John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind.

Discussion Archives/ Recent Columns

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John Kelly: Why fruit on the bottom? I mean, do the yogurt manufacturers write that on the container because it affects the taste? Does fruit taste better after it's been pressed under the formidable weight of a few ounces of pristine, fruit-free yogurt? Or is that a reassurance? Are they afraid you'll open the yogurt, see a big thing of white and toss it out, saying "Where's my fruit?!"

(Can you tell I had yogurt at lunch?)

Welcome. It looks like spring really is coming/has come/will come/wilkommen/beinvenue/welcome. I'm glad to see it, even though I have one of those colds that leaves you fuzzy headed for a few days. I take no responsibility for mistakes in my chat. It's not that I'm under the influence of cold medication. It's that I'm not. My head feels like it's full of cotton wool.

So, what'd we do this week? Answer Man ventured out onto the Teddy Roosevelt Bridge--with his video camera (and hardhat). I got taken by a ride by a taxi driver. I went on record as having rhythm. I went back ye olde days of radio. And I told the thrilling story of what Smithsonian Secretary Lawrence Small is really doing with all that money. (I'm hoping someone will buy the movie rights.)

Metro said it was going to crack down on unruly kids. Now if they'll just do something about unruly adults. You, however, may feel free to be unruly for the next hour.

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Remember WENN: John, your radio column brought back fond memories for me. In 1964 (when dinosaurs roamed the earth) we got sent to Germany, and horror of horrors! We did not take our TV with us because there were no English speaking stations where we were going! Well, to hear my sister and me carry on, you'd have thought we were getting shipped off to purgatory. I mean, My God! How were we supposed to keep up with The Beatles? The Dave Clark Five? The Rolling Stones? What kind of a dump were we getting sent off to, anyway?

I made an amazing discovery once we got settled over there. Yes, the TV was all in German, but the Armed Forces radio stations had gotten a hold of a bunch of those old radio shows from the 1930s and 1940s. I spent 3 years listening to "Our Miss Brooks", "The Whistler", "The Shadow" and tons of Bob Hope radio shows. It was awesome, and I ended up not even missing the Boob Tube after I'd been there a month.

I always said the best thing my parents did was to take away the TV for 3 years. It opened up a whole new world I never knew had existed, and really made me use my imagination. I'm not much of a TV watcher these days as a result, and I'm probably better off for it.

John Kelly: That sounds like it could have been an old Twilight Zone episode: You tune the radio and all you get are 30-year-old programs, as if there's some rip in the fourth dimension.

We were allowed to watch TV, in moderation, when I was a kid. Kids I knew who weren't allowed to watch TV always seemed kind of weird. They seemed somehow unprepared for society. We didn't ban TV for our kids, though when they were younger we limited it. Now that they're teenagers they're supposed to know how much they can/should watch.

For myself, I probably use TV too much as a sort of visual wallpaper. I have a few programas that I like to watch, but too often I'll veg out on the couch after dinner just switching among different channels. I could probably be doing something more productive, but I find it relaxing.

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Don't Move My Cheese: John, the new metro head wants to remove the carpeting from the metro trains. I, myself, enjoy the essence of mold and welcome the repetitive sneezing and nose blowing that I incur each time I ride the metro. Not to mention the art deco designs of the stains. Why would anyone want to take that away?

John Kelly: I've got to hand it to Catoe, he's willing to shake things up. He came in and said, "Wait a minute. WHY do we have carpet in these cars? Because that's what we've ALWAYS had?" There will be howls if he reduces the number of seats, but maybe we'll just learn to stand.

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washingtonpost.com: Metro May Get Rid of Carpet in Subway Cars (Associated Press, March 21, 2007)

John Kelly: I wonder if that would make the cars louder, since there won't be carpet to sort of absorb the sound.

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Fairfax, Va.: RE Edwards decision: What do you think? Is it fair to his kids to have a mom who is sick and a dad they never see? Frankly, I can't see ANYONE with young kids running for an office that requires 24/7 attention, even if everyone is well. Wait till they're older. With all the lip service that is given to "family values" around here, I don't think family gets much real respect when it comes to the tough questions.

