Gene Weingarten's humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in The Washington Post magazine. It is syndicated nationally by the Washington Post Writers Group.

At one time or another, Below the Beltway has managed to offend persons of both sexes as well as individuals belonging to every religious, ethnic, regional, political and socioeconomic group. If you know of a group we have missed, please write in and the situation will be promptly rectified. "Rectified" is a funny word.

On Tuesdays at noon, Gene is online to take your questions and abuse. He will chat about anything. Although this chat is updated regularly throughout the week, it is not and never will be a "blog," even though many persons keep making that mistake. One reason for the confusion is the Underpants Paradox: Blogs, like underpants, contain "threads," whereas this chat contains no "threads" but, like underpants, does sometimes get funky and inexcusable.

This Week's Poll: MEN| WOMEN

Important, secret note to readers: The management of The Washington Post apparently does not know this chat exists, or it would have been shut down long ago. Please do not tell them. Thank you.

Weingarten is also the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" and co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca.

New to Chatological Humor? Read the FAQ.

P.S. If composing your questions in Microsoft Word please turn off the Smart Quotes functionality or use WordPad. I haven't the time to edit them out. -- Liz

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

It's nice to be back, and thanks for asking but no, I wasn't in rehab. Comparatively, rehab would have been a frolic. In reporting a cover story, I had to endure the cruddiest 24 hours of my life. THEN I got the Killer Flu, which I still have.

Have you experienced this thing? It saps everything that makes you human. There is no joy in life; you are deprived of perhaps the most basic civility of the human condition -- the reasonable confidence that you can, at any given time, empty your bowels in a semi-dignified manner and at a time and place of your choosing. Also, the moments of near delirium arrive stealthily, on a rolling wave of low-grade fever, so you will think you are doing okay but suddenly you are sobbing because you cannot, say, open the Nyquil cap; and always, there is the torrent of phlegm and mucus, a hybrid substance I call phlucus, which, when glowering up at you from a tissue, is enough to nauseate a vulture. Also, there is coughing, always, day and night; my dreams have begun to incorporate people coughing. The Rib has been so afflicted as well, so there has been no conjugal solace for either of us.

Many of you have asked me to comment on the piece in Outlook Sunday by Charlotte Allen, in which Ms. Allen seems to argue, without discernible irony, that women are ninnies. No comment here. For one thing, this is a fight best left to the girls, after they get their nails done. For another, the online world has already done a splendid job of savaging this story, forcing lame-ass explanations from the Outlook editors, who officially contend the piece was funny, or satire, or sumpin'.

For the record, I would dryly submit that satire is a dangerous enterprise, best left to satirists. In this regard, and with no smugness whatsoever, I would like to link to an ACTUAL satirical piece done ON THIS SELFSAME SUBJECT that appeared in this same newspaper some 14 years ago. THIS is how to do it, if satire is your goal. (Alas, the art is not available, but you can picture it.)

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We are finally ready to launch The Gene Pool, a reader discussion group hosted by me and accessed daily from the washingtonpost.com home page, or found directly at this url: washingtonpost.com/genepool. It begins this Thursday, early in the day. By no later than midweek next week I expect at least two libel suits, a suicide performed in amusing fashion, and several pregnancies.

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Here is a charmingly British homage to Tom Lehrer's Elements song. Alert: It has one narsty word in near the end. Also, ladies: Why will you all sleep with guys with accents like this, is what I want to know.

And a thank-you to Shani Gentry for the fabulous aptonym contained herein.

And to Dave Barry we credit this link, which includes one of the top five aptonyms of all time. Check out the name of the school.

Please take TODAY'S POLL ( MEN| WOMEN). I have to say that there is a small but significant statistical difference between the way men and women respond to one of the questions, and distinction does not make a strong case for the basic human decency of the boys. (I must consider a monograph for Outlook on how men are semi-human hominids.)

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It was a weak comic weak, rescued by a strong Sunday.

The Pick of the Week is Sunday's Brewster Rockit (the punch line is good, but it's not the best line). First Runner Up is Sunday's Doonesbury. The Honorables are today's Rhymes With Orange and Sunday's Rhymes With Orange.

Let's go.

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Alexandria, Va.: I have to think that nothing but Whoppers (TM) and milkshakes only for 2 straight years would kill you. Is there a milkshake flavor with vitamin C? You'd have the scurvy within a few months - if you made it that long.

Gene Weingarten: You have to remember, there's a lot of stuff on a Whopper. I am not a nutritionist, and welcome hearing from one, but I think the tomato, lettuce, pickle option, probably delivers enough vitamins of all sorts.

