Chatological Humor* (Updated 3.24.06)

aka Tuesdays With Moron

* Formerly known as "Funny? You Should Ask ."

DAILY UPDATES: 3.22.06 | 3.23.06 | 3.24.06

Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway , appears every Sunday in The Washington Post Magazine. He aspires to someday become a National Treasure, but is currently more of a National Gag Novelty Item, like rubber dog poo.

He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions and abuse.

He'll chat about anything...

This Week's Poll

Weingarten is the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" and co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca. "Below the Beltway" is now syndicated nationally by The Washington Post Writers Group .

New to Chatological Humor? Read the FAQ .

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

On Sunday, I was one of four judges for the Robert F. Kennedy Awards, in the category of political cartoons. (Two of the others were Richard Thompson and Nick Galifianakis, the ex-hubby who illustrates Hax's column.)

It was an odd experience. The RFK award goes to those who most effectively highlight the plight of the powerless and disenfranchised. We were looking at the best work of some of the best editorial cartoonists of our generation, and yet so much of their portfolios for 2005 didn't really fit the contest's criteria. Why?

Because editorial cartoonists tend to focus their criticism, and outrage, on the political and emotional issues that define their times. Alas, the plight of the underclasses and the disenfranchised tended to take a back seat to the grotesque mismanagement of our supposed war on terror. Not the cartoonists' fault, but a sign of the utter failure of our national policies, and the corruption of our national will.

Sorry, not funny! You want funny? Okay, check out Friday's Arlo and Janis , which is a strip The Post should carry. I hate to ask this, but does anyone under 50 understand why this is so good, or who that character in the last panel is?

More important, though, from an analytical standpoint, let us critically examine Sunday's Arlo and Janis . I'm hereby declaring that this is a difficult, but brilliant, cartoon, and challenging you to explain why. The first completely correct explanation (this is nuanced) wins a signed copy of "I'm With Stupid."

Thanks to Aixa Montero for this simple but elegant link .

Elsewhere on the comics front, I direct your attention to Wednesday's Get Fuzzy , and Wednesday's Sally Forth , both of which represent the same awful, inexcusable bit of dishonesty on the part of the cartoonist. The details are different, but the sin the same. I invite you to explain.

And -- please take our poll . (Thanks to Francoise Galleto, for alerting me to this.) This may be my favorite poll in the three-year history of our polls, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that washingtonpost.com was very, very nervous about it. Your answers so far demonstrate that you understand what this is, and why it was not a mistake to publish it. But I will be happy to take dissenting opinions and castigations.

The CPOW is Thursday's Get Fuzzy , which ably represents the entire week's excellent sequence on Satchel eating crap off the street. First Runner-Up is Friday's Piranha Club . Honorables: Sunday's Boondox , Sunday's Pearls , Sunday's Orange (scroll back to Sunday).

And by the way, you notice I was right about Sally Forth bringing back Ralph. I believe I predicted this eight months ago. Ralph was a good character.

Okay, let's go.

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First Poll Cartoon: I'm not sure I understand the first cartoon, which stands out from the others. Was the cartoonist trying to say that Jews are pervs? Or was he or she trying to invoke the Woody Allen/George Costanza comic stereotype of Jewish men as anxiety-ridden nebbishes who can't get laid? If it's the latter, that would be strange, since Jewish comics are the ones who have popularized that stereotype.

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, you are misunderstanding it. It is saying that Jews are professionals, like teachers. And crafty. And practical. And can figure out other ways to get laid, other than by blowing themselves up to attain some sort of promise of sex as martyrs.

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Washington, D.C.: Geeeeeeeeeene!

I know this is more of a Carolyn Hax question, but I'd love your advice. I want to get back together with my estranged husband. We still love each other, but I've had a lot of hurts to get over. The question is, how does one say "I made a huge mistake and want to be your wife again, forever?" Something light and funny would be preferred.

Gene Weingarten: Sounds like you both have a bunch of hurts to get over.

You probably want to sleep with the guy. Seriously. It's both funny and important. You want to come on to him, and then, afterwards, explain why.

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Am I missing something?: How can cartoon No. 5 be leading the "most effective" vote (at least as of 11 a.m.) in a Holocaust denial contest when it essentially admits the Holocaust did happen? Am I missing something or are the chatters?

Gene Weingarten: This is not a Holocaust Denial contest. This is an antisemitism contest. And you are correctly choosing this one as the most effective.

Gene Weingarten: That is, "you all" are correctly choosing it.

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Getting Luc, KY: Apparently one of your co-workers got lucky last night . (in both senses of the word)

At least they're not naming names...

Is this: Funny, Sad, Just Odd, All of the Above?

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, Liz showed me this on the day it came out. I responded: "Well, it wasn't my wife."

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GWB's Little Girls: Have you noticed that GWB sometimes refers to his daughters, college graduates both, as "my little girls"? I've heard him do this twice -- once during one of the presidential debates in 2004 and once in the recent interview conducted by Elizabeth Vargas.

My own father referred to me as "doll" well past the time I was grown up. For instance, at the end of a phone call, he might say, "OK, doll, take care of yourself. We'll talk to you again soon."

But this seems different in that my father is speaking directly to me rather than speaking about me in public. I'm pretty sure that if he were speaking about me, he would say "my daughter," and, if he were speaking about me and my sibs, he would say, "my kids." These phrases make the relationship between him and me (or him and all of his kids) clear, but they do not undermine anyone's dignity.

GWB's way of referring to his daughters, on the other hand, seems infantilizing and, in a way I can't quite describe, consistent with the way that he speaks to us. That is, his way of speaking to the public has a sort of "because I'm the dad" quality. Beyond a certain point, treating one's children like children is disrespectful. I think the disrespect he shows for his daughters is a form of the disrespect he shows for us. His stance toward us is that he knows best, and it's only when pressed to the wall that he answers questions or provides explanations.

What do you think? Does this sound on target to you?

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, it does. However it's pretty easy to get me to agree with just about any negative assessment of our president.

Does that little hunchy-shoulder squinty thing he does when he is trying to make some obvious point ("See, freedom is about being free...") suggest that he has a dungeon in the White House where he obeys his "Mathter," Cheney? Yep. Sounds right to me!

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Cohabitati, ON: So what are your thoughts on a couple moving in together before marriage?

