Celebritology Live: Celeb Rehab Shows -- Naughty or Nice?

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Liz Kelly
washingtonpost.com Celebritology Blogger
Thursday, January 10, 2008; 2:00 PM

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days, Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- including some Post reporters, Busta Rhymes and Elmo (as in "Tickle Me") -- on the phone. She still produces both Carolyn Hax's advice discussion and Gene Weingarten's Chatological Humor.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Afternoon. The celebrity-watching world is in upheaval. We don't know where Britney is, we're to be denied a Golden Globes red carpet, Amy Winehouse is suddenly blond and Paris Hilton is laying low. What, I ask you, am I supposed to write about? More Katherine Heigl? No, I say.

So, tell me, anyone upset about the cancellation of the Golden Globes? What will you be doing with your Sunday night instead? (Or is it just me that turns award show nights into Super Bowl-ish events?)

Oh, and this just in -- word has it that Nicole Richie is due next week. Meanwhile, dimwit Halle Berry says she wants to stay pregnant forever because of the glowy skin. Someone take this woman to Sephora.

Let's get started...

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Washington D.C.: How about those photos of Kim Cattrall in her granny bikini? I thought those things went away after Annette stopped making beach movies. Be afraid...be very afraid.

Liz Kelly: Oh, come on now. We should all look so good at 51, granny bikini or not.

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Washington, D.C.: I was surprised to see the positive review of "Celebrity Rehab" today. I don't like to see suffering or embarassment, and certainly not on the level involved in trying to kick an addiction. (I can't watch the first few weeks of American Idol, either, so I'm apparently extra wussy in this regard.)

Doesn't it seem like there's a time to turn compassionately away? Isn't rehab that time? The most suffering I want to actually 'watch' a celebrity go through is an unflattering haircut, or perhaps showing up to an awards show in the same dress as a bitter rival, and maybe... MAYBE looking chunky in it.

washingtonpost.com: VH1's 'Celebrity Rehab' Could Become a Habit (Post, Jan. 10)

Liz Kelly: Full disclosure: I didn't watch yet, so if my answer comes off as a bit undeveloped or not at all germane, that's why.

Normally I'd agree with you about leaving someone alone when trying to recover, but I think any normal reaction is mitigated by the fact that each one of the participants in this show signed up knowing their road to recovery would be inside a fish bowl. Sure, there are all sorts of nuances to discuss here (for instance, can someone who is suffering from an addiction really be trusted to make a decision about appearing on a reality show?), but for now we'll assume that Daniel Baldwin and the other inmates all know what they're doing. We'll also assume that Dr. Drew also knows what he's doing.

Another reason I'm willing to give this show a fighting chance is precedent. I'm a regular watcher of A&E's "Intervention," a show that follows families through the process of getting an addict into treatment in the first place. It's ugly stuff, but it's compelling. What's more, it's a window into a world many addicts are afraid to imagine -- allowing them to see what's possible before committing themselves to getting clean.

And, as you say, John Maynard gave the show a positive review in today's Style section. He calls the show "thoughtful" and "compelling." Not something we're used to seeing from VH1's Celebreality, but anything's possible -- even VH1 figuring out constructive reality television several years into the genre's lifespan.

I watched an old fave movie, "To Die For," over the weekend and in it Nicole Kidman's character talks about how you're nothing in America unless you're on TV. Perverted though it is for us average Joes and Joe-ettes, it's probably something baked into the DNA of the faded stars of yesteryear populating these shows. (Jeff Conaway, for chrissakes!). If what they need to get clean is a camera in their face, hey, set the DVR.

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Kim Cattrall: Screw 51, I want to look that good now at 30!

Liz Kelly: Right. And as Rocci the producer points out, her bikini is kind of cool in a retro, pin-up girl kind of way.

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Serious question re Britney Spears: Reasonably assuming, for the sake of argument, that Britney Spears really does have a serious mental illness (perhaps rapid-cycling bipolarity) which needs careful diagnosis and medical treatment in order to manage it, why and how was she released only a day into her 72-hour involuntary hospitalization? This struck me as totally not in her best interests, and whoever authorized it betrayed Britney terribly.