John Kelly: I like what I've seen of Edwards and I wish him well. I guess you could look at it another way. If you had a year to live, would you want to spend it sitting in your room, reading and watching TV? Or would you want to do things that are more important to you, things that might even help make history? It certainly seems to be unprecedented, but I have to think they've talked it through between themselves and know exactly what kind of sacrifices they're making.

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video by John Kelly: we know cell phones are a driving distraction but how do you keep your eyes on the road while being videotaped? Looking for a Metrobus job?

John Kelly: Are you talking about the Answer Man Visits Legendary Auto Body Shop video? Yeah, that probably wasn't the safest thing. I put the camcorder on a little tripod that I shoved into the seat cushion next to me, then I sort of held it with one hand while I narrated. I do all those videos by myself and I'm determined to push the envelope of the one-person shoot. So far I've had myself walking in the snow along the Potomac, driving, and standing on the Roosevelt Bridge. I want one where I emerge, soaking wet, from the water, like Rambo.

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Rockville, Md.: I got to tell you that I checked out the air tower on Microsoft Virtual Earth and it is really a sight. You have any more? After the article on H Street gentrification, I did a tour without leaving my desk. Not perfect but very easy.

John Kelly: You mean the one we talked about last week, with the trompe l'oeil Capitol on it? It's much more impressive in person. Don't just sit at your computer! I mean, until 2 o'clock.

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Cleveland Park, Washington, D.C.: John -

Just curious - do you do the "Spot the Drummer" feature on the City Paper website? How good are you at getting it on the first try?

John Kelly: My friend "Dr." Dave Nuttycombe is the mad genius behind CP's Spot the Drummer. I'm awful at it, I'm afraid, proof that it DOESN'T take one to know one. I do have a City Paper T-shirt, though. I can't remember why. By the way, I'm waiting for the CP correction from a mistake in their cover story this week. The piece mentions former Washington Post theater critic Lloyd Rose. What do you think the writer got wrong about Lloyd?

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Arlington, Va.: Hey there! I figure you are the best person for this question...There's a Days Inn off of Route 50 in Arlington, right across from Ft. Myer that always has a number of police cars and limos in its parking lot. What's the story???

John Kelly: I'm not familiar with that. More info, please: What block of Route 50 is the hotel at? What days/times do you see the police cars and limos there? I could try to check it out. Maybe the State Department puts visiting dignitaries there?

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bottom dwelling fruit: John,

It's easier to put fruit on the bottom than on the side. And how come you never see durian flavored yogurt?

John Kelly: Well why not just call it "yogurt"? Or "yogurt with fruit"?

I mean, look at this. The word "bottom" is as big as the word "fruit." What kind of message does that send? I'm obviously going to need to get to the, um, bottom of this.

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da Zoo: Unca John,

Spring has sprung, the grass is riz, I wonder where my bamboo is. Is it too early to beg for a popsicle?

Tai

John Kelly: Yes. Popsicle season hasn't started yet. Like white shoes and seersucker suits, you have to wait till after Memorial Day.

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if you can read this...: you're barely in the majority:

About one-third of the people living in the nation's capital are functionally illiterate, compared with about one-fifth nationally, according to a report on the District of Columbia.

>>> Any of 'em work at the Post?

John Kelly: That's sad. It makes me think The Post could address its declining circulation by teaching people around here to read. "Yes, we'll teach you to read, but you have to promise to subscribe for the next five years." It's sort of like how I think we should be spending money on life-extending medical treatments, since most of our readers are older.

But about literacy: I'm all for it. Does anyone know what it's like to teach an illiterate adult to read? I remember hearing once that it can be quite difficult, not like those epiphany moments you see on the Hallmark specials.

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Justice the Hard Way: Rat Poison contaminated some of the pet food. Whoever did that needs to be executed!

