John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Discussion Archives/ Recent Columns

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John Kelly: Okay, before we get too far, can someone tell me how "CSI" ended last night? This happens to me all the time: I have a glass of red wine with dinner, relaxing after a long day at the office and looking forward to my "CSI" or my "Law & Order." At 9 I settle down on the couch and get into the program. Then, about 9:58 I awake with a start and realize the show's over. This never happens with shows that wouldn't suffer from such an episode--a silly sitcom, say. It only happens with shows that have some sort of twist or denouement.

Last night's "CSI" was about a missing high school basketball star and his cheerleader girlfriend. By the time I came to, the "CSI" guys were standing around going, [[SPOILER ALERT!!!]] "Well, Sheila and Kate are dead and Megan won't be charged with a crime."

Wha'?

Sorry about missing last week's chat. A German friend is living in Cambridge, Mass., for a few months so we headed up to visit her. I'll sneak in some of the questions that were sent to last week's chat in vain.

But it gives us lots to talk about today. Since we last chatted I've written about such things as lousy AM radio reception; Whitman High School's "meditation" classes; my love of honest-to-goodness D.C. blizzards; Merv Conn, accordion legend; books devoted to public sculpture around town; the day I helped install a museum exhibit at Walter Reed; my love-hate relationship with opthalmologists; and Arlington's new ice arena and a few unfortunate design flaws.

And my, so many things are in the news. I had never heard of outsize plastic testicles before Lisa Rein's story today about how a lawmaker in Western Maryland wants to ban them. And chimps are making weapons! Is the human race doomed?

I mean, yes, it is doomed. Of course it is. But will weapon-wielding chimps play a part in our demise?

Okay, on to happier things....

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McLean, Va.: Hi John - Some time ago, perhaps as much as year, a chatter inquired about the knotted rope hanging from the Key Bridge over the exit from the GW Parkway. You looked into it and reported back that it was left over from construction and would be removed within a couple of weeks. It's STILL there. Wanna check it out again?

John Kelly: I saw it myself not long ago. It wasn't there for construction but as an aid for when the bridges are inspected. At least, that's what I was told. The old DC Department of Transportation spokesman is gone. I should ask the new guy. But maybe we should hope it doesn't get taken down. It's become kind of a quirky landmark now, like a hanging garden or the Shroud of Turin.

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washingotnpost.com: Answer Man: Opening Up About Bridges (Post, Feb. 13, 2006)

John Kelly: It's been almost exactly a year since I wrote that column....

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Bowie, Md.: Submitting early due to scheduling conflict:

I just read yesterday's column about the Arlington Iceplex, and naturally I'm appalled but not exactly surprised. What astonishes me is that we have so many resources in this area upon which to draw, yet everybody depended upon the architects who apparently either knew little about the ADA or continued to treat it as something "extra" instead of something as basic as meeting the fire codes, the plumbing codes, the electrical codes, etc. Why the city of Arlington couldn't have simply invited a couple of officials from the US Access Board to review the plans and tour the facility prior to completion, formally or informally, is beyond me. They're right here! And the Center for Universal Design at NC State isn't that far away.

It's probably too late to make alternate arrangements for the March 11 US Disabled Hockey/NRH/United Spinal sled hockey clinic, or for the April 18 competition, but I feel compelled to note that the City of Bowie, MD has a rather nice ice rink with fully-accessible bleachers and integrated seating. Granted, it's not perfect, having been renovated in the mid-'90s rather than newly-built from the ground up; but then neither is the Arlington Iceplex. And given the higher-than-average population of persons with disabilities in Bowie (due to the overwhelming number of houses in which ground-floor living is possible), it would seem like a better match demographically as well.

John Kelly: The problem with the bleachers won't affect either of those events. The ice isn't a problem. In fact, they've had disabled skaters there before. It's just if you're in a wheelchair there's no place to watch.