Liz Kelly: Hoo boy, I'm not the right person to be holding forth on the shortcomings of our mental health system, but from what I understand it can be nearly impossible to force someone into treatment, no matter how obvious it may be that he or she is struggling.

And, faced with Brit's lawyers (I'm sure she still has a few hanging in there), hospital administrators probably shied away from testing their ability to keep her there.

Still, it isn't impossible. But to get some kind of control over Brit, she'd need someone in her family willing to forego Today Show appearances and do the behind-the-scenes toiling to get power of attorney, etc.

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LLL: Oh, Rocci and lizkelly. You are so wrong. Not good. Granny bikini NOT good.

Liz Kelly: Okay, a dissenting opinion.

Mind you, I'm not saying every woman is capable of pulling off this look.

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Lexington, Ky.: The People's Choice Awards turned into a big snooze. I saw a couple minutes of that and decided it wasn't worth the time. Thoughts?

Liz Kelly: Agreed. My reaction was the same.

Instead, Mr. Liz and I settled into a viewing of "Strictly Ballroom."

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Baltimore, Md.: Amy Winehouse and the "junk vs. booze" argument: Followed the link posted this a.m. to see Amy as a blonde and was surprised to see her talking sense. No less an authority than William Burroughs always maintained that a heroin habit was less physically harmful than excessive drink. Heroin, if used properly, does no long term damage to vital organs, unlike booze which can have a terrible effect on the heart, liver, esophagus and many other important body parts we use every day. It's not the heroin that hurts -- it's the way junkies live because heroin is illegal that does 'em in (i.e., sharing needles leading to HIV and Hepatitis, too strong a batch of street dope causing overdose, etc.)

Understand, I am not suggesting all your readers run out and a get a habit. I am just seconding Ms. Winehouse's acumen on the matter.

washingtonpost.com: Amy Winehouse: 'Heavy Drinking Is Worse Than Doing Heroin' (Daily Mail, Jan. 10)

Liz Kelly: It is the rare junkie who is able to keep his or her usage to maintenance level. William S. Burroughs is the exception, not the rule. And ya, some of the blame may be directed at the illegal market's lack of oversight and regulation, leading to overdose and infection -- but, come on, are we really advocating for recreational heroin usage here? Just checking.

And Amy may speak some truth about her ability to kick her bad habits without help, but it is early days yet.

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Flyover, IN: Did you see Jane Eyre on Masterpiece Theater? (I know, highbrow stuff) Toby Stephens played Mr. Rochester. To quote Borat -- wow wow wee wow. He gives Mr. Darcy a run for his money.

BTW, Masterpiece Theater is starting a Jane Austen fest including Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. Much dreaminess will ensue.

Liz Kelly: Thank you for reminding me. I missed the airing of "Jane Eyre," but will be on hand for the Austen fest.

Get all the details here. There's also a facebook group dedicated to the event.

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The bridal party: If Jake marries Reese, will Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConnaughy be his groomsmen (all clad in tight tees and biking shorts)? Did Reese have a big white wedding the first time, or is this her shot at being Bridezilla (a role she might fruitfully play on screen, using her Election persona a few years in the future)?

Liz Kelly: The other day, I saw the McConaughey/Armstrong relationship (or was it McConaughey/Owen Wilson) described as a "bromance." Tee hee.

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Dallas, Tex.: Heading there this weekend, anyone know of anywhere I could go to sneak a peak at Tony Romo and maybe that girl that he is dating?

Liz Kelly: Well, I hear the Cowboys locker room is a good place to stake out.

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Pompano Beach, Fla.: Golden Globes: Not so upset. More upset that Jon Stewart appears to be faring much worse without writers than I would have expected, and much worse than Stephen Colbert as well. Since he is this year's Oscars' host and cannot pull off a half an hour show very well, I am very glad we will not be subjected to Queen Latifah's improv for the length of a ceremony.

