John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind.

Discussion Archives / Recent Columns

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John Kelly: Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed your week away and are now ready to hit the ground running. It's not like things were actually quiet while I was gone from my chat keyboard. War. Heat. Shampoo confiscations. Whatever happened to the slow, lazy days of summer? Sometimes it seems like there's just too much news.

I think about my colleague who's leaving today for the United Kingdom. Get to the airport early, buddy! Leave your tinctures and ointments at home--or pack them in your checked luggage. Be content to purchase grooming aids over in Blighty, at the Boots chemists (where, I've noticed, everything smells of naptha and sulfur).

But it's a small price to pay, isn't it, I mean compared to a plane actually coming down? I applaud the British police and their American counterparts for being on top of this. I hope they "rolled up" all the people who were involved.

Are you surprised this sort of thing hasn't happened before? Were you getting complacent, figuring "the big one" might not ever come? I remember thinking just after 9/11 that we were in for horrible stuff: splinter cells popping up all over the U.S., crazed individual jihadis steering their cars into oncoming traffic just to take out infidels. That this didn't happen illustrates that the vast majority of Muslims want nothing whatsoever to do with bin Laden and his ilk. But it's also a reminder that what these terrorists want to do is bide their time and plan well.

And on that depressing note, let's look back at The Week in Columns. We started off Monday with a hard-hitting expose of the gumball machine industry, and how innocent little kids are made to cough up their hard-won quarters to get plastic crap--plastic crap that's DIFFERENT from the plastic crap they want. Tuesday we announced--yay!--that our Send a Kid to Camp drive had blasted past its goal. Thanks, all. Wednesday was about my trip to the beach, and how cellphones suddenly seem as common as seagulls. And yesterday I introduced you to local country singer David Wayne, whose song "Everyday Hero" took on added poignancy when the person he wrote it for--his stepson Ben--was killed.

Lotta questions and comments today, so let's get started.

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San Francisco, Calif.: These new flight restrictions make me wonder if I ever want to fly again. I'm not afraid of the danger, but I'm supposed to fly to London next month and the idea of flying back home (11 hours) without so much as a book with me makes me want to cancel. I get restless enough on a plane as it is.

Does our latest "new world order" change your ideas on air travel?

John Kelly: I was musing yesterday that now would be the time to launch a low-cost, high-speed cruise service between the US and Britain. But as enjoyable as three or four days on the Atlantic would be, that would really cut into a two-week European vacation. So, if you gotta travel far, you're stuck in an airplane. It looks like the restrictions from Britain to here are worse than from here to Britain, at least right now. Maybe they'll slack off over there by the time you have to travel. If not, just think how many in-flight magazines you're going to be able to read. Not to mention whatever cheesy, badly-edited inflight movie is on offer.

Have a safe trip.

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Dupont Circle: John, I'm typing this from a plane. When you read this, I'll be on a beach in Bermuda!

John Kelly: Don't rub it in.

The hair gel, I mean. You don't have any to rub in.

(The gel, not the hair.)

((Unless you're bald.))

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What's For Lunch?: Mmmmmmmm.....

http://www.patskingofsteaks.com/cheesesteak.htm

John Kelly: Thanks a lot. I haven't eaten lunch yet, so busy have I been preparing for this chat. Lucky there are some stale pretzel sticks here.

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John Kelly: Can you guys help me out with something? My Lovely Wife is having Palm problems again. Every six months or so when she synchronizes it with the PC, it erases all the data. She has to reboot it and load the info in from the computer. Of course she doesn't back up from/to the PC often enough and knows she's lost stuff. But is there a foolproof PDA out there? Or is the cost of having one just knowing you're gonna wanna murder some software developer every now and then?

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Upsi, DE: So, if we now have to go to Europe without our deodorant, soap, and toothpaste, we won't stand out as ugly Americans anymore!

John Kelly: Now see, that's just the kind of xenophobic attitude that makes Will Ferrell movies such a success in this country. And I do recommend "Talladega Nights." Very funny.

