Overachieving Students Under Pressure

Washington Post education writer Jay Mathews was online Wednesday, Aug. 16, at noon ET to discuss overachieving students who are under increasing pressure to perform. College applications, SAT scores, sports teams, extracurricular activities and other markers can create a highly competitive environment. How is this culture affecting students?

The transcript follows.

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Upper Marlboro, Md.: Okay, we have an "overachiever" who is switching from private school to PG's new high school in the 9th grade next week. He would only agree to one AP class (English), with marching band, band as a class, maybe golf. He knows we expect 90's and above, and he has set the bar at 95 and above. Quite frankly, none of us want to dial our expectations back. The kid was moved up a grade from kindergarten to first and has never looked back. If we see strain, how should we as parents deal with it? He will fight dropping anything (golf only lasts for six weeks, I think - band is forever!).

Jay Mathews: It sounds to me like you are handling this right, but I am puzzled by one thing you said. The kid is only a 9th grader, and you have already negotiated how many APs he will take in two or three years? Or is he so far ahead that he is taking this English AP as a ninth grader, sitting there in a class full of seniors? If it is the latter, let me know how it works out. Strikes me just one AP as a FRESHMAN is one more than 99.9 percent of high school freshmen are taking, so you are ahead of the curve. If it is the former, and he only wants to take one AP his entire high school career, I strongly suspect, given his grades, he will change his mind about that. Many of the non-AP alternatives will bore him to distraction.

You WILL see strain, just as you see strain in your own life when you tackle a big project. Would you want your mom to call you up from Florida or wherever she is and tell you to drop that project before you hurt yourself? No. The successful educators I know say let him make his own choices, and only intervene if you are seeing the strain produce real differences in him---change of mood, changing of eating or sleeping habits, loss of friends, anything basic like that.

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Annandale, Va.: Jay,

Although my highly intelligent -- and very nice guy -- oldest son was much more of an underachiever when it came to academics, I have to take comfort in the fact that there are no solid statistics that say that getting into a top-notch school -- with or without an athletic scholarship -- makes you a happier or better person in the long run.

My son did what he had to and got by; he didn't stress-out or over-tax himself. He played sports until his senior year, then stopped (and took up golf). What he ended up with was a pretty good time his senior year, developed into an awesome guitar player, and will still attend a state university.

My vision of him being a high-achieving student was just that: my vision. They were formed in a vacuum that didn't include HIS vision of himself. Should we have argued and punished him more in order to have him comply with our visions? Or did we do the right thing by largely letting him follow his own path? I hope I live long enough to get the final answer on that one.

Jay Mathews: I envy your son, having such smart parents. This is exactly the way to go. You make sure the kid is not making and unhealthy or dangerous choices, and intervene if he or she is. You keep track of school progress and be encouraging, but let them set the pace unless it is clear that they are not mastering enough concepts and skills to be able to handle the next year's work. You absolutely chill out about getting into prestige colleges, because almost all the research shows that the Ivies don't add any more value than hundreds of non-Ivies do. You enjoy all that lovely guitar music, and (quietly and secretly) pat yourself on the back. I have yet to meet a parent who took this approach and later regretted it.

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MOCO, Senior Year: Hi Jay. I enjoy your columns. I grew up in an Ivy League college town but could never have believed the pressure of the DC area on students in high school here. What scares me is, it's clear from attending PTA meetings and the like, that it is the PARENTS heaping more and more pressure on the students.

Parents and school staff need to send the message "we believe in you and we know you will do well" rather than "make us look good." My daughter and her friends, who are good students, were really wilting under the pressure around AP exam time last year.

Jay Mathews: You have exactly the right attitude, but in my experience, having interviewed many of these kids, and watched my children's friends, the pressure is usually not from parents telling the kids they better get busy. The pressure is from the kids seeing their successful parents enjoy their own pressured lives, and deciding they want some of that for themselves. The pressure is also peer pressure, wanting to be a part of the smart kid gang and so taking all the same APs that your friends do. You have to listen and watch the kid and if you see unhealthy habits developing, have a conversation. But be assured that there will be strain, and there is nothing wrong with that. If we wanted our kids to have no stress, we would all drop out and move into a commune in Clarke County. (And even commune life has its pressures, I hear.)