Liz Kelly: Okay, so we've got one Not Upset.

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Annapolis, Md.: Hey -- question from my mom. Any idea why the writers' strike doesn't seem to have affected soap operas?

Aside from the obvious jokes, 'somebody's' got to be writing them? And they don't shoot 'that' far ahead...

Liz Kelly: Tell mom that several soap scribes decided to give up full membership in the WGA to keep the shows on the air. Just another sacrifice in the name of their important work.

According to the Variety article linked above, the networks are deathly afraid of an extended soap hiatus because of already declining interest in the genre. So they've all sworn to keep things running at all costs. Many also say they had material written already to keep things running well into 2008.

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Granny bikini:: So what should she wear? I think the granny bikini is perfectly appropriate. Much better than a bikini from V..!

Liz Kelly: Or the Borat bikini. You know what I'm talking about.

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Midwest: Liz, help! Someone just told me Jon Stewart is a jerk "in real life." Say it ain't so, please! I just can't imagine...

Liz Kelly: Well, not knowing Jon Stewart "in real life" I can't really speak to his relative jerkiness. But I can't believe that's true. He's just too warm.

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Cowboy Crazy: Liz, was that you in the Dallas Cowboys locker room asking QB Romo whether going to Mexico with Jessica Simpson is going to hurt the Cowboys chances in their upcoming playoff game? If not, why are you letting those sports writers take over your celebrity turf? You need to call The Post sports editors and demand a plane ticket to Dallas and press pass to the game!

Liz Kelly: Sadly, no. Much as I'd love to hang out in a locker room, I think I'll start small and work my way up to Cowboy territory. Where do the Bowie Baysox practice?

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Kim Cattrall: I give the bikini a thumbs up. Perhaps too fashion forward, in a retro kind of way, for the average chatter?

Liz Kelly: Well the chatters in this chat are smarter (and more fashion-wise) than the average bear.

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Oh No!: I have a crush on a guy at work, but yesterday he was wearing pleated khakis. What to do?

(No chance of helping him pick out a wardrobe; alas, I am married.)

Liz Kelly: I'm afraid that may be a red flag. Today it's khakis, but tomorrow it may be black Reeboks or man jewelry. Think long and hard before you pursue this one any further.

None of which, missy, even gets into the fact that maybe you need to be concentrating on your hubby's pleats (or lack thereof).

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Washington, D.C.: Miz Liz, since Jeff Greenfied wouldn't post my question, will you? Do you think Britney is crazy because of the unsettled situation amongst the presidential nominees?

Liz Kelly: Gee, I can't imagine why Jeff Greenfield wouldn't have fielded your perceptive, yet previously unasked, question.

Though my guess would be that Britney chose this week to act out because she saw the spotlight slipping away from her an on to the primary season.

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Fairfax, Va.: Either I live in a cave or I'm not looking in the right place but why hasn't anyone made a big deal about the fact that Mischa Barton was arrested for DUI? Is it because she was booked under Mischa Burton so the papps haven't gotten wind of it (yuck yuck) or has she fallen so far down that no one cares? OOOOOOR, is it because it's kind of de rigeur that a young star have a DUI offense now? Enlighten me please!

Liz Kelly: Because a starlet DUI is so 2007?

Tho Barton did call in to Ryan Seacrest's radio show today to claim "100 proof percent responsibility.

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Cardiff, Calif.: I love the style of both Kim Cattrall and Katie Holmes -- glamorous and classy. It's nice to see women who understand looking fabulous is not about showing it all.

It'd also be nice to have swimsuits that don't require a Brazilian wax, make a comeback.

Liz Kelly: I have to say that despite the goofy mugging in today's Creative Captioning contest pic, I do think Katie's dress is stunning. And she was born to wear it.