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Regarding the poll...: I am fairly certain I have eaten dog. It was in Vietnam. Not bad, for mammal.

All the people who say they wouldn't drink coffee if the price tripled are liars. Coffee is a notoriously inelastic commodity. More so than oil, even. Also, please note that Starbucks has based its business model on coffee that is at least three times more expensive that it should be. Gene, please call them out on this.

Gene Weingarten: I concur completely. I'm not even sure coffee consumption would appreciably be reduced, at triple the price. Some economist will probably argue that this is wrong, that if it COULD triple without reducing demand, it WOULD triple. But I am guessing some other economist will say, no, that when a commodity is so inflated in value, competition will drive it back down to market value, which, in the case of coffee, is artificially low.

But I do not understand economics. I understand coffee.

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Bethesda, Md.: Gene,

What would you say if Molly told you she was moving in with her boyfriend? Would you care?

Gene Weingarten: Not in the least.

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Virginia: TWO MILLION DOLLARS. Eyes on the prize, people, eyes on the prize.

I'd supplement it with LOTS of water drinking, small portions, vitamins, and a great exercise routine. Two years probably won't kill you. I'd give it at least a fighting chance.

Again, that's a lot of money to just say no too. I doubt if the money was in front of you, you'd have the same answer. It's not immoral and no one wants to sleep with your spouse or anything. It's just (really) poor eating habits for a finite amount of time.

Gene Weingarten: Yep, I am always curious about people who claim they would cavalierly turn down huge amounts of money for what amounts to a relatively minor ordeal.

I take that money in three heartbeats. (If it were a little more, I'd take it in a single heartbeat.) I would use the two years to lose weight; a Whopper is no joy for me, at all. I'd eat lightly, all the time. Supplement with whatever vitamins were necessary, get down to the weight I've always wanted to be.

You what else is insane? Those of you who would rather starve than eat some unusual food, prepared in a traditional way by skilled chefs in a foreign land. Because I love you all, I will not say of those of you who chose this option that you are pampered, haughty, effete snots whose sensibilities justifiably create the stereotype of the coddled, insular, chauvinistic, unworldly American. Clearly, in addition to being spoiled fancypantses, you have no idea what starvation means, and what desperation it occasions. I would say all this, but it might offend you.

There is a great scene on this subject in the Lina Wertmuller film "Swept Away By An Unusual Destiny in the Blue Sea of August." A rich woman is adrift on the sea, lost and alone with one of the poor, unsophisticated sailors from the yacht she'd been on. They are hungry; of course, he has all the survival skills. He catches a fish with his hands, kills it, rips open the flesh, takes a bite and gives the rest to her. She looks at the bloody fish with disgust and haughtily flings it over the side.

Needless to say, within some time she changes her mind about things.

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Bethesda, Md.: If you ever made it onto this blog, would you consider it the apex of your career and immediately retire? I feel like you've got a good chance at some point.

Gene Weingarten: I really like this blog and have been following it for a while. I like the matter of fact, blase tone.

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McLean, Va.: I wonder what the poll results would be if you asked the same price questions about wine and beer.

Gene Weingarten: Good point, but that brings in other issues, doesn't it?

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Please Expla, IN: There seems to be a whole lot of pundits that are blaming Hillary's campaign troubles on sexism. As a Republican white male I have one question: when did sexism become more insidious in this country than racism?

Fifty-two percent of the voters are women.

Also, (OK, I guess I have two questions) if this is true, then doesn't that mean that "diversity" is in fact hogwash? The whole point of diversity is that integration forces understanding and thereby destroys prejudices. (no argument from me here.) I would venture to say that 99 percent of the population either lives with, works with, or has a woman in their immediate family. How much more integrated to you think we can get? (I guess that makes three questions, perhaps I am actually a woman and therefore really bad at math -- Just kidding)

Gene Weingarten: Diversity does not mean having the diverse element around you.

Why, I recall in my first newspaper job, back in 1972, there were plenty of black people around! They worked in the pressroom, cleaning the floor, wipin' off the rollers and stuff. We'd see 'em in the cafeteria, say howdy. Nice fellers, they were, too.

Diversity is about working with diverse types as equals. The mere fact that women have always been with us -- in lower paying jobs, as our mommas and sisters -- does not mean women have always been integrated into a diverse situation.