Here's our deal: He's been separated four years from his wife, who has drug problems and is not very involved in their son's life. I am helping him raise his son. We're going to get married, both because it's vastly preferable with a child -- particularly one who I am raising but have no legal tie to -- and because we'd like to. But we can't just yet, for legal reasons related to a woman who ignores paperwork she doesn't want to deal with (divorce papers). We'd like to move in together when our leases are up -- I am with them most of the time anyway. My parents are very much opposed, because I'm 23 and we're not married.

This is not some trashy situation either. I have my bachelors from a snooty school that gives degrees in Latin (and is in the SWEET SIXTEEN OH YEAH) and command a decent two-years-out-of-college salary. He has his Masters and makes excellent money. We're boringly domestic and mature and geeky.

What say you, oh sensible father of children close to my age?

Gene Weingarten: It's all about the kid. It always is. If the kid is going to be freaked, I wouldn't. Otherwise -- why not?

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Arlo and Janis last panel: Is it W.C. Fields? I'm a 25-year-old female, btw.

Gene Weingarten: Sigh. No, that is Jiggs, from Bringing Up Father (Maggie and Jiggs.) Maggie and Jiggs were po Irish people until Jiggs won the lottery and became a millionaire. They moved to polite society, and Maggie put on airs, but Jiggsy never lost touch with the street. He loved corned beef and cabbage but it was banned from the house, and if Maggie caught him, she'd brain him with a rolling pin. Great fun.

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Washington, D.C.; Detroit, Mich.; London, U.K.: Why do you always write "Boondox" for Boondocks?

Gene Weingarten: Brvty.

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Washington, D.C.: The Sunday Arlo and Janis is funny because it's showing how much that Janis is in control... Whichever way she sleeps, Arlo has to follow (otherwise he can't get any sleep), even having to be up when she is out of bed. Thus, it is funny when she asks how he slept since everything really hinges on her.

Gene Weingarten: No.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: Speaking as a somewhat older American married to a guy with an enlarged prostate this couple seems to be totally in sync physically/in their sleep habits even to the point of having to get up and pee at the same time.

Gene Weingarten: True, but what does that have to do with anything?

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Greenbelt: Gene, the hardcover edition of your book is now available for $4.95!

Now I might buy it.

(Hey, I only check Dave Barry from the library, you should be proud.)

Moist.

washingtonpost.com: Wait... what's with that cover?

Gene Weingarten: That's the large print edition.

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Comedians and Jokes or Stories: Your analysis of men's and women's humor made sense to me, for the most part. Here's where I run into some confusion:

"Women's jokes are more nuanced and anecdotal: It is a rolling, kneading process, a gradual building to a satisfying conclusion. Men's humor is more frantic and physical; a rush to the sudden release of a punchline.

Women tell stories -- men tell jokes. Women add to each other's stories in a communal way. Men are competitive; they try to outdo each other with a better joke."

Thinking of the current crop of comedians, whether they are men or women, the vast majority of them tell stories as opposed to just telling jokes. That is, they prototypical "Borscht Belt" comic that strung a series of jokes together is a very different animal from successful comics one can watch most nights on Comedy Central. Chappelle tells stories, Roseanne tells stories, even Seinfeld tells stories.

How am I drawing this line differently that you do?

Gene Weingarten: We are not drawing different lines. Most standup comics' routines are jokes masquerading as stories. Listen and think about it: There are very, very clear set ups and punchlines.

The "female humor" I am talking about are actually stories -- long narratives that are funny in their entirety, that evoke laughs of recognition, but do not rely on distinct moments of "get it?" humor.

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Iowa: I am very disappointed that the Post.com has acquired a frothing-at-the-mouth RedState blogger to provide "balance" to any supposed liberal bias. I certainly hope there is no move afoot to find someone to "balance" you, Gene!

washingtonpost.com: Red America

Gene Weingarten: Nah, Levey is already gone.

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Plur, AL: Gene --

Like you, I believe it's only a matter of time before same-sex marriage is legalized around the country, and appropriately so. Some opponents of same-sex marriage argue that once it's legalized, the floodgates will open and we'll see marriages between humans and animals, legalized incest, etc. I find those arguments largely specious, until I consider the issue of polygamy, where it gets trickier. I'm unable to figure out exactly what the state's interest would be in prohibiting marriage between three consenting adults. I stress consenting and adult, because I understand that is the crux of the issue in some parts of the country and world where polygamy is practiced. If three 30-year-olds want to marry, is there a problem?

Thoughts?

Gene Weingarten: I don't think I have a problem with polygamy.

Sorrrrreeeeeeeeee.

You know, I tend not to have problems with most things that are completely and unambiguously consensual. I think these things are mostly of concern to the self-appointed custodians of public morality.

I'd be happy to hear the arguments against it, and maybe change my mind. But the vast majority of americans, I would think, would not choose this sort of relationship -- if they would, we'd have informal threesomes all over the place, and we do not.

And women in our society are strong enough and protected enough that I doubt they would be coerced into being victimized by polygamy. Society will not disintegrate if some people choose this.

So, yeah. Why not?

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Foggy Bottom, Washington, D.C.: Gene - I believe I saw you Sunday morning walking through Eastern Market (you had on a black leather jacket and were trotting through the crowds). I mentioned seeing you to my fiancee and she was not very impressed at our brush with greatness; I may have to break off the wedding as a result.

Question: If a fan sees you on the street, would it be inappropriate to stop you and say hello? Or do you prefer to be left alone?

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, sounds like me.

I'm always happy to say hi, but I will not officiate at your wedding or anything. Also, if you had introduced someone as your "fiancee," you probably would have gotten an earful because of my strong feelings about the grotesqueness of that word. But you knew that.

A cheesy, low-rent sort of semi-celebrity -- which is the status I enjoy -- isn't too bad in terms of violation of privacy. And it's always nice to hear from people who enjoy the column or chats. What is interesting is that people find themselves empowered to say all sorts of vaguely rude but very funny things to me. Often, people tell me that I look just like my cartoon "only slightly fatter." Or, "I really like your columns even though my husband Wally thinks you are kind of a jerk and actually I have to admit I don't like it when you write about women. Or cars."

I think it would bother me if I got any more famous, because this is about the degree of privacy-loss I can handle. So I'm going to do my best to remain a negligible talent.

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Rosslyn, Va.: How come Chatwoman doesn't make most links (e.g., the Poll, the CPOWs) pop open in a new window? It's a bit of a pain in the a**.

washingtonpost.com: Right click. Open in new window. How's that on your a**?

Gene Weingarten: Chatfight! Chatfight!

haha.