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Alexandria, Va.: Parents, keep in mind that this stressful, super-achieving mentality won't simply disappear once the acceptance letters arrive on May 1st. It sticks with you. I'm a product of a local magnet school, and it's a struggle to allow myself to relax, rather than frantically accumulating resume-builders. Your kids deserve better.

Jay Mathews: It will indeed stay with you, but I don't think that is because of the reason you suggest. It is not high pressure high schools that create high pressure kids, who cant shake the habit once they get out of that school. It is high pressure kids and their high pressure families, who LIKE high pressure because it gives them more choices in life, who create high pressure schools. The feeling that you have to keep doing stuff stays with you because that is the kind of life you are most comfortable with, and you would be very unhappy if someone told you you couldn't do all that stuff. This is my theory, at least. I would love to see evidence to the contrary.

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Fairfax County, Va.: It's one thing to face stiff competition to get into an Ivy League school, but these days it's increasingly difficult for even top students to get into many state universities. Virginia's are a case in point. My daughter--a solid student with only one C on her high school transcript--won't even be looking at William & Mary or U.Va. She's been advised not to hope too much for Virginia Tech, Mary Washington, James Madison or Penn State. And George Mason and Christopher Newport won't be safe schools either. What do you advise?

Jay Mathews: Remember this fact: at least 70 percent of college spaces in the United States are in colleges and universities that accept at least 70 percent of their applicants. The intense pressure to get into name brand schools, even name brand state schools, affects only about 20 percent of students. And many of them, when they get into their safety schools that do accept a majority of applicants, find the safety schools give them just what hoped to get in the Ivies. If you look in the back of my book Harvard Schmarvard, you will find the names of many colleges---what I call the hidden gems---who accept most applicants but have terrific reputations. Christopher Newport is one. I would add Catholic to that list. And since the demographic pressure is soon to ease, at the end of this decade, I don't think we will see this crowding extent much further.

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Lowville, N.Y.: As a former overachiever, I would do things differently if I could do it all over again. I took all the AP courses my school offered and was involved in soccer, baseball, newspaper, yearbook, honor society, and the foreign language clubs. I would do less extra-curricular and spend more time with my friends. I think high school students are pushed too far to be involved in every sport and organization a school has just so it looks good on a college application. Let them enjoy being a teenager!

Jay Mathews: This is a good comment from someone who was part of that 10 to 20 percent of high school students who really loaded up on AP, IB and activities because they wanted to compete in the race for selective college admission. Please keep in mind that they do not represent what happens to most high school students. The best studies show that the average American high schooler does less than an hour of homework a day and spends three hours watching TV, playing on the computer or chatting on the phone. And that includes two thirds of students who go to college.

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Silver Spring, Md.: You mentioned earlier in the chat that almost all the research suggests that the Ivies don't add any extra value added to the non-Ivies. I know that Stacy Berg Dale and Alan Krueger concluded that in their study of the College and Beyond data set. Have there been other empirical studies since then that support their conclusions? I ask because I don't know of any others, and I would be wary of using "almost all" to describe one study.

Jay Mathews: There are several more, and if you just check out the colleges attended by your bosses, or people you admire, you will find far more have attended non-selective than selective schools. A January 2005 Harvard Business Review article disclosed that in 1980, 14 percent of top execs in the Fortune 100 companies had gone to Ivy League colleges. Another 54 percent had gone to private non-Ivy schools and 32 percent to state schools. A similar survey in 2001 found only 10 percent had gone to Ivies, 42 percent to other privates and a whopping 48 percent to state schools. the percent of Ivy grads in top jobs in the Standard and Poors 500 companies has dropped from 16 to 11 percent since 1998. I have some quarrels with Alexandra Robbins' new book, The Overachievers, but her points and data on this are very good. The Ivies make your grandma feel proud, but they don't do much else that you cant get at JMU.

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Elgin, Ill.: "Less than an hour of homework a day" - do you think that's a problem? With the increased competition from foreign students, don't you think we should be pushing our kids a little harder - maybe not to the point of the previous poster - but somewhere in between?

Jay Mathews: I certainly do. I wouldn't mind if the amount of homework didn't increase, but those kids spent another hour a day reading for pleasure. But that is not what they are doing with their extra time. Mostly, they are watching TV.

