Post Magazine: Object of Her Affection

This week's issue of Washington Post Magazine features five essays from noted writers on possessions that carry special meaning. For Diana Abu-Jaber, a beloved pink bedspread utlimately helped her understand that her ties to home and familywould always be strong.

Diana Abu-Jaber's newest book, Origin, was published earlier this year. She is also the author of Arabian Jazz, Crescent and The Language of Baklava. She teaches creative writing at Portland State University and can be reached at Abujaber@aol.com or at her website: www.dianaabujaber.com

____________________

Annapolis, Md: I laughed hysterically reading about "Big Pink." I could relate and my daughter is similar with her possessions. As a teacher to elementary school ESOL students, can you recommend ideas or a lesson plan on how to get my students to write about their favorite possession? Thank you for the laughter and happy tears today. I needed that laugh! -karen g.

Diana Abu-Jaber: Thanks, Karen!

I think a great way to approach this would be to ask students to write about a cherished childhood possession-- and just give them fifteen minutes or so to write very quickly in class and then read their work back. I find this sort of informal timed writing exercise to be very helpful.

_______________________

Brentwood, NH: Absolutely loved your writings about "Big Pink". We have a daughter with intense special needs, and have learned that, yes, big pink fuzzy comforters can be one of the most important things in life. It's the small things that make you happy and at the same time can play such a large role in life.

Diana Abu-Jaber: Thank you! I think it's true-- we imbue our intimate possessions with so much meaning and connection-- dolls, animals, clothes, blankets-- they become part of the "family."

_______________________

Virginia:1. I also grew up in Central New York in Syracuse and its suburbs. In the early 1960's I had a French teacher named Mrs. Abu-Jaber. Was that your mom? (Still remember most of the words to the French national anthem, but unfortunately not a whole lot more.)

2. I read "Origins" a few months ago (partly because of its setting, and because I'm a mystery junkie) and came away confused as to why you set it in Syracuse because you seemed to have so little fondness for the area. I moved away over 30 years ago and still think there's nothing more beautiful than the day after a snow storm when the sun comes out and the temperature hovers around zero. Granted downtown has gotten pretty grim, but once you get out a couple of miles--wow. Also, why did you give so much detail to the downtown area, and then make up names for the surrounding communities? Even the Onondaga Indians got a new name.

Diana Abu-Jaber: Sounds like you might've studied with my aunt Loretta, who used to teach foreign languages!

I set Origin in Syracuse because I wanted to use that wintry setting as a mystery backdrop. I grew up there and actually really love the area and I enjoy the gritty quality and long shadows that come with the long winter. But I always found it challenging. And yes, I did invent some names-- particularly when I didn't want to make any particular group or area feel like I was trying to single them out!

_______________________

Gaithersburg, MD: I'm told I nearly went catatonic when my mom tossed out the bald stuffed dog that was my security blanket during the move from DC to Prague.

My dad said after months of sorrow I latched onto a feather pillow. I don't remember when it got the nickname Pierre, probably around the time my 4-years-older sister fell for a Henri.

Just after college, a friend's mom in Minnesota restuffed and covered Pierre for me as a Christmas gift. She said she wanted that pillow to last for the rest of my life; over 30 years later I still go to sleep with Pierre.

Diana Abu-Jaber: That makes me feel so much better about my blanket fixation!Hee hee!

Diana

_______________________

Fairfax, VA: I really enjoyed your article about Big Pink. Coincidentally, I revised a story, during the same timeframe as you wrote this piece. Part of the setting in my piece was the United States in the 1970s. I used names and objects such as Jasmines,mottos such as Make Love Not War and peace signs. My question is "Did you reference these object and select vivid colors just to make the story more interesting and true to its setting or is there no fictionalizing in this piece. Thank you. A very enjoyable piece.

Diana Abu-Jaber: I'm sorry to say this piece is all true-- all those posters, beads, crazy colors-- that was my childhood bedroom! You should've seen me, age eleven, in my magenta fringed hippie vest....

_______________________

Pittsburgh, PA: Thank you for a terrific personal essay--an engaging story so eloquently and effectively told. As a blanket fan myself, I'm wondering, have you thought about the emotional connection to the blanket in real time, or has it been more in retrospect? And does the nature of the attachment and what it signifies change over time that you are, or were, aware of? Thanks!

Diana Abu-Jaber: This particular blanket obsession was told more in retrospect, but I think we often move between passions for various objects and possessions throughout our lifetimes. I don't think that loving a new car, say, or even a house, is really all that different from loving a blanket. It's just that for some reason, we seem to think that some passions are more sophisticated and "appropriate" than others. But why not love a blanket?

_______________________

Washington, DC: I loved your piece in yesterday's Washington Post Magazine titled "Security Blanket". I was intrigued by your use of the phrase "the unbearable lightness of being". It is a phrase I have often pondered. I would like to know your exact meaning of that phrase.

Lorie Friedman

Diana Abu-Jaber: Hi Lorie,

It IS an intriguing phrase, isn't it? Sort of like a zen koan. I tend to think it means that there aren't always all that many "ties" that anchor humans to the world. Without family or friends, it's easy to lose a sense of self or connection-- especially in big anonymous, cities, for example. One is in danger of almost "floating away." So we have to search for meaning in our lives, which carries a kind of "weight" or even "heaviness" to it, that helps keep us connected....I hope that makes sense!

_______________________

Chelsea, MI: Hi. I really enjoyed reading your article yesterday--made me smile big as your style of story telling is incredibly entertaining. I could totally relate to the upstate NY winters--grew up there myself and even graduated with a Monica Abu-Jaber from LHS. Same family? Congrats on your writing success! Big, pink, shaggy blankets will forever remind me of this article. Thanks for sharing...

Diana Abu-Jaber: Many thanks!

And yes, Monica is my little sister! She remembers Big Pink well....

Diana

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: I loved the story! It made me laugh extra hard because I went to high school with a friend that had a shag orange blanket on his bed. It was nicknamed - BIG ORANGE!

Diana Abu-Jaber: Oh wow-- that's the first time I've heard of another shag rug blanket! Do you think that our blankets might've been cousins?

_______________________

the unbearable lightness of being: Am trying to remember the name of a writer, very famous, who could not sleep unless he was covered with very thick, heavy quilts; at one point even had to take the drapes down in order to be able to get to sleep - otherwise felt too untethered, too likely to float away.

Diana Abu-Jaber: How interesting! This must've been a turn-of-the-century Russian novelist.

_______________________

Oh, No: I have this horrible sweater that I LOVE called Big Ugly. No doubt my daughter will eventually use this as her security blanket! Your article was wonderful!

Diana Abu-Jaber: Thank you!

You'll have to make sure to hang on to Big Ugly. Somehow, the uglier some stuff is, the more we love it....(well, sometimes.)

_______________________

Diana Abu-Jaber: Thanks to everyone for your great (and very funny) comments and questions. I wish you all a happy holidays. And remember to lavish love upon all the "Big Pinks" in your life, whatever or whoever they might be!

Diana

_______________________

Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions. washingtonpost.com is not responsible for any content posted by third parties.