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Eastern Market, D.C.: John,

A few weeks ago, I posted in this space my intention to shake things up on the Orange/Blue lines from my Eastern Market stop to Federal SW, where I get off. I was going to do a lightening fast disrobe during the trip and then get dressed again and walk off like nothing had happened. Funniest thing--I did it six times and not one person reacted. So I'm going to sell my rowhouse and move way out to the 'burbs, where people will notice things like that.

John Kelly: Didn't I ask that you inform me when this was going to take place? Don't you know the old adage: If a tree falls in the forest, and a Washington Post reporter isn't there to see it, did it really happen?

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Washington, D.C. : I apologize if you've addressed this before, but...by the intersection of T and Florida NW there's what appears to be an old theater. The marquis says "Howard." What is that building, and when was the last time it was used. It looks like it could be stunning inside. Thank you!

John Kelly: It's the Howard Theatre, a famed establishment that was part of Washington's "Black Broadway." Duke Ellington performed there, and Ella Fitzgerald. As you noticed, it's in need of restoration. The city collected proposals to do that. I think they're supposed to pick a winner sometime soon.

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washingtonpost.com: Reviving A Black Theatrical Landmark (Post, March 23, 2006)

John Kelly: Here's a story from March....

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Anonymous: The U.S. is likely to have a big impact, for better or worse, on the Middle East for years to come. It would be great if our schools started focusing more on the region, in terms of geography, history and language (many schools are just starting to include Chinese; maybe in another 20 years we'll start having more students who can speak Arabic?). How many Americans could find Iraq, Iran, Lebanon and Jordan and maybe even Israel on a map? How many have any idea of the region's history, even in this century, much less before? I'd bet that few American adults have any idea which of the countries were formerly colonies (this still affects today's history) and how many could, for example, explain how the Shah of Iran came to power (the U.S. helped put him in power and you can bet Iranians remember this). No matter how you feel about current politics in the region, it's a shame that Americans who have strong opinions on events in the area know so little about it.

John Kelly: Maybe I'm wrong--I hope I'm wrong--but I get the feeling that there are some at the top levels of our government who don't agree that knowing a thing or two about other countries helps in the long run. I think some feel like, "Hey, it's the job of the rest of the world to know about AMERICA. We don't need to know about you." But the rest of the world has a funny way of impinging on us, doesn't it?

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washingtonpost.com: Many in State Dept. Can't Talk the Talk (Post, Aug. 11, 2006)

John Kelly: Like this, for example....

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Central Pennsylvania: John,

I know you're not Dr. Gridlock but I thought maybe you could help me out. I'm heading to a Nats game tonight, 7PM start with some Negro League festivities pregame so I don't want to be late. I could either get to the DC area through Frederick or through Baltimore (via 270, 95, or 295). I can leave at 2. I think my best option is 83 to baltimore beltway to 295 to New Carrolton station. Could go 270 to Shady Grove but I think hitting Baltimore rush at 3:30 won't be too terrible, and I should do OK on 295 from Baltimore to DC between 4-5 right?

John Kelly: You're thinking the Baltimore-Washington Parkway? I think 95 is a better bet, since it has more lanes. But I'll throw it out to the crowd to see what they have to say. Good luck.

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Fairfax, Va.: Oh mighty John,

I have some old super 8 movies of my kids. The light burnt out on the projector years ago and I couldn't find a replacement. I know they once could convert to a VHS format. Can they somehow convert to CD or DVD? I'd love for my grandkids to see their father and aunt as kids. Please help.

John Kelly: I'm so glad to be of assistance. I've been carrying around a brochure for a place called The Video Editor for the last few months, waiting to do a column on them. They do video duplication and also convert film to tape. I bet you could then get the tape transferred to DVD. There's one in Rockville and one in Fairfax, on Nutley Street. The Fairfax phone is 703-560-1680. Or go to www.videoeditorinc.com. It looks like the cost to transfer Super 8 to video is 20 cents a foot.

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Vacation: How many days of vacation do you get a year?

John Kelly: My vacation is covered by the Post's union contract. I get 7.5 hours of vacation for each 97.5 hours I work, up to a maximum of 150 hours (four weeks) a year. In three years, when I'll have been here 20 years, I'll get 7.5 hours for each 88.5 hours of work, up to 165 hours a year.

It's always a bit sad when I return from vacation and see that my little vacation bank has been depleted.