Frankly I was surprised by this. I thought ADA was a no brainer. But many of the people I spoke with said this sort of thing happens all the time. Some of it is relatively small and easy to fix stuff: a urinal too high, for example. Other stuff is harder. And some of it, I was told, is open to interpretation: what does the ADA REALLY stipulate? I'm not an ADA expert but this seemed an unfortunate case, and ironic, given that Arlington, I think, usually does a pretty good job with this. Ballston, I was told, has a high concentration of wheelchair users, who like the accessibility of the neighborhood.

By the waya, if you want to check out disabled hockey, click here.

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Woodley Park: So, Mr. Kelly. Please identify the best chinese restaurants in DC. If you must, you can venture to MD and VA -- but I can't really find a truly great chinese restaurant in DC. Yes, I even ventured to China Town.

Thanks,

John Kelly: I'll throw this open to the chatters, since I'm no Tom Sietsema. I do see that among the editor's picks on washingtonpost.com's City Guide are Ching Ching Cha, Eat First, Hollywood East Cafe, Mark's Duck House, Spices and Yuang Fu Vegetarian Restaurant.

And I recommend the dim sum at Chow Chow's. The only problem is, it's in Boston. We ate there last Sunday, ordering all sorts of steamed and fried stuff as it was whisked past on rolling carts. Very good.

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Karen Vasquez, Arlington Economic Development: John - I wanted to add a couple comments to the discussion on your recent column about the Kettler Capitals Iceplex. First and foremost, Arlington is very committed to ensuring that the Kettler Capitals Iceplex is fully ADA compliant -- it was a complex project, and we are committed to getting it right.

When we received the temporary Certificate of Occupancy in November, it came with a list of items, some of which had to do with ADA compliance. We've been actively resolving these issues and only one remains outstanding.

The ADA issues are one part of this -- the other part, which we're very proud of, is that Arlington has actively sought out groups within the disabled community, to use the rink. We've provided them with free ice time at convenient hours - no other ice rink in the Washington, D.C. region has done this.

Your column shed light on a really great resource for the community, and we appreciate the participation of the community in this process.

John Kelly: Thanks, Karen.

The disabled groups I spoke with are very appreciative of that free ice time, which was envisioned from the start. I think that's why some wheelchair users were so surprised by the bleacher screw-up. Over and over again I heard, "The ADA's only been around for 17 years. How long until builders get it right from the start?"

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Bowie, Md.: Have you resolved your dehumdifier problems yet? I have had two running in my basement nonstop throughout the year for about 3.5 years now with no problems (knock on wood). They have models that work well below 42F.

Reason I have two is b/c I have a huge unfinished basement, and there's not enough air circulation down there to get all the moisture out. You'll get localized removal of moisture only, unless you have a fan to circulate the air or have at least two running. With two running, it's less stress on one machine.

I have a Maytag and a Goldstar (Goldstar makes them for Fedders, which is a big name). You can generally get good prices on dehumdifiers around this time at Walmart (& online), but they sell out quickly come spring.

Whole house dehumidifiers are generally not necessary, unless you want to spend the money, since you have the AC running during the summer which helps remove moisture. The basement is the more important area because it's unfinished, below ground and cool where the moisture condenses, and more likely to have mold growth. There are also dehumidifers that come with pumps in case you don't have a sump pit to drain the water, and don't like to empty buckets every couple of hours. Just some tips based on my experience.

John Kelly: Thanks. As I mentioned in my follow-up column, that subject drew enormous amounts of e-mail. Here I was thinking I was the only one with a problem. A few people said a properly aired-out basement doesn't need dehumidifiers at all. One person recommended adding a air conditioning duct and a return air duct. He said they could be installed for the price of a decent dehumidifier.

A woman said she just left her basement windows open and that was enough to keep things dry. I don't think I'd do that, lest animals and humans attempted to crawl in. But the AC idea sounds feasible.

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washingotnpost.com: Where Dehumidifiers Go to Die (Post, Feb. 5, 2007)

John Kelly: Requeim for a dehumidifier....

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washingotnpost.com: Readers Weigh In on Battling the Dankness (Post, Feb. 19, 2007)

John Kelly: The final word on the subject?

