Celebritology Live

Get the Scoop on the Latest Gossip Making Waves on the Web

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, commit a fashion faux pas and commit random acts of tomfoolery, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Before she started blogging about celebrities, Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Live Online section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- including some Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces both Carolyn Hax's advice discussion and Gene Weingarten's Chatological Humor.

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Liz Kelly: I'm running a bit late today. Well, this whole week actually, so excuse me if I seem a bit more flustered than usual. I chalk it up to a post-vacation run of bad luck. Already this week I lost my keys (found em at the Hilton on 14th St.), had my car break down on me (it's now heading into day three at the dealership) and busted my Treo (no, not by lobbing it at anyone's head). My plan is to keep my head down for the remainder of the week and hope the bad mojo moves on.

Just for kicks, I created a facebook group for Celebritology. Despite the fact that Weingarten has so far ignored my request to join, membership is starting to rack up. I would be so gosh-darned honored if any of you wanted to join me. Just another way for us to gather round a virtual campfire (or bar or TV or gossip rag). We'll see where it goes, if anywhere.

Oh, and semi-breaking news: Amy Winehouse has checked herself out of rehab after only 48 hours. Amazing how she went from new It girl to washed up junkie in the course of one summer. Here's hoping those two days had an impact.

Without further ado, let's get this started...

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For the record...: I am so with you on Ethan Hawke. I mean, you have Uma and you cheat on her? I don't think so. But, I have to disagree with you that his career peaked in "Dead Poets Society." I thought he was okay in that movie with Gwynneth Paltrow -- Semi-OK Expectations (it wasn't Great).

Liz Kelly: I wasn't crazy about "Great Expectations." I did like Gattaca, but I don't think Ethan Hawke was solely responsible for that enjoyment. He just happened to be a part of a slickly stylized, well directed movie. Same with "Dead Poets Society."

I had some commenters yesterday saying "What about his Oscar nom for 'Training Day'?" Well, what about it. Is every Oscar nom equally deserved? Was Ethan really the standout in "Training Day?"

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Britney: So Liz,

In your humble opinion, do you think K-Fed will really get full custody of his boys? His EX seems to be going off the deep end but then again....money talks.

Liz Kelly: Money does talk, but there is literally a mountain of dirt piling up beside Britney that will make her look like a pretty bad wager to a judge. And the astounding thing is that Britney is building this mountain herself. With every breath the woman draws she does something else to make herself seem muy loco. It's almost as if she's trying to lose custody.

If you'd told me a year ago that K-Fed would come off as a mature, measured guy likely to be saving his kids from an unstable homelife, well, I would not have believed you. Funny how things change.

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Breaking news on CNN!: Says the White House has confirmed that Jenna Bush is engaged ...

Liz Kelly: Oooh. Rocci is checking on this right now for us.

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Harrisburg, Pa.: I just want to say one serious message about rehab that I believe is getting lost in the celebrity news: Rehab can work, but everyone is different. For some people, all it takes is one visit to rehab and they'll never drink alcohol or do drugs ever again. For many people, they lapse back. That still does not mean that they can't eventually kick their addictions. In fact, drug and alcohol addicts have little better odds at following their doctor's instructions after hospitalization than do asthmatics or diabetics. Yet, many do not follow instructions, and even some who do follow instructions may have a setback. Do not give up on people. Unfortunately, it may take several chances. Addicts, whether or not they are celebrities, need help, some more than others.

Liz Kelly: Thanks for sharing this. You're absolutely right. I was having this conversation just yesterday with someone. Most of the time, it takes several tries at rehab before a true life change actually kicks in. The only difference with Lilo and Brit and Amy Winehouse is that they have, for better or worse, the world watching them fall and pick themselves up over and over again.

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Annandale, Va.: I saw Britney's photo on the cover of some tabloid at the grocery store last night. Said she had a wild escapade and drunkenly "seduced" a colleage guy. How much of this do you believe...or is it all true? Seems like this happened when she an K.Fed were still together.