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Falls Church, Va.: This is to Gene the Peacemaker: Your article from February 26 quoted, "The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr." While the editor of the Hamshahri Daily in Tehran may know very well who said this, I'm ashamed to admit that I do not. I can only guess. Muhammad?

While I'm on-line, here's my medical contribution: my mother made it to 100, and I'm sure it was because she laughed a lot. I'm 80 and am trying hard to do the same. You help me. Thanks! - V. Smith

washingtonpost.com: Let's Keep Our Heads , ( Post Magazine, Feb. 26 )

Gene Weingarten: Thank you. Yesm, that was Muhammad.

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Orange, Va.: In a (successful) attempt to relive one of the simple pleasures of our courtship, my wife and I got a New York Times on Sunday. Gene, is there a finer Sunday paper anywhere in this world? I used to think the lack of comics hurt it but now as they seem to have been dumb-downed by most publishers, I don't even find the absence of the Sunday funnies that much of annoyance anymore. Lacking the Style Invitation is no doubt its only flaw.

Gene Weingarten: I consider the daily Washpost better than the daily NYT by a significant degree. But the Sunday Times is a better product than the Sunday Post, by a smaller degree. They are the two best papers in the country, by a great degree.

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Arlo and Janis: Actually, this is deceptively simple. This is a couple that sleeps together in every sense of the word. Their morning smiles reveal the comfort and security of a perfect bed-mate.

Gene Weingarten: You got it. Give Lizzie your name and address. The additional fact, which you suggest, is that in effect Arlo and Janis are having sex (the emotional component, anyway) all night. They are so in tune, they might as well be. They wake up refreshed in a deeply emotional way. It is very sweet, and quite interesting, and quite hot.

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Sally Fuzzy: Dishonesty because regular characters are acting out of character in order to set up the punchline. Sally Forth is not eager and naive, but laid-back and ironic. Bucky Kat is not a helpful friend to Satchel, but rather would probably encourage him to eat something sickening just for the spectacle.

Gene Weingarten: This is definitely correct for Sally. In that situation neither she nor Ralph is going to say the lines they are given to say. Totally wooden and impossible.

There is a similar dishonesty in Fuzzy, but you don't have it yet.

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Louisville, Ky.: Twenty-three and raising someone else's kid? I'm 24 and hate the responsibility of a cat. Is this different strokes for different folks, or is it preferable to be able to go on benders without worrying about the SO's child?

How old were you when you had your first born?

Gene Weingarten: Twenty-nine. Not a moment too late.

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Polyga, MY: Gene, while the situation the poster describes in which three adults consensually want to marry is not objectionable to me, I think the problem with polygamy is that it often is a manifestation of a relationship in which a man has power and women do not. Women in polygamous marriages are more likely to be beaten and to get STIs. In other words, legalizing it will open the floodgates for religious fanatics whose polygamous unions are a way to control women and keep them bound to men. (check out speeches by Mormon women who have escaped polygamous marriages)

Gene Weingarten: I think this is a reasonable point.

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Arlington, Va.: Care to comment about the Alfonso Soriano situation? My gut instinct says, dude, you make millions of dollars, just play left field already. It's not like they are asking you to be the catcher.

Gene Weingarten: Alfonso Soriano is a stupid, marvelously talented young man who has always been his own worst enemy. I watched him for three seasons with the Yankees. He has more natural hitting talent than 99 percent of all major leaguers. Swinging at anything, including balls six inches off the strike zone, he would bat .300 with 40 home runs. If he could merely learn to be more selective, he'd get better pitches, and bat .350. Nope. No one could teach him anything.

Still can't. The guy is a moron. He would have vastly enhanced his value to other teams for his free agency by playing left field. He's just a jerk. And will be poison to the clubhouse. My gut wants the Nats to just keep him in limbo for two years, but the team should trade him for a good starter.

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I must be dense: but I don't get cartoon no. 2 in the poll. Can you explain?

Gene Weingarten: The Christian world has cut out the heart of the Arab World -- Israel and Jerusalem -- and given it to the Jews because the Christians are so "stirred" by the Holocaust.

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Anti-semitic cartoons: I (Reform Jew) ended up not voting on this week's poll because I found all the cartoons to be rather lame. My honest answer for the first question was "too weak to be truly offensive." None of your choices seemed to fit.

After I knew the context, they made more sense. If you tell someone to write something offensive that he/she does not actually believe, it is going to be much weaker than someone who is spouting true vitriol with strong hatred behind it.

Gene Weingarten: Well, yes, you make an interesting point. The thing is -- I will elaborate in a bit -- these are PARODIES of antisemitism. But I contend you can't really know that for sure until you understand the context in which they were drawn. The priest-killing-the-Arab is pretty bluntly vicious, and does not instantly proclaim itself parody to me.

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Southern Maryland: Offensiveness aside for a second, the poll cartoons just aren't funny. That's because they're too angry. I think all humor has some anger, but it's important to keep a balance. Those cartoonists don't know or don't care about that balance.

Why is the Muslim world so angry at Jews? Is it lingering resentment over European colonialism? I'm used to thinking of the Jewish people as like the geeky kid on the playground who always got picked on, and Israel as the Jewish people finally standing up to the world after 2,000 years of persecution.

Gene Weingarten: Now this is interesting. A previous poster thought they weren't angry enough.

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New York, N.Y.: I think these cartoons illustrate an important point. No one is better at offending Jews than Jews are. Go tribe.

Why do you think this is? Have we been around too long to get excited about this latest indignity? Isn't that a dangerous attitude?

Gene Weingarten: I think these cartoons illustrate that Jews have a sense of humor, a sense of proportion, and a nuanced understanding of the power of parody. These cartoons are a stunning thumb in the eye at the Muhammad-cartoon rioting nutcakes. YOU DON'T SEE THIS?

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Springfield, Va: Gene, what is the appropriate response when a girl you are dating (I'm a guy) gives you an adult video as a gift? I received one over the weekend and was somewhat confused as to how to reply.

Gene Weingarten: "Want to watch it together?"

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Alexandria, Va.: Gene, I'm a journalist trapped in a database administrator's paycheck. I'm taking my first business trip this week and I see it as a major opportunity to prove I belong in journalism by doing the one thing writers do best: expensing ludicrous things and getting away with it. I'll be in Boston for three days; can you suggest an expense item so unbelievable only a Professional Journalist would even attempt to get away with it? And if I get stuck with the bill, I'll consider it a grand experiment gone awry. Edison didn't get the lightbulb right on the first try, right?