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Germantown, Md.: I know you said it won't happen, but you have to understand and know that many, many people do not read your column anymore since it was moved from the comics pages--and some have even said that they won't go back to reading it.

Others note that the column doesn't look, feel, read or just appear right in the Metro section.

No matter what anyone says at the paper, the column is not a Metro-section column. And the column rested nicely in its same spot for at least 50 years--with a dedicated, loyal and friendly readership.

Now, the Post has lost much of that audience. And I have to say--the movement of an institution column for some stupid, juvenile little puzzles and games is an insult.

An open message to the Post: move the column back to where it belongs--the comics pages--and you'll get your readership back. As it is now, the move made no sense whatsoever, considering the people who've stopped reading the column!

John Kelly: Thank you, I think.

I'm glad you think my column is worth reading and I'm sorry there are some who think it's worth reading in one place but not in another. I know that people have habits when it comes to reading the paper--I do myself--and that those habits can be hard to change. But let me address some of your observations....

I think it is a Metro column. What do I write about? Local people, local things, local observations, local history, local tradition. Occasionally I stray, but my focus is 99 percent local, which is what Metro is. I've had people who say they don't read Metro because it's too "depressing." I agree, it can be that way, but my column isn't, or usually isn't. It's a bright ray of sunshine, one that glitters quite nicely alongside the new features you will find on Page Three. Also, it seems that Metro is a section that people SHOULD read. I mean, how are you gonna know what's going on in our area if you only read the Style section (much as I love that section)?

(An aside: The people I REALLY can't stand are folks who subscribe to the New York Times and NOT The Washington Post. I saw a neighbor yesterday grabbing his NY Times from his Post-free front yard. I wanted to punch him. My only consolation will be when we print an article that says "Asteroid Headed Toward Jerk's House" and he doesn't see it because he only reads the Times.)

Now, where was I? Ah yes, my column in Metro. A lot of this will matter less and less as more and more people read the paper online. I'm convinced there is something to this World Wide Web I've heard so much about. Finally, my great hope in my new home is that people who read Metro and not Comics would discover my column. There seems to be some data to support this, since our Send a Kid to Camp drive did gangbusters this year, compared to the last few. I attribute that at least partially to the new home.

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Washington, D.C.: Three times now I have seen this guy around DC in women's clothing and when I say women's clothing I mean vibrant pastel skirts and shirts with pearl earrings. Nothing else about this man suggests that he's in any way trying to pass as a female. He has a conservative haircut with a left part; he walks like a basketball player; he slouches, etc. Who is this guy? What's his story?

John Kelly: He could be a transvestite. Or a pre-operative trans-sexual just sort of testing the waters. I haven't seen him. Are you suggesting I walk up to him and say, "Hey, what's your deal?" I think I'll have my assistant, Julie, do that.

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East-West Highway: Hello John! I am sure this came up somewhere in the previous discussions but I got a question... WMATA says that they have the "longest escalator in the Western Hemisphere -at] Wheaton Station" (see http://www.wmata.com/about/metrofacts.pdf ). I've never been to Wheaton metro station, but do you happen to know which station has the second or third longest escalators in WMATA system? Dupont, Bethesda, and Rosslyn stations seem to have longer escalators. Thanks and have a great weekend!!

John Kelly: You've never been to Wheaton?!?!? What are you waiting for? Don't you want to see the longest escalator in the Western hemisphere? It is quite impressive, although I was always disappointed that WMATA didn't go for the world record, which I think is held by a subway station in Moscow. (There's also a really long four-part escalator in Hong Kong.) I mean, couldn't Metro have just dug a little deeper to get the world record, even if it meant riders then had to take an escalator UP to the platform?

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washingtonpost.com: Wheaton: 230 ft.

Bethedsa: 213'10 ft.

Woodley Park: 204 ft.

Medical Center: 202'6 ft.

Rossyln: 194'8 ft.

Dupont: 188'10 ft.

John Kelly: Here are the details on the other ones.

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Let's give John Kelly his due: Attention, Producer - or whoever decides who should be listed on the recap of discussions.

It's been months since John has been listed as prominently as some of the others. What is he, chopped liver? Please make it easier to find his name. Thanks.