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Jon Stewart and Colbert, Austen and Indy 4: Are you kidding me? I loved "The/A Daily Show" and "Colbert Report" shows this week (granted with the writers they are better) but considering what they have to work with i'm glad that Indecision 2008 is back..(I can't decide which was more ridiculous, the pop culture references or Mike Huckabee)

Wow and thanks to whomever for reminding me about the Austen fest (though i'm peeved that I missed the Jane Eyre rerun AGAIN)

Also -- I'm not sure if you saw, but Vanity Fair (Feb issue) has pics of the new Indiana Jones movie, and the pictures are quite good...Harrison Ford doesn't look nearly as bad as I expected...

Liz Kelly: Re: Indy, the pix were apparently shot by Annie Liebowitz, so that could have something to do with their fabulosity.

You can see a few of them online here.

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Jeff Greenfield: I have some Greefield gossip! When he was covering some event he had to use the facilities while Hillary was speaking. He forgot he was on wireless mike. She was talking and you hear this loud flush.

This was a few years ago.

Liz Kelly: I remember that! I believe it made quite the impact at Wonkette or Fishbowl.

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New to Facebook-Jane Austen: Hi Liz,

I am newish to facebook. How go I connect with the PBS Jane Austen group? Thanks!

Liz Kelly: I think you need to search groups for Jane Austen. That should bring it up.

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Yes, I'm upset about the Globes: because they're such a fun event compared with the self-important Oscars. I think forcing the cancellation of the Globes was a bad move on the part of the Writers Guild; how does that help them stay sympathetic in the eyes of us poor hapless reality-TV-watching viewers??

Liz Kelly: I feel the same way. The Globes are looser, boozier and altogether funner. It's rotten to have to miss out this year.

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Amy Winehouse: Junkies are very good at rationalizing their habits.

Liz Kelly: Righto.

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Cardiff, Calif.: I'm bummed the Golden Globes won't air. I love looking at the dresses and everyone all glammed up -- and to see what fashion faux pas (a la Bjork) will be committed!

Liz Kelly: Agreed. Tho I think Bjork's big faux pas was at the Oscars, wasn't it?

Though since the Globes are a looser atmosphere, starlets tend to get more creative (and therefore more prone to fug) with their ensembles. As do the men. I think it was last year that many male attendees chose to wear silky, pajama-ish looking shirts with no jacket.

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Philadelphia, Pa.: Did Will Smith really give out cards for personality tests at a local Scientology center as his wrap gift on a film? Have they got him now, too? (And I thought those tests were free -- one of the very few Scientology freebies -- as a way of sucking people in?)

Liz Kelly: That's the word on the street, yes. Can you imagine? I'd rather get a first aid kit or some toothpicks. Something useful, at least.

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Re: Strictly Ballroom: It was HIS TIME! (There are NO new steps.)

Liz Kelly: Yes!

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Alexandria, Va.: Last night, me and the man were watching 'Pioneers of Television' on PBS. The topic was late night and Arsenio Hall was one of those people who spoke during the program and he looked awful! Is there anything going on with him? He looked like he was suffering or maybe recovering from some awful disease.

Liz Kelly: Good question. I honestly haven't tracked Arsenio in quite a while, though from time to time I do like to check up on him. He was bright, talented, hilarious and disappeared seemingly overnight. Meanwhile, Jay Leno and his cornball humor continues to stink up late night. It just isn't right.

A quick IMDB scan reveals that he voiced the character of Captain Carothers in a 2006 straight to DVD "Scooby Doo" movie and is currently working on another voice-only role in the upcoming animated monster comedy "Igor."

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New York, N.Y.: This is pathetic that The Washington Post allows a forum such as this.

Liz Kelly: Trust me, we're all broken up about it.

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RE: Today it's khakis, but tomorrow it may be black Reeboks or man jewelry. : OR worse, a Members Only jacket.

Liz Kelly: I think we may actually be finally safe from Members Only jackets appearing on anyone under the age of 70.

My dad had one back in the '80s. He loved that thing. Me, I never got it.

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Katie Holmes : I am loving her hair. A lot.

Liz Kelly: It seemed drastic at the time, but ya, it's growing on me.