Liz Kelly: Well, putting aside the breathless reportage, I think it's pretty generally agreed that Britney did in fact party with her then assistant Shannon Funk and a few college guys who were used as extras in her video shoot on a rooftop pool of an L.A. hotel. Did she "drunkenly seduce" anyone? I don't know. But the pics are worth 1,000 words.

Liz Kelly: Here's one pic from Us Magazine's cover, along with some quotes from one of the guys.

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Washington, D.C.: A question about The Hills and shows like it: what does it mean to be semi-reality? Is this show scripted? Do the producers put them in certain situations hoping something interesting will happen? Are they just drama queens and television-worthy drama ensues wherever they are and whatever they do? Thanks.

Liz Kelly: That's my guess. They set up contrived situations -- ie getting the subjects a job at Vogue -- and see what will happen. I think most reality shows can cop to being semi-reality -- that's certainly true of "Gene Simmons Family Values" -- while others ("The Simple Life") are totally fabricated.

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Liz Kelly: AP is confirming that Jenna is indeed engaged to one Henry Hager, of Richmond, Va.

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Scotland, U.K.: Liz, it was a pleasure reading that bit about Ethan Hawke. From the earliest days-- well, maybe not 'The Explorers', he bugged me. In fact, I once considered asking him if we could videotape my pretending to beat the snot out of him. That way, I could watch it when feeling annoyed (the tape would have done me good when he was having himself introduced as 'novelist') and we could put off what I then saw as the inevitable administration of a real (and satisfying beatdown).

In those early days, people asked me why. Often I did not speak to those people again. Even so, every year has delivered yet another reason to hate him. These quotes were like a gift. I'm sure that the 'but why?' people, if they could remember this strangely hostile young woman, would now nod and smile, certain in his twatitude.

Also:

I wouldn't mind getting to understand this Hills business if you are willing to cover it. But I can understand why you may not. Someone actually famous is bound to do something truly bats_ _t any time soon.

And there may be some "Lost" stuff to hold us over.

Liz Kelly: Thanks for backing me up on Ethan Hawke. For anyone who missed it, see yesterday's blog for the scoop on Ethan.

I, too, had friends who drooled all over him back in college. I never got it. He says he's often mistaken for Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray and "Extra" but I don't really see it.

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Alyeska: Liz, Please don't start using precious blog space to waste time on "The Hills." The scenes are contrived, the characters are fake and superficial and completely boring to any normal person out there. I'd rather you start a new conversation about a show actually worth watching than this or any reality show trash. Your blog is too good for that!

Liz Kelly: I'm getting lots of comments asking me to please NOT watch "The Hills," but the voting is really close. We'll see what happens as the West Coast wakes up and comes online.

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Looming Custody Battle: Funny, if I were the judge in their case, I'd look at both of them and say "Neither one of you are getting them." I would then personally take the kids in until a suitable adoptive family could be found.

I could do that, right? Seems like the only sane alternative.

Liz Kelly: I don't know, could you? And has K-Fed really done anything in the past year to paint him as an unfit dad? He's not out partying all the time, he's not bankrupt, he reached a divorce settlement without making too big of a stink and he was partly responsible for talking Brit into rehab earlier this year.

OK, I can't believe I'm defending K-Fed. See, my run of bad luck continues.

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Good for K-Fed: I always thought he really didn't want those kids at all, but he is making some strong moves to get full custody. How crazy will it be if he gets custody, is a great parent, and then puts out a best selling album? My world will no longer make sense.

Liz Kelly: Stop. You're scaring me.

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Fed City: Jenna Engaged? The Padilla verdict must be bad news for Bush -- but who knew he'd use his own daughter to control a news cycle?

Liz Kelly: Tsk tsk. So cynical.

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Boston, Mass.: Speaking of Britney covers, how insanely Photoshopped is that picture of her on the cover of Allure? The hair alone scream "This picture is fake!"

Liz Kelly: Oh, I know. It looks like Britney circa 1999. It's linked in this morning's Mix for anyone who missed it.