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North Potomac, Md.: As a parent of two teens (each with some learning challenges), an author, and now therapist, I have seen in my work how parents overpressure their children to succeed beyond their child's capabilities. Goal setting is one thing; pushing is quite the opposite. My co-author and I have written about angry children and overcoming passive-aggression, and when pushed like this, kids silently seethe inside....and trust me, it comes out in other ways such as totally shutting down in college when the stakes (and expense) are high.

Interesting articles in Washington Post Magazine months back and this current issue of Newsweek about whether pushing your kids into an elite school is really worth it -- and the consensus I've seen is that it's not.

Jay Mathews: You are right. It is not worth that kind of pushing. It is bad parenting. My only concern is that people will think this kind of overbearing parenting and too pressured high school standards is the norm, and all schools should do something about them. The problem is restricted to a few neighborhoods and schools where, not coincidentally, you find the highest concentration of Washington Post readers.

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Washington Metro: As a parent of a 2nd and 4th grader, I was shocked to hear a parent of an 8th grader this past year talk about their son taking the SAT's. Is that what it has come to? How normal is this? When I grew up in this area, you took the PSAT in 10th and the SAT in 11th.

Also, we live in Oakton, my kids attend Oakton Elementary, but the kids that will eventually feed into Oakton High School go into I believe 3 different Middle Schools. Ours is Luther Jackson. I've heard both positive and negatives on Jackson, but no negatives on Thoreau, one of the other middle schools. I've debated the possibility of putting the kids in Flint Hill for middle school for 2 reasons: (1)Geographically, Luther Jackson is quite a hike from where we live, and (2) I don't know if it is as good as school academically as Thoreau. But, I tell myself, this is Fairfax County and there is no need to pay for private school. What can you tell me about Luther Jackson?

Jay Mathews: This is a classic case of schools being judged by their demographics. About 40 percent of Jackson students are low income and 35 percent are from non English speaking homes. The percentages in those categories for Thoreau are about 6 and 7 percent. But since they are both Fairfax County schools, you are going to find in each terrific teachers, good administrators and more than enough ambitious students and parents to give your child a very good academic experience. I would call Jackson and ask for the phone numbers of a couple of parents who have kids there, and call them with all yr questions, before you start shelling out a lot of money to Flint Hill.

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Washington, D.C.: I think the whole US News and World Report college rankings business gives people bad ideas about college--that where you go can be rationally plotted on a list of the top 100 schools, and that #55 is therefore better than #56. I think choosing a good school is about finding the right fit for your kid--balancing things like big school vs. small school, classes taught by teachers vs. researchers vs. student TAs, progressive vs. conservative. I was ranked academically in the top 3 percent of kids in my high school class, a high school that was known as one of the top 5 public high schools in my home state. Yet I chose a small liberal arts college that drew mostly kids from the region, because I didn't want to be an anonymous kid at an Ivy or big university. I received an excellent education, grew tremendously as a person, and I wouldn't change a thing if I could, because I chose the right school for MY needs, not for meeting the needs of student #11 with 3.99 GPA and 4 AP classes.

Jay Mathews: That is very wise. You are have just the right attitude. But consider this. If we didn't have the US News list, would we suddenly adopt a healthier attitude toward colleges? I think the answer is no. We should still be affected by folklore on which school is the most prestigious. At least US News gives us some solid data, and you find several surprises in that top 100 list.

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Springfield, Va.: We had a two activity rule while our kids were growing up -- school + 2 activities, nobody goes nuts running around, and there's still time together as a family, and time to just chill. The kids got into good schools (Carnegie Mellon & Northwestern) and still practice the 2 activity rule, since they've realized that balance is important.

Too many activities means you don't have time to do any of them really well.

Jay Mathews: I am nominating you for parents of the year. This is a terrific idea. Not only does it lead to better use of time, but the Ivies, and I want to put this in all caps, ONLY WANT TO SEE TWO ACTIVITIES!!! They want to see depth, not breadth, things the kids does that he or she is passionate about. Congratulations. Please tell as many other people as possible about what you did.

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North Potomac, Md.: Following up on the poster from Illinois and Jay's reply, I also agree that kids spend inordinate amounts of time with electronic stimuli. When we try to set the parameters on Internet or even computer use, we hear "but I have to research such and such for school." I often wish teachers would assign kids to go to the library and look things up the old fashioned way because as soon as a kid logs on, his/her buddies go after them with instant messaging. Makes it really hard to enforce "go read a book" or anything non-electronic.