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We shouldn't be working on February 29!: It's an extra day. Kurt is right: there is poetry in that extra day, just like there's poetry in the extra hour that we get when we fall back in October to regular time. The universe laughs our attempts to make time itself conform to our petty and inadequate schedules, which is why we have to have leap years in the first place. We should honor that and take February 29 off.

(Of course, I also think we should take back our time and stop working for the year as of October 24, when the average American has put in as much work time as an average European works during a full year.)

washingtonpost.com: No-Work Friday, ( Post Magazine, Feb. 24)

Gene Weingarten: There was indeed something that made philosophical, if not logical sense, about Karl's argument. Plus, I liked him. It's like Obama: I voted for Karl, with the column, because I liked him.

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Boston, Mass.: I just came across this letter to the editor in the Concord Monitor. Equating Trudeau's recent amazing work with Beetle Bailey and finding them both offensive, WOW!

Beetle, Doonesbury are offensive

Kasey Wardell, Henniker

Everyone is entitled to free speech. The United States has laid down these basic rights within the Constitution. But I am sorry to read the Beetle Bailey and Doonesbury comic strips. They are very offensive.

Time after time these comics make fun of American soldiers and/or one's level of intelligence. It is simply not okay for these strips to poke fun at soldiers. They should find something or somebody else to poke fun at. Have we forgotten what "honor" and "respect" mean?

I would think that any author, even a comic strip writer, would have enough dignity to rise above that level. Even if one does not support the war, we should try to understand that soldiers protect our freedom. The military stands up to protect us as American people. And I am going to stand up for them.

Let's consider again what it means to have good manners. Oftentimes a little common courtesy to one another can make a world of difference. Let's welcome home our soldiers with support and respect.

KASEY WARDELL

Henniker

Gene Weingarten: This is as stupid a letter as I have ever seen.

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Shouldn't an aptonym be accidental?: Is it an aptonym if the wearer obviously chose it to fit what she does, as in the case of Ms. Nipple? I mean, you could change your name to Gene Pantymagnet but it wouldn't qualify as an aptonym now.

Gene Weingarten: Uh, wait. Ms Nipple created her name? Is that apparent?

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Colorado: What do people have against earthworms? I think earthworms and slugs would have a sushi-like quality.

I lived in Congo for a while. I've eaten termites, but I think beetles would have much to hard a shell. Dogs, cats, rats and guinea pigs are kind of gamey tasting. Worms are such a clear and obvious choice here.

Gene Weingarten: I agree.

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Undisclosed State Correctional Institution, Pa.: Would you care in the least if I were moving in with Molly?

Gene Weingarten: It would bother me more if she were moving in with you.

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Washington, D.C.: Welcome back to Chat Land, Gene. I saw Joshua Bell at the Kennedy Center last night. Do you think he made more money than he did playing at L'Enfant Plaza?

Gene Weingarten: Rib and I were sposta be there; his people furnished my people tickets. But it would have been the cruelest of tricks to play on my friend Josh to sit in the audience, front row center, coughing. We gave the tix to friends.

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Sat Nite Li, VE: What's your take on the hoopla surrounding Fred Armisen's portrayal of Obama on SNL? No one seems to care that Daryl Hammond has done Jesse Jackson for years. I have an idea of why this is becoming an issue now but I was wondering what your thoughts are. Of course, it would be great if there was an African-American actor who could portray Obama but should SNL be forced not to have any skits concerning Obama until they are able to find another actor? And wasn't Hammond portraying Jackson even when Tim Meadows and Tracy Morgan were on the show?

Gene Weingarten: It is a non issue. I have no idea why anyone objected to this portrayal. I thought Lorne Michaels was very direct and forthright about it: He chose the best available talent, period. Any questions?

There's a separate issue about whether SNL has historically sought enough black talent, but that question has to be argued outside this specific.

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Columbia, Md.: I've eaten earthworms before (in cookies!), and anyone who has had snails has essentially eaten slugs. The problem with that choice was the tartare. I'd easily go for the nice cooked rat or dog before worm and slug tartare.

And why do men like Sweet Tarts? I thought those things existed so kids could have some Halloween candy they didn't mind giving to the poor.

Gene Weingarten: Sweet tarts was my choice.

Here is my point about the men: The only thing I would NOT eat is the dog. That's cruel. We love dogs. We know dogs.

People who are choosing dog -- men in far greater percentages than women -- are chosing their own momentary comfort over what is Right.

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re: Whoppers: I have been up for 2 weeks with sick kids. I now know how tired I am. I was wondering why Burger King wanted you to eat milkshakes and malted milk balls.