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Columbia, Md.: Just wanted to put out a questions to see what kind of answers people give. Last night I was picking up some things at Lowes and realized after I got to the car and packed up, that I had not been charged for an $89.00 kitchen light. The friend who was with me said "Oh well, they rip people off all the time, I wouldn't take it back in." I said, two wrongs don't make a right (I know a lot of cliches) and that I did not feel right about keeping it and was going to take it in. I took it in, showed my receipt, the cashier thanked me several times and I went on my way feeling like I did the right thing, but I just would like some honest posts from people about what they would do, since no one will know the person responding, hopefully people will be honest in the poll. The poll won't change my mind about next time it happens for me but I am just curious. Thanks

John Kelly: Okay folks: What would YOU have done?

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Nice Neighborhood: What is my best approach to the neighbor kid who "walks his dog" on my front yard. I caught him in the act one cold night - much to his surprise. The boy denied it. But the dog was obviously, uh, busy.

Since expressing my doubts and telling him to no longer "walk his dog" near our year, I have received the expected response. Fresh evidence daily.

The boy was pegged as a juvenile deliquent by my wife on the day we moved in 10 years ago. Parents are reclusive with obvious anger problems. This is not the type of thing you can discuss with a reasonable neighbor. Best approach? Trancendence and my own plastic bag daily?

John Kelly: Whatever you do, don't throttle the kid, like that local official did not long ago. If you kid hasn't been responsive and you can't talk to the parents, I don't know where that leaves you. I take it you mean that a "reasonable" neighbor wouldn't let it happen in the first place?

I'm tempted to suggest that you go take a dump on their lawn one morning, but that might end badly.

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Dewey Beach, Del.: One of these days you might let us know why the obits with color pictures are always at the end of the rest of the obits. Seems odd when they are on the same page and could, presumably, be amongst the others.

John Kelly: My Lovely Wife has been obsessed with that too. I just checked with advertising and was told their antiquated (1955) layout system has to do it that way. Looks weird, doesn't it?

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Just for John: A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

John Kelly: Ha. Ha.

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Del Ray, Va.: Last accordion joke I promise: This guy walks into an antique store and notices a brass rat sitting on one of the top shelves. He asks the clerk, "How much for that brass rat?". The clerk says "Well sir, it's 25 bucks just for the rat, and 50 bucks if you want to hear the story that goes with it. Take my word, you'll want to -hear- the story." The guy says "No, I believe I'll just take the rat for 25 bucks."

So, this fella takes his brass rat and heads down the street. Right away he notices that a -real- rat is following him, so he makes a quick turn down the next street. He passes an alley, at which point about a half-dozen rats come out and start following him. This guy is getting pretty panicked at this point, so he starts heading out toward the outskirts of town. When he passes the town dump, -hundreds- of rats stream out and follow him. Our hero is beside himself at this point, so as he passes the river that winds around town, he tosses the brass rat right in the drink. Every last one of the real rats follows the brass rat into the river and drowns.

Relieved, our protagonist heads back to the antique store where he got the brass rat. "I knew it!", says the clerk, "You're back to hear the story about the rat, aren't you?". "No sir", says the guy, "I just wanted to find out how much you're asking for that brass accordion I see you've got up there."

John Kelly: And yet I would say that drummers are some of the most curious people I know.

And speaking of accordions, the Merv Conn movie was such a hit at AFI last Sunday--it sold out--that they're screenig it again this Sunday, at 4:30. Merv'll be there too. Given how over oversubscribed it was last week, it might make sense to reserve tickets.

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Anonymous: Hi Dad/Julie/other person screening questions:

Rebecca, Erin and I are software apps right now and bored so we are reading your chat! This is so cool! Just thought I would let you know because I'm at RM, and you're at the Post and we are looking at the same thing! Also, I'm avoiding doing my powerpoint on an "influential world leader." See you at 11:15.

Gwyn

John Kelly: Get to work! Rigorous!

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Lust in Space: Do you think that C.W. Woodward High School has removed Lisa Nowak's mementoes from the display case?