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Re: Jenna Bush: I wonder if there will be a "Big Old White House Wedding" before the Bushes leave in January 2009.

Liz Kelly: How about a "My Big Fat White House Wedding?"

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Inquiring Minds: If you were drunk, what dares would you be willing to do?

Liz Kelly: The question is what wouldn't I be willing to do. A drunk Irishwoman is a dangerous thing.

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In Ethan's defense: He did a great job as a co-screenwriter for Before Sunset. Doesn't excuse his sliminess, though.

Liz Kelly: I wasn't quite so taken with those films. I think the fact that Ethan was a part of them ruined it for me. He just wasn't believable as a sentimental guy.

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Seattle, Wash.: Liz, please allow me to correct Alyeska's previous comments (I'll put my edits in CAPS)

Alyeska: Liz, Please DO start using precious blog space to waste time on "The Hills." The scenes are contrived! the characters are fake and superficial! and completely FABULOUS to any normal person out there. I'd rather you start a new conversation about THIS show. IT'S actually worth watching this MORE THAN any reality show trash. Your blog is too good TO MISS that!

Liz Kelly: I love it. Celebritology madlibs.

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Fantasy Football for Celebrities: Liz,

Have you seen this? Star vs. Star

Liz Kelly: I read a bit about StarVsStar earlier this week in the Daily News, but haven't had time to play with it yet. If anyone out there has, let me know what you think. I have a Fafarazzi account and check in from time to time, but can't get super-excited about it.

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Dupont Circle, Washington, D.C.: The Hills is my guilty pleasure. My boyfriend gives me an amazingly hard time for loving it, something about how normally I have actual taste, I don't really know, since I'm usually too busy screaming at the television to listen to him.

I think I like it because it blurs the line between reality and fiction. The girls come off as way more normal and human than, say, anyone on The O.C. Plus it's so easy to make snarky comments at some of the riduculousness of the show, like JustinBobby. I think people who hate it take it way more seriously than people who love it, actually. It IS just a TV show after all. I mean, I don't claim it to be high brow entertainment but it is amazing entertainment. It's pure brain candy.

Liz Kelly: Really? Normal and human? I think what I may do -- depending on the outcome of the poll in today's blog -- is give "The Hills" a two-week trial period.

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Boston, Mass.: In response to recent published rankings, what is sexier: power, money or looks?

Liz Kelly: Intelligence... wit... innate goodness.

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Jenna engagement: Sorry, the cynic in me is thinking she's doing it because the family is desperate for some "feel-good" press. Sort of taking one for the team, as it were.

Liz Kelly: Really? I don't know that feel good press would do much for the Bush administration at this point. Bush can't run again, Cheney's not trying to follow him into the presidency and Bush hasn't seemed to concerned with "feel good" press in the past. In fact, he's made a habit of routinely circumventing the press. Maybe it's love.

I can't wait to get some more details on her intended.

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Ethan: His novels were good. I don't like adultery, but gotta say I read both his novels and am impressed by his superior talent in 2 fields.

Liz Kelly: Okay, fair enough. I haven't read his books, so I can't shoot him down on that front.

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Star v. Star: Well, I just looked, and I have to say, not impressed. The first thing I clicked on, Britney's "card," was wrong. They have her being born in 1985. She's actually 4 years older than that. (I swear, I only know this because we were born the same year. Really. That's all.)

Liz Kelly: Thanks. They should at least get that stuff right.

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Custody Battle: I was only half serious when writing that. It is just so bizarre to think that K-Fed is probably going to get full custody.

Judge: Mr. Federline, what is your job?

K Fed:

See what I mean?

Liz Kelly: When you put it that way, yes.

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Re: Amy Winehouse: I'm confused, did she actually check out of rehab for good? The article you linked us to is written to have you believe she left for good, but it also reports that she was flown to a hospital via private jet to have a brain scan. Could she just be temporarily out of rehab for a doctor's visit? That seems totally plausible for me.

Either way, I hope she gets better. As a twenty four year old recovering addict, I really appreciate the previous post about addiction treatment. Love the chat also.

