gets". And said it with a straight face as though it was something profound that the rest of us mere mortals couldn't figure out on our own.

Lisa de Moraes: so sorry I missed that mensa moment.

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Olney, Md.: Speaking of NFL commercials, what is your take on ones where the Burger King is nabbing touchdown passes and high-stepping his way to the end zone?

Lisa de Moraes: That Burger King Masked Man frightens me. I bet that ad is terrifying children all over the country..and I can't wait to ready the Kaiser Family Foundation study on it.

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Alexandria, Va.: What's your take on the cable companies selling us individual channels? Do you think it will ever happen? Is there any chance we will pay less money?

Lisa de Moraes: Pay less money -- you are too cute!

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Alexandria, Va.: My big idea is a TV movie version of "Pride and Prejudice", but set in America. How do I sell it to the networks?

Lisa de Moraes: You won't....it'll never fly.

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Enough already!: I love panda bears as much as the next person -- possibly even more! -- but for goodness sake, that whole "Butterstick" thing is like, so, September. Good lord.

Lisa de Moraes: I too am very over the whole Panda story. I think we should leave the poor thing alone...

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Fairfax, Va.: Pookie, love the chat. Did anybody else see the Today show this morning when they had an ice sculpture of Katie Couric and it was announced that a number of dogs had chosen to, um, mark it rather than the ice sculpture of Matt Lauer ...

Lisa de Moraes: Now, see, that's what that other "Cronkite retired ages ago" person on the chat was talking about when he/she mentioned the journalistic credibility Couris would bring the the show...

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Washington, D.C.: Thanks for taking our questions. They make my week end a whole lot better! I thoroughly enjoyed "Desperate Housewives" last season, but this season has been ho-hum. Do you agree? Will the show have jumped the shark if they get rid off Marcia Cross's character, Bree Van DeCamp? I notice too that the show shortened the opening jingle. Now they start the show with an opening teaser, then the shortened jingle (with no star credits), and finally back to the show. Does that mean anything?

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, it means they know the show is floundering...

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Columbia, Md.: I must really be older than anyone else in this chat if they do not remember product placement when TV first started. Lucy had to smoke what ever cigarette was sponsoring her show. The "Texaco Theater" and if I remember correctly different coffees were specifically used in some of the shows on TV. Nothing really ever changes.

Lisa de Moraes: Of course you're right, and we can be happy in the knowledge we're heading back to the Golden Age of Television.

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Best television moment ever: Last night on Ch. 5's 10 p.m. newscast, Roby Chavez explained what an ice scraper is for. Now, that's good TV!

Lisa de Moraes: Golly, sounds like I need to start watching more local news....I'm missing all this good stuff: the more it snows the deeper it gets, ice scraping 101, etc. ...

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Earl lives nearby: Has anyone noticed the references on Earl that seem to point to him living in southern Pennsylvania or Maryland?

Lisa de Moraes: I'll bite. What are they?

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Reporter Web site: Have you looked at it? Poor Ann Curry -- she's at the bottom of all the categories! Hahahahahaha!!!

Lisa de Moraes: which explains why CBS is not chasing her...

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Jonestown, Guyana : Can we have a two Katie Couric questions per chat quota? Please ....

Lisa de Moraes: sorry, I think I've already blown that....

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Houston, Tex.: Yes -- I scream out loud whenever the Burger King commercials appear on my screen -- however, that's what makes great ads -- Just try to find someone who hasn't seen it and doesn't have an opinion (and most folks are just damned scared of him - Remember the one where the guy wakes up and the King is in bed with him ...most frightening.)

Lisa de Moraes: I have nightmares about those ads...

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Over pandas: To clarify, I meant that we should all drop the Butterstick name, not that we should send the little fellow out into the wilds of Montana (though it would probably be safer there given the zoo's track record ...)

Lisa de Moraes: Butterstick is cute, everyone needs a nickname....

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Alexandria, Va.: My TiVo is more fun than my boyfriend. What should I do?

Lisa de Moraes: The question is, do you think you will ever find a boyfriend who is more fun than your TiVo. In the unlikely case your answer is "yes," by all means, dump him now, or, if you need a date to the company Christmas party, immediately thereafter because if you show up with your TiVo you will frighten your co-workers. But if your answer is "no" then find a way to come to grips with the fact that TiVo is the Practically Perfect Companion and that all men in your life are destined to fall short in comparison. Bye.

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