Gene Weingarten:"Whopper" together with "Burger King" wasn't a clue?

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Annapolis, Md.: As to your poll, the results appear to suggest that when we are well-fed and nourished, we become more particular concerning our food choices, except those for which we have pre-existing stimulant dependency issues. When we are hungry, as I'm sure we've all been at some point in our lives, we don't care what we eat just so long as we are eating.

I chose beatles, by the way. I had moral objections to eating the dog, and I figured the beatles would provide a good source of protein.

washingtonpost.com: You chose "beatles"? -- John or Paul?

Gene Weingarten: I don't want to know the answer to that.

I would not have had a problem with any of those dishes, except dog. The worms would have been the easiest to get past the brain maybe, though I'd eat beetles tomorrow if prepared by someone who knew how.

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Quoting from the Times:"Nancy Nipples is the name she uses to sign checks; her full name, taken after a divorce, is Nancy Nipples the Milkmaid."

I concur that, being self-imposed, this is not a true aptonym.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, crap. I missed that. Sorry. Withdraw that aptonym.

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I loved Kurt:"It can't be scruted" made me laugh for an entire day. I just started chuckling again thinking about it. I wish he had been my English teacher.

Gene Weingarten: He was not giving an INCH.

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Washington, D.C.: Is Charlotte Allen black? If so, I would love to hear her insider opinion on laziness and the African American community. I'm sure that it would be as delightful to read as her opinion of women.

Gene Weingarten: Hahaha.

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Coffee: Coffee HAS tripled in price. More than tripled. When I was a new coffee drinker (1973) I'd get a cup for a quarter. My cheap boss at the supermarket would take his black, have a few sips, and grab a can of condensed milk to top it off, since that's the way he liked it. But he suffered through those few sips of black just to get the "full cup."

When I was a kid (mid '60s), we used to drink Royal Crown instead of coke. 16 oz for $.15, and they had prizes on the lid -- once a week or so, we'd win a dime or quarter. One kid won a (really cheapo) camera.

God, I'm old. I need to lie down for a while.

Gene Weingarten: Remember them little plastic disks you put inside the big hole in 45 records so they could fit on your turntable?

Remember when the milkman brought milk in glass bottles and it had a little cardboard insert-cap? Huh? Was that cardboard insert the cheapest thing ever made by anyone? No! We have cheaper now. I think the prize toes to that little slotted plastic flange thingy that holds the twisted end of the cellophane wrapper that loaves of bread come in. What do you think that thing costs to make? One six-thousandth of a cent?

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Poll: Gene, I think for future polls like these, you need to include "I do not eat/drink this substance". I marked no for the coffee and soda questions, but that's because I don't drink coffee or soda now. (Or maybe I should have just not answered those questions? I don't know).

A lot of people don't drink coffee, so that may be one of the reasons people marked no.

Gene Weingarten: I just figured as much.

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Joshua Bell: My wife & I were there last night too. My wife waited around to get his autograph and I asked her to please ask him when his next Metro stop performance would be (I had to leave to pay the babysitter). But the violinist fangirl in her got all loopy at his smile and Luke Skywalker haircut and didn't ask him. She was a wimp.

Gene Weingarten: Someone should write a piece for Outlook about how women get all drippy around handsome talented guys!

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Eating it up:"People who are choosing dog -- men in far greater percentages than women -- are chosing their own momentary comfort over what is Right."

So, you're telling me that these people who prepare the food, who eat dog all the time, should be ashamed of themselves? Just be sure to wait until after you've eaten to tell them that.

(For the record, I'm a guy, I chose beetle.)

Gene Weingarten: Sorta.

Mostly, I am saying that I would not eat dog because it is simply too filled with character and joy and smarts and because I know dogs, and if I'm starving, and have any other viable option, I'll take it. I won't say to myself that some other worm species disgusts me more.

I wouldn't eat monkey either.

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Columbus, Ohio: "Gene Weingarten: "Whopper" together with "Burger King" wasn't a clue?"

Me: The "candy context" was already established by the previous questions, and I saw $2 million as a strong enough cue that I really didn't go on to process the "Burger King" connection. As a cognitive miser I didn't feel the need to carefully and closely read the entire question.

Gene Weingarten: Okay.

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S, NL: Isn't Obama's mother white? Maybe Fred Armisen is playing that half of his DNA.

Gene Weingarten: It's just SUCH a non-issue.