Gene Weingarten: Boy are YOU a novice. I can't answer that question, obviously, because I do not know the nature of your story. That is essential to ginning up a giant expense account. For example, let's say you were going there to do a piece on those seats above the Green Monster at Fenway. Well, you would obviously need to rent a helicopter. You would put it down as "helicopter rental." And when the bean counter asked you why, you look him straight in the face and say, "Well, I was doing a piece on the Green Monster. I think you understand why I needed a helicopter. Ben Bradlee would."

Bean counters hate to admit they know nothing about journalism.

I invoke Ben's name whenever I can, in general. Like, if I get stopped for a speeding ticket, I'll tell the cop I am Ben Bradlee, and I actually knew JFK.

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Washington, D.C.: Oh Dear God.

That Red America blog is making me feel dirty. I like my Washington Post's editorial side nice and liberal with a little bit of East Coast elitist thrown in. If I wanted this garbage, I would read the Moonie Paper. Please, .com, don't do this to me. Next thing I know, The Post will cave in and hire a "conservative" Metro section columnist to "balance out" Fisher and Malloy and then we'll be about two steps away from a News Corp buyout...

I don't think you understand what this is doing to me, I feel like I'm going to cry.

I need a drink. Or a shower to wash the filth away. Ugh.

Gene Weingarten: One solution -- this is crazy, I know -- might be not to read it.

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Alexandria, Va.: You were, apparently, a newspaper editor before you were a newspaper writer. I'd have expected that one would need a lot of experience as a writer s--s and as the victim of other editors -- before becoming an editor oneself. Is the "editor first, writer second" sequence that you followed common? If so, does that mean that a person can become a newspaper editor without lots of experience as a reporter?

Gene Weingarten: I was a writer for eight years before I became an editor. Then I was an editor for 14 years. Then became a writer again.

I think each job helps inform the other. Being a writer taught me how to be an editor. Being an editor taught me how to improve my writing, dramatically, because you get to work with different writers, many of whom can offer you valuable, but different lessons.

Editing Dave Barry and Madeleine Blais, basically, taught me how to write. Though I never ever acknowledged that to them.

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Elvis: OK Gene, defend yourself. Would you rather your children try heroin than miss the next Elvis Costello playing in a tiny lounge? Do you argue that your drug use expanded your sense of purpose, heightened your awareness of your own mortality and drove you to greater success than you would have otherwise attained? If not, what's the reason?

Gene Weingarten: This refers to my declaration that missing Elvis Costello in 1978 was my greatest lieftime regret, and a followup question about whether this was really a greater regret than, say, trying heroin in college.

I stand by my answer.

In retrospect, I am astounded and amazed and appalled at the extent of my drug use in college. I was very lucky to have survived it, and I do not encourage that sort of thing for anyone. A single misstep and I could have died, or spent most of my young adulthood in prison.

However, this question is retrospective. I DID survive it. I WASN'T indelibly scarred by it. And in the context of the times, my anti-establishment screw-the-Man serious drug use was part of and inextricable from a much larger personal iconoclastic sociology that shaped me for better or worse into what I am. I am what I am. It's hard for me to look back and regret it.

Know what I mean?

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, the poll.

First off, I do apologize to anyone who was offended, and remains offended, by these cartoons. Obviously, they represent some noxious opinions - repeating several calumnies (including the Blood Libel) that have been used by the hateful and the ignorant to justify their discrimination against Jews.

My answer to the first question would actually have been 1. I am kind of amazed that eight percent of you looked at those cartoons and chose option 3, "Yeah, what the hell! They're FINE." (Unless you already knew what they were.)

However, this poll was all about context. In the context these were drawn, the cartoons take on a completely different meaning - they become parodies of anti-semitism. And, taken together, they seem to make an eloquent statement about the raging furor over the (completely tame and inoffensive) Muhammad cartoons, and the vitriol these cartoons spurred in Iran.

Don't they? Don't these cartoons declare: "We are not afraid of images. We are not afraid of making fun of ourselves - we don't hold ourselves in such high esteem that we lose all sense of proportion or humor. We believe ethnic hatred is ridiculous - look how ridiculous these cartoons seem, how absurd are the classic allegations about the Jews."

Don't they?

I can't really quarrel with your choice for the "funniest" cartoon - "P.S., Don't forget to Control the Media" is a funny line. It's also the one that outs itself most obviously: This is clearly not a seriously angry cartoon, since the line is satire on its face. You're also right about your second choice. The line "Why so few Jews are suicide bombers" is funny all alone, even if the explanation is a little chewy and hard to follow.

The most effective is the one that most of you chose, because the intent here was to exaggerate, to go most over the top, and present a cartoon that mocks anti-semitism through absurd overstatement. This one does that rather brilliantly. (For one thing, it places Hitler in Heaven!) My second choice is the Arab with his heart cut out, because it is just jaw-droppingly unfunny and sick.

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Anonymous: It's all about the kid. It always is. If the kid is going to be freaked, I wouldn't. Otherwise -- why not?

Check the law, even with a non-involved drug abusing spouse, co-habiting with an opposite non-family member can be considered adultery. Tread carefully.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, true. I didn't consider the fact that the marriage is still alive. Any divorce lawyers out there? Can you legally cohabit after a four-year separation, but before divorce?

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Arlington, Va.: Is referring to one's daughters as "my little girls" qualitatively different from referring to one's wife as "the rib"? Aren't they both affectionate terms that have grown out of a family's particular experiences?

Gene Weingarten: I don't think so. One is a diminutive.

I think of Molly, who is 24, as my little girl. I would never introduce her to anyone that way.

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Baltimore, Md.: I am confused. Did Arlo and Janis invite Jiggs over for corned beef and cabbage and a threesome?

Gene Weingarten: It's possible. Arlo and Janis are a very amorous couple, and they are former hippies.

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Polygamy: I think polygamy should be legal, with the same stipulations as the original poster -- everybody must be a consenting adult. No little girls married off with daddy's "permission", no husbands with multiple wives who don't know about each other, etc. Of course, everyone really ought to be a consenting adult in any marriage, so is seems almost silly to specify. I would not be interested in living in such a situation myself, but I see no compelling reason to prevent someone else from doing so.

(if you care about my demographics, I'm 37, straight, and female)

I also think gay marriage should be legal. And prostitution for that matter. We should not be regulating each other's sex lives. And anyone who argues that prostitutes aren't really "consenting" because their situations in life force them into their profession, I would suggest that throwing them in jail does not exactly improve their lives. However desperate their solution for earning money may be, taking away that option only makes their situation more desperate.

