Gratuities 101

Who and What To Tip

Stacie Krajchir , co-author of "The Itty Bitty Guide to Tipping," was online Monday, Dec. 12, at 2 p.m. ET to discuss everything from how much to tip at beauty salons and coffee shops to gratuities specific to the holiday season.

Gratuities 101 , ( Post, Dec. 11, 2005 )

The transcript follows.

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Chapel Hill, N.C.: Arriving at a hotel, one's car is surrounded by potential tipees. One opens your door, one the passenger's door, one gets baggage out of the trunk, another pushes the trolley into the hotel, someone takes your car to be parked and a final person shows up later at your room with the luggage. How much should each of these 6 people be tipped? Is there a fair way to tip the 5 outside people without running a marathon handing out $10 bills?

Stacie Krajchir: Basic rule is if you will be staying at this hotel a few days, you can opt out of the per situation tip and choose to tip $10 to $20 at top of your stay to doorman or manager and tip the equal upon check out. The word gets around the front door staff and you will be fine. If you feel at the end of your stay on one person was of most help , tip directly to this person.

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Washington, D.C.: I need an answer desperately. Please help. I always give a monetary gift (and holiday card) to the front desk staff (full time and part time/weekend) and maintenance workers(bldg engineer and porters) in my condo building. But I don't know what to do about the building manager--the person from the management company who works M-F, 9 to 5, running the office located in the bldg. In the past I gave a card and non-monetary gift to the manager. (I thought she might be offended by cash with the card, and she seemed to enjoy the gifts--usually a box of premium chocolates.) Now there's a young guy, and I feel stupid giving him a box of chocolates, but don't want to offend him by giving cash. And I don't know him well enough to know what gift to get. And yes, I am too embarrassed by my lack of social skills to ask around. So, what is appropriate for a professional office worker in a service field? I am losing sleep over this. Well, not really, but you get the idea.

Stacie Krajchir: Depending on if you chat with him at all and know anything about him-- guys are usually very satisfied with a gift certificate say to video store, i tunes music gift card, best buy.. you get the picture-- TOYS and TECH are always appreciated and a good bet!

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Washington, D.C.: I recently had a "discussion" with a friend of mine when we traveled together and split a hotel room. I was astonished to learn that he doesn't tip hotel cleaning staff because "it's their job." I know that restaurant servers don't make minimum wage and need tips to make a decent living, but what about other service industries? Does the same logic apply?

Stacie Krajchir: There are tipper sand there are non tippers. Generally you will not be able to sway one team to the other side. Accept your friend is not as cultured or simply has his own views... it is appropriate to tip service industry workers-- valets, barbers, cabbies, massage therapists etc

Regarding housekeeping , depending on your level hotel (ie 2 star versus 5 star) 2-5 dollars per night is fine. Be sure to leave tip in envelope on pillow or money on pillow with note "for housekeeping" as they are not permitted to assume money left on nightstand or on bed is theirs. If you see your housekeeper, hand it to her directly, this is always appreciated!

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Austin, Tex.: I've gone to the same hairdresser for over a decade and I really like her. She is self-employed, she just rents space at a salon. She charges $160 for a full color and cut...should I be tipping her nothing, 15% or 20%? And what do I tip the girl who washes my hair?

Stacie Krajchir: The old saying don't tip the owner is really somewhat outdated. We interviewed a large number or owners and in truth, they should be tipped, but it's up to you as always. I say depending on your relationship, tip accordingly.

If you have been going to the same hairdresser for this long, I would imagine she has saved you from some style mishaps here and there and you are "friends" and saying thank you now and then is a nice gesture.

I think now that you have been coming to her for so long you can bring her a trinket, if she likes wine, bring a nice bottle in, a fan of sports? get her some baseball tickets. Around holiday a really nice personal gift is appropriate. Please remember to include a holiday card with your tip/gift!

Cash is not always the answer, sometimes a simple thank you is enough!

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Washington, D.C.: As a social non-drinker, I feel bad when my bar bill is significantly less than my drinking friends because the server is making less money. Should I tip more than 20% to compensate for the smaller expense?