John Kelly: Wow, that's awful. I've been wondering all along what it was. It was so weird that they couldn't say right away WHY the animals were falling ill. I wonder if this is due to some mix-up at the plant. Do they use the poison to control rodents? Or was it a deliberate act?

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washingtonpost.com: Rat Poison Found in Tainted Pet Food (WaPo, March 23, 2007)

John Kelly: Looks like the company is having a press conference later. I'm glad our dog gets dry kibble.

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$100 mil: What should the husband of the slain pedestrian do when he gets the award?

John Kelly: I imagine what he'll do is continue to mourn his wife. That was a real tragedy. Life is dangerous, of course, but you don't expect to get it while crossing on the green.

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Days Inn in Arlington: It's at the Courthouse Road exit, which is just down the street from - duh - the Arlington County Courthouse, police HQ, and jail. My guess is that the cops from other jurisdictions drive there early to beat the traffic, have a cup of coffee, and then go the 3 blocks to the Courthouse complex to do their business.

John Kelly: And the limos are probably from all the rich defendants or their trial lawyers.

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Pittsburgh, Pa.: It just snowed here last week. When I scrapped everything off my windshield over the weekend, I found one of those cracks. It starts at the edge and runs like the Rapidan about 9 inches. Only cracked the outer polymer sheet (or whatever that stuff is).

1. Do those crack fillers work?

2. Is it all just hooey?

3. Expensive?

4. Should I just suck it up and buy a new windshield? Hey my inspection stickers are on it!

Maybe your thousands of faithful, intelligent, and worldly-wise readers can assist me. After all, what's your online session for anyway?

Why is life so inconvenient..

John Kelly: I don't know if I want to hear the answer. We just replaced the windshield on our Mini, which had a crack exactly like the one you describe. The cost was truly frightening. Of course, that was at the dealer. Maybe it'd be cheaper from someone else. Anyone tried these other methods?

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G-Bling: John, of all the financial woes that the Smithsonian has, why would they tolerate John Small's spending habits? No one should have THAT much influence over government expense accounts.

John Kelly: The counter argument is that Larry Small is very good at soliciting gifts from wealthy donors. But, to me, that's not enough. One of the disputed bills was $2,000 for chandelier cleaning. I'm sorry, you can't be a man of the people and pay to have your chandelier cleaned. Life with a dirty chandelier.

Plus, it's not like Small is hurting for money. He was a top exec at Citibank AND Fannie Mae. He earns hundreds of thousands of dollars at the Smithsonian. But he has to extract MORE from the Smithsonian, so his house--which he owns outright--can be used for entertaining maybe a couple of times a year?

I guess the rich really are different.

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Uniquely D.C.?: Hi John,

A friend has recently posed the question: What things does a DC resident miss when he/she is away from home? What do you put in a care package to a homesick native? Apart from Utz' Crab-flavored chips (which are really more of a Baltimore thing) we couldn't come up with anything particularly unique from this city.

John Kelly: Well, people say that half-smokes are D.C.ish. And Navy Bean soup from the Capitol. I don't know how well those would travel. I'm sure people have their favorite things connected to certain vendors. For example, we like the pumpkin/chocolate chip muffins at a bakery near us. But there's nothing particularly "Washington" about them. You could put a copy of The Washington Post in your care package.

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Washington, D.C.: Hey, did you hear? We apparently have a new Rep. for citizens of DC. Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.) According to the Congressional Record the good Rep feels: "I would submit to you that Washington, D.C. is also the only city in the entire country that every Senator and every Member of Congress has a vested interest in seeing that it works properly, that water works, sewer works, and no other city in America has that."

So, www.dcist.com has encouraged us all to call our new Rep. and talk about our local concerns. I hope that we can all take advantage of generous offer. 202-225-3035

John Kelly: What a gohmert. That's my new multi-purpose term for a rube, a cretin, a doofus. "Nice move, gohmert." I mean, how dare these people interfere like this? And who's the other gohmert? Rep. Lamar Smith? It doesn't bother them even a little bit that some U.S. citizens aren't represented in Congress by representatives who actually have a meaningful vote?

