He was a reporter covering one of the most notorious drug crises in D.C. history. Now he reveals how he was part of the story.

Washington Post staff writer Ruben Castaneda was online Monday, Jan. 7, at 2 p.m. ET to discuss his Washington Post Magazine article titled "Crack," his story of being an active crack addict and alcoholic while covering the D.C. crime beat.

"From 1989 to the end of 1991, while I worked the night shift covering the D.C. police and crime beat, I was an active crack addict and alcoholic. My use was not recreational. I was not a dilettante.

"To feed my addiction, I routinely ventured into some of the same drug-plagued neighborhoods where I covered nighttime murders and nonfatal shootings -- violence that was usually fueled, directly or otherwise, by the crack trade. I made buys in dark crack houses and dangerous back alleys. I smoked my way to the edge of financial ruin. At the same time, I helped chronicle the bloody toll the drug was exacting on the street."

A transcript follows.

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Ruben Castaneda: Good afternoon, readers. Welcome to this chat. I look forward to answering your no doubt many and varied questions.

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Woodbridge, Va.: Some people have questioned whether your story was important to share. Why do you think it was important? Why now?

Ruben Castaneda: Good afternoon, Woodbridge.

I think it is up to other people to decide whether my story was important to share. A number of people have told me, via e-mails or in person, that they believe the story helped them or could help someone they know who is struggling with addiction. I do believe the story is compelling and dramatic. I am a journalist, and I look for compelling and dramatic stories to tell.

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Sykesville, Md.: How did you react to those around you discussing this issue?

Also, were you in denial of your involvement in this or just keep it hidden?

Ruben Castaneda: Good day Sykesville.

By this issue, I take it you mean addiction? And I think you are referring to the period of time before I got clean.

Assuming those two facts, during the time I was using, I often simply listened when people around me talked of addiction. I was in denial until the very end. I think the first time it finally hit me that I was an addict was when I couldn't make it through a weekend without taking a hit. That would have been in December, 1991.

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Columbus, Ohio: Mr. Castaneda stated that it has been nearly 16 years since he last used crack. Does he still use alcohol?

Does he still attend support group meetings? If not, why?

What has been the reaction in the Washington Post newsroom to Mr. Castaneda's story?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Columbus.

I have not used alcohol since Dec. 21, 1991. I relapsed on crack, so I have two anniversary dates. And yes, I still attend support group meetings.

As far as the reaction within the newsroom, many of my colleagues have told me how much they liked the article. If there is any negativity within the newsroom, it is not coming to my attention

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Washington, D.C.: Is it true that you only have to do crack once and you're hooked? Is it that addictive? And is that first high the best high you'll ever get?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Washington DC,

I know, and know of, people who said they have taken a hit of crack and never tried it again. I overheard one woman in LA say she took one hit and it mad her feel so good, she was afraid to try it again. I am not a doctor, but I do believe that if one is predisposed to addiction, taking one hit may be all it takes. Certainly that is how it worked out for me

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Washington, D.C.: Did your familiarity with those who distribute/sell drugs cause you any problems in reporting (i.e., "blowing your cover?"). Was there difficulty in being taken seriously as a reporter by the same people you might buy drugs from?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Washington DC,

I never tried to interview anyone I bought drugs from, so I never had to worry about them taking me seriously as a reporter. They never knew I was a reporter -- I was just another customer to them.

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Santa Cruz, Calif. : Hi Ruben,

First I would like to say I wish you all the best in your recovery, as a recovering heroin addict in a very similar situation I might know how you feel, maybe, maybe not. My question would be: How on earth did you deal with the paranoia? I mean, good Lord, how did you do it? I was working as a counselor in a rehab once and had a relapse, and it just about drove me insane, or should I say insaner(?); is that a word? Well, anyway you, can see what I am saying, right, to be around all those police who know what they are looking for, and to be loaded that must really have been difficult. In my situation I was using at the rehab where I worked and that too is a situation where everyone around you knows what they are looking for and towards the end of the run I was very close to suicide, very close indeed. My hat goes off to you if you are now in recovery. I wish you all the best in your future works. Thank you for your time in this, have a good day.