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Arlington, Va.: I think this might be a good forum to discuss this. Saturday -- crowded grocery store parking lot -- spot opens up, I drive to it, but a person walks to the spot and stands in front of it. He refuses to move because his friend has been looking for a space for 10 minutes. I explain that it's luck-of-the-draw; no car, no space. His friend appears after a minute or so of discussion. I decide not to get physical or fight over this any more, tell the guy how lucky he is, and that I'm going to go ahead and drive away. Have the rules changed? Should I have been as stubborn as the other person and just blocked the space with my car? (I did find a space right in front of the grocery store.)

Gene Weingarten: You are a calmer person than I. I would have slowly driven into the spot. Like the tank didn't do with the lone brave man in Tiananmen Square. I just would have moved inexorably forward.

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All the people who say they wouldn't drink coffee if the price tripled are liars. : Exactly, cuz it did triple from $1 for 'normal' coffe at 7-11 to $4 for lattetriplegumbofrappe at Starbucks

Gene Weingarten: I can't really get this out of my head: What IF all beer wine and liquor tripled?

I bet sales wouldn't change much at all. If you gotta have your buzz, you gotta have your buzz. I bet per capita consumption wouldn't be that different, either. People would go without food.

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Philadelphia, Pa.: Question: you are visiting a tribe in Papua New Guinea. They offer you a meal. You don't know what the meat is, but you suspect it might be human. You are not allowed to ask what the meat is as that would offend the chef who holds a vicious spear. Would you be polite and partake in the meal and hope it is really cow or would you claim you're not hungry?

Gene Weingarten: If I were starving, I would eat it.

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Washington, D.C.: Gene, since you selected Sunday's Doonesbury as a CPOW, could you please explain it? What is the joke? That Mr. Bush is punctual?

Gene Weingarten: That Mr. Bush is an idiot.

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"Someone should write a piece for Outlook about how women get all drippy around handsome talented guys!": Maybe Liz could write that. I mean, she gets to be around you all the time, doesn't she?

washingtonpost.com: Funny, you are.

Gene Weingarten: This is a little too close to home.

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Dealing with flip responses over loss of a pet: Hi Gene,

Knowing you're an animal lover, maybe you can give me some advice. I had to put my cat down a month ago after a sudden, aggressive rise of cancer. He was 13 and my baby. I'm still very sad about it, but after the first few days, have returned to a normal day-to-day life.

I just learned over the weekend that my 13-year old niece lost her cat, also to cancer, but that the cat died at home after having what sounded like horrible convulsions. When I started to offer my condolences to her, she suddenly started describing how her cat was convulsing, and laughed at how funny/gross it was..."and then he just fell over and died", with a big smile on her face.

I was horrified at the glee with which she was relating this story. I actually had to leave the room for a minute to keep myself from screaming at her that this was an animal who was dying, and how could she be enjoying this?! Just thinking about my niece now sickens me, how little sorrow she felt at her cat's death, and how heartless she is. Any thoughts on how to handle this? I'm going to see her at Easter, and I'm already dreading it.

Gene Weingarten: Uh.

No.

This does not sound good.

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Grocery store parking lot question: Whoa. Major case of Testosterone Poisoning. Just take a deep breath and get on with your lives. Both of you.

Gene Weingarten: Sorry, but there is right and there is wrong. That place holder is just plain wrong.

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Occupational Q: Gene,

I'm 53. My current job is well within my abilities. OK, I can do it in my sleep. I have a chance to take on a new job that will be way outside my experience, but I think I can handle it. I'll need to put in more hours and do some things that are outside my comfort level. My wife thinks I should stay where I am because she thinks, at my age, I'd like to "coast".

Should I take the job just to resolve the midlife crisis she seems to be pushing me towards?

Gene Weingarten: Well, that depends. Do you want to feel as though you have stopped growing? That it is time to retire within yourself, and accept that your most productive years are behind you? You okay with that? You ready to go to sleep until you retire?

If so, sure! Stay put!

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Anonymous: I think the prize toes to that little slotted plastic flange thingy that holds the twisted end of the cellophane wrapper that loaves of bread come in.

"Prize Toes???" Is that something that the tribal chief would have offered you to eat?

Gene Weingarten: Yes.

By the way, if you ever get the chance to see a well acted version of Pillow Man, by Martin McDonough, do.

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Re: Coffee, beer, etc.: I think the cigarette trends are a good indication. Smoking does decrease as prices go up, but some people smoke no matter what.

Gene Weingarten: Yes.