Liz Kelly: The story continues to develop. Ireland Online is now reporting that Amy was just interviewed saying she's returning to rehab tonight and only "nipped home" to pick up a guitar.

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Peoria, Ill.: Are you still vegan?

Liz Kelly: Yes, most of the time. Every now and then I can't avoid having a little cheese. F'rinstance, in pesto lately.

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Info re Mr. Hager: The offspring of another Republican figure, former Lt. Gov. John H. Hager, who stepped down as Virginia's director of the Office of Commonwealth Preparedness. In May 2005, President Bush nominated John Hager to be assistant secretary for special education and rehabilitative services, a position in the Department of Education.

Henry Hager, who has served as a White House aide, worked for Karl Rove's team to help re-elect Bush.

Jenna Bush Dating Richmonder? (Street Talk/Style)

Liz Kelly: Ahhhh, thank you muchly.

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More from the custody battle: Judge: Ms. Spears, what is your job?

Trainwreck formerly known as Pop Princess: Dancing on a pole, consuming a lot of alcohol, and jumping on strange men.

It was for a music video ya'll I swear!

?

Liz Kelly: At least Brit's got to have residuals from albums and singles, though. Right?

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Ballston, Va.: Ethan Hawke is GROSS. Not only is he a jerk, but apparently he doesn't bathe. A friend was working in a theater once, and Ethan walked up to her and a group of girls and asked, "So who wants to sleep with me tonight?" Unfortunately, he had a couple of takers, despite his stench. Nasty.

Liz Kelly: Okay, well, this is total hearsay. But it's fun hearsay, so I submit it to you with a healthy grain of salt.

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Boston, Mass.: Don't you wish you were British and could use phrase like "nipped home" or "rung up" or "came round"? I think I'll start calling my trunk a boot and my bathroom the loo. Can I get away with that, do ya think?

Liz Kelly: Shine your boots, guv'nor?

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Ethan Hawke: Is it his statement about the impossibleness of monogamy that gets to you? How is he any different than Bill Clinton, who couldn't be monogamous? Or even George Clooney who admits he can't be monogamous?

Liz Kelly: Because from this statement and others in the past, Ethan comes off as not particularly liking women, but seeing them more as notches to add to his belt. There's a difference between not being monogamous and setting oneself up as some kind of chick hunter.

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"Pick up a guitar": Is that what the kids are calling heroin these days?

Seriously, she couldn't have someone deliver the guitar to her?

Liz Kelly: One would think.

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Don't fret over Ethan: Uma sure showed him, career-wise.

Liz Kelly: I don't think we're any of us fretting over Ethan. He manages to keep himself working. He's no Uma, though, that's for sure.

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Re: Henry Hager : Now we really didn't think Jenna would opt for a "bad-boy" but talk about "keeping it in the family..." All those Republicans in one room = eeeewwww!

Liz Kelly: Seriously. Late Night Shots must be in an uproar right now.

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Jenna's Wedding: Do you think Jenna will have a White House wedding, or is that be nixed as being too eerily reminiscent of the Nixon administration, what with certain other existing parallels?

In any case, I want a front row seat for the bachelorette party.

Liz Kelly: Smith Point, here we come...

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Columbia, Md.: I totally get that Ethan Hawke is mistaken for Mark McGrath. They're both rather... ferret-y.

I now feel like I should apologize to all ferrets. The poor things don't deserve that.

Liz Kelly: But Mark McGrath is actually king of appealing. And he clearly showers.

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Reston, Va.: Thought you would get a kick out of this. Our local library has a DVD copy of the first season of "Lost" in the shelf where they sell first edition and antique books for enormous money. They are selling it for $30. I quite didn't get why "Lost" has a place in that shelf. oh well.

Liz Kelly: That's too funny. Thanks for sharing.

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5. Don't rely on greeting card store books for life lessons.: If you're drunk all the time I guess those little pop psychology gift books seem very deep.

How about if NBC did some "the more you know" commercials solely aimed at Britney? How much would it freak her out to be watching the tube and have commercials talk directly to her.