John Kelly: I hope not. I think they'd provide a good lesson: Anyone can be an astronaut, if you try hard enough. And anyone can flip out. So, study hard kids! But not too hard!

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washingotnpost.com: A Legend With Oomph -- and Oompah (Post, Feb. 15, 2007)

John Kelly: The one, the only, Mervyn Conn.

I actually hired him once, to play Sousa's "The Washington Post March" here in the newsroom. That was 10 years ago. I really needed him for about 5 minutes, to burst into the daily story conference meeting pumping out that song. But I'd paid him for two hours so he stayed the whole time, wheezing away back in the Weekend section, which I edited at the time.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi John,

Once I've made my way through many of the Smithsonians, where the best place to find out about free (or really cheap) events taking place around town?

Thanks!

John Kelly: Look in the Weekend section every Friday. It lists lots of free stuff. The Kennedy Center's Millennium Stage performances are free every day. The service bands will be starting their free, warm-weather concerts soon. This is a good town for cheapskates.

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Rats & ketchup packets: I've noticed a few dead rats while walking to Courthouse Metro in North Arlington. Not just at that site, but at other areas in North Arlington. One was huge, laying right in front of a McMansion on north adams street across key school. I wonder if Arlington county is aware of the rat problem.

Now onto ketchup packets:

Why is it so hard for McDonald employees to INCLUDE ketchup packets with a customers order. Everytime I order (especially during drive thru) I have to ask for ketchup. So many times I've gotten back to the office and ketchup is missing. Do the McDonald employees have some sort of incentive to not distributing the packets? Does it come out of their paychecks if too many ketchup packets are distributed.

Thanks for letting me rant.

John Kelly: I think there must be some scientific corollary involving ketchup packets, some Newtonian rule: For every ketchup packet there is an equal and opposite ketchup packet. Or: Ketchup packets may not be created or destroyed.

What I mean is, there is a constant number of ketchup packets in the world. I always end up with too many. You end up with not enough. We need to start going to McDonald's together, like Jack Spratt and his wife.

And don't even get me started on catsup.

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Merv Conn: So, would it be appropriate to attend the screening of the Merv Conn movie with one's main squeeze?

John Kelly: Accordion' to The Washington Post, yes.

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Falls Church, Va.: Naughtiest phrase in today's news: "Vilsack withdrawal."

John Kelly: Worse than "outsized plastic testicles"?

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Petworth, D.C.: Chinese Restaurant in DC - in my opinion, the best Chinese restaurant in DC is Meiwah, at New Hampshire Ave and M St NW.

John Kelly: I think Tom Sietsema likes that one too. You might see him there someday: short chap with a Mohawk and a dueling scar.

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Bowie, Md.: The ice isn't a problem. In fact, they've had disabled skaters there before. It's just if you're in a wheelchair there's no place to watch.

That was kinda my point: At Bowie, you can skate or watch, and wheelchair seating is dispersed throughout the bleacher area (i.e., not segregated).

John Kelly: And the Kettler Arlington Iceplex will have that too. They're looking at plans now and have a subcontractor working on getting the materials they'll need.

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washingtonpost.com: At the Ice Rink, Left Out in the Cold (Post, Feb. 22, 2007)

John Kelly: The column in question....

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Washington, D.C.: I saw a hilarious collection of court documents on some website regarding a lawsuit against some guy who had those oversized plastic testicles on his truck. To add insult to injury, his vanity plate said "strokin'". He claims it's because the engine on his truck is a two-stroke, or a four-stroke, or whatever kind of engine manly men would brag about. Needless to say, many of his fellow motorists were offended, and tried to sue him into good taste.

John Kelly: A stroker motor is one that uses a different crankshaft to get more horsepower out of the engine.

But that's not what we were talking about. I'd never heard of those "decorations." I looked them up on the web and they're ridiculous. They don't seem that outsized to me. (It's hard to tell in the photos, but I was expecting something like beachballs not the nauseatingly realistic things companies such as Your Nutz sell.)

