How to Deal Live

Surviving Your Workplace

Lily Garcia has offered employment law and human resources advice to companies of all sizes for 10 years. She takes reader questions and answers a selection weekly in her weekly How to Deal column for washingtonpost.com.

She comes online twice a month to answer your questions about human resources issues, workplace laws or just everyday workplace survival.

If you've got a workplace question and would like it to be featured in an upcoming How to Deal column, e-mail Lily at lilymgarcia@gmail.com.

Find more career-related news and advice in our Jobs section.

The transcript follows below.

____________________

Lily Garcia: Thank you for joining our conversation today. I look forward to answering your questions regarding workplace issues, and I invite your comments throughout the discussion. Let's begin.

_______________________

Baltimore, Md.: If your organization does not do exit interviews, what is the best way to indicate what you've been displeased with/what you think could change for the better?

Lily Garcia: Request to meet with your HR manager/director on or around your last day. If you do not have an HR department, then request to meet with the individual in your organization who is responsible for employee complaint intake (CEO, COO, etc.) You could also meet with your supervisor, assuming this is a person your trust to take your concerns to heart.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Hi, I'm in my early-30s and basically a career consultant (tech consulting in my 20s, an expensive MBA at a top school, and now for the past 3 years, government "strategy" consulting). I don't really like my job. I don't find it the least bit challenging and not at all motivated to give anything more than, say, 75 percent. Although I do like my boss and co-workers. Basically I have to find a new job ASAP to keep my sanity. The problem is that I'm not really sure where to start looking and how someone with such generic "consulting skills" can find a job in marketing, for example, where employers seek 3-5 years of product marketing or marketing research experience and I don't have that to offer. I guess my question is how on earth do I transition from a generic consulting job to offer into one that is more specialized when I don't already have the specialized skills? On top of that, I have to have a certain (six figures) salary in order to keep up with my debt. Help.

Lily Garcia: I cannot provide you with a comprehensive answer in the space of this live chat. Generally speaking, however, I would counsel you to review your portfolio of experience, identify the projects that best reflect the direction in which you want to go, and revise your resume and cover letter so that this experience is highlighted. Your cover letter will be especially important in making the case to prospective employers that you should be considered for some specialized consulting role or another. In the meantime, try your best to meaneuver your way into consulting projects that will give you the added experience that you need to be a strong candidate for a soecialized role. As far as your salary requirements, my suspicion is that the larger and better established consulting firms willbe in a better position to meet them. Does anyone else have advice for this reader?

_______________________

The South: Lily: I am so miserable. I moved to a new state and took a new job in the to be with my fiance, but I find myself wanting to cry every day because I feel underutilized and unchallenged. Not to mention, I am completely seperate from the rest of our team -- my cubicle is about 100 feet away from the rest of the group and it's been so hard to get to know people.

At my old job, I was editor of a magazine, I ran the show. Here I am a glorified proofreader, and am subject to the schedules of dozens of other people to get anything done, I receive "tasks" instead of long-term projects and just feel so bored some days.

My boss is nice, but chronically busy, and I feel like a burder to him when I ask for things to do. It has even taken a toll on my relationship with my fiance because I am so crabby and feel like I'm wasting my days.

I make a decent money, they are paying for my masters degree (part-time) and it was voted one of the top ten places to work by Forbes Magazine.

What should I do? I want to make this work so badly but I'm so unhappy. I also don't want to be the new girl who is a complainer. I just can't stand this corporate environment, but there is NOTHING else for me down here, professionally.

Your insight would be appreciated. I'm even seeing a therapist because I am generally a very happy person but I am NOT anymore.

Thanks so much.

Lily Garcia: It sounds to me like you are contending with many different pressures in your life. Your job may not be ideal, but you should not discount the significant psychological impact that a geographic move can have on you. Add to this the enormous step that you have taken in your relationship with your fiance. It may be something that you want very much, but it nevertheless adds psychological stress. In short, you have a lot going on. I am glad to hear that you are seeking counseling to help manage all of it.

I wonder how long you have been working for your current employer. If you really have no other professional options in the area, give it at least six months. Establish a foothold, then start trying to make inroads. At that point, you may feel more comfortable approaching your boss with your concerns. Or you may even be able to pursue promotional opportunities within the organization. If you and your fiance are committed to staying where you are, then you have no choice but to focus on finding creative ways to make your job situation work.