Gene Weingarten: I agree with this on all levels. I also think most drugs should be legal. Buncha marxist-libertarians, we are.

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Not Rich Mor, IN: Important and valuable poll, I agree. But for someone who appreciates nuance, you often don't allow for much when it comes to choice of answer. How about something between "Horrible and offensive. I am shocked you are describing them here" and "Offensive, though some might be funny or politically meaningful"? Such as "Horrible and offensive. But I appreciate you describing them here."

Gene Weingarten: A few people, including pthep, criticized the choices in this way. That I should not have made it necessary to condemn the poll to answer 1 to question 1.

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New York, N.Y.: I recognize that the cartoons are an approrpiate response to Muslim resopnse to the Dutch cartoons. However, and I think I could have been more clear about this, do you think it is troubling that the Jewish response to a call for anti-semitic cartoons in an Iranian newspaper is satire? In Europe in 1938 I would have imagined a similar response. Is satire an effective protest?

Gene Weingarten: Yes, I think it is appropriate because this is a war of ideas.

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Dave's Hou,SE: Is this the marijuana chat? Cuz my dog ate my stash... Had to follow the little f'er around for two days before I got it back... Wonder what Great Dane tastes like? Wait. Shhhh someone's at the door.. Dave's not here!... Naw, I said Dave's not here, man!!

Are you a C&C fan Gene?

washingtonpost.com: "Prince of Pot" , ( Live Online, Noon ET )

Gene Weingarten: I was more a Firesign Theater fan, but I just found "Dave's Not Here" on the web, and it's still a delight. You know why it's so good? Because of something that is implied by not stated outright, which is that the guy behind the door is stoned out of his mind.

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Bibliotek, Va.: Reference your talk with the queen of the dead in your Sunday column. Is there a reason why she thinks that after the big one hits, earthquake-bomb-plaque, that funeral directors and morticians will be the only ones left standing to clean up the mess? I seem to recall from a very early "Bloom County" cartoon that only the cockroaches would. I still laugh when I remember the image of Opus's big foot coming down on a cockroach who was boasting about the coming armegeddon, and how only the cockroaches would survive the nuclear blast. They were indestrucible! And then Opus brings the hammer down, splat.

An anagram for Opus is soup, so he probably wont survive either.

washingtonpost.com: Undertaking a Difficult Sales Job , ( Post Magazine, March 19 )

Gene Weingarten: I was the person who told Berkeley that Opus anagrammed into soup. This was back in 86 or so. He immediately did a Sunday comic on it. Milo was proud because his name became "Limo." So Opus tried his name. He wasn't happy.

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Civil War: Did you check out the WP blog at the end of last week with the working mothers? It made the attacks on the Ombudsperson seem tame. There were about 125 posts from women viciously attacking each other over whether it was okay to work when you have kids. So now I know what women do when we aren't watching: Viciously rip each other to shreds.

As an aside, this probably as an evolutionary benefit. It forced all the male monkeys out of the trees and out to hunt bison just for some peace.

Gene Weingarten: I can settle this. It is very very good for a woman to work when she is raising children, unless she doesn't want to work. In which case she shouldn't and should not feel guilty about it.

That's it.

My wife believes very strongly that working through her children's childhood made her a vastly better mother. It's absolutely true. There was no component of anger or resentment in her mothering. And she was a great mother, who found time for everything at expense of her own sleep. The point is, that is what she wanted to do.

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Genoa, Ill.: See ArloandJanis.com for the explanation of Friday's strip.

The reason why Arlo & Janis is so good is because it accurately reflects how most men feel about being married and living a "regular" life. Your kid is growing too fast, your job is mundane to the point of life-sucking, and your wife is really hot.

Janis tops Blondie (and the once beautiful Aunt Fritzi from Nancy) on my list of comic strip characters I'd like to 'know better'.

Arlo is a lucky guy. I am Arlo in many ways, and so are you, Gene.

Gene Weingarten: Absolutely. And we are lucky guys.

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Herndon, Va.: Are you aware that Elvis Costello will be at Wolf Trap this summer? June 15th.

Gene Weingarten: I am now.

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Washington, D.C.: By the way, I knew what those cartoons were immediately, so there might be others who answered that way. I knew there was going to be a contest for anti-semitic cartoons and I couldn't think of any other reason you would print them. Good poll, though.

Gene Weingarten: That's the only excuse I can imagine for voting 3 on question 1.

Hey, HAS NO ONE SEEN THE TERRIBLE FLAW IN THE GET FUZZY OF MARCH 15????????? This is hard to believe.

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Separation in Virginia: If you are legally separated in Virginia,you can sleep with whom ever you wish prior to the actual divorce.

Gene Weingarten: And you can cohabit, right?

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Arlington, Va.: I am a 24-year-old woman who cannot drive a stick. My current car has kicked the bucket and while searching for a new one, I've noticed that manuals are usually 2-3 grand less than the automatic. At this point in my financial life, that is a HUGE difference to me. My friends who have manuals refuse to teach me on their car.

Would you do me an act of charity and teach me? Your car isn't... ahem... in the best of shape anyway. I'd even let you exploit me for your column.

Gene Weingarten: Maybe, if I can actually turn it into a column. Email me at weingarten(at)washpost.com

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Watching the Ma, IL: Gene: We are among the millions of households whose, of course, brilliant child is awaiting her college acceptance letters. The tension is palpable, and I'm sure all of us will go crazy pretty soon. As it happens, two colleges have already welcomed her with open arms but this has only ratcheted up her anxiety level because she has not heard from "the one."

Reassurances that her parents went to respected state universities and still managed to become productive members of society have fallen on deaf ears. We could use some Gene-like advice, laced with some levity.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, man. I feel for you, but have no advice. That pull for The One is all consuming, and cannot be bulls--- away.

Other than one other safe school, which she despised so much she refused to visit it, Molly applied to only one school, Upenn. She was a complete idiot about it. I have no IDEA what she would have done if she hadn't gotten in.

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Working Mothers: My question is, why the BLEEP is it anyone else's business? Why doe any of those other 125 posters have the vaguest right to horn in on what is completely my and my spouse's decision. It is just bizarre. If they'd pay attention to raising their own kids, maybe we wouldn't have so many spoiled, oversheltered little entitlement junkies out there (J. Kelly did a blog posting on Fisher's blog about the article today on "Millenium parents" on that theme)

Gene Weingarten: I guess there is some anger still out there in both directions, eh?

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Santa Fe, N.M., re: Get Fuzzy: "Retch" is misspelled. I hate that.