Stacie Krajchir: Not necessary. It's great you feel their pain, but unless you are ordering virgin margaritas and requiring extra effort, don't over tip.

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Naples, Fla.: Should the tip in buffet restaurant be less than in full service? What about partial buffet, where the waiter brings drinks?

Stacie Krajchir: The deal with buffets: if there is someone bringing you drinks, handling refills, providing clean napkins, extra condiments, or clearing plates, they are still offering a service, so tip 10% to 15% of whatever your bill was at the register. If there is no significant service, then no tip is necessary.

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Reston, Va.: Tip for takeout? That's insane! I'm not being waited on at the restaurant! I'm sick of this idea that we have to tip everyone! Tipping has gotten out of hand completely. Now, indifferent to lousy service employees expect 15 percent or more, but we're not getting quality service.

I don't get tips at my job, why should I tip everyone else? You can say what you want about waiters and drivers, but if we stopped tipping, the establishments would not be able to keep employees and be forced to raise wages to a reasonable rate.

Sick of being ripped off with lousy service in Reston!

Stacie Krajchir: I hear your pain...!

Basically I suggest that if you are going to the same take out place regularly it's a good idea to tip your take out person. My take out place knows my order when I call in, they toss in a little extra this and that and always have it ready to go with all our favorite little requests. I appreciate not having to slowly give my order to some clueless person on the other end and getting

quick service.

Tipping is TOTALLY up to you always. Remember that.

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Washington, D.C.: Good afternoon. My hairdresser and her dedicated shampoo assistant are independent contractors sharing space in a salon. I normally tip the shampoo assistant $5.00. (My haircuts cost about $60). Should I tip her, as well as the hairdresser, for the holidays? If so, please advise of an appropriate tip. Thanks.

Stacie Krajchir: In regards to holiday tipping, a small gift is appropriate. Perhaps in your chats you learned she/he likes movies or wine, give some movie gift certificate or a nice bottle of wine. Baked goods are always received well -- tipping does not have to be cash. Always include a card with any gift or tip.

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Washington, D.C.: So, I work at this boutique Xmas tree lot. (sports stars, local TV folks, other rich folks - I help pick out the tree, ring up the sale, and tie the tree to the Mercedes or SUV) I worked a 9 hour day yesterday busting my behind (the work is really exhausting) and made a decent pile of tips. Here's the funny part, I got loads of $5 tips, a few $10s and a few $20s, but I got stiffed so many times its impossible to count. I know there are clueless/classless people out there (loads among the rich) but the disparity between $20 (obviously a huge tip) and not even a measly dollar is hilarious. I think its the same people that think that having their groceries loaded into the car by a Safeway employee is "included in the price." What's your opinion on Xmas trees/grocery boys?

Stacie Krajchir: A service is a service. Those who don't tip just don't know or don't care .There is no rhyme or reason re $20 versus $5 tips, just the nature of how things work.

I think grocery and the tree person should be tipped something. Not very many people opt for grocery help but if they do a few dollars is nice, especially if the weather is harsh or your have a large load.

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Fairfax, Va.: When I started sending my kids out into the world they were both concerned about tipping.

My daughter asked me to get her one of those little "cheat sheet" cards and my son actually came out and asked the woman who cuts his hair, "how much should I tip you?"

My question... how do I tip my house cleaners at Christmas time when it's not always the same 2 or 3 people each time (the total group is about 6 or so people)? I can't afford to give each of them $20--it's stretching my budget just to have them come to my house to clean twice a month.

Stacie Krajchir: I always say tipping does NOT have to be cash-- a small gift, some baked goods, a nice card is sufficient if your budget is tight. People understand and at the end of the day a "thank you " is worth double in dollars!

Good for you and your kids-- tell them= to use the calculator on their cell phones if necessary! Good job !