I like your idea. Every pothole I see I'm reporting to Gohmert, the gohmert.

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Drum & Drummer: Hey John - I'm posting early since I think I may miss your discussion (boo hoo). After reading your column about your drum lessons, are you now driving all your colleagues and editors at The Post crazy by drumming away on every available flat surface with pens, pencils, chopsticks, rulers, etc.? Seems every aspiring drummer I knew in school did just that!

So when will you treat us to a performance of the extended drum solo from "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"? Want to hazard a guess on how old I am if I know that song?

John Kelly: I drive them crazy in other ways.

I'm looking at a pair of drumsticks right now. I have them on my desk, next to the computer, and if I'm on a phone call or just sittin' I sometimes pick them up and bang them on my leg. I also have a practice pad here, but I'm not perpetually drumming. I probably would be a better drummer if I did do that, but I know how annoying that can be.

I always thought that if I was the top boss at a place--like my own company--I would do two things: I would bring my dog to work with me and I would have a drum set in my office that I would play every now and then. Actually, three things: I would have a couch in my office and I would take naps every now and then.

My Lovely Wife actually pointed out an article a while back on how napping is good for people with heart ailments.

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Fruit on the Bottom: I think fruit on the botom is code for "yummy chunks of fruit" and non-FOTB is code for "blended smoothly fruit-like flavoring"... the blended ones are never as good... Also, I think there's a niche market out there for good non-store associated generic branded yogurts. I buy the giant fruit on the bottom 3/$2, 2/$1 when they're on sale... but in general I'd much prefer to shop at snyders... nicer people, shorter lines, local feel, etc... but those richfood pre-blended yogurts are terrible.... I think you should quit journalism and manufacture yogurts instead john.

John Kelly: My first product is going to be a type of fruit treat called "Yogurt on the Top."

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Mt. Lebanon, Pa.: Do you have/use the Apple IPod?

Are you going to "upgrade" to the Apple cell phone - the complete gear w/ phone, movie, camera, sat. radio, transporter, et al - when/if it becomes commercially available?

You don't usually mention your WonkQuotient, hence my interest.

Do you worship at the temple with the Geekoids? Or are you like the rest of us: old, slow, and grumpy about having to adopt fashionable inconveniences?

Thanks much. HLB

John Kelly: I was the last person in my family to get an iPod and now I'm hooked. It's not even half full of music yet, but I love the convenience, even though I'm sure I'm going to drop it one day and it will break. Otherwise, I'm not much of a technogeek. I can live without an Apple phone. I don't know how to use all the features on the one I have now. Evidently it can be used to send "text messages."

That was one of the cool things about going to the radio and TV museum. Early adopters back then were not so different from early adopters today. Except stuff was bigger then. A TV set from 1940 was about the size of a refrigerator with a screen the size of postcard.

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Kid-o-rama: John, are there any plans to publish an updated Kid-o-Rama book? The first one is great, but at nine years old the material is getting dated. Thanks!

John Kelly: Wow, has it been nine years? Yes, it has. My former colleague Craig Stoltz and I worked on that when our kids were just little tykes. What was good about that book, in my opinion, was that we actually took our kids to the places, and also that we were both of the opinion that children are often little pains in the rear who shouldn't be dragged out to see "culture." Now that my children are older, I can't even remember what they were like when they were little. Doing those sorts of books is a younger man's game. I'm afraid there are no plans to update it.

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I predict:: A submission to your chat six months from now:

"John, I almost killed myself this morning on the metro! The floors of the cars are so slippery when they're wet, and every time the train lurches, my feet go flying out from under me. WHY won't metro give us some sort of traction-providing material for the floors of the metro cars? WHY???"

Seriously. I can see the future. And in it, some people will STILL not be happy.

John Kelly: True dat.

Maybe they should get rid of the seats AND the poles and instead upholster the inside walls. It could be like being in a big moon bounce.

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Fruit on the bottom: Hint: gravity

Do you want to buy a clue?