I wouldn't want them on my car or truck and I don't think I even like looking at them. But I wouldn't pass a law to ban them. Of course, these guys who put them on their trucks don't have to look at them. I'd insist they also hang a pair from their rear-view mirror.

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Doggy doo: Collect it in a bag and leave it on the miscreant's doorstep. If you want to be certain you've got the right person, set up a little webcam to catch 'em in the act.

Nothing like a little passive-aggression to brighten the day!

John Kelly: But is that only going to make things worse?

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McLean, Va.: If I knew the owner of the pooping dog, and felt that I could not engage the owner in reasonable conversation, there's always the flaming bag.....

John Kelly: While that might stop the bad neighbor from letting his dog poop on the guy's lawn, that might only be so he could save it up and retaliate for the flaming bag.

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Tourist: I'm heading to the Smithsonian museums tomorrow. There aren't any wacko protests on the mall this weekend, are there?

John Kelly: I don't know of any. Of course, the great thing about Washington is a wacko protest can pop up anywhere, anytime.

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All About Me: I was looking through the archived chats and I realized the chats that I didn't participate in was rather boring. I sure am glad that I'm here.

John Kelly: I am too. And the chats of mine that *I* don't participate in are real snoozefests.

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Free lamp?: I would have done exactly what the poster did. But I have to temper that by saying that a lot depends on the cost of the item. If it were a $1.99 gizmo I probably would have gone on home; I don't know where the price break point is between reporting it and not reporting it.

It gets more complicated if I don't discover the discrepancy until I get home. Then I would be likely to call the store, and go back later when I was making the trip anyway.

John Kelly: I'll tell you what I really hate is when I order carryout from a restaurant, drive to pick it up, pay for it, then get home and realize something has been left out. I'm ready to commit homicide at that point.

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23112: Definitely go back in and rectify the error. Otherwise the cashier gets in trouble, and what kind of person would you be if you just let that happen?

John Kelly: A bad person. Or a not very good one anyway.

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Kitchen Light:: Stealing is stealing. You had the item, you didn't pay for it.

In your case it was an accident and you did the right thing.

Keeping the light without paying for it is

Stealing.

John Kelly: Yeah, you've gotta fess up. Life shouldn't be a grim contest to see how much you can get away with. We need to be reasonable people, people.

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McLean, Va.: I really liked your recent column on honest-to-goodness snow days. It reminded me of what snow days should be - a gift, not a burden (like the recent snow/ice that closed school for THREE days)! I actually cut the column out of the paper to save - thanks!

John Kelly: Thanks for your nice note. I had another column written for that day, but when I heard the forecast I knew I had to change my plans. Who knew whether it would snow again this winter.

Of course, instead of the pillowy white snow I was hoping for we got that ugly sleet/ice mixture.

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washingotnpost.com: Let It Snow, Let Drifts Grow, Let Us Slow (Post, Feb. 13, 2007)

John Kelly: Feel free to clip this out of your computer screen.

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Need a neologism here: I hate it when I'm reading a chat and nothing new is posted for a long time. What's the word for the feeling I experience after I click "Refresh" and the screen goes right back to where it was?

(This is in the spirit of Lyndsey Layton's chat earlier today, where some poster casually dropped "squadoosh" into the chat. Not really a neologism, but certainly a word I've never heard.)

John Kelly: F5ervescence?

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Acrobat: John, can you do this?

John Kelly: Yes, but I usually have pants on when I do it.

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Washington, D.C.: Avoid Full Kee in DC's Chinatown. The Post reported yesterday that they were recently closed due to gross unsanitary conditions, food kept at dangerous temperatures, and evidence of vermin. Not very appetizing.

John Kelly: If you go, bring a brass rat.

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washingotnpost.com: From yesterday's P.G. Extra:

Full Kee Restaurant

509 H St. NW

Closed on Friday for incorrect handling of potentially hazardous foods, operating a food establishment with gross unsanitary conditions and vermin infestation, and operating a food establishment without a current business license. Reopened Saturday.