Liz Kelly: Considering her current mental state, she probably wouldn't bat an eyelash if her bidet started talking to her.

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Magazine Cover: I was in the grocery store yesterday and saw the cover with Claire Danes, Queen Latifah, and the woman from L an O:S VU -- look your best at 20, 30 and 40! My fiancee swore that Claire (the blonde) was the 40 year old -- what did you think of it?

Liz Kelly: Hey! I think Claire looks great. She's kind of a timeless beauty, no? I'm a big fan of "My So Called Life," so I've taken a vow to never criticize her -- even when she stars in maudlin movies with Steve Martin.

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Arlington, Va.: Which one is Jenna? Is she the blonde party girl?

Liz Kelly: Oh, you.

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Or even George Clooney who admits he can't be monogamous?: I think George is more of a serial monogamist. He wouldn't cheat on a partner, but can't committ to being with only her forever. He then breaks up and is faithful to the next one.

Liz Kelly: And he was the proud owner of a pet pig for something like 15 years. I'd like to see Ethan Hawke top that.

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washingtonpost.com: Bush's Daughter, Jenna, to Be Married (Story and Picture) (AP, Aug. 16)

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Alexandria, Va: I think Britney doesn't really want custody. She's having enough difficulty taking care of herself without kids in the mix right now. I think part of her just wants the courts to step in make the decision for her, as it were. Yes, the publicity would be bad (but could it get it much worse), but it may be what she and everyone else needs right now.

BTW, do you think K-Fed could get custody of the poor dogs, too?

Liz Kelly: Seriously -- I don't know why Animal Control or PETA or someone isn't making a bigger stink about those pets. Dogs, I'm told, love routine and boundaries and I doubt they're getting much of either from Ms. Party all Night who lets them poop on designer dresses.

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Ethan smells: My friend was on production staff for one of his films. She thought he was better looking in person -- if you like that dirty look. The dirty "look" was accompanied by the smell.

Liz Kelly: See, I'm a fan of the dirty look, but smell is a total dealbreaker.

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Complete tangent and I admit it...: Speaking of ferrets (as someone compared Messrs. Hawke and McGrath), did anyone see the PBS documentary about people who raise and show ferrets? My husband and I were clicking around one night and became mesmerized. These people renovate entire floors of their homes to house their ferrets. They make up songs about their ferrets. It's an obsession.

Now, if it had been about cocker spaniels, I'd totally understand. But ferrets? Come on!

Liz Kelly: I did not, but that sounds fascinating. I'll have to see if it's available online.

When I was younger I wanted a ferret so much after seeing "Beastmaster" over and over again on HBO. Those little guys were so cute and totally able to outsmart rampaging muscle-bound freaks.

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washingtonpost.com:

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Houston, Tex.: Okay -- hold on a second -- when you go to rehab, they take away your guitar, your books, your radio -- everything! You're starting at rock bottom -- if you really want to get better, you can't have pesky concerns like banging out the next hit single or meeting with your managers over lunch, a la Lohan -- That these rehab centers make exceptions for these folks means to me that they just really aren't serious about helping people.

Liz Kelly: That's been a common response to the luxe lax life many stars seem to get at rehab. But, if they didn't have 600 thread count sheets and free access to a tanning salon, would they go at all?

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Jenna's betrothed: So in that picture, Jenna looks great. Pretty hair, fab earings. And then... the guy is just... eh. I'm no Jenna fan, but she is just way too cute for him.

Liz Kelly: That's some serious part he's got going in that hair.

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"He's no Uma, though, that's for sure.": I can't stand Uma Thurman. I don't know what it is about her. She's a fine actress and seems nice enough but I can't stand her. Same thing with Renee Zellwegger and Nicole Kidman. Though, actually, neither of them seem that nice to me. Oh and Matthew McConaughey. Ick.

Liz Kelly: Let it all out. We don't judge here. Well, we do. But not all the time.

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Bush's Daughter, Jenna, to Be Married (Story and Picture): hate to be shallow, but ew, he is not very handsome. Just a bad pic?