Not-a-relative-just-a-reader

John Kelly: Aren't you nice?

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Under the Old WW Bridge: Welcome back John, you have been missed. Not a question (yet) just a statement that your chats are worth attending.

John Kelly: Thank you. I missed you guys too. You're a varied bunch, and I mean that in a good way. Like a can of mixed nuts, there's something for everyone.

(Except, who likes those Brazil nuts? They always taste to me like a mixture of dirt and furniture polish. And I swore off furniture polish a long time ago.)

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Palm Bay, Fla.: Working as a pre-op nurse in an ambulatory setting, I had the pleasure of discovering that my last patient of the day and her husband were true DC natives. He thought I was from New York as the faster I have to work, the more northen my accent becomes. I don't know why, go figure. I told him that we had lived in DC for three years (military) before coming to Florida, and that maybe that was part of the cause of my speech pattern.

They were estatic to find someone from their home, even a transplant short termer.

Turned out that her family, years ago, owned the property bordering that flight of stairs that became famous from appearing in the Exodist? That pea-puking movie?

We discussed many DC type things and I told the husband that I still read the WP every morning before going to work. She whipped her head around at her husband and told me that a couple of her relatives that no longer lived there still looked the paper up on the internet,too.

It was the perfect ending for a workday, talking about the various places in DC that make it unique and personal. About their family history.

I've never enjoyed my work more than that afternoon. I loved the experience of living in DC but am quite happy in Florida. Wouldn't move back for the world but wouldn't give up my memories either.

Thanks for helping those of use who aren't there keep up.

Paula

John Kelly: Hey Paula. I think that's a wonderful use of the Web. I heard the other day from a young woman who grew up in MoCo but now lives in London and works at the British Museum. She keeps in touch with The Post too, and my column.

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Snidetown: Hey, Heard you on the radio.

How many times did you have to watch "Capote" before you got the impression so perfectly?

John Kelly: Is it hard typing with your knuckles?

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Washington, D.C.: So what happened last week? Or was it just my computer that wouldn't load your chat?

John Kelly: There was no chat. I was sucking down Hard Lemonade on a beach.

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Do Tell: John, did you bring us any souveniers from your beach vacation? Or were you fairly drunk most of the time? If you space the drinks out just right, you can remain in a good (but not stupid) buzz during the whole trip.

John Kelly: I brought a big bushel of peaches. My Lovely Wife made five pies, four tartlets and helped my daughter make a galette. Mmmm.

I planned my drinking with the care of a NASA rocket scientist, or a Tour de France cyclist. The secret is to have one or two Mikes Hard Lemonades with lunch, then fall asleep on the couch with a book on your chest. Then you wake up, go to the beach, have a Corona, come home and have more Coroni. Only one glass of red wine with dinner though, so you're recovered in time for the next day.

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washingtonpost.com: Cat-Link V

John Kelly: So here's the alternative to divesting yourself of hair gel: a fast ferry across the ocean. Still, it took two days, 20 hours and nine minutes.

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Washington, D.C.: According to the news, the airlines are making people throw out/leave their perfume, wine and liquor. You think I could go by the airport after work and pick up some perfume and wine from the check-in line?

John Kelly: I think they're going to pour all of the wine into one big barrel and call it Chateau de Dulles. Ditto with the perfume: Eau de Metal Detecteur.

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Rockville, Md.: Maybe off topic, but I read in the paper on Monday (or Tuesday) that there are plans for a military-themed amusement park in Fairfax. I found it kinda disturbing. I mean, museum I understand, and of course memorials... but theme park... it creeped me out.

John Kelly: The Army nixed it, and I'm glad they did. It was really weird. I had just been reading stories about how the army in Cuba controls hotels and tourist sites, then I read how some developers were hoping to convince the US Army to build a theme park.

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washingtonpost.com: Army Shuns 'Theme Park' Proposal (Post, Aug. 9, 2006)

John Kelly: There are still plans for an Army museum, though.