John Kelly: The gory details.

But, hey, it reopened Saturday.

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Was 5 minutes enough?: I thought your Mervyn Conn story would have a punchline that you had to pay him AGAIN so that he WOULDN'T stay the whole two hours.

John Kelly: Merv's a real professional. He learned the Sousa march at my request. After a couple of false starts he really got into it. I only really needed him to play the first 20 seconds or so, the really recognizable part. But he'd learned the whole thing and wanted to play it all. And he did. Merv loves to play the accordion.

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Fairfax, Va.: re: Person in nice neighborhood with dog problem.

Another question: Is it bad or unneighborly to put up a fence in a nice neighborhood? I know a lot of these types of neighborhoods where if you want some privacy, keep out dogs, and/or want your kids not to get kidnapped, a fence (even front fence) is the perfect solution, but the very thought of it is poo poo'd because it's deemed as antisocial.

John Kelly: Don't some neighborhoods have covenants against fences? I can see not wanting an 8-foot-high stockade fence in a front yard, but a fence in the back to keep in a dog or a low, pretty one in the front to keep OUT a dog seems reasonable to me.

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Washington, D.C.: re: Mei Wah rec.

Only if you like Americanized Chinese food.

John Kelly: I wonder where the Chinese diplomats go.

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Ice Rink ADA: Back in college I worked at a local ice rink in the DC area. One day, I think it was during a mid-day session, a person entered the building in a wheel chair. I asked if they were there to watch some friends or family-members. The answer was "No." as I noticed the next person in the door carrying some form of skis/skids that the person then had fixed on the wheels and off they went. Someone did have to provie the propulsion, but the enjoyed some icetime that day.

John Kelly: YEah, it's called sledge hockey.

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Washington, D.C.: I don't get the brass accordian joke.

John Kelly: You must be a bass player.

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The Chair: You are not the only one who has trouble deciding. I'm always asking to go back and forth between lense settings.

Perhaps that goes along with the time I went shoe shopping and tried on 17 pair and took home the first pair I tried.

John Kelly: You had to be sure, right?

And, hey, that sales person made a sale. He should be happy with that.

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Knotted rope: Come on, John, you need to pursue that knotted rope thing. I would think you'd be all over that one, given that you work for a noose-paper and all.

John Kelly: Well I'm all tied up right now, but I'll try.

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Inreta, Ill.: Of course you should go back and pay for the lamp. What if you owned a store and a customer did that to you? Sure, it seems different when the store is a huge soulless corporation that gives its workers lousy pay and benefits. But does stealing from The Man improve their lives? Nah. Nor does it improve your soul.

Pay for the lamp. Be honest. Stuff matters.

John Kelly: Right. There's that whole karma thing. Besides, if you've already mentlly spent the money, why not physically spend it?

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Unpaid Items: The story about the Lowe's item that the buyer didn't get charged for reminds me of an experience I had some years ago while I was in college. After a Thanksgiving visit to my relatives, I fueled up and headed back to school. Somewhere along the journey, it occurred to me that I hadn't paid for my gas, which left me horrified (I was on a major honesty kick in those days). I called my cousins the next day to get the number of the Chevron station, which I then called to apologize, following up with a check to cover the cost of the inadvertently stolen gas.

When I visited again the following summer, I noticed the gas station where I'd filled up at Thanksgiving. It was across the street from the Chevron station I'd sent the check to.

John Kelly: Oh no!

I take it the Chevron station didn't send your check back?

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Accessoriz, IN: I've seen the oversized plastic vilsack hanging off the back of a truck a few times in my travels around the Beltway. Understand that I am a middle-aged man, educated by Irish and Italian priests; I'm a former fratboy, a one-time working musician, and an occasional journalist. My heroes and role models include Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, and Gene Weingarten. I am not an easy person to offend.

But an oversized plastic vilsack hanging off the back of a truck?

Eew. Gross.

John Kelly: I know. I'd love to have witnessed the thought process that resulted in said product: "You know what would look great at the back of a truck?"