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Santa Cruz,

I dealt with the paranoia mostly by staying close to my window and peering outside, looking for the police and federal agents I thought would be coming for me. I did a lot of pacing back and forth between the back part of my apartment and the front window. By the time the morning rolled around, the paranoia would be gone, though I would feel enormously remorseful. I don't believe I ever felt paranoid that my police sources suspected me. For a long time I used only on weekends. Only at the very end, right before I was taken to the hospital, did I use before a work shift.

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Fairfax, Va.: Do you still consider yourself an addict to cocaine or other drugs, including alcohol and if so, do you have to go to meetings? Are you still fearful that you may still fall off the wagon?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Fairfax,

Yes, I am an addict and an alcoholic. There is no "cure."

I am not fearful of falling off the wagon, but I take steps to try to ensure that I won't. I have seen people who had 30 years of sobriety resume drinking or using drugs, so I am aware that it could happen.

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Silver Spring, Md. : Thanks for this revealing article.

My question is, the first time you accepted a hit of crack, do you have any sense of what made you accept it? I know you said that you seemed to have an addictive personality but I am trying to understand that initial impulse.

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Silver Spring.

I believe I accepted the first hit of crack because I am an addict, and that's what addicts do. There was nothing extraordinary going on in my life at the time -- nothing beyond the normal pressures and ups and downs that all people face. I did not believe I would be hooked. I think that is probably true of most addicts and alcoholics. I haven't met anyone yet who said he or she took their first hit or drink knowing or even suspecting they would drink alcoholically or become addicted.

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Dulles, Va.: Hi Reuben ... After 15 years of being clean and sober (congratulations by the way), what made you decide to share your story with us, and how has that decision helped/hurt you, professionally and/or personally?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Dulles,

An editor urged me to write the story. Off and on over the past 15 years I have thought about writing this story, but it never felt right. I think the fact that these events occurred 16 years ago gave me the distance I needed to write this story.

As to whether writing this story has or will help or hurt me professionally: I don't know. My editors were very supportive of the story. In the days following the publication of the article, they assigned me stories for the daily paper, just like any other week. The news continues.

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New York, N.Y.: Mr. Castaneda --

I wonder how much regret you have about the period of your life that you wrote about. Six or seven years ago I had a problem with alcohol and cocaine. I tried crack a couple of times. This always appalled my friends. They seemed to think doing coke 3 times a week is fine but if you smoke crack once a year you're out of control. I always tell them that I don't regret any of it. I'm glad I tried what I tried. I'm glad I felt what addiction is like. I was lucky, I was able to stop before I got killed. But I'm glad I know that deep sadness and longing that comes with addiction and I'm glad I got to see a side of the city that most (affluent) people don't.

How do you feel about regret? Do you value ownership of your story? Do you value the unique experiences and the insight into human nature that the drug habit gave you? Would you trade all of that for a drug-free history?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello New York

I think I regret that I did not always behave in an upstanding fashion, but I don't regret that I went through the experience.

By that, I mean I believe I had to go through every bit of misery I experienced to come out on the other side. And as I noted in the article, I do believe I would have spent many more years drinking alcoholically if crack had not hastened my reckoning. Chances are I would have caused serious damage, to others or myself, while driving drunk

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Arlington, Va.: Hi, I read your story. It was a good story, but I felt strangely empty after I finished -- like I missed the point, maybe? Maybe I don't understand why you were so desperate to get clean. In the story, you don't appear to have suffered any significant losses from your substance abuse. You never landed in the pen, never got real sick, and you never got stuck in a situation where you experienced physical violence. Do you think you were lucky that way, or maybe just smarter than other addicts that didn't catch on as quick?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Arlington,

I agree that I was lucky in many respects. I had an employer which treated substance abuse as a medical issue, and got me into rehab at exactly the right time. I will be forever grateful to Milton Coleman and Phil Dixon, the editors who made sure I got into the hospital and supported me through those crucial first months.

I disagree with your assessment that I did not suffer any significant losses. I was pistol-whipped by a man who could have shot me in the head. I developed blisters on my fingers from using metal stems (pipes). On some nights I suffered horrible hallucinations. I spent myself to the edge of financial ruin, and found myself socially isolated.

Yes, I was enormously lucky. I think it's breathtaking, actually, that I lived through that period of time. It wasn't because I was smarter than other addicts.

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To clarify: But if you relapsed on crack, then you 'don't' have 16 years being clean and sober. Relapses count.