Friends (within and outside of work) will come in time, and I suspect that you will also find fulfillment in your graduate studies. Best of luck to you.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Thanks for taking my question -- I'm in a bit of a pickle and would love some professional advice. My husband and I had planned to move overseas by the end of the summer. Unfortunately, things kept getting pushed back, and we're now not sure when we'll move. I had already told my employer that I was leaving, and helped to hire my replacement. Graciously, my workplace allowed me to stay on until I move, but has slowly been pushing me into the sidelines at work. I'm definitely ready to leave my workplace, and want to leave before things start to sour. My question is, do I get a new job (I've been offered several) knowing that I may have to leave it three months later? In theory, I'd hate to do this, but I'm starting to feel the need for change -- and soon. Thanks.

Lily Garcia: If you need the money and you are becoming persona non grata at your current workplace, then you should definitely find other employment. If you can, try to find a contract or consultant position, for which the expectation usually is that a person may leave after a short period of time. I would hate for you to tarnish your reputation by leaving your new employer in a bind when you and your husband finally do relocate.

_______________________

Baltimore, Md.: Hi, Lily. I'm currently at my first job out of college. I've been in my office for about eight months. I am currently applying to graduate school and will hear back from schools in March. Additionally, I defered from a graduate school last year, so I am already accepted to at least one school. I'm not quite sure when I should alert my employer to my plans. My office is very small (only two other people), so I'm conflicted if I should alert them now (during the application process) or next year. The office was only two people before they brought me in, so I'm not sure how turnovers work here. Thanks for the help.

Lily Garcia: When you are fairly certain of your plans, then you should let your employer know. I assume that, if all goes well, you will be starting school next fall. If so, let your employer know in early July of 08. That should give them enough time to find your replacement and give you time for a smooth transition.

_______________________

What kind of debt?: "On top of that, I have to have a certain (six figures) salary in order to keep up with my debt" ? OK, I grant you the cost of living in this area is high, but is this discretional spending to cope with your unhappiness at your job? Or is it the normal mortgage, car payments, etc., basic life expenses. If the former, do you plan to keep up your level of spending even if it keeps you from taking a job that might be the best thing that ever happened to you because the salary isn't six figures? Just something to think about.

Lily Garcia: Thanks

_______________________

RE: Needed six-figure salary: I would recommend reducing your debt if you need six figures to keep up with it.

Lily Garcia: Thank you.

_______________________

Denver, Colo.: We have a "diva" in our midst. She whines and complains, and gets her way anyway. She steals ideas and credit for work, and is basically "not a team player." I get the feeling she would kill her own grandmother if it meant a promotion. She is hard to put up with. The problem is, the boss LOVES her (he works out of town and doesn't see her day to day backstabbing, lying and tantrums). Two of our assistants are ready to quit. How do you handle a situation like this? I really don't want to complain to the boss about her, but if he knew how she was treating the assistants (and everyone else, really), I think he would be upset. In other words, I don't want to tattle on her, but her behavior is really hard to deal with on a day to day basis. I don't report to her. It is affecting my job in the sense that I have people in my office crying on a regular basis and morale around here is very low. Thanks for any ideas on how to handle this situation.

Lily Garcia: Are you afraid of retaliation? Tattling can be a noble pursuit when it is done in the service of a respectful workplace. If your boss is any good, he will be very grateful for the feedback and he will take it seriously. By all means, tell him what is going on. But try to be as matter-of-fact and professional about it as you can. Explain point by point, through concrete examples, how the "diva's" behavior is demoralizing the workplace. Try to avoid any sort of ad hominem attack on your coworker . . . including, ahem, use of the term "diva."

_______________________

Gaithersburg, Md.: I sued one of my former employers for sex and age discrimination a few years ago. The case was never heard and one part of it is still unsettled. I was fired afterwards on a "trumped up" excuse.

How do I handle questions from prospective employers about why I left, and whether it was under good terms?

Lily Garcia: If you want to avoid the risk of alarming your interviewer, you can simply deal with your termination just as you would deal with any other termination. That is, describe your departure as a mutual decision and try to cast your experiences with your former employer in the best possible light. If you cannot trust your former employer to be discreet about the reasons for your departure, then you should say that you lost your job, that this is the subject of pending litigation, and that you would prefer not to discuss the details. Remember that the anti-retaliation statutes prohibit a prospective employer from refusing to hire you because you filed a discrimination lawsuit.

_______________________

Are you kidding me?: Of course you need six-figures. I would like to know how anyone manages to make ends meet in the D.C. area on LESS THAN six-figures. I have no debt, except a small mortgage. I can hardly get by on what I make and I am DESPERATELY trying to get a higher-paying job. With gas prices, Metro prices (about to go up probably), housing costs, and even the price of a good tomato all skyrocketing in this area, a household income of six figures in this area seems average to me, not outrageous. The truth is, people here usually MAKE A LOT MORE than the low six-figures ...