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LLL: Down here in Florida, a 72-hour involuntary admission to a mental hospital (a "Baker Act" down here) can be halted by a licensed physician if he/she feels there is no further need for observation. It can only be instituted by a licensed health care professional or law enforcement officer. So once a social worker or cop "commits" someone for 72-hours, a physician can immediate release the patient if the patient is "no longer a danger to herself or others."

Liz Kelly: Thanks for the clarification. I'll remember that the next time I'm in Florida.

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Burroughs: William Burroughs.

Not exactly the guy I'd take life advice from.

Killed his wife while trying to shoot a shot glass off the top of her head.

Just sayin'.

Liz Kelly: Hey, we all make mistakes. And how else was the guy supposed to learn?

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Gee Street, NW: Liz: I am BUMMED about the loss of the Globes. By far my favorite award show. You've got A-List movie and TV people in one room together, the "dinner table atmosphere" lending a casual, relaxed tone, the free booze loosening lips and BONUS, somehow it always ends on time. So sad. Oh, and about the writers, too.

Liz Kelly: I'm sure the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is heartsick. Not to mention the event planners, caterers, etc. that were surely already mobilized to put this show on the road.

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Where's the line?: I enjoy a train wreck as much as the next person. However, I do believe there's a line. What's your opinion of something like Perez Hilton posting pictures of Billy Joel's daughter and calling her ugly? Or everyone calling Rumer Willis Mrs. PotatoHead? It seems unjustified and cruel to me. Stick to the people who deserve it (I'm not talking about you -- I mean some of the gossip sites out there).

Liz Kelly: Billy Joel's daughter -- over the line.

Rumor Willis -- Sounds a little immature to label her -- BWAHAHAHAH -- excuse me -- Mrs. PotatoHead, but she's a big girl. No pun intended.

Okay, seriously -- yes, there is a spectrum in the celeb-watching world and you need to kind of seek your comfort level. Me, I tend to draw the line at unauthorized panty (or panytless) shots -- stuff that just doesn't seem like fair game.

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Harrisburg, Pa.: What are Gene Weingartner and Dave Barry going to be doing with fans when together they meet with them in a few months in D.C.? Do you have any advance inside knowledge as to what this event is going to be?

Liz Kelly: That's Weingarten and it's a scavenger hunt. Modeled after the famed Miami Herald Tropic Hunt (which had the advantage of a much funnier name). This thing will turn D.C. upside down. I can't wait.

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Members Only: My dad wore one too way back when -- but it was way worse. He wore a knock-off version! It was so humiliating for me in the brand-conscious 80s. And I admit to kind of liking man-jewelry! I can't help it. Must be because I'm from Long Island. But it has to be a chain around the neck. No frat boy shell necklaces or class rings. Gag!

Liz Kelly: Okay, Mr. Liz will kill me for this, but I have to share. A member of our extended family gave him a Guess brand bracelet for Christmas. It is black leather with a silver ornament featuring the typical Guess question mark logo: ?.

And it is just so not Mr. Liz. In the car on the way home, he put it on and started acting like some kind of creepy pick up artist. Saying "I wear the question mark because I'm an enigma. The ladies, they can't figure out this mystery."

Good times.

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Let's pretend like I am five years old for the moment: What's the big deal about pleats? I like them.

Liz Kelly: Let me answer this like you are five years old: Pleated pants bad. Now go take your nap.

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Vienna, Va.: Strictly Ballroom! I thought I was the only person who knew about that movie. My sister loved it, well she still does, so I saw it a thousand times. The costumes and the accents are so great. I just wanted to throw in my two cents about your movie watching. It's the greatest movie that hardly no one I know has ever heard of.

Liz Kelly: Thanks -- but I think the secret might be out.

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Britney: According to Pink Is the New Blog, Brit did not fly to the East Coast, but instead drove to Mexico. It's the first post on the site.

Liz Kelly: Yep, I've got that in the Morning Mix. But we don't actually have confirmation either way yet.