Jay Mathews: This is the first time I have encountered this very intriguing suggestion. I am all for it, but I wonder if we are not just too late. This is the age of computers, and you find them overrunning even the libraries. Maybe there is a way to rig the machine so that it sets off an alarm whenever the kid goes on MySpace or IMs a friend.

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Vero Beach, Fla.: Newsweek this week has a story on top non-Ivy colleges that fails to communicate some useful cautions. I'm a contented alumnus of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (fellow grad students have thrived), I periodically remind kids that the difficulty of out-of-state admission to UNC-CH is excessive considering that there's wonderful faculty and degree programs, hungry for good students, everywhere. Including Florida, where the state universities are arguably underfunded and the newer ones are growing at breakneck speed anyway. At least they can recruit excellent young science faculty.

Jay Mathews: Very true. UNC-CH is now, in reality, an Ivy, as are Michigan, UVA, UC Berkeley and several other big state schools. But there are lots of other state schools, like Truman State or Keene State or Evergreen State, that are also good but less famous and easier to get into.

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North Potomac, Md.: I agree Jay that in some DC metro neighborhoods the pressure remains highest. I moved here five years ago this month from Pittsburgh, Pa.

It took some adjustment when seeing the academic climate here. I think to sum it up, I'd say in other areas of the country, summer school catches a kid up. Here, it's to get ahead. And sadly, it's sometimes REALLY about a parent's penchant to brag.

Sure, I'd like one of my kids to go to my private liberal arts alma mater, or get accepted into a school folks are familiar with -- but kids will make it in life, their way, if we encourage them to be all they can be. My four-year liberal arts degree served me well as a writer for two decades, and at 42, I started my master's. I got so much more out of it later in life. There's time to figure out one's direction. Silly to push kids to do it all so young.

Jay Mathews: Another parent of the year. Bless you.

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Princeton, N.J.: I am always amazed how much emphasis you place on earnings. Ask how what percent of productive scientists or mathematicians or scholars went to an Ivy or MIT or CalTech or Chicago or Stanford or... I think you will get a different answer.

Jay Mathews: Actually, we have a new college rating system, devised by the Washington Monthly, that does just what you suggest. It rates colleges on many factors that add value to American life, like joining the Peace Corp or the army or admitting lots of low income kids. One of their other rating measures is the percentage of undergrads who get Phds. The top three liberal arts schools are Swarthmore, reed, Williams, Pomona and Oberlin in that order. For national universities, the top five are MIT, cal tech, Yale, Princeton and Stanford. They don't say, of course, how productive those people are. Might be fun to look for a way to measure that. It is in the latest issue of the Washington Monthly, and on their web site.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Our kids are out of the house--one a chemist, the other a college junior but 99% self-supporting, thanks to scholarships and jobs. My wife and I worked to try reduce the expectation that they be stellar students, because we recognized how unfair it was burden them so. It didn't really work. Both put huge amounts of pressure on themselves to excel, and excel they have. I expect they always will. In any event, they seem reasonably adjusted, mature and responsible,

What we did right--and this will identify me to Jay--is that that we let them do music, sports and the like on their own, encouraging them to have fun regardless of their "success," and we gave them as much responsibility as we could in managing their own lives. We let them pick their own colleges, we didn't nag about homework, we let them go places via public transportation, we let them travel both across the country & to Europe alone, etc. Learning to handle that kind of responsibility has been more important to their educations than all the AP courses in the world--and they took a lot of AP courses, earning As in every one.

Jay Mathews: Yup, and they had the excellent example of parents who also had busy lives and lots of interests, and clearly like what they do.

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Vienna, Va.: In response to North Potomac's suggestion that libraries are underutilized for research, I couldn't agree more. I recently graduated from William and Mary with a major in history and I can tell you that I was unprepared to do serious research when I arrived at college. It wasn't that I went to a bad school but the focus was on technology, not research methods. High schools should focus on writing more in- depth papers which require a little "musty tome" leg work.

Jay Mathews: Absolutely right. We do a terrible job in giving high schoolers an experience in research that leads to a long paper. That is why I like the International Baccalaureate program, and its required extended essay.