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Washington, D.C.: Perhaps I'm not "cultured" enough, but I really resent the people who give you soap and towels in a bathroom (restaurant, hotel, etc.) This is something I can do just fine on my own and feel the bathroom is a more private place where I don't want an audience. How do I indicate I would rather get the soap on my own and am not intending to tip. Thanks!

Stacie Krajchir: A simple "no thank you" is sufficient.

And these are a bit annoying. Unless tech attendant sews a button on for you or removes a stain no tip is necessary

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Alexandria, Va.: We ride a shuttle to and from the Metro station each day. Our driver can be a saving grace during bad commutes. What and/or how should we tip him for the holidays?

Stacie Krajchir: Really it's up to you, if your relationship is personal and you know a bit about him, and really like him give him something relating to his interests ie: sports (tickets) movies (gift certificate) a nice dinner for two is great during the holidays ! with Cash--Anywhere from $50 up if you can afford that!

No matter what you decide to tip, please include a card!

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Portland, Ore.: What about tipping for a massage that is paid for through ones health insurance? I wouldn't presume to tip most health care providers... but this seems different?

Stacie Krajchir: tip 15% a service is a service no matter who is paying !

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Northern Virginia: How about daycare providers for infants and toddlers? I had read that nanny's get one week's pay, so last year I divided one week of daycare fees for my child's three daycare teachers (giving $100 per teacher) plus a very small gift from my son, but I got the impression afterwards that most people don't give nearly that much. Am I overdoing it?

Stacie Krajchir: I commend your willingness to show your appreciation, however , in this case do not give teachers or day care providers money --period.

Based on interviews we have done, money in this situation is viewed as "buying" attention and makes the receiver very uncomfortable.

A nanny is not the same as a day care provider.

Teachers work hard a nice massage or facial is appreciated or anything else that says relax enjoy!

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Chantilly, Va.: In your article, you didn't mention the mailman. What's appropriate for the carriers?

Stacie Krajchir: By law, mail carriers cannot accept monetary tips or gifts that are valued above $20

Give baked goods or small item that says thank you. Also

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Re: Tipping for takeout: In college I worked in a restaurant that required that we turn over 3 percent of our total sales of the night as tips for hosts, etc. This meant that we actually lost money if we took a takeout order that didn't tip. I don't know how prevalent this practice is but I always make sure that I tip a couple of dollars just in case.

Stacie Krajchir: I agree and always try to explain to people this theory!

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Washington, D.C.: I was excited to see a chat on this after reading the column. My question is related to bartenders.

When a barkeep leaves drinks off your bill, how much should you tip? Should it be equal to the amount he comped, which almost defeats the purpose? Should it be half that? Should it be twice per drink what you'd normally do? I've heard many different explanations, none agreeing with each other. Thanks so much!

Stacie Krajchir: No real answer there. Use your best judgment-- is this a place you frequent? Do you know the bartender? I sit crowded? If you come here often it's wise to tip well, as bartenders remember faces based on tips!

Also if you are at a crowded bar--per our interviews tip big on the first round and you will always be served in the sea of drink seekers!

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Rockville, Md.: Can you explain how tipping differs from country to country. How does the US compare with the rest of the world?

Stacie Krajchir: Like everything else in this country many people see tipping as a power trip, so you can only imagine.... Tipping is actually either included in many other countries (Europe) or altogether uncomfortable and avoided until recently (Japan, China, Indonesia)

"A fair tip or one on the generous side, will leave a pleasant feeling and respect for you in the one that receives it. A lavish one will create a secret disrespect and add to the reputation Americans have for trying to buy their way into everything."

Eleanor Roosevelt

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Gaithersburg, Md.: I just moved to a new apartment about a week ago, and when I received my Sunday paper, there was a card for tipping inside. While, I am assuming the person who lived there before me also received the paper, I don't think I need to tip someone for delivering papers successfully for eight days.

How would you handle this?

Stacie Krajchir: Tip at the holidays to say thanks in some little way...

a tip year round is really up to you

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Washington, D.C.: Any thoughts on tipping the dog walker at Christmas time? We pay for a monthly service that is about $350 per month for half-an-hour walk per day, five days per week?