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Celeb Rehab: Okay, I know it's "compelling" and all that. I saw Dr. Drew on Conan last night and he seems, in his own creepy way, to want to do some good with this. But please, Liz, do whatever you have to do, throw a boot at my TV, pour acid in my eyes, whatever it takes, so that I don't become addicted to this show. My New Year's resolution was no more Celebreality and this show will be the death of me if I start to get involved. Soon I'll be back on the Scott Baio, planning my life around I Love NY3, itching for more Celeb Fit Club. This is my official cry for help!

Liz Kelly: I think you may need this show more than you know.

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byool, IN: "Not exactly the guy I'd take life advice from.

Killed his wife while trying to shoot a shot glass off the top of her head."

I dunno: seems wiser to take advice from the person on the trigger end than the barrel end, no?

Burroughs is worth listening to if only for his vocals on a cover of R.E.M.'s "Star" Me Kitten."

Liz Kelly: And his acting cameo in "Drugstore Cowboy."

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Weingarten Scavenger Hunt: What? When? Where?! How does one sign up for such Scavenger hunt?

Liz Kelly: Here's what we know so far.

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Tom Cruise: Will you be reading Andrew Morton's book? Any thoughts on the truth to the information leaked pre-publication? Is Katie Holmes a space alien?

Liz Kelly: I will likely give it a quick run through, but based on early reviews it doesn't look like Morton made good on his promises of bombshell revelations.

I wrote about the book yesterday, including Morton's so-called juicy scoops.

Liz Kelly: Chronicling Cruise, (Celebritology, Jan. 9)

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Washington, D.C.: Here I thought Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal were involved in PR faux-mance and now I hear they're getting married. What's up?

Liz Kelly: So you're saying that a faux-mance would stop short of marriage?

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Crushes: Oh Liz, you are SUCH a newlywed...for many of us, the harmless litte crush every now and again is a part of life. You're married, not DEAD. It's not possible to appreciate the pleat of some other guy's pants or lack thereof every now and again...no harm no foul as long as you bring all the energy home to the Mr.

Liz Kelly: Trust me, I'm not that newly-wed. It just sounded from the tone of the question that if the pleats had not been in evidence, the questioner may have taken some kind of action on this crush.

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Winona, Minn.: While we're talking about involuntary mental health committment, 'both' Minnesota and Wisconsin actually have a 110-page manual of guidelines! Really! In fact, here it is:

Involuntary Civil Commitment (pdf) (Institute on Mental Disability and the Law)

Folks, please do not peruse that link until after Ms. Kelly's chat -- she is much more interesting.

Liz Kelly: I know what I'm reading before bed tonight!

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Alexandria, Va.: Re the soap opera question -- I didn't check the link, but isn't the major issue that the writers want pay for shows that are put on DVD and the Internet? How often does that happen with soap operas? Probably a moot point there anyway, right?

Liz Kelly: Hey, if there's an entire cable channel dedicated to stale soap operas, I'm sure there's some kind of market for DVDs and Internet watching.

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Re: Strictly Ballroom: Ha! My sister wrote a paper for some college class about the movie. Paso Doble.

Liz Kelly: Si, paso doble!

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Hollywood, Calif.: When Britney drove to Mexico, was Al Cowlings in the car with her?

Liz Kelly: God, I wish.

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St. Louis, Mo.: I'm submitting this two days early to give you time to do the research. I am obsesseed with Tony Sinclair (aka the Tanquaray Guy). Who is he? Is his name really Tony Sinclair? Is he really British? I gotta know. You're my only hope, Liz Kelly.

Liz Kelly: See, you may have submitted this two days early, but I'm only seeing it now... which hardly gives me time to research the underground sensation that is Tony Sinclair.

Okay, so, I have no idea who this guy is. But send in a pic and we'll see what we can find out.

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Baltimore, Md.: Nicole Kidman pregnant! So of course we are all wondering why she and Tom Cruise had to adopt.

Liz Kelly: Well, weren't we wondering that already?