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Wheaton, Md.: Re taking the SATs early - my children took them at the end of 8th grade because they had just completed Geometry. It was suggested because the Geometry content is fresh in their minds. It seems to have been a good experience - the are not frightened of taking the exam "for real" and all of the resulting college material they were sent is exciting and encouraging them. At Einstein, the school pays for all 9, 10 and 11th graders to take the PSAT as practice and to identify weak areas.

Jay Mathews: I forgot to address that earlier SAT question. Your point is a good one. Also there are some gifted student programs, mostly in the summer, like the famous one at Johns Hopkins, for which admission is decided by SAT tests taken by 8th graders. It would not be something I would want my kid to do, unless he was hot for it. But many families and students have done it and thought it was a challenging change of pace. I don't think the SAT is so scary if you keep it in its place, just one of many tools we have.

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Arlington, Va.: I'm very perplexed by this college stuff. I graduated George Mason U. in 1999 and American's grad school in 2001. I had a 2.0 average in high school, went to NVCC, then transferred to GMU without a problem. No stellar grades there either, but got into AU's grad school program (which takes only 60 students each fall) without issue. I have a hard time believing that some parent would think that GMU isn't a "safe" (meaning fallback) school. Oh, and I'm a white, American-born female, first-generation college student who paid my own way, just in case you think I had some kind of edge. I can only think this so-called "pressure" is something that parents hype among themselves and then to their kids. There are plenty of good schools around, and I would also say that going to NVCC for a year or two and then transferring is a smart decision, not only money-wise, but academically as well. NVCC is one of the top community colleges in the entire nation.

Jay Mathews: You are a very smart person. You just earned a 4.0 in life.

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Northern Virginia: So, how do parents help a child deal with an extremely competitive magnet high school environment where "overachieving" is encouraged and smart, hardworking, capable, talented students feel more like underachievers?

Jay Mathews: Did the kid want to go to the magnet? If not, I would take him or her out of there and put him or her in a school he or she chooses. If the kid did want to go to the magnet, but is struggling, I would just be quietly supportive, ask if there was anything he or she needed, and let he or she work through it. That struggle is often the most important thing that happens to kids in such schools, because it is a great preparation for doing productive work--always a struggle---in life. There are lots of students who went to Thomas Jefferson, got Cs and Bs, and remain very happy they went to a school that stretched them so far.

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Washington, D.C.: I apologize for going off topic, but maybe you can get to this anyway:

We will be moving to a new area next year. I have a choice between sending my daughter to the public school that is so-so academically and really monolithic culturally. According to their most recent report, only 6 (6!) out of hundreds of students are either black or white non-Hispanic, with 65% of the students classified as limited English proficient. I'm really worried about her having a difficult time fitting in socially, given that my daughter would be in a tiny minority there. But, it's a free education and money doesn't grow on trees.

The other option is a private school within walking distance of our new home with an excellent reputation, attractive curriculum, and a more diverse student body. But it's going to cost me a significant chunk of change!

Advice on which to choose?

Jay Mathews: I would give them the Challenge Index test. In each case, ask how many AP or IB exams they gave last May and how many seniors graduated last June. Divide the number of exams by the number of grads. If the ratios are significantly different, I would go to the school that has the higher number. If you child is a self-possessed young woman, she will make her way socially at either school. But I think the mark of a high school is how much it challenges its students, and it is hard to recover from a school that encourages kids to slide through.

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Alexandria, Va.: Why are Arlington schools considered so much better than Alexandria? Both are relatively wealthy areas. Should I not send my kids to Alexandria public schools?

Jay Mathews: It is the old demographic thing. There is a higher portion of low income students in Alexandria than in Arlington, and when people see a lot of low income and minority kids, they just assume the schools are bad. Ignore it. The Alexandria schools are at least as good as Arlington's, and both systems are among the best in the country. To be able to have both diversity (Arlington is not that much less diverse) and quality teaching is a rare thing, and more people around here should appreciate that.

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Fairfax, Va.: My parents never pushed me in school. I got by with a B-/C average and went to a College that was probably just a bit better than a Community College. I got straight A's my freshman year and transferred to a very good University. I graduated with Departmental Honors three years later. Looking back, I don't think that the degree with honors from the great school actually helped me at all in my career. My first job was an internship that turned into a job offer. All subsequent jobs were given to me based on my experience. I think it's so silly for parents to push their kids like they do in this area. They need to let children be children. Let them play and have fun. Just because you child does well doesn't mean they are guaranteed anything. And if you child doesn't do well, it doesn't mean they won't be successful in their life.