John Kelly: I'm not asking why the fruit IS ON the bottom. I'm asking why Dannon feels compelled to TELL ME the fruit is on the bottom. I KNOW the fruit, if fruit there be, is going to be on the bottom. Why make a federal case* about it.

*Dannon vs. Kelly, Supreme Court Docket No. 5b-273

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Your column on the Smithsonian: Well done!

John Kelly: Thank you. I guess the days of the "dollar a year" men are gone. (Those were wealthy men who, after making their fortunes, would work for the government as an act of public service.)

I don't think people should have to starve to work for the Feds, but they shouldn't game the system either.

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15th and L, Washington, D.C.: Those flashing red lights at the Gallery Place metro center are the tackiest idea I have ever seen. Well, we are dealing with Metro here. Can't they get the regular colored lighting in their new cost saving light bulb? Well, then again, flashing red lights and tunnels helps me get in the mood for some Friday lovin'.......

John Kelly: As Sheena Easton once sang:

My baby takes the morning train

He works from 9 to 5 and then

He takes another home again...

But because of an incident at Judiciary Square he waits for a shuttle bus to take him to Union Station. Single-tracking at Fort Totten delays him further. The escalator is out of service at Wheaton, forcing him to walk up all 757 stairs. Understandably, he is not in the mood for some Friday lovin'.

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Ref: Uniquely DC Care Package: Crack pipe, homeless blanket, and a container of hot air.

John Kelly: Ouch! How about an illegally parked car with diplomatic plates?

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Silver Spring, Md.: Johnny Boy,

As a fellow Silver Springer (or is it Silver Springian?) do you know where to get good pizza? I'm from up north originally and am trying to find something that is decent. Chains like Dominos are a non starter and that Mama Lucia place downtown doesn't deliver and is kind of blah anyway. Any suggestions?

John Kelly: I know some of the people who run Armand's and so we often get it from there. And Ledo's is famous around here for its very tasty, and very greasy, pizza.

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Migraine HeadacHE: Well its over and I am back at work. Chats great but wish I worked elsewhere.

John Kelly: That might be why you're getting the migraines. Maybe it's time for a job switch? I wonder if there might be some openings over at the Justice Department.

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yogurt and artifacts: Happy Friday John! First, on the yogurt subject, it is SO cool to stir yogurt with fruit on the bottom. Its kind of like a tootsie-roll pop, with hidden goodies...

I got a kick out of your raider of the lost artifacts column - only one question - didn't Indiana Jones have the ark put into one of our warehouses?

John Kelly: If they really wanted to surprise you they would label it "***** on the Bottom." You could find anything in there. Sure, it might be fruit. But it might also be chocolate or broccoli or roofing nails....

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Wheaton, Md.: I thought Tiber Creek is under Constitution Avenue rather than the Smithsonian Castle.

John Kelly: You're right. Also: Lawrence Small does not really have a nuclear submarine docked under the Mall.

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Regal Question: John, did you get an invitation to dine with Queen Pruneface (oops, I mean Elizabeth) when she comes to the U.S.?

John Kelly: Lizzie probably doesn't remember, but I've met her before. Well, "met" is probably a stretch. "Seen her from a distance along with hundreds of other people" is probably more accurate.

In the summer of 1977 I was living in England with my father and brother. That was the year of the queen's Silver Jubilee and my dad snagged tickets to an event where QEII "reviewed" the Royal Air Force, basically watched some airplanes and walked among massed airmen standing at attention. My strongest memory is of several of the troops keeling over in the hot sun. One minute they'd be standing at attention and the next--bam!--they'd be on the ground, their rifle clattering at their side. A couple of guys would jog out and lift them up as if they were pieces of plywood and shuffle off with them. I always wondered if she had them beheaded.

I have not been invited to any of the Jamestown events with Her Majesty. I wonder what we would talk about. Dogs?

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Silver Spring, Md.: Sol D'Italia pizza at Del Mercado is pretty good.

John Kelly: Thanks for the suggestion. Suddenly, my yogurt doesn't seem that filling. Maybe if it was "Pepperoni on the Bottom." Actually, that sounds kind of kinky.