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your comment.

_______________________

RE: Six-figure salary: I agree with the above posters. If you are really serious about making a career change, more often than not, you will need to take a pay cut (sometimes major) since you won't have the same level of experience in your new area as in your current area. I'm in HR and hiring, and when I'm making a hiring decision, I am looking for the most qualified candidate and I could care less about how much debt you have when I come up with a salary to offer you (harsh, but it's the truth).

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your comment.

_______________________

Job titles: My job title was recently changed based on a company wide reevaluation of employees duties. While my duties haven't changed my new title is less important on the hierarchy scale. How do I include this change on my resume so it doesn't look like a demotion? Thanks.

Lily Garcia: Do not include the change in title as a separate resume entry. Rather, note it as something like "Title 2 (formerly Title 1), dates, description of duties." That should make it fairly clear that there was a change in title at some point without a change in duties.

_______________________

Please help: I am in a pickle of a situation. I am currently temping at an assignment that has no end date in sight. I have however gotten an offer for a contract position that will last for six months without any benefits, it also requires a security clearance.

When I meet with temporary agency I state during the initial interview that I am willing to work a temporary assignment as long as you understand that I am looking for a direct hire position.

What should I do about these two positions?

Lily Garcia: If you want to take this contractor job, then you need to level with the temp agency. Tell them about your new opportuinity and your desire to take it. If they give you a hard time, remind them that you said all along that you (like all temp employees) were looking for a permanent assignment. Then try to negotiate a transition period that will work for both the temp agency and your new employer.

_______________________

RE: Exit Interview: Lily -- I've heard (from my attorney sister) that it is never wise to say ANYTHING that could possibly be perceived as negative in an exit interview. You're leaving -- why risk burning bridges/getting a bad reference by saying anything other than, "thank you" when you go? What are your thoughts on this? Do companies ever actually change things based on information that comes from an exit interview?

Lily Garcia: Please refer to this recent feature on quitting your job. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2007/09/05/DI2007090502331.html. Some employers really take exit interview data to heart, and for other the pricess is completely pro forma. You just have to know your audience. I think it if fine to say nagative things in interviews as long as they are worded in a constrcutive way.

_______________________

Self-evaluation: Lily: My company is doing evaluations now, and part of that process involves me doing a self-evaluation. I've only been here a year, so this is my first evaluation with this company. The rating scale does not have any wiggle room. It's a three point scale -- perfect, almost perfect, failing. The problem is, "almost perfect" is really defined as average, and the instructions say that too many "almost perfects" will result in a failing rating. Perfect is defined as ALWAYS doing things correctly, on time, etc. With previous employers I've had a four point rating scale, with average being a different category from "almost perfect." I'm not sure how to deal with this. My work is consistently above average, but it's certainly not perfect. However, I'm reluctant to give too many "almost perfects" to myself, as it seems that will give a bad impression and might impact my raise. I don't see how this type of rating scale can lead to honest evaluations that will foster performance improvement.

What do you think?

Lily Garcia: You have got to be kidding me. I am puzzled by how a rating scale of this sort could provide any sort of helpful feedback to you or to your employer. Is there not a place on the form for free text comments? Give yourself as many "perfect" scores as you can justify. Then provide written or oral comments explaining the subtleties of your performance.

_______________________

Northern Va.: Hi, Lily. I graduated in 2006 with a degree in political science and history. Currently, I'm working in a congressional affairs office, but I've come to realize I dislike politics (not good in this town). Also, the job is totally unchallenging and my boss has unpredictable mood swings. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I have any skills to market so I can transition to another job/career. What can I do to combat these feelings and figure out a field I could move into with only policy/political experience?

Thank you.

Lily Garcia: If you have political/policy experience, then you are likely good at research, anlysis, persuasive writing, client relations, multitasking, and conflict resolution, to name a few skills. You need to sit down and brainstorn in earnest about what you are good at. Then do some soul searching about your interests. Where you see an intersection of skills and interests, that is the direction in which you should move. As I explained to an earlier reader, you will simply need to creatively repackage your portfolio of experience to best highlight the skills that you think would be most attractive to your target employers.

_______________________

Reston, Va.: I have worked for seven years for an organization that is notoriously disrespectful to its employees. I have stayed for the little perks, but have battled elitism and age discrimination the whole time. The CEO was fired and replaced, but I think the office culture of nasty elitism is systemic. I have less than a year before I am eligible for retirement.Is it worth staying, or should I try to salvage my career and self respect in the little time I have and look?