Stacie Krajchir: One week's pay and/or a gift

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Arlington, Va.: Confused transplanted European here. Am I expected to give something to the front desk staff in my building for the holidays? I mean yes they're nice, they take the mail and such, but there are several of them and I tend to consider these services to be included in my rent. Am I a horrible person?

Stacie Krajchir: This is up to you. Generally per interviews we conducted

$10 to $50 is fine.

If they go beyond the call of their job ie delivers large packages weekly, dry cleaning etc. split tip among staff or give a small gift ie order them some pizza or take out on you! At the end of the day a holiday card is sufficient. Saying "thank you" is never a bad thing!

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Fairfax, Va.: What about people who perform a weekly service during the year, for instance, lawn maintenance, swimming pool maintenance, weekly trash pickup, what is an appropriate amount, if any?

Stacie Krajchir: Please note these are APPROXIMATES.

Holiday tipping should be based on your relationship and more importantly on your budget.

Tips do not have to be cash-- and tip your primary team FIRST -- that is those who save your life each day or week (nanny )

Dog walkerOne week's pay and/or a gift

Fitness trainer, personal Cost of one session

Garage attendants $10 to $20 each

Housekeeper/cleaner One day's pay

Mail carriers U.S. government regulations permit carriers to accept gifts worth up to $20 each, not cash

Massage therapist One session's fee, and/or gift

Nanny One week's to one month's salary based on tenure and customs in your area, plus a small gift from your child

Newspaper deliverer $10 to $20

Personal caregiver One week's salary, plus a small gift

Pool cleaner Cost of one cleaning

Yard and garden worker $20 to $40

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Bethesda, Md.: Do you need to tip the waiter who brings you room service when a room service charge is added to the bill?

Stacie Krajchir: not necessary

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Washington, D.C. - Frequent Taxi Passenger:: HELP! I understand that, for single-digit fares, one generally just rounds up $1 or $2; that higher fares take a 10-15% multiplier, also rounded up; and that vast distances can call for even more.

Here's my problem: as someone who takes a cab almost every day, the condition of the cars and the competence of the drivers is just pushing me over the edge! At least once in every four trips, the cab is in an unsafe condition or, during summer is not air-conditioned. At least once in every three trips, the driver doesn't know how to get someplace perfectly common, and/or tries to overcharge me.

So what should people do?

Stacie Krajchir: If service is that bad, or unacceptable don't tip .But please call the company and express your concerns , otherwise you are not tipping and no one is moving forward or learning anything!

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Raleigh, N.C.: I have never minded tipping restaurant servers, bartenders, hairdressers, bellhops, hotel maids, etc. However, I object to the fact that tip jars seem to be springing up in casual food retail/takeaway environments like Starbucks, sandwich shops, etc. It seems (supported by the comment in your article from a coffee shop employee) that employees expect a tip for good service. It used to be that good, friendly service was offered because it was the right thing to do, not in expectation of a tip. Customer service is getting worse and worse at the same time that tip jars are becoming more prevalent. I have worked front-end in casual food retail environments and took customer service very seriously, without expectation of a tip. I just treated people in the way that I would want to be treated as a customer. I usually do put a tip in the jar - because I feel that service could be affected, which I don't feel is how it should be. I am interested in your reaction.

Stacie Krajchir: I agree, it just is what it is--people tip our of fear of food fondling issues , some out of need for power or ego, and the end of the day it should be for good service as you state.

There is no way to get around the fear, just have faith that tips won't affect your food and forge ahead!

You already know my theory on Starbucks!

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Holiday tipping in the service industry: My wife tips our newspaper and dry cleaning delivery people $20 for the year and the daycare teachers about $150. I want to limit the minor service people to $10 this year. I don't give my barber more than $10 for the holidays and won't go higher. This way we could bump up the daycare to $60 per person or $180 and not feel the effects. My wife thinks any tip under $20 is an insult, but I think we need to focus on important people first. What's your take?

Stacie Krajchir: Hmm I answered this question above-- if you can't find it let me know.