I've seen many commenters citing Nicole's current up-knocked state as proof that Tom was not a loaded gun, but that strikes me as akin to medieval medicine theory. Next we'll be trepanning the poor guy.

It is possible for couples to try for years and years without success to get pregnant and then, all of a sudden, conceive. I n fact, I have an aunt who was told point blank by a medical doctor that she was incapable of getting pregnant. So she and her husband adopted two girls (shout out to my cousins Mary Susan and Patty Ann!). Two years later, my aunt welcomed the first of two biological daughters (shout out to Jackie and Eileen!).

And, I'm sorry -- despite the Morton book L. Ron Hubbard theory, Suri is the spitting image of Tom Cruise. So maybe it was just a matter of the chemistry between Tom and Nicole being a little off.

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My New Year's resolution was no more Celebreality and this show will be the death of me if I start to get involved.: At some point we'll have a reality show about people trying to stop watching reality shows.

Liz Kelly: And then the universe will implode.

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Jon Stewart is not a jerk in real life: I've met him and he's lovely. Very funny. But he will make fun of you if given the chance -- so you have to have a thicker skin.

On another note, what do you hear about Prince William and Kate Middleton? I hear her security has been upgraded and that they're engaged...anything from your fronts?

Liz Kelly: My fronts are hearing the same thing as yours -- royal body guards for the lovely Kate. Mayhaps that's just an early engagement present.

And thanks for the Stewart insight.

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Baltimore, Md.: Re learning from William Burroughs: The Scientologists desperately tried to recruit Old Bill when they were just getting started back in the 1960s. He told them it was just a con, and not a very believable one at that. I rest my case.

Liz Kelly: Well, two points for Bill for steering clear of something shady.

Ahem.

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byool, IN: The Kim Catrall talk reminds me of a bit from some TV comedy whose title, stars, or when it aired I've forgotten, but I retain a crystal-clear memory of one character saying (in an eastern European-ish accent) that they had recently enjoyed an episode of Sex And The City, which he/she referred to as the television show "Three Prostitutes And Their Mother."

Liz Kelly: Okay, thanks for that.

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No soaps on DVD??: How am I supposed to relive Luke and Laura's wedding?

Liz Kelly: Hey Laura, where are you now?

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Will Smith has been taken: I feel like we're watching a real life "Rhinoceros." You know that play where people one by one turn into Rhinoceroses? Only instead of Nazis they're all becoming Scientologists.

Liz Kelly: Seriously, for someone who says he is not a Scientologist, though did admit to dabbling, he seems to be going awfully far... what with the proselytizing and all.

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RE: Tom and Nicole's Fertility: I believe Nicole did an interview with Elle or one of those types of magazines and did say that she was prego by Tom. It's definitly been rumored, and it's also been rumored that when her losing the baby is part of what led to their divorce.

Liz Kelly: She did. She admitted to one, perhaps two, miscarriages.

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Alexandria, Va.: Well, gosh, nothing like a little stress to interfere with your hormones and ability to conceive. And Nicole Kidman did have one miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. Maybe she's just happier and more relaxed these days with Keith Urban. I'm happy for her.

Liz Kelly: That's it -- miscarriage and and ectopic.

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More Nicole K.: Do we know how far along she is? For some reason, I feel superstitious for her. Didn't she have a miscarriage in the past? Can one Botox while pregnant?

Liz Kelly: Her mom hinted that she may be due in July, which would put her at what... about 3 months?

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Seattle, Wash. : SPIT AND IMAGE! SPIT AND IMAGE!!!

I'm telling Gene.

Liz Kelly: I'm using the Ukrainian usage as taught to me by my immigrant grandmother. Go ahead, criticize our bastardization of American cliches if you like, but I'm now and forever a spitting woman.

Okay, I need to quit before I dig this hole any deeper.

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LLL: I saw a photo of Britney Spears purportedly taken in London on Tuesday, January 8, 2008. How did she get from London on Tuesday to the US in order to drive to Mexico on Thursday? I suppose it makes sense that she is fleeing the country, though.