Gene Weingarten: Precisely. But it is dishonest. He misspelled it to make the acronym work. Just awful. My guess is that he misspelled it by accident, realized it ruined his joke to change it, so refused to change it.

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Downtown, DeeCee: Are you aware that, in a bar in Seattle in 1978, Elvis Costello referred to Ray Charles as "that blind n-gger" and was immediatly punched off his barstool by Bonne Bramlett (formerly of Delaney & Bonnie) who, at that time, was touring as Stephen Stills' backup vocalist?

Gene Weingarten: WHAT??????????? Is this true?

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Burtonsville, Md.: There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

We have legalized prostitution and drugs, but don't blame those cartoons on us!

Gene Weingarten: I hate Norwegians and people from Lesotho.

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Alexandria, Va.: Woo, fake culture !

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, this is disturbing. It is the ultimate extension of the plague of the chain store -- franchising authenticity.

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What's in a Na, ME: My husband and I are expected our first child in the fall and are starting to discuss names. My criteria are that the name starts with J or L and not be "trendy." His top boy pick is Linus. I say that the last time that name was successfully used was by Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina. I think that too many people today would automatically think of Peanuts. What do you think, O Great Arbiter of Baby Names?

Gene Weingarten: I think that ten years from now, everyone will think he was named for Linus Torvalds, about whom there will be a major world religion.

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That's Why They Call Them Meatheads: Does eating meat promote poor spelling?

Front | Back

Gene Weingarten: Hahahahaha.

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Does A Bear...: Thought you'd get a kick out of this, today's " Big Top " strip:

Gene Weingarten: That's excellent. And there is an interesting and heart warming story behind it. This strip was not drawn by Rob Harrell, the Big Tom cartoonist, it was drawn by Scott Stantis, the guy who does Prick City.

For a few weeks, other cartoonists have taken over to keep Big Top alive while Harrell recovers from serious surgery. It's very uplifting, and why the hell can't Stantis do things this good in P.C. ?

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Washington, D.C.: There's a Weingarten Chatters happy hour tonight, if anyone is interested. Skip on over to the Yahoo Group for the details.

I have a sneaking suspicion that people are using the Weingarten Chatters group as a dating service. Just a hunch.

washingtonpost.com: Weingarten Chatters

Gene Weingarten: Hunch? I have specific evidence.

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Costello in Seattle: 'Tis true. Check wiki. He said the same of James Brown. Claimed intoxication as a defense.

Wikipedia: Elvis Costello

Gene Weingarten: You know, intoxication just doesn't work as a defense.

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Too much fun, Japan: Peeling a Potato

washingtonpost.com: This rocks. YouTube is my new favorite site.

Gene Weingarten: This is wonderful.

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Washington, D.C.: Hey, guy who's ticked at the conservative blog: Marc Fisher isn't a liberal; he himself has said he's closest to libertarian -- which is WAY different. And The Post editorial page is hardly liberal -- it backed the war in the beginning and since, along with other zany pro-Administration stances.

Wipe the bile from your eyes, dear heart. It might help you see more clearly.

Gene Weingarten: Black-and-white labels are much easier.

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Re: Hating the Dutch: umm, wasn't it the Danes who published the cartoons? Maybe all northern Europeans look alike to some folks . . . .

Gene Weingarten: It was the Danes, yes. A very intelligent editor, who has defended the decision eloquently.

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Saratoga, Calif.: I just want to clarify/correct a remark made in a question earlier today. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not practice polygamy and any members of the church who practice polygamy are excommunicated. The church has had no affiliation with polygamous groups for over 100 years.

Gene Weingarten: Thanks. I knew that.

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Washington, D.C.: Nobody tells you that when you do green shots on March 17th your poo will be green on March 18.

Gene Weingarten: They don't tell you about beets, either.

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I Smell a Cease-And-Desist: This has to be copyright infringement of some kind, yes? Below the Beltway blog

Gene Weingarten: I have spent ten minutes on this blog, and appear to be, like, the first visitor ever. So I think it would be churlish of me to object to it. In fact, this posting will give it more traffic than it has received in the previous year, I am guessing.

It seems to be the personal blog of a libertarian lawyer with no opinions, who likes jazz. I wish him well.

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Learning To Drive A Stick: To the woman from Arlington who wants to learn a stick to save money: don't do it! I once was offered a good deal on a stick and was told it was very easy to learn a stick. I was told it would just take a weekend.

Well, it took a lot longer than that and just when I started to feel comfortable, I got in my first wreck. If I didn't have to focus on the damn clutch and gears going up a hill, I probably could have avoided the car that hit me. I prefer to keep my attention on the road and not impaired by a stick, cell phone, or trying to eat food.

I know you won't agree with this, Gene, but this woman should be learned that sticks are not easy for everyone.

Gene Weingarten: It's just No Big Deal if you learn right. Maybe three weeks of awkwardness.

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Alexandria, Va.: Is this correct use of "effect?" From Tuesday's washingtonpost.com:

Cold Blast Shouldn't Effect Blossoms

Associated Press

Tuesday, March 21, 2006; 8:33 AM

The forecast for snow in the Washington region should not effect the peak bloom date for the cherry blossoms, according to the national park service chief horticulturist.

Gene Weingarten: No, that is illiterate.

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Double Take: I went on reading past the "it wasn't my wife" comment. Then I suddenly laughed out loud, went back, and realized what you were saying!!!

Gene Weingarten: It was just for all married guys out there.

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The Rib: "The Rib" is not diminuitive? It refers to her as something made of a lesser part of yourself. We know that you are joking because we know you, but what are the obligations when speaking in public? Does the burden lie on the newcomer to figure out that it is a joke, or does the intent fall short of saving it if the listener doesn't know? It is like those who apologize if someone took offense rather than apologizing for being offensive. What is right?

Gene Weingarten: Nonsense. Eve was made from Adam's rib, as far as the myth goes. Refers to all women, in a nonjudgmental way. Why is that diminutive?

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Washington, D.C.: Y'know, I read this chat every week and think the people on here are usually hilarious. I'd kind of like to go to the Weingarten chatters group tonight and meet some of them. But somehow, that seems too dorky. Why is that? And if you've gone to one and disagree, please tell me something to convince me otherwise.

Gene Weingarten: I stay away, and will continue to stay away. No offense intended to the group, but the danger of personal swell-headdery is too intense. I have to remain apart, for the sake of my soul. I think/hope the chatters understand.