Ruben Castaneda: Yes, relapses count. On March 5, if I manage to stay clean, I will have 16 years.

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Alexandria, Va.: Have you always been an addict? Even before trying crack? Had you had trouble earlier in life? At what age did you suspect or believe that you could be addictive?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Alexandria,

I believe I was born an addict, and alcoholic. The first time I drank alcohol, I just wanted more and more. During my teens and early 20s I did not drink often, but when I did, it was with great gusto. That is, I always drank enough to get drink.

I began to suspect I was an addict in mid December, 1991, when I planned on making it through a weekend without using crack, and didn't make it through Friday night.

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Bethesda, Md.: Ruben, I got back just now from my 12 Step meeting at NIH (I founded that meeting about 16 years ago).

Feel free to say how much I support you, if you wish....I have no anonymity. You can use my name if you wish....I have over 44 years of total abstinence in AA. Your article was absolutely great

Allen Anderson

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Allen,

Thanks for the support. And 44 years -- wow. Congratulations. .

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washingtonpost.com: Cracked ( Post Magazine, Dec. 30, 2007)

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Washington, D.C.: I'd like to congratulate you. I kicked the habit about seven years ago. Unless someone has done crack they really have no idea what you have been through. Most people do not understand the meaning of the word "crave" until they have smoked crack.

How did you quit? Counseling? I beat it by myself and the thought of ever doing it again makes me ill. Good luck!

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Washington, DC

I was fortunate enough to have a boss who cared enough to take me to the rehab unit at Suburban Hospital in Bethesda. I stayed there for three weeks and commenced going to support group meetings when I got out. That time in the hospital was crucial for me -- I needed to be taken off the street for a while and get a bit of a head start.

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Washington, D.C.: Thanks for the interesting story. I do wonder, though, why you didn't mention the name of the support group that was (and I suppose, remains) and part of your recovery. If the 12-step group is NA and/or AA, maybe putting it out there will help others by referencing a specific source for support, instead of using the ambiguous "support group" description. Although alcohol was my drug of choice, I can relate to many of the feelings you experienced and thank you again for sharing what in the rooms is termed "experience, strength, and hope." Best of luck in your recovery.

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Washington DC,

It was explained to me early in my recovery that, at the level of press, we should not mention the name of the group. The rationale is that if someone identifies the group, he or she could become a kind of symbol or spokesperson for the group. And if he or she were to relapse, it would be easy for other people to believe that the program does not work

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Washington, D.C.: How do you square this article -- this published personal history -- with the recovery tradition that strongly suggests personal anonymity in the press? What do you think are the reasons why that tradition is in place?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Washington DC,

My understanding of the anonymity tenet is that one should not identify one's self as a member of a particular group. The reasoning being, if the person were to relapse, it might discourage other people from trying the program, and it might also hurt the chances of people already in the program.

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Newport News, Va.: Good luck and may God bless your recovery efforts!

Did you first accept a "hit" of crack to better understand what you were reporting on, or were you using many substances and this was just one? Was this habit started out of a desire to understand what the hoopla was all about, or was it just present in many other forms since you are an addict?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Newport News,

I accepted the first hit because I was curious and because I am an addict -- that's what addicts do. Aside from alcohol, I had not used many other substances.

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Washington, D.C.: What was it like at the Vista Hotel when you were there covering the story of former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry and his arrest for smoking crack cocaine? Were you using then? Did you feel weird about covering the story? Did you feel sympathetic to Barry? How did you maintain a reporter's objectivity?

Ruben Castaneda: It was somewhat surreal covering the Barry arrest. I did go to rehab until December, 1991, so I was still in my using phase.

I wasn't sympathetic or unsympathetic to Barry. I was working on a story, and I did my best. The most important thing I probably did was call the city desk right away, to start the mobilization of the newsroom. For as long as I could, I compartmentalized my life.

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Cheverly, Md.: How can loved ones deal with the nature of an addict/alcoholic? I know we can't help them get clean unless that's what they want, but do you have any suggestions for how to love an addict/alcoholic when they're getting high and drunk all the time?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Cheverly,

You are correct that no one can help an alcoholic or addict until he or she is ready to try to get better.