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Savannah, Ga. by way of Washington, D.C.: M&M's are clearly the superior candy. Not only are they delicious, but if you're even mildly OCD they can provide good entertainment. I like to eat the green ones first.

Gene Weingarten: You are the third OCD person who has expressed an affinity for m&ms in part because of their sortability.

I find this impossibly... odd.

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Tempus Fug, IT: Gene,

Clock question for you. I know little about them and, thus, I turn to you for wisdom. My old law school roommate is looking to purchase a ship's bell clock for her husband as a birthday gift. There are all sorts of styles apparently and she is unsure of what to look for - would you happen to know enough about ship's bell clocks to make a recommendation as to which model is best (say, under $400), or at least a resource she can turn to that will provide her with worthwhile info? Thanks!

Gene Weingarten: Not new ones. I would go to ebay, and look for a Seth Thomas Ship's Bell Clock in good working order, from around 1900-1920. It'll be around $400.

They are annoying, you know. The bell system. Always chiming in odd combinations.

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Dead cat: Sick humor is often a defense against the horrors of death. Ask EMTs, police, ER staff, they'll tell you many use gallows humor to deal.

Gene Weingarten: It doesn't sound to me like that is what is happening. That description gives me a very bad feeling.

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West Coast: I have felt your pain, Gene. I had that same flu and would've welcomed death. After deadline, though. I run a small weekly newspaper and couldn't stay home. Worst week of my life. Pretty crappy paper that week, too.

Gene Weingarten: This is a pretty crappy chat, too!

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Anato, MY: Do you think it is at all strange that Charlotte Allen's "women are dumb" piece cites the TV show "Grey's Anatomy" while your own satire piece cites the actual medical textbook "Gray's Anatomy"?

Is there plagiarism afoot? Here's hoping!

Gene Weingarten: You are insulting me.

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Rockville, Md.:"Gene Weingarten: That Mr. Bush is an idiot. "

Of course you believe it. it makes lots of other things you say much more comfortable. But you could be wrong. All I see as "proof" are your opinions.

Gene Weingarten: Can someone decipher this post?

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Washington, D.C.: Alright Gene, none of the political reporters will do this because apparently you all have some rules have objectivity or something. But how about some predictions - Clinton v. Obama in Ohio and Texas. Who wins and by how much?

Gene Weingarten: I'm not sure. Before yesterday, I would have guessed Obama narrowly in both states. But there has been this complicated story about NAFTA and Canada and secret Obama meetings that is sweeping through the campaign; the effect of this is unpredictable.

I really hate Clinton's tactics in the last few weeks. She looks awful, desperate and kind of ... pathetic.

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Sexism v. Racism: First, there's not necessarily evidence that "contact" between people of different races reduces prejudice. Some evidence says it does; other studies disagree. The type of "contact" matters. If people have positive contact with those of a different race, that might reduce prejudice; negative contact might confirm stereotypes and reinforce prejudice. Contact and context both matter.

Second, sexism is in part insidious because people are more comfortable with the basic notion that men and women are different. It is not possible, in decent society, to say that blacks and whites are fundamentally different and that those differences might be okay. But people regularly say, with no shame, that there are fundamental differences between men and women that should be celebrated! I'm not only talking about the notion that women can bear children while men can't; I'm also talking about people who promote single-sex education because of brain differences between young boys and girls, or people who celebrate women as "caring and nurturing," and men as "decisive and logical." We expect that blacks and whites will fight together in the military, but balk at putting women into combat with their male comrades. As a society, we are fundamentally more comfortable with the differences between men and women, even when those differences are insidious, than we are with any allegation that there might possibly be racial differences. And because we're more comfortable with those differences, we often simply don't see the ways in which they are insidious, the ways in which sexism can constrain women's lives--from the pay gap to the glass ceiling to the feminization of poverty.

I refuse to get into a debate about whether racism or sexism is worse. They are obviously both bad!

But I do think that as a society, we're in different places on racism and sexism. We've basically agreed that racism is terrible. It's not so clear that we've come to the same understanding about sexism.

Gene Weingarten: I mostly agree with this, but I think we are moving pretty rapidly in the right direction. I think my childrens' generation is almost gender-blind. In terms of capabilities and accomplishments.

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Brewster Rockit:"Thin Pam from the past!"

Gene Weingarten: Yes!

A great line.

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Calgary, Alberta: Mike and Ike's are way better than any of that other crap. It is like eating a box of nipples.

Gene Weingarten: I should report that there is a strong undercurrent of cultish devotion that is surfacing for Mike and Ikes