Liz Kelly: He's no Ethan Hawke.

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As a family law attorney: I just have to chime in and say the question in custody battles is what is in the best of the child. Parents occupation normally does not play a role unless someone is a drug dealer. Also, most states have a presumption of the "primary care taker." Normally the mother. K-Fed has an uphill battle.

Liz Kelly: Thanks for chiming in. My assumption is that a judge would be more likely to require Britney to clean up her act and save any custody transfer as a threat to hold her to it?

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See, I'm a fan of the dirty look, but smell is a total dealbreaker. : How right you are, Liz. A man can be all sorts of scruffy (I'm thinking Harrison Ford, here, esp. circa Indiana Jones) and hot and still be, you know, clean. Hygeine is important. Smelly boys will just not do.

Liz Kelly: Please see Billy Crudup in "Jesus' Son." So cruddy, yet so dreamy.

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Ethan v. George: There's a big difference between the two, people. Ethan got married and cheated on his wife. George just stays single and gorgeous and drool-worthy and not even a little slimy. Plus, he's funny, very self-deprecating. And I think he actually LIKES women. A lot.

Call me, George!

Liz Kelly: Thanks.

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Port of Spain, Trinidad: Hi Liz,

Do you remember where you were, and what you were doing when you learned of Elvis's death? I do. But then again, I remember the Osmond brothers dressed as lobsters.

Liz Kelly: Ya know, I don't. If I had to guess, I'd say maybe I was playing kick the can and getting ready for an evening of watching "The Hardy Boys" or "Love Boat."

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When I marry George Cloony: we'll get a second pet pot-bellied pig and name him Kevin Bacon.

Liz Kelly: Zing.

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Washington, D.C.: Seriously, why is the Real World still in production? Do you watch that and has it improved over these many years now?

Liz Kelly: I haven't watched for years. I lost interest sometime after Puck left the San Francisco season.

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Re: "He's no Uma, though, that's for sure.": Maybe you should start a "Celebrities I'd like to slap, but for no reason whatsoever" challenge.

I'd probably slap Winona Ryder. Maybe Dan Akroyd. For no reason whatsoever.

Liz Kelly: Oooh, I like that, though it's a bit aggressive. Maybe we can come up with a non-physical smackdown.

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Hager's Dad: He's no Ethan Hawke, either

Lt. John Hager (Picture)

Liz Kelly: Oh. Golly.



Costanza!

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Oh and Matthew McConaughey. Ick.: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there. Matthew is too too hot to be icky. I love that he has such a lax relationship with shirts. I will watch him in any movie. Heck, I'd watch him read the phone book if he did it with no shirt on. He is an Adonis. Let's not get crazy, here. Uma, fine. Renee, whatever. Nicole, don't care. But not Matthew. Not on my watch.

Liz Kelly: I have to agree with you. He's a whacko, but he's serious eye candy.

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Re: As a family law attorney....": ....the judge tends to lean towards the mother. Maybe not said in so many words but that is the truth and in most cases, the best choice... but in this situation, I would hope the judge would think seriously about putting those children with a responsible adult, whether that is K-Fed, Brit's mom, K-Fed's Mom, or even Shar for that matter...the kids deserve a chance and living with Brit is more like "taking a chance..." with their lives, that is.

Liz Kelly: Thanks.

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Washington, D.C.: Do you think Henry Hager had to ask the president for permission to marry Jenna? Do you think he had to schedule an appointment?

Liz Kelly: My kingdom for that oval office tape. Dubya's fatherly advice to his prospective son-in-law.

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Washington, D.C.: I think it is interesting that Jenna seems the productive/responsible post-graduate after being such a party girl.

Do you think they will register at Macy's so we can print out their wish list? Who wants to go halfsies with me on the fondue pot?

Liz Kelly: One can only hope.

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Arlington, Va.: Re: 600 thread count sheets in rehab -- Liz Taylor did normal-person rehab, didn't she? Or at least it must not have been too chi-chi, since she met that construction worker there.