There are programs available for loved ones of alcoholics and addicts, to help them understand what is going on

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Suburban Mom: I'm a recovering alcoholic and enjoyed your article very much. It's scary to see the low percentage of addicts that do recover. I count my blessings every day and while I don't live in fear of relapse, I have a healthy respect for the danger .Good luck to you and thank you for such a great story!

Ruben Castaneda: Thank you, suburban mom. Good luck to you too

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Virginia Beach, Va.: My brother is in rehab and we were on the phone last night talking and he mentioned the pink cloud and his fear of what happens after. What advice can you pass on, if any, about how to combat this fear? Thanks.

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Virginia Beach,

The pink could could last for a few weeks after your brother is out of rehab. he may be anxious about staying clean once he is out on his own -- rehab is a safe environment. I will pass along what was told to me: find support group meetings and make them a part of your routine. Emulate the practices of people who have been clean for a while and who have a quality of life you would like to attain

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Herndon, Va.: Mr. Castaneda, your story was fascinating. Congratulations on your recovery. Do you plan to turn this story into a book?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Herndon,

I would welcome the opportunity to write a memoir. I have much material that I did not use, primarily for space reasons.

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College Park, Md.: Did people at The Post know or suspect you of using drugs and alcohol before you admitted it to them? Did anyone "out" you or was there gossip going around? You sound like you were a "functioning alcoholic/drug abuser," no?

Ruben Castaneda: I believe some of my co-workers started to suspect I was drinking heavily, and perhaps using, in the fall and early winter of 1991.

I believe a news aide mentioned to an editor that she had smelled alcohol on my breath, sometime around November 1991. I was high-functioning -- for a while.

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Adams Morgan, D.C.: You are a brave man to write this article for all to read and I thank you for it. My question refers to the psychological effects of crack smoking over the long term. You ably described your initial reaction to crack, but did not mention whether this stayed the same or changed over time.

The article in the Post today -- about all the people injured by the woman who drove into the street festival last year while high on crack -- made me curious about these effects.

washingtonpost.com: Forever Changed by Minutes of Mayhem ( Post, Jan. 7)

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Adams Morgan

The initial high from crack is intense. It remained that way, for me, for months. Over time, I developed a tolerance, and then a psychological need. the first high lasted for hours. By the end, the high lasted for seconds, yet I needed more and more

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Washington, D.C.: No, the point of personal anonymity is humility. It is to avoid the temptation to gain personal aggrandizement for your sobriety. Thus, the suggestion not to use your name at the level of press, radio or film. Not to pat yourself on the back, as it were, in public or set yourself up as a Sober Person in public. Anonymity is a spiritual tool.

Ruben Castaneda: Washington DC

Your point is well taken. It could be that I misunderstood the explanation of the need for anonymity, or that the person who explained it to me had it wrong, or that both explanations are valid. I do know of individuals who have quit using drugs and alcohol -- some of whom have helped many, many people over the years -- who have written about their experiences in the Post and other publications.

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Shirlington, Va.: Do you suspect others in your business of being in the same situation you once were?

Ruben Castaneda: I don't suspect any of my co-workers or any other reporters for other news agencies of being addicted to crack or anything else. Alcoholism and addiction are a part of life, a certain percentage of the population will and do struggle with it. I don't know of any profession that is immune

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Washington, D.C.: Just wanted to say it was a lovely article, I am very impressed by your strength in staying sober and in writing the article, and to keep it up -- you can do it, as you know. Thanks for sharing your story.

Ruben Castaneda: thank you, Washington dc

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Washington, D.C.: Do you feel being high on crack or alcohol affected the quality of your work? Were you a better writer/reporter or a worse one? Were the drugs a creative outlet?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Washington DC

I believe there was a brief window of time -- maybe a matter of weeks -- where my performance and alertness level improved. Of course, that was early on, and it did not last long. I think I functioned at a high level for as long as I could. But as I described in the article, by the late fall/early December of 1991, I was desperately trying to hold it together, and I called in sick numerous times and other times showed up to work in less than peak condition.

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Freising, Germany: What does a former crack addict recall most when he tells a friend, "You don't know what I've been through"?

Ruben Castaneda: Hello Freising, Germany

There were many many harrowing things I recalled during that conversation. The time I could have been shot. Other dangerous situations I put myself in. The hallucinations. The financial distress I put myself in. The fear toward the end that I simply could not stop

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Ruben Castaneda: Thanks to everyone for a lively discussion. Our time is up

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