They make those incontinent Calvin decals look as classy as a Faberge egg.

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Be honest! DO the right thing.: I had the same situation a couple months ago at World Market in Tysons. While shopping I had put an item (worth $25) in the bottom of the baby stroller and totally forgot that it was there when I went to pay for my other purchases. I didn't find it until I got out to my car. For an split second I thought of just driving off, but it was an easy decision to just go back in with the item, get back in line, and pay for it.

John Kelly: Good for you!

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Takoma Park, Md.: Your daughter needs to learn the first golden rule of goofing off in class: DON'T send a note to your dad telling him you're goofing off in class. Sheesh.

John Kelly: She was doing vital research, I'm sure--on the use of the Web in early 21st century America.

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CW Woodward....: ceased to exist in 1987, so my guess is they removed ALL mementos back then!

John Kelly: Yeah, and moved them over to Peary.

(Inside joke for 40ish attendees of Montgomery County high schools. Peary is gone, too.)

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Honest Abbey: Are you kidding about the $89 light? I found once that I had neglected to pay for a half-gallon of milk as a Safeway employee was loading my car, and even HE told me just to take it. I did - I took it inside and paid for it. And that's like, $2.79 worth.

You did the right thing, and your friend is dishonest

John Kelly: According to our unscientific poll, honesty is always the best policy. Now what if your spouse asks: "Do these pants make my butt look fat?"

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Silver Spring, Md.: Honesty:

If I noticed that I either didn't get the correct change or wan undercharged (or not charged at all) while I was in the store then I would certainly say something. I cannot say for sure that I would go back if I didn't notice it until I got home.

I once had an instructor who asked the question "If someone gave you too much change would you tell them". Most of the people in the room said "yes".

Then he asked, "What if you didn't notice it until you were in your car?" Still about 3/4 of the people said "yes".

Then he asked how many would return to the store once they got home on a stormy night. Maybe 10% said they would go back out.

John Kelly: Well my memory is such that if I don't notice it right then, when the change is put in my hand, I'm not going to notice it when I get home, no matter what the weather.

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On being undercharged: Once when I got my hair done I was only charged for the tip, not the service. I didn't notice it until I got my bill so when I went next time I told them what happened. They said they weren't short, so they wouldn't charge me the extra money.

The only time I haven't gone back was when I accidently walked out of the grocery store with a magazine in my cart. I'd been overcharged so many times that I really couldn't bother. I felt guilty for a little bit, but then remembered them forgetting to put stuff in my bag before, so I felt less guilty. But I double check my cart before leaving since.

John Kelly: I think they call that "situational ethics."

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Baltimore: Hi John, The corridor-cleaning guy in my apartment building has been stealing my Newspaper. I finally have proof and I am mad as hell. I want to report the guy to apartment management but I don't want him to lose is job. What can I do? Please help.

John Kelly: I know where you can get some dog poop, if that helps.

No. How about just saying, "Hey, don't take my paper anymore, okay?" And if he protests say, "Look, I know you're a good guy and I don't want to tell your boss, but I will if the paper ever goes missing again."

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Chinese restaurant: Big vote for Mark's Duck House on Rt. 50 in Arlington. Excellent food, as certified by presence of large numbers of Chinese-looking individuals. Go with a group and shareshareshare! Dim sum, sometimes, too.

John Kelly: Noted. Thank you!

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Arlington, Va.: return it or not?

I once bought a racket at Sprots Authority and left it to get strung. When I went to pick it up they told me I had already paid for everything. I insisted I had not but they laughed and said "if you want to pay twice, go ahead." So I went home and checked my receipt and it didn't have the amount for the racket. believe it or not, I went back (the store is a 15 mn drive) and told them the story again. But again they insisted I had paid for it. So I left with my free $140 racket. What else could I have done?

John Kelly: Yeah, I think if they won't listen to reason you shouldn't have to beat your head against a wall. You did all you could do.

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Nosey: John, what did you get your lovely wife for Valentines Day?

John Kelly: A card from CVS. It's the thought that counts.