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Middle School Mania: Re: Lloyd Rose -- they got her sex wrong, and called her a Mister, right?

Help me escape from middle school!

John Kelly: You're right. Lloyd is a she.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Answer Man! I work in Spring Valley, and have a lovely westward view. Multiple times a day, I see military helicopters(Marine? With the white tops?) flying along, usually heading north. Are they patrolling? Ferrying government/military hotshots? Have wondered for years....

John Kelly: I'm assuming it's military bigwigs. Anyone?

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DC care package: a pot hole

a photo of the cutest panda on Earth

an endless loop tape of Mayor Barry saying "B-tch set me up."

a Metro farecard

spent shell casings

John Kelly: That's right. Don't forget our panda. I mean, until they send him back to China.

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washingtonpost.com: Character Witnesses (WaPo, March 23, 2007)

John Kelly: Ellen McCarthy riffs on "What is D.C.?" in today's Weekend cover story.

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You could find anything in there: Could be rat poison if they use the same packager/combiner as the pet food folks.

Didn't there used to be an agency called the FDA? When did it go out of business?

John Kelly: About six years ago.

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20010: Care package answer.

Depending on where I am, these are things I would ask for:

- Utz Carolina BBQ chips - can barely find them outside of DC/MD/VA/NC.

- Anything from Sticky Fingers Bakery in Columbia Heights - some of the best vegan baked goods in the world.

- Old Dominion Root Beer - made with VA honey, buy your six-packs soon cause not sure how much longer they are making any of their beverages

- Go-go PA tapes/cds - cant find much go-go music out of the DC area, and PA tapes (live recordings taken right from the sound board) are the essence of real go-go (2 points for those who catch the double entendre).

Thats a start.

John Kelly: I once spent a year collecting cassette tape that was spooled out on the side of the road. You know how you used to see that all the time, in the gutter, wrapped around telephone poles? I took it to a recording studio and had it all spliced together and then listened to it. I was curious what it would reveal. Quite a lot of it, over half, were go-go PA tapes. You'd recognize that loping drum beat anywhere, that do-do-do-BOP-do-do.....

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queen dogs: I'd love to hear you talk to the queen about dogs - my guess is that your normal experiences with dogs is MUCH different than hers...

John Kelly: Well she probably doesn't have to clean up over hers. Another great reason to subscribe to The Post: the bags are perfect for picking up...yogurt.

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U-niq DC package o' care: Spent cherry blossoms

any ol' monument

used DOD entrance badge

Georgetown Univ sidewalk T-shirt

FBI hat

reproduction of Watson and the Shark

John Kelly: That's a good one. How about Luncheon of the Boating Party?

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Rockville, Md.: Why can't we get some sort of an agreement on the Tyson's - Dulles rail line? One would hope that expensive projects take time to iron out these questions before they go for funding. Or am I too naive?

John Kelly: It's crazy, isn't it? Maybe the anti-tunnel crowd just wants to drag it out because they think that at some point people will just say, we have to do SOMETHING, let's just go and build it above ground. By the way, are they gonna keep Walter Reed open? Didn't some little bill get proposed on that? And wouldn't that wreck all the carefully crafted BRAAC stuff?

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Cracked Windshield: I've had a couple of small star-shaped cracks filled -- the kind caused by an impact with a pebble at high speed. One of them is still slightly visible, but I don't really notice it. As I recall that treatment only works on cracks like that, not long straight ones, though it's been a few years since I had it done.

John Kelly: Yeah, if it's got a 10-inch crack in it I think you're pretty much sunk.

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College Park, Md.: So, if they take out the Metro carpeting and keep the too-high grab rails, how are those of us under 5'3" supposed to keep from sliding down the middle aisle of the car? Supposedly they were testing straps on the Green Line, but I ride it every day and have yet to see them.

John Kelly: I think those straps are only on a few cars, maybe even as few as one.

A reader sent me a photo of a subway car grab rail in Montreal or Toronto. It was a vertical pole that about halfway up branched out into three poles that then went to the ceiling. That way, more hands could fit on it. Simple. Elegant. Someone should tell Metro.