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Faux Culture?: You want faux culture. Come to Columbia, Md. Everything is faux here. Proof positive you cannot build soul into a community.

Gene Weingarten: I know what you mean. It is deliberately cute. Bothers me, too.

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Paging the Empress: Gene,

When the time comes for your 323 to give up the ghost, would you and the Empress consider offering the corpse as a First Runner-up Prize in the Style Invitational?

Gene Weingarten: I will have this car for another five years at least, barring a major accident. Five years is precisely when the Style Invitational officially becomes the longest-running reader-participation contest in American history.

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Gambrills, Md.: So, who won the RFK award?

Gene Weingarten: Can't say. A very deserving, and possibly controversial, choice. I'm not sure when it will be announced.

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Poligamy: I think that the best arguments against poligamy cannot be used against gay marriage.

The first is that poligamy is an inherently unequal relationship with one person involved in all social contracts (the husband) and while wives would have no full legal relationship with one another.

The other main objection is that it is a very impractical system of human relationships to tolerate in a modern state. Assuming that no limit could be placed on the number of spouses, you could find households containing an unlimited number of wives and children. The potential drain these families would put on family courts, tax and public services agencies and other arms of the governement could be overwhelming.

So whereas gay marriage is both a finite and equal relationship, poligamy is neither.

Gene Weingarten: Maybe. I intended my acceptance to include both polygamy and polyandry, which is multiple men with one woman.

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Sticks and stones: In Europe they have stick-shift cars that don't require a clutch. You just shift from first-to-second, etc., without having to use your feet.

Why don't these exist here?

Gene Weingarten: You'd think it would be a fairly easy modification, wouldn't you? But it would eliminate an essential part of stick-shifting, which is subtle manipulation of the clutch.

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The Empress of The Style Invitational: I will be happy to offer up his stick-shift knob, when the time comes. Storage space is at a premium in the new Invitational Palace Vault.

Gene Weingarten: Interesting. And the stick-shift knob is a chrome human skull, with red blinking eyes. I would make that available, yes.

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Duhville: I was explaining to my 6 year old about using an before a word that starts with a vowel. I said, "an apple, an elephant." My son says, "an unicorn!" I don't think that is right, but why?

Gene Weingarten: Because it is not the vowel itself but a vowel sound. unicorn sounds like it starts with a "Y".

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Baltimore, Md.: In fairness to Elvis C., he also said (and was not refuted) that Delaney Bramlett was baiting him endlessly on the merits of Black American music and saying that the Brits, from the Beatles on, were nothing but two-bit imitators. Elvis said he was drunk, angry and wanted to say the stupidest, vilest thing he could think of to stop the argument and shut Bramlett up. Of course, it ended with a fistfight...

Gene Weingarten: That does help, a little.

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Stick shifts: Arlington, do it! I am a woman, my dad insisted that I learn stick and in fact also that I take the test for my license driving stick. He explained what is happening when you use the clutch to me, then took me out to a very small hill and once I could make the car balance on the hill using only clutch and accelerator, I got it and learning the rest was no trouble. Plus you get more respect from mechanics.

Gene Weingarten: The car mechanic part is true.

Okay, we're done. Thank you all. I'll be updating as usual, and will see you next week.

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Polygamy: Actually, "polygyny" is the specific term for one man and multiple women. "Polyandry" is as you said. "Polygamy" refers to both (but I believe the LDS-ers, Muslims, etc. only ever condoned polygyny).

Gene Weingarten: Ah, noted.

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Weingarten Mixer: It's decidedly un-dorky. Trust me on this one. You just might meet someone wonderful.

Gene Weingarten: Also noted.

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UPDATED 3.22.06

Gene Weingarten: Thanks to Scott Holder, for this superior link. My description of Geo W's hunched-over platitudinous delivery reminded him of this Letterman segment of a Frank Caliendo routine

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Arlington, Va.: Not sure why you'd be surprised people did not understand the cartoons as parodies. Your paper didn't (or at least did not think the readers would), otherwise they'd be willing to publish them.

Gene Weingarten: This newspaper worries deeply about potential misunderstandings, particularly in the charged environment of religion, and particularly when great nuance is involved: Taken literally, and without context, those cartoons are loathsome. They would seem even more loathsome if you saw the images: A much harsher presentation. I never (or seldom) second-guess that sort of decision. I'm just glad they permitted me to describe 'em.

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Arlington, Va.: You obviously put a lot of time and effort into your chats. Do your bosses at the paper ever get on you about spending so much time on the online stuff rather than on the print medium they pay you the big bucks for?

Gene Weingarten: It's an ongoing conversation, frankly. I think my newspaper bosses aren't crazy about the time these chats take. I think my dotcom bosses aren't crazy about all that silly column and story writing I do that gets put onto paper.

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Delusion,AL: Gene, I was one of the 8 percent who checked "They're okay. Nothing wrong."

If freedom of speech is to mean anything, it must include permitting the free expression of opinions onew might personally revile...like that low-life scumbag Red State blogger, for example.

Gene Weingarten: Nah. Freedom of expression doesn't mean the Washington Post has to, or should, print anyone's rantings. Without context, these things are simply unsuitable for publication.

Anyone can SAY them if they want, or pamphleteer with them, but the newspaper that prints them would be guilty of complicity in racism.

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Dupont Circle, Washington, D.C.: So, did you and Levey REALLY not get along? I always got the impression that was sort of a joke on the readers you guys had going.

Gene Weingarten: Levey and I were friends. My point was only that the tone of his columns, and the tone of my columns, could not have been more different. Levey was earnest, and a wound healer. I am sarcastic, and a wound salter.

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UPDATED 3.23.06

Gene Weingarten: Molly is home from vet school for a few days. The following dialogue occurred yesterday morning. I am reporting it here verbatim, because it gives a brief glimpse of the nature of the relationship between my kids and me.

Me: (coming into the room) Hey, have you showered yet?

Molly: (whose hair is still very wet, something I had not noticed) No, Dad. I fell into the toilet, okay?

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Gene Weingarten: And thanks to Jim Logan for this insane link. Do not look at it, it might eat your brain.

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An vs. A: As a person holding a degree in history, I always wondered about the "a" vs. "an" because historians seems to think that the world "history" someone is exempt from the traditional rules. I'd always used "an" as you stated, when there is a vowel sound to begin the word. Yet, is is always "an historian" or "an historical". Unless we're pronouncing the "h" silently (which I don't anway), then it should be "a".

Right?

Gene Weingarten: I say "a" historian.