Basically tip your MAJOR team first those who save your life each day or week !

And you can certainly get away from giving cash your wife sounds grateful and very giving, you can try to also "give outside the box"

Stay away from giving your daycare money-- (see other related question) I suggest

a gift certificate to a spa or dinner for two someplace nice.

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Riverdale, Md.: I've never tipped my postal carrier or my trash pick-up crew ... mainly because I'm never too sure how to go about doing it.

I leave for work in the morning, typically before the trash people come, and arrive back home well after the mail comes, so I never actually -see- these people, aside from the chance weekend encounter for the mailman, or when my leaving happens to coincide with the garbage truck.

I'm a little leery of just leaving an envelope atop a bag of trash, fearing it might be picked up by an unscrupulous neighbor, or just as bad, pitched or sent to the dead letter office.

Help?

Stacie Krajchir: You can try a few options:

Try to see if a neighbor is around or works from home.

Leave a note for your garbage man asking for an address or leave a box of baked goods on your doorstep (leave note letting them know )

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Arlington, Va.: What are your thoughts about tipping a waiter/waitress when the service is bad? I don't mean cold food or when the restaurant is very busy. But how about when the waiter snares at the customer, the order never arrives in a reasonable period of time, the waiter takes one's plate before the customer is finished, or the waiter rushes the customer ?

Stacie Krajchir: When you are unhappy with service PLEASE tell the manager -- they want to know this stuff , really!

will at least feel better and waitress will also figure out if he or she doesn't step it up , they will be out of a job.

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Reston, Va.: Am I the only one who finds tip jars at coffee shops (and similar places) odd? I don't understand the idea of tipping someone for making my $4 cup of coffee when I walk up to them and wait at the bar for it to be ready. There is no added service over somewhere like McDonald's, but there is an expectation of a tip? On the assumption that I am just mean/cheap/etc., can you enlighten me on this practice and why I should start tipping at my local Starbucks? Thanks!

Stacie Krajchir: Agreed!

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Northern Delaware: This morning article was very interesting, as the holidays are coming up. I usually tip/gift the community workers we see regularly (mailman, garbage man, etc.) $10-20 and my sons' teachers/day care givers $20-30. What do you think about people who are a little more on the periphery, like school bus drivers? Both are very nice, but I was really just thinking of a token gift until another mom at the bus stop suggested that the 4 sets of parents go in for a $50 gift certificate for each one. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Stacie Krajchir: Great idea, I suggest group gift certificates all the time-- try to get away from always thinking a tip has to be cash, it doesn't!

Government workers are not permitted to accept cash so a small gift and card is great!

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Rockville, Md.: A friend of mine and I periodically argue over waiter/waitress tipping. I agree with you that it should be 15-20% of the pre-tax bill but he stubbornly insists on tipping on the after-tax amount. What is your rationale for the pre-tax bill so I can finally convince him!? Thank you.

Stacie Krajchir: pre tax

always!

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Sterling, Va.: Hi --

Here's one I can't find much information about on the net:

We're staying at an extended stay hotel on business. We've been here for one month, and will be here for three more.

Any suggestions for holiday tips and/or gifts for the housekeeping staff? What about the front desk manager who has been particularly helpful? Anybody else?

Thanks!

Pete.

Stacie Krajchir: Great question!

I think it's a good idea to call the manager of each department and ask about this case-- I imagine they will split a tip since the staff over a month each took part in providing a service to you. I think with specific departments that you received extra service from you can give a small gift.

If you had your car parked repeatedly and zipped in and out a lot,

consider including the valet department. Tips do not have to be cash.

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Arlington, Va.: I have a few tip questions... Should people providing services at home be tipped such as installing your kitchen counter tops? And if so, how much? And I am sure I have more but will have to submit later.

Stacie Krajchir: This is really up to you. If they went beyond the call of duty, took extra care, cleaned up, or anything that made your experience exceptional you can tip $10. Buying them lunch is always another way to say thanks if it's a crew of workers.

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