Jay Mathews: How very wise.

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Atlanta, Ga.: Another former overachiever, looking at the first question, I would the first poster parents and students less than a "95" is not the end of the world. Are you sure the "we" in question is not you? In hindsight, I would have attended more football games, school dances, and all those other unimportant things about high school. I also would have pursued more of my personal interests, even if it took place outside of school- for me that would have French and visual arts.

Jay Mathews: Also a very good attitude.

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Fairfax, Va.: Have you seen this week's cover story in Time about the world beyond the Ivies? It's an interesting read but I fear it won't do much to change the attitudes of too many DC-area families. I work with high school students and I'm constantly appalled at the level of intensity they are under to be accepted into a name school. It's made worse by the pressure their parents apply not only to the kids themselves but also to the teachers, administrators, and coaches.

What I can't get parents and students to understand is that these days there are schools to fit every students' needs. Honors colleges at state schools, small liberal arts schools with amazing travel opportunities, and all sorts of other gems that don't pop on the radar of people who just go with what they know.

Jay Mathews: Keep showing them the data that show the Ivies don't add any more value than the schools you are highlighting. Eventually it will sink in.

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Montgomery county Parent: A Few weeks ago I attended freshman orientation for honors students at a major midwest university. It was refreshing. Not one parent played the my kid is smarter than yours conversation that is constant in Montgomery County. In fact it was much more, I have a normal average kid I hope honors won't be too much for them. It was nice to be reminded that the DC area and Montgomery County in particular may not be representative of how much pressure is placed on kids.

Jay Mathews: Exactly!!

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Princeton, N.J.: I have young kids and see that their peers are being sent to scheduled activities such as swimming, soccer, piano, etc 3-7 times a week. I am wondering if this is normal across the US or its a local trend in the "educated" over-achieving areas of the US. Also, what you would consider normal for elementary age kids? I believe in waiting to see what their own interests and abilities are while signing up for maybe one activity to keep them busy.

Jay Mathews: It is very normal for those neighborhoods that house the top 5 percent of Americans in income, of which we have a lot in the DC area. Most of the country doesn't work that way, thank goodness. Your approach makes great sense to me.

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Herndon, Va.: Hey Jay!

I'm going back to school this fall for my senior year of High School, but I still need to read a book. What books, under 120 pages, would be interesting reads.

Thanks Jay!

Jay Mathews: What an interesting question. I am not sure about the total pages, but among the best short books I know are The Two Cultures by CP Snow, The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell and Animal Farm by George Orwell.

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Upper Marlboro, Md. again: No, no, only one AP this year. I think he set the mark low, but we all (yep, the entire family), think that he is better off being careful and successful this year. He plans to load up later.

Jay Mathews: Excellent. my email address is mathewsj@washpost.com. Keep me in touch.

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Falls Church, Va.: Have you read: The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids by Alexandra Robbins that examines the lives of driven Bethesda, Md. students? Your comments are appreciated.

Jay Mathews: I have, and there will be an oped by me about it in the paper in the next few weeks. I think the oped editor would not want me to scoop myself, but I do not share the view I have seen in most reviews that her book reflects reality. Except, as I said above, in her view of the college race, in which she is quite right.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Could it be that parents and students are just behaving rationally in what has increasingly become a winner-takes-all economy?

Jay Mathews: I don't see the economy that way. We have a hard worker is rewarded economy. That is why so many foreigners are trying to get here. If you speak reasonable English, are in good health and willing to work, a good life in American is more likely to come your way than any other country I know. (Unless, of course, you are the sort of person who lets the sight of Donald Trump ruin yr day.)

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Washington, D.C.: Often Asian Americans are labeled as an academically elite, hyper-driven group in America. Asian parents are accused of too aggressively promoting the academic excellence of their children at the expense of more "all rounded" activities like sports or a social life, etc. Do you think this rhetoric also embeds culturally-specific notions into classroom definitions of success? Might this be a pernicious way of white America preserving its privileged positions in university halls under threat of an increasingly powerful Asian minority?