Liz Kelly: It's like "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?"

Maybe she's deployed an army of lookalikes.

_______________________

Facebook again: Is there a Gene Weingarten facebook club?

Liz Kelly: Yep. A Celebritology one, too.

_______________________

Washington, DC: Totally random but funny!

Obama vs. Gregory: The Dance-Off (Wonkette)

Liz Kelly: Nice. Thanks for the link.

_______________________

Springfield, Va.: Liz Kelly: Or the Borat bikini. You know what I'm talking about.

Also known as butt floss...

Liz Kelly: Or a banana sling.

_______________________

Tony Sinclair: From Wikipedia:

"Tony Sinclair, a highly-esteemed socialite, is Tanqueray's fictional spokesman in the U.S. He made his physical debut in commercials, portrayed by Rodney Mason as a clever socialite of Black British descent."

C'mon people. It's not that hard to do a little searching on your own.

Liz Kelly: Thank you.

_______________________

McLean, Va.: Where is Laura now?

She's been saying it was a mistake for her to leave GH --probably because her career tanked (although she did concentrate on her marriage/kids).

She's also in the latest issue of People promoting Medifast, a weight loss product, saying she lost 30 lbs. with it.

(I do have a life -- really.)

Liz Kelly: Okay, you do realize I was singing the Christopher Cross song, right?

_______________________

College Park, Md.: Hey Liz! A bit random, but who ya got for the Super Bowl?

Liz Kelly: Ummm, who's playing again?

_______________________

Chris Noth: Are you the one who likes Chris Noth? For anyone who wants to get with him (as long as you are kind of attractive), all you have to do is hang out at some of the hipper bars on the Lower East Side or Nolita. He's always there (drunk) with friends and hits on all the ladies. He has very diverse tastes and isn't all that picky. So ladies with a Mr. Big fetish, come to NYC! Personally, I don't find him remotely good-looking. I did chat with him once (he was hitting on my friend) and he was pretty charming. But he's always drunk. His friends are usually really cute.

Liz Kelly: I'm glad you said this. I heard the same thing from a friend who lives in New York, but didn't feel comfortable posting her second hand knowledge online. Yours, on the other hand, I'm happy to pass along...

_______________________

Land of Pleats: My boyfriend is a large guy and I've complained about his pleated pants and he has one pair of flat fronts that I always compliment him on so he'll but more.

I was shopping with him over the holidays and there are no flat front pants in the big and tall section, well there were some that looked flat front but they had this creepy "extender" in them. where do you find normal flat front pants for big guys? and why do they think the pleats make them look thinner?

Liz Kelly: I don't know, but I'm guessing someone out there can help.

_______________________

Del Ray, Va.: Several people have told me that my daughter looks exactly like Suri Cruise. (She's also the same age.)

How can I parlay this into a career of fame and fortune for my daughter?

Liz Kelly: Four words. No, five.

1. Tabloid.

2, 3, 4, 5: Tom Cruise Love Child

_______________________

re: Also known as butt floss...: Eeeeeew. Geez! Bad enough have the Borat bikini image in your head.

Liz Kelly: That's what we're here for...

And I think that's an appropriate place to wrap up. I'll be back here next week, but make sure to hang around the blog tomorrow afternoon -- we'll all be sharing our first celebrity crushes. Be prepared to defend the object(s) of your juvenile affection. (I've got Shaun Cassidy covered.)

Bye!

_______________________

Poor Chris Cross: It was "Think of Laura" not "Where is Laura".

Liz Kelly: Ahem:

Every once in a while I'd see her smile
And she'd turn my day around
A girl with those eyes
Could stare through the lies
And see what your heart was saying

Think of Laura but laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way
When you think of Laura laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way


A friend of a friend
A friend to the end
That's the kind of girl she was
Taken away so young
Taken away without a warning


I know you and you're here
In every day we live
I know her and she's here
I can feel her when I sing


Hey Laura, where are you now
Are you far away from here
I don't think so
I think you're here
Taking our tears away

_______________________


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