The most dramatic and exasperating example of disagreements here is with the word "homage." I always wrote "an" homage, because I pronounce it "oh-mahhj." The copy desk always changes this to "a" because they contend -- and I hate them for this -- that the preferred pronunciation is "HOM-idg."

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Edmonton, AB, Canada: Life choices -- I'm surprised that chatters didn't take you up on the issue of missed opportunities and regretted choices, along the lines of you passing up Elvis Costello.

Surely there is a rich vein of pathos and drama here. Like when my sister and I split up for an afternoon of sight-seeing in London England and I saw a bunch of stores and traffic and she came across a free Rolling Stones concert. Or when my husband attended the historic civil rights rally in Washington where Martin Luther King Jr. made his "I have a dream" speech -- but my husband left early to get back to Toronto.

Gene Weingarten: To my recollection, The Washington Post failed to mention that speech in its next-day story on the event. It was very late, and no one knew all that much about this guy King.

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In Russia, Joke Tells You!: I'm sure you've discussed this at some point before, but I must have missed it. Do people on the Family Guy understand what Stewie is saying, or do they only get the gist of it. Sometimes the reactions and responses from people suggest they can understand him, while other times it seems like they're missing it.

Gene Weingarten: I believe that only Brian understands Stewie, because they are the two surreal characters. Everyone else hears Stewie babbling like a baby.

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Washington, D.C.: Taking the marriage contract too far.

Gene Weingarten: This is an amazing document. It is sort of the definition for low self esteem, in terms of the nature of the person who would ally herself with this guy.

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UPDATED 3.24.06

Gene Weingarten: An important news story --

HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) - A bogus traditional healer who persuaded a businesswoman to hire "mermaids" and accommodate them in a Harare hotel to help find a stolen car was convicted of theft by false pretenses, court officials said Tuesday.

Harare magistrate Sandra Nhau found Edina Chizema guilty of swindling a businesswoman of her savings with promises that mermaids would help recover the luxury car in 2004 and solve the businesswoman's unspecified "personal problems."

In Zimbabwe, where tribal superstition is deeply entrenched, prosecutors said Chizema persuaded Margaret Mapfumo to pay 200 million Zimbabwe dollars (about $30,000) to hire mermaids, feed and accommodate them in a Harare hotel, buy power generators for a floodlit lakeside ceremony and invoke ancestral spirits to find the missing car.

Some of the money was to be used to buy a bull whose genitals - described in court as the animal's "strong part" -- would point out the car thief, prosecutors said.

At a hearing Monday, the magistrate said Chizema, who had pleaded not guilty and claimed to be a spirit medium, was not a credible witness and the "idiosyncrasies" of her plea were not recognized in law.

Chizema will be sentenced to imprisonment or a fine at a sentencing hearing later, the court officials said. In Zimbabwe, prominent figures and even leading politicians have often been the victims of such scams."

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Soriano: Aren't you being just a little bit hard on him? I know we were all frustrated with him, but the fact is that in most jobs, a person is pretty reluctant to move to a position where they think their opportunity for advancement will be more limited. If I'm in a small businessand baseball, with 9 on the field, would qualifyand my boss says that I'm going to have to switch from a job that I feel I could parlay into an even better gig somewhere else to a job I feel will be the end of the road for me, I'll resist it. It's not like I really want to work for the same company for life. I could be wrong in that, I could end up being much better at the new job and end up able to make an entire career out of whatever it is I'm doing in it, sure. But you can't call me an idiot for thinking that way, you have to convince me I'm wrong. He thought being a power-hitting second baseman would make him more money than being just another power-hitting outfielderit's not like he's totally unjustified in thinking that, even if he is wrong. ' Moron ' is pretty rough.

And yeah, in corporate America you can't say no when asked to start work and sulk in the dugout instead. But in corporate America you're not owned, and you can leave and work elsewhere when you wantyou don't have to get your boss to trade you. The guy isn't in the military, he has a choice. And everyone who has played with him seems to think he's about as nice as can be. Could you maybe give him a break? I mean it's not like I read you because of how nice you are, but a "jerk" and a "moron"? Wow. I was always taught those terms more often than not applied best to the people who used them, particularly when they used them about people they've never met. Anyway.

Gene Weingarten: A reasonable point.

However, there are some facts you are not mentioning.

Mr. Soriano earns $10 million a year. This is, frankly, a privilege. It entails certain responsibilities, one of which is to be a team player. A player cannot refuse to bunt because he wants to raise his batting average. This is in that same category of insubordination.

Also, Mr. Soriano is ... A CRAPPY SECOND BASEMAN! By any standards. Errors, range, ability to turn the difficult double play.

In 1965 or so, Mickey Mantle agreed to play first base because the team felt he was getting too slow to cover center.

In 1961 or so, Yogi Berra agreed to play left field because the Yanks acquired Elston Howard, a younger and very promising catcher.

Taking one for the team: We are talking Mantle and Berra here.

For Soriano, moron is pretty close. -- it also applies literally. There is absolutely no doubt that playing left field would INCREASE his value for his contract year. It makes him more versatile. Everyone already knows he can play second inadequately.

By the way, I am a big fan of Soriano. I was upset when the Yanks let him go. He is an absolute game-breaker, and I am excited about what he might do for the Nats.

Gene Weingarten: Trivia question -- who was standing in left field, watching Mazeroski's homer leave the park to give the Pirates the 1960 World Series?

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Washington, D.C.: What's your take on Soriano's refusal to play left field?

What would you do if the Post demanded you start writing for the business section?

Gene Weingarten: It's not that simple. The analogy would be The Post asking me to spend half my time writing for the business section, because the paper really needed me to do it. The other half my time, I'd still do what I do. (Remember, Sori bats half the time; we're talking about where he is in the field.)

You'd have to add that I was not very good at the half of my job they want me to abandon (chats). Oh, and they would have to be paying me $10 million a year.

I'd do it.

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Gene Weingarten: Here is an item that appeared on Craigslist. We offer it without comment.

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Too much time in Japan: I might have to buy a potato or two and try that trick.

The Japanese seems to be very into this sort of thing: howtofoldashirt.net

I've tried this and failed several times. It seems like it will only work on small t-shirts.

Gene Weingarten: This is simply incredible. I am in awe.

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Gene Weingarten: URGENT URGENT -- this is the greatest story in the history of journalism. Thanks to Kate Andrews for the tip!

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Gene Weingarten: And I'll leave you all with this, which is for sale on Ebay

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Gene Weingarten: Trivia answer -- Yogi Berra.

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