Lily Garcia: It all depends on how attractive this retirement package is to you. If it means significant financial freedom, then sticking it out may be worth it. If the psychological toll of working in a toxic environment is far greater that the potential financial upside, then you should consider bailing out.

_______________________

To "South": This poster could have been made by my husband. He moved here when we were engaged so that I could pursue my dream job. It's been one year. He works in the health field, so it seems like he should have lots of options in the area, but when he speaks to employees at other hospitals, everyone says that the hospital he currently works at is known as the best (in terms of working conditions).

He's been depressed, frustrated and guilt ridden for not being able to "make it work" for my sake. It's true that I love my job, but not more than I love him! Maybe "South" needs to have a heart-to-heart with her fiance.

My husband thinks he can make it one more year while we figure out where to go next. I'm optimistic that we'll be able to find an area and jobs that will be fulfilling for BOTH of us -- maybe not "perfect," but at least a compromise.

Lily Garcia: Thank you very much for your insights.

_______________________

Taking a position without health care benefits: How do you manage to even consider a position with out any health care benefits? I have been offered a contract position without any benefits how should I manage this situation?

Lily Garcia: Before you consider accepting such a position, you need to thoroughly research the cost of self-insurance, which can be significant. If you are able to afford health care on your contractor wages and this is a good professional opportunity, then go for it.

_______________________

To the South: You may also wish to consider that lifestyles in the South are (generally speaking) much slower paced than here in D.C. I grew up in Texas and the culture shock was enormous. What you are experiencing may be the normal pace of work life for them. Perhaps try to relax and enjoy it? Maybe you can take longer lunch breaks if you have nothing to do.

Lily Garcia: Thak you for your comment.

_______________________

D.C.: For the HR person: Thanks for the propaganda. It is not true that you will ALWAYS have to take a pay cut when you switch jobs or careers. Don't let them sell you that bill of goods. If they low-ball you, increase your counter-offer. If that doesn't work, decline the offer and go where they will pay you what you are worth.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your comment.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Hi there, I'm having a rough time with my managers. I am frequently lied to about company policies (specifically those policies regarding raises or monetary awards) or am promised something that never materializes. This behavior seems to be directed at every assistant within the office. Although I and the other assistants are praised to my face by the managers, we are not supported in any other way (while non-assistants within the same office are). I feel frustrated and underappreciated. I've spoken to my managers about this and my concerns are brushed aside. Do you have any advice? Thanks so much.

Lily Garcia: If you have exhausted your avenues of recourse in the organization and you feel that you are still being mistreated, then it maybe time to look for another job.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Is it common to negotiate a severance package when entertaining a job offer from a potential new employer? This isn't for an executive position, but rather for a director role. Since most employers have the "at-will" (you or they can terminate the relationship at any time), how does a severance package play into that mindset? Thanks.

Lily Garcia: Sometimes you can negotiate a severance package when the decision to leave is not yours. I have not heard of an employee receiving a severance package when his/her departure is voluntary. Readers, have you had a different experience?

_______________________

RE: Are you kidding me?: Not that long ago, I was making $35,000 but I lived very comfortably in an apartment that I could afford in a nice area of Arlington (I rented and had a roommate so I could save money and buy when I could finally AFFORD a house). I didn't go out to eat every night, I brought lunch to work every day, and I saved as much as I could could. I know that D.C. is not cheap, but now I live in NYC, so I know what expensive REALLY is. Anyway, you live WITHIN your means and work at a job that you like, rather than be miserable and make alot of money, which is what the original poster is dealing with now. Sometimes it takes TIME to get where you want to be, not everything happens right away and immediately, folks.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your comment.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: I recently gave my two weeks notice to my employer, and they told me to leave that day. My e-mail and access was immediately cut off. I didn't get the chance to say farewell to my colleagues, and have no idea how my departure was handled with the other staff. Is this common practice, and how do we prevent such drastic responses from folks we work for?

Lily Garcia: This is not common practice unless you are in a position to handle sensitive company information or you have accepted a job at a competitor.

_______________________

Bad Reference: I am in the job market, I was told by a headhunter that someone at an old job had given me a bad reference. What can I do about this?

Lily Garcia: Find out who it is and talk to them about it. You need to try to make sure that his does not happen again.

_______________________

Lily Garcia: Thank you very much for your participation in today's chat. I regret that I was not able to get to all of your questions. If you have an outstanding question that needs attention, please feel free to email me at lilymgarcia@gmail.com. Have a great afternoon.

_______________________

Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions. washingtonpost.com is not responsible for any content posted by third parties.