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Dollar-A-Year Men:: I remember a piece in the Post at least 10 years ago that listed which members of Congress didn't take their salary because they were so rich. Ted Kennedy was one, maybe the late John Heinz? It would be interesting to see who's on the list today (Pres. Bush, perhaps? Dick Cheney? Nah ...)

John Kelly: And again, I don't begrudge people their salaries. But isn't, oh, $50,000 carpet nearly as good as $160,000 carpet?

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Pet food poison:"Didn't there used to be an agency called the FDA? When did it go out of business?"

Pet food is not regulated by any agency. It is a self-regulating business.

John Kelly: I guess you would call this a market correction then. It will be tough for that company to regain people's trust.

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Houston, Tex.: They have to tell people that fruit is on the bottom. Otherwise, some idiot would buy it, not immediately see fruit, and sue.

John Kelly: Have a little faith! Or maybe they could put the yogurt in clear containers.

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Falls Church, Va.: I like it when I've finally eaten my way down through all the yogurt and gotten to the fruit. It's like having dessert!

John Kelly: You mean you don't reach down with your spoon and mix it all up? That's what you're supposed to do. The yogurt police will be at your door any minute.

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windshield cracks: to the person with the cracked windshield - several years ago I had a similar crack. Took my 16-year-old to take his driving test and the test person refused to get in the car. We had to leave and borrow a car. She also told us that "I could give you a ticket for that". I'd bite the bullet and get it fixed...

John Kelly: And after you do, let us know how much it cost.

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Uniquely DC: But of course the Washington Post is the answer! I lived in the midwest and Richmond for 7 years, and seriously missed the Post for all the great local and national stories, style section, etc. I grew up with Tony Kornheiser and all the other great columnists, other local papers can't compare. Now that it is online I can get the fix anywhere! (Disclaimer: this poster does not work for the post or affiliates. end disclaimer.)

John Kelly: That's something I always notice when I go out of town. Not to be a corporate suck-up, but there really is a difference between a paper like The Post (and the NY Times) and one from a smaller city.

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DC care package: The crack pipe comment was tacky, but it WOULD be kind of cute to seal the package up with red tape.

John Kelly: We have a lot of that around here.

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Unruly Metro Kids: Hi John!

Did you see the one woman in the Post's article about the new Metro program described how she pushed some kids out of the way on an escalator, and they then threatened her? Hey, if someone shoved me on an escalator, I don't think I'd respond too kindly either. Metro should definitely do something about the unruly adults!

John Kelly: Right, although kids who ride the Metro regularly should know thata it's only tourists who block the left lane on the escalator. It could be they were just hoping for an altercation, not that it's wise to give them one.

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RE: Big Moon Bounce : John, Thanks for the laugh - been a crazy day. On another note, I could not believe the DC vote being postponed and for the rep from Texas( of course, it had to be Texas) to want to repeal the gun law!

John Kelly: Maybe we should see what needs "improving" in his district. We could get ourselves a posse and head out there to teach them how to wear long pants and read without moving their lips.

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Arlington, Va.: The FDA most certainly DOES regulate pet food. The rules are different from those applied to human food, but they definitely exclude poison.

John Kelly: And if there IS poison they should definitely include it on the list of ingredients on the label.

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Days Inn poster again: The limos/cops are there all times of day and on weekends too. I don't buy that it is a holding place for people waiting to go to the courthouse.

John Kelly: Okay. I'll get my telephoto lens and head out there.

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On the Bottom: I think they say it so you won't be surprised when you open it, like you said. I remember the first time I had a Dannon yogurt (when it still came in wax-covered cardboard containers) and I opened it up and went "eww." It's much better to have to stir it than to by the pre-mixed ones.

John Kelly: And I think that will be the last word on yogurt and the last word on bottom and the last word in this chat. As always, send me anything column-worthy: kellyj@washpost.com.

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend.

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it's a nice day: Go for a walk John.

John Kelly: What a good idea.....

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