Jay Mathews: I have heard this often, and did a column about it. Our splendid Web site producer Francine Uenuma might want to put a link here to my Dec. 6, 2005, online column, "I am an Asian parent." These kinds of behaviors are common to many Americans of all ethnicities, and are fine if not taken to the extreme.

washingtonpost.com: "I am an Asian Parent." (Post, December 6, 2005)

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Washington, D.C.: Do you think it hypocritical of highly successful - Yale, Harvard grads - recommending that kids nowadays take it easy? Often it seems like those advocating most strongly for an end to pressure on youngsters are those who have already achieved it.

Jay Mathews: Usually it comes from the best of motives. They think kids are hurting themselves. But their words are harmless. Most of the kids ignore them, and make their choices, having seen that a stressful life usually brings rewards.

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Alexandria, Va.: As a high school underachiever(900 SAT, 2.0 GPA) who has a Master's Degree, I have come to find out that many of the overachiever's (1200 SAT, 3.5 GPA) from high school ended up dropping out of college. Do you think this is due to them being burned out from all of the pressure and work they put into high school?

Jay Mathews: I don't. The research shows the lower the high school grades and test scores, the more likely a student will drop out of college. There are plenty of people like you for whom this was not true, but I would prefer that we encourage more achievement in all high school kids, except those who are already achieving well.

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Rockville, Md.: Jay, do you have an opinion on which test (SAT or ACT) is better for students with LD?

Jay Mathews: I see no significant difference.

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Montgomery County, Md.: In 4th and 5th grades, my daughter was in one of the county's Center programs for the "highly gifted and talented." She worked hard and thrived. Now she is in one of the county's magnet middle schools, still doing well. But as I look down the road to high school, I'm inclined to opt out of this elite track and return to our regular high school program. Why? I'm worried she'll burn out and have no energy and motivation left for college. I also think that many students in the elite programs--and their parents--have an irrational and extremely unhealthy attitude about the necessity of getting into an elite college. My job as a parent is to raise a healthy child, not to ensure that she will acquire an Ivy League diploma. But I'm not aware that other parents of my daughter's classmates share my feelings. Could there be more of us than I know?

Jay Mathews: There are plenty of you, but in every case, I would let your kid decide. She is smart enough to get into TJ, she is smart enough to choose what is best for her.

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Arlington, Va.: I think that "overachieving" has become a norm among IB/AP/honors students and, as a result, the culture will most likely trickle down to all students. How else are students suppose to survive in today's world?

Jay Mathews: I would be astonished if that happened. the underachieving culture is huge and strong, and getting most teens motivated is not something anyone has succeeded in doing so far.

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Leesburg, Va.: Jay,

I think the work you are doing to promote schools that challenge students is important. As a parent and an educator I would like to thank you for focusing your efforts on challenging our students rather than making excuses for our schools.

However, I am concerned about the direction your role as an educational reporter has taken. I understand that you were a featured speaker at an Advance Placement (AP) educational conference. This seems like conflict of interest and calls to question your objectivity. On the one hand, you are a great champion of AP programs, creating a sensational list of America's Best High Schools based on the number of students taking AP classes. On the other hand, you speak on behalf of the AP Tests to your own benefit. How are you able to maintain your objectivity when reporting on this program? It seems that you are more of a celebrity spokesperson than an educational reporter.

Jay Mathews: Good question. I am very careful not to accept any speaking fees from the College Board, the International Baccalaureate organization, the KIPP schools and any other organization whose work I have written about in such positive ways as a columnist or author. I share your concern about my views being characterized as quid pro quo. I have formed these opinions long before anyone cared, or ever asked me to speak, and I want to make that point clear. If they ask me to speak, and it is convenient for me, I will speak, but for free. They spend a lot of time telling me what they know, and I think I am obliged to tell them what I know, but not for money.

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El Dorado, Ark.: My son is an incoming 9th-grader, and is taking all the pre-AP classes (3) at our school. He has dysgraphia (difficulty writing - poor fine motor skills).

We've had therapy for the problem. We have a very good school district.

He is very intelligent, but his performance on homework and exams is slow and labored. Timed tests, especially, can be very frustrating for him. (Needless to say, I am not really looking forward to the upcoming ACT and SAT tests.)

What can be done to help him and others like him, if anything? Thanks for your interest in education for our kids.

Jay Mathews: I think you have to be patient and encouraging. There are few magic bullets. If anyone knows of any, let me know.

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Jay Mathews: Thanks very much for the great questions. I have to get back to work. If anyone wants to contact me individually, my email address is mathewsj@washpost.com.

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