Speaking of military museums, I've received several questions in the past about the distinctive structure visible from I-95 near Quantico. It's the new Marine Corps Museum, designed to mimic the raising of the flag on Iwo Jima. On our way back from the beach, I noticed that traffic was really slow near there, and I wondered if it was people gawking at the building. Anyone else noticed this? I wonder whether it's a good idea to have it there, if it's going to cause rubbernecking. (Not that there's anything to be done about it now.)

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Just Asking..: John, if a psychic read your mind, what knowledge would they gain?

John Kelly: The location of the lost treasure of the Knights of the Templar.

Ooops, did I just type that? Now I'll never get a moment's peace.

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Ward 4, D.C.: They had you on the list for last Friday - even had its status at "live" for an hour.

First, I was happy, thinking you were doing a remote from the beach. Then I was sad, when I realized that nobody had bothered to correct the schedule and I had gotten my hopes up for nothing.

Anyhow, welcome back!

John Kelly: Sorry to play with your emotions like that. I did do both of my radio shows, one on the way TO the beach, the other o the way BACK.

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University Park, Md.: New Metro grossout: At PG Plaza, I saw a man board the train while shaving his head with an electric shaver. Later, I heard and saw him cleaning it out, over a newspaper, using a brush. Blech.

John Kelly: I hope he was using a Washington Post.

What was he afraid of? Showing up at work with peach fuzz on his head?

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Diplomatic Posting: I think much of the problems we have in the world is a failure of diplomacy. We don't understand the cultures, especially the Arab culture, so how can we communicate effectively with them.

Czarist Russian would send their future diplomats, as adolescents, to the countries where they would be posted so they could grow up within the culture and understand it intimately. They would be brought back every year for a month or so to remind them they were Russian. Our ambassadors are political appointments, given to the people who donated the largest amount of cash to the campaign. Is it any wonder our understanding of international culture stops at our border?

And whatever happened to Revenge Guy? Has there been any updates? I think you should interview him for a column.

Thanks, Johnny Boy, for being you.

John Kelly: Maybe Revenge Guy is now at peace with himself and his ex-(?)wife, and the last thing he needs is us egging him on. Let's all wish him nothing but happy, healthy relationships in the future.

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Woodbridge, Va.: Any second thoughts about your anti-air conditioning comments from a few weeks ago or are you sleeping in the basement?

John Kelly: Did I make an anti-air conditioning comment? I don't recall that. It must have been the heat.

Remember, though, that I was gone for the heatwave, just like I missed the rain storms. It was hot at the beach, got up to 103 one day in fact. But at the peak of the afternoon we stayed in our (air-conditioned) beach house and at other times of day a nice beach breeze kept us alive. Plus the ocean was there to cool us down.

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For Nats fan...: I'd take 95 over the BW parkway. The Baltimore Beltway backs up pretty early between 95 and 295 in the afternoon. 95 itself shouldn't be too crowded.

John Kelly: There's one suggestion.

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BW Parkway into the city.....: is much better than 95. Except when it isn't.

John Kelly: Here's another. Do what Dan Snyder does: take a helicopter.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: Yesterday around 8:00PM on the red line to Shady Grove (from Woodley Park to Cleveland Park) I was treated to the sight of a man in a short pink dress, pink earrings, and pink high-top sneakers. He had a lovely little pink handbag to match. If he was trying to pass as a woman, however, he was failing miserably. I've been trying to figure it out. Bad transvestite? Stunt? Certainly unusual for this conservative town.

John Kelly: Is this the same guy, or is there a sudden explosion of Metro-riding crossdressers?

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Notjustacellpho, NE: YLW's PDA? Blackberry. Phone, email (with a full keyboard), calendar, and a cool brickbreaker game. It's the shiznit.

John Kelly: Yeah, but does she really need that? Does ANYBODY really need that? And while it may be cooler, if it erases its information just as much as the Palm, it's no better.

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Central Pennsylvania: Your wife needs a good cellphone, not a new PDA. PDA's are so passe, they don't even bother trying to come up with better models nowadays. Your wife wants a Treo 650. She needs a Treo 650.

John Kelly: See my previous plea. Does a Treo crash?

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John Kelly: If a Treo falls in the woods, and no one's there, does it make a sound?

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Northwest, D.C. worker: John: I work downtown in the K Street corridor. The past couple years the rocket scientists running the DC Government have installed timed pedestrian lights at the intersections. Apparently too many pedestrians killed from darting out into traffic, so these timed lights let them know how many seconds they have to dart out into the streets anyway.

K Street is 8 lanes wide at 19th Street, where I have to cross and get to work. The timed light allows 31 seconds to cross 8 lanes of K Street. However, it allows 52 seconds to cross 3 lanes of 19th Street. DUH!!!! Did some jokester turn the lights around? What's going on here?

John Kelly: I hate to tell you this, but those lights aren't there to keep pedestrians safe, they're there to keep vehicles moving. People crossing 19th get more time because that means K Street traffic will be stopped for less time. We are a car-centered society and suffer from all the ills that come with that.

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Palm Synch problems: Can't you just e-mail Rob Pegaroro, or does he make his fellow Posties submit their questions to his chat?

John Kelly: I could ask him. But he's not a "typical" user. He probably loves rebooting and reconfiguring and messing with IPO ports and Bluetooth connections. My Lovely Wife just wants a darn thing that works.

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Re: reading your column: Is this person who says that people don't read you since you moved to Metro saying that people who read the Post are too lazy to open the pages of the paper to go to the third page of the metro section, or saying that they only read the style section with the comics? I just don't get it.

John Kelly: I've heard some people say that they are accustomed to a certain reading ritual that may start with Comics or not include Metro. Or the husband takes Metro and the wife takes Style. I can see how a change like mine would be annoying, but I hope people would bear with me!

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Baltimore, Md.: For Central Pennsylvania - when you get to the Baltimore Beltway, start listening for traffic reports on 1090 or 1300 AM. 1090 has them every ten minutes on the 5s. That will tell you whether 95 or the BW Parkway is a better route. Also, parking at New Carrollton can be confusing with the farecard nonsense. If you park in the new garage, you'll need to buy a farecard to get out. If you park in the old garage (which is closer to the Amtrak station), you don't.

John Kelly: Great information. Thanks. Central Pa: Let us know next week what you did, and whether it worked.

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Changes in the Post: I still read your column but I find it annoying that it moved for no reason. Don't read Barr any more b/c I don't remember to find it before recycling Business.

And the Post has continued to give me fewer pages to read:

Editorials? The subheads tell me what I'm supposed to think so I know longer read them to decide for myself based on what's there.

Style on the Go? Never look at it. There's already Sunday Source and Weekend. Sunday Source is only worth reading maybe once every few months (loved the "green" section this weekend, for example)

And there's more. At the rate Don Graham is going, I'll be among those who've dropped the dead tree version and only read what I want online.

John Kelly: Well, there was a reason (more puzzles!) and I think the move was defensible. I don't necessarily agree with all the changes the paper tries, but I think it's a good idea to be always looking for ways to improve/evolve. And even with those changes, The Washington Post is still a pretty darn good paper, doncha think?

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Hummm: You might be a nerd, but you're certainly not a computer nerd!

John Kelly: Right, I'm a devil-worshipping nerd.

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Wrong URL: John, you made a typo. The video editor Web site is at http://www.thevideoeditor.net/ (not dot-com).

John Kelly: Whoops, you're right. I hope the other one doesn't take you to a porno site.

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Guy In Women's Clothes: I wonder if this is the same guy, but a few months ago at the Cleveland Park metro station I saw a kind of pudgy 30something computer-programmer type, brown hair, glasses, enter the station wearing a pastel-pink nightie. Like, spaghetti straps, very flimsy-looking, almost like a slip. I think he was also wearing sneakers. But nothing else. He was just walking along like nothing was unusual.

John Kelly: I hope he doesn't wear white shoes after Labor Day.

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Pink woman's clothing!: I've seen a guy answering to that description walking down Connecticut in Cleveland Park in exactly those clothes. Maybe he only has the one matching ensemble?

John Kelly: Sounds like he needs a fashion makeover.

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MAN-Lady: I think I've been seeing the same guy!! I was getting on the train red-line (Shadeee Grove) and this guy got off dressed in the floral print dress and pearls. Very prim looking, but a man!!

John Kelly: The pearls are a nice touch.

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Redli, NE: Hey, Eastern Market--you're changing clothes on the Metro, and you think there's something wrong with everybody else? Hmm.

John Kelly: I think Eastern Market was engaged in a piece of performance art. (Actually, I think Eastern Market is pulling our digital legs.)

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Gaithersburg, Md.: John,

For many years (pre-internet) I swore that I would never live anywhere that I could not get the WP on my front step every day. Now, the internet has freed me! Thank you, Bill Gates, or Al Gore, or whoever invented it.

John Kelly: hey, you can still get it! Last I checked we deliver to Gaithersburg. Heck, we even go to Derwood!

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Petworth: I would advise the person from Central PA to come down the parkway.

I would also advise them not to bother parking at New Carrolton. Parking at RFK is easy and plentiful.

John Kelly: More grist for the mill.

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Columbia, Md.: "I mean, how are you gonna know what's going on in our area if you only read the Style section"

Considering that outside the Weekly section, there's almost no coverage of Howard County, I won't know what's going on even if I read Metro.

And I know this isn't your area, but whoever thought that combining the Anne Arundel and Howard Weekly sections is an idiot.

John Kelly: I will pass on your comments to the Powers that Be.

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Anonymous: THEME PARK:

Don't worry! The recently approved Vietnam War Museum masquerading as a "visitors center" will feature a movie theatre and 3-D jungle war scenes!!! They originally proposed a virtual jungle fighting game for the kids, in order to enrich their experience of visiting Maya Lin's masterpiece, but were also quickly met with disgust, so now it's called simply "3-D Jungle War Scenes".

YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?

John Kelly: Maya Lin's monument speaks for itself. That's what's so great about it. It's a shame some people don't like to hear what it says.

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PDA Help: My husband has had two HP Ipaqs (one he bought and one his work gave him) with no problem whatsoever. He syncs everyday. The only time his 'Paq ever crashed was once when he held the reset button down for too long (you gotta watch that!). We even use it as the screen for our GPS gizmo.

John Kelly: I'll put that into the databanks, thanks.

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Anonymous: My favorite cross-dressing encounter was seeing a denim jacket/shirt clad man with short gray hair board the bus with red stileto high heels on. It was quite a fashion statement, as conservative as he looked. I was so impressed I got confused!

John Kelly: You mean you got so confused you hit on him?

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Washington, D.C.: Okay, I know the staircase from 'The Exorcist' is over by Dixie Liquor in Georgetown. I always crane my neck when turning onto M Street from the Key Bridge, but I've never seen them. Are they hiding behind that dumpster?

John Kelly: They're kinda hard to see from a moving car. You gotta park, get out and go in search of them. They're kinda snug up against a wall. Worth the trip. But don't trip.

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Silver Spring, Md.: You're not crazy to think that some feel we don't need to know about the rest of the world. I heard two commentaros on Fox News say, "We don't need friends. We have the most powerful military in the world." Such attitudes are well known around the rest of the world. More people could identify the Redskins' front line than could identify the countries in the Middle East, but the latter are affecting our lives (including the lack of hair gel on flights).

John Kelly: You know, there were plenty of Founding Fathers who thought it was important to know about the rest of the world. They even thought it was important to live over there, even in FRANCE!

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The men in red are back?: Thats an annual thing- they get real drunk and load and then run a footrace through town.

Answer man should know that.

Why would be a harder question to answer.

John Kelly: How come I wasn't invited?

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Helena, Montana: John, I was in D.C. recently and went to RFK. Really enjoyed it, but am confused as to why the concession stands take only cash. Every fast food place in America allows you to use your debit/credit card. I ran out of money pretty quickly and the line at the ATM was very, very long.

John Kelly: Yeah, it's a problem. I left a message for Aramark, the food supplier, but they haven't gotten back to me. It could have something to do with the antiquity of RFK. It may not have things like phone lines or data lines to plug in credit card machines. But I don't know.

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washingtonpost.com: Red Dress Run

John Kelly: This event, involving DC's hashing clubs, isn't till October. So maybe what you've seen recently have just been guys who like the feel of a dress.

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Alexandria, Va.: If the tight restrictions on carry-on baggage continues, I suggest that the airlines create two lines. One for people with no carry-on baggage and another for people with carry-on stuff. I am traveling today and will have just my passport, $20, and my board pass.

Two friends of mine flew this morning. One had no trouble - she was flying out of a city in the midwest. My friend here said the only real problem now seems to be that people here in DC understand that there are rule changes but don't think that the changes actually apply to them. She witnessed some very terse exchanges.

John Kelly: That could be us in a nutshell, huh?

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Mysterious Sculpture, D.C.: John,

I wrote in a couple weeks ago about the sculpture at 17th and New Hampshire. You suggested asking Answer Man, but I'd rather remain anonymous and mysterious (much like the sculpture itself). Hope you can still use my info...

The old sculpture was of an abstract woman with flowing hair, about 7 feet tall, all silver. I liked her--almost like the figureheads on boats. This new one is a large square with a winking eye on a triangular pedestal. Also silver.

Same artist, maybe? Is this a rotating summer thing? Surely you can find out, right?

John Kelly: What, are you under the Witness Protection Program or something?

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Oakton, Va.: So your work week is only 37.5 hours? Nice!

John Kelly: But I'm always working, my Spidey-columnist sense a-tingling.

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20814: Question for Julie! Is John a great boss or the greatest boss (a la Stephen Colbert's interview style)?

John Kelly: Julie?

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washingtonpost.com: GREATEST.

(Now can I get a raise?)

John Kelly: There's your answer.

(No.)

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Northwest Cross-Dresser: John,

I had a serious question for you, but with all the comments about my appearance I thought I would share with you why I dress in pink woman's clothes: Much more comfortable on these hot DC Days.

John Kelly: Well call me up the next time the forecast is for 90 degrees or hotter. I'll run over to TJ Maxx then meet you somewhere to test this hypothesis.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: "The Washington Post is still a pretty darn good paper, doncha think?"

Do you get paid extra to say that?

John Kelly: Okay, call me a company shill, but I do happen to think that. Remember I just spent a week reading the Myrtle Beach Sun News.

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Petworth: Your wife should probably check her hotsync settings.

I've never had my palm eat data like that. I would suspect setup problems or a faulty palm.

John Kelly: I'll ask you to not mention my wife's hotsync settings, if you please.

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Ref: Marine Corps Museum: I didn't notice it driving down I95 two weekends ago, but I noticed it comeing back up I95. I knew what it was so it was quite inspiring to me. Like everything, people will get used to it after a while.

John Kelly: I agree it's a cool building. And I hope you're right. But a lot of people on that stretch of highway won't have seen it before.

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Long Island, N.Y.: John:

I just wanted to let you know that I enjoy listening to Washington Post radio and reading the newspaper online. The reporting at the newspaper is excellent.

John Kelly: You are a true connoiseur. Or however you spell it.

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Washington, D.C.: I understand that the new Vietnam museum will have a My Lai room and an interactive hands-on napalm fun area for the kids. Good heavens, the reason that the Memorial was so poignant was its simplicity: You alone with the wall, your thoughts and memories, and the names of all families similarly affected. Leave the wall as it is. It is perfect.

John Kelly: It may be, but people aren't.

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Ref: The Exorcist Steps: Should I see them before or after a visit to Dixie Liquors?

John Kelly: Definitely before, unless you want to recreate the scene from the film.

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Out of Style: I think I've finally gotten used to you being in Metro now... at least I felt some vague feeling that something wasn't right when I read that section last week. Of course I get the same feeling every Friday too, but at least you're here. (Or I'm here, and you're wherever you are.)

John Kelly: Thanks, now we just have to spread the word. Sit in a public place with the Metro section open in front of you. Start chuckling, then say, "That John Kelly, he's something else, heh-heh." It's called viral marketing people!

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2 hours and 10 minutes: and My day finally ends!!!

(Not another day, Not another day, Not another day, !!!)

John Kelly: Good for you! And good for the rest of us! Thanks for stopping by. I'll be in the paper on Sunday and on the radio with David Burd tomorrow. We're going to have a live, in-studio performance. Tune into 1500 AM or 107.7 FM at 8:10 am.

Have a great weekend.

Can I get some lunch now?

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