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MoCo, Md.: Man, that nutjob cop in PG county needs to spend a lot of time in jail for killing one guy and wounding another. All over scratched bedrails.

John Kelly: Man I hope he and his lawyers aren't able to muddy the waters as this case progresses. You know they're going to attack the witness's veracity, try to turn into a he said/he said kind of thing. But Washington has sounded like trouble from the start and I really feel sorry for the Marlo guys.

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Butt too Fat: If you think that pants/butt/fat question is hard what about "Do you like my hair the way it is ?".

John Kelly: The only honest answer is: "Well, whatever I think, it's too late to do anything about it."

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The Wrong Gas Stati, ON: Hey, it doesn't matter which Chevron station you sent the check to. Dick Cheney gets paid either way.

John Kelly: And he thanks you for your support.

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Good Chinese: Try China Canteen on 355 in Rockville. The "Specials" board is in Chinese (not sure if it is Manderine, Cantonees, etc.) but many of the parton can read it. One of these days we'll get up the nerve to ask what some of the specials are, and perhaps eat one.

John Kelly: My Lovely Wife's foodie cousin was our guide at the Boston dim sum. He kept the good stuff coming and waved away the carts bearing chicken feet. I'm sure the hardcore people love them, but some nice pork rolls were fine with me.

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RE: Dog on Lawn: Motion activated sprinklers timed to work when he's walking. Works every time.

John Kelly: That's a great idea.

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Free lamp? Reply to 23112: Actually, I doubt the cashier would be in trouble. The store manager might be, because of "inventory shrinkage," but there is nothing to tie the cashier to the omitted transaction.

That said, it wouldn't change what I would do. I would still take the lamp back and pay for it.

John Kelly: Right. Only if it was rung up and literally shortchanged would the cashier take the fall.

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Ketchup: FF restaurants do actively ration ketchup packets b/c it cuts into their bottom line. Also, they person with his or her hands all over those packets has been touching money all day and has not washed his or her hands for a while. I know some people like to put them in their mouths aftr they have squeezed out the ketchup . . .

John Kelly: What I've noticed in the last five years or so is serious napkin rationing. A lot of places--in mall food courts especially, it seems--keep the napkins behind the counter and only give you two with your order. I don't mind necessarily--you can always ask for more. And a lot of those napkin dispensers give you a huge handful when you pull on them. It's probably better for the environment to only get a few. Or we could all start carrying napkins.

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Bowie, Md.: Re: Airing out the Basement

Just to follow up, it's actually not a good idea to leave windows open to air the basement out. Reason is that it allows moist air to enter the basement. Mold needs moisure to grow. Also, if you live in the 'burbs with trees, plants, and other types of rotting vegetation like leaves and mulch, there are multi millions of mold spores floating in the air that can come into your basement and start colonies, especially if your basement is unfinished.

Mold loves organic material (cardboard boxes, books, paper, wood, etc.) and dark/damp conditions, and a basement has all of those ingredients. The most important thing is to keep the air dry down there, and keep mold from coming in. An AC return can help, but it can't do the job of a dedicated dehumidifier. Also, it depends on the size of your basement though.

John Kelly: Her suggestion was to open the windows and install a window fan, sucking air in and through the basement.

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Silver Spring, Md.: John Kelly: You must be a bass player

Hey!

John Kelly: We kid because we love. Now, let's take it from the middle eight.

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Slacker!: Where have you been?? Some of us look forward to the Friday chat!

John Kelly: I know I do.

Thanks for stopping by today. As always, a veritable cornycopia of opinion. Look for me in the paper on Sunday, when we unveil a special video Answer Man.

Stay warm.

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How CSI ended: You need a DVR or TIVO. That way when you wake up you can hit rewind and pick up where you fell asleep. Works like a charm.

John Kelly: Hey! 72 minutes of chatting and no one told me how "CSI" ended! I see I can't depend on you for anything.

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Chug: Can we all go to happy hour now?

John Kelly: Yes, and please remember to tip your waitron.

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