(Now there's a woman I'd like to have lunch with. The stories she could tell...)

Liz Kelly: Seriously. She's proof that someone can be as nutty as she wants to be and survive for a long time on the fumes of her early success.

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Philadelphia, Pa.: I feel disgusted even knowing this, but hasn't K-Fed at least worked once in the past year (that CSI episode)? So, that's a step up from, um, uh...

Liz Kelly: True true. He was street thug no. 2 or something.

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Lt. John Hager (Picture): There's a whole lot of forehead in that picture. Wow.

Liz Kelly: Yes. Well, maybe Hager Jr. will take after mom's side of the family.

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Non-physical slapdown: How about "Celebrities You'd Like To See Fall Down on the Red Carpet and Humiliate Themselves, For No Reason Whatsoever"?

That's actually what I had in mind but it was easier to type "slap" than all that.

Liz Kelly: That's getting there.

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Plus, George Clooney : doesn't talk about strategies to "get some a--" while being interviewed in mens magazines. At least, I don't think he's ever done that. Ethan doesn't respect women, he sleeps them and seems to despise them. Clooney, I think he likes women. He just doesn't want to be married.

Liz Kelly: Seriously. Ethan is totally ripe for some kind of "Witches of Eastwick" style comeuppance. Watch out Ethan.

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Beastmaster: oooo Liz!

I am so glad someone else watched that movie and wanted a ferret! I cried for days when the little guy went into the (I think) lava pit!

Liz Kelly: I know. He gave his life so Tanya Roberts could live.

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Jenna's Guy: Henry Hager sort of looks like a young W, as does the playboy that Barbara keeps showing up with. I wonder if all young Republicans look alike?

Liz Kelly: Okay, this has to be a total set up line.

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Re: Matthew McConaughey: I have to agree with the original Ickster. Matthew McConaughey may be handsome but he's handsome in the way that has "date rape" written all over it. You can be good looking and still be "ick" and McConaughey positively embodies that nexus.

Liz Kelly: No way. There's no "date rape" there. There's maybe "we woke up still tripping and forgot how we'd traded clothes the night before," but no "date rape."

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I've been waiting my whole life: For someone to suggest "annoying celebrities we want to (slap)" because I have loathed Katie Holmes with unnerving single-mindedness -- for years. Even prior to Tom. The wrinkled up nose, the "shy" demeanor, all remind me of a Pekingese.

Liz Kelly: I'm just posting this so Ethan doesn't feel so lonely.

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Washington, D.C.: It cannot help Britney that she is photographed carrying her crying children from the latest "in" restaurants at 10 p.m., while looking fairly blitzed. Her nannies are now spilling right and left about her playing with the children like dolls, then handing them back when they cry, or giving them juice and ice cream and Cheetos before bed to "shut them up." All the reports note that Kevin lives in a gated community, no cameras allowed, and that he is a great father. Even his ex ex, Shar, said he was a great father while he had just dumped her for Britney. The guy might have been a hormonally-driven moocher, but that is separate from his parenting skills.

Liz Kelly: Good points. Britney, as we said earlier, is doing herself no favors by continuing to put herself in compromising positions.

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Oh and Matthew McConaughey. Ick: Beyond ick.

He's ARROGANT. Real turn-OFF.

Liz Kelly: Okay, we apparently have a big disconnect on Matthew McConaughey's appeal. We may need to explore this in a long post next week.

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Chicago, Ill.: In that pic, Henry looks like a young version of that guy from Not Necessarily the News....

Liz Kelly: You're right. Rich.... oh, Rich... the Snigglet guy.

:::googling:::

Rich Hall.

Indeed.

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Celebrities to slap: Mike Love. Hard. Twice.

Liz Kelly: And, on this friendly note, we'll conclude this week's episode of Celebritology Smack Down. Stay tuned for next week's show where we pit a horde of angry readers against Foxy Brown and her Blackberry.

Bye folks -- see you here next week, tomorrow in the blog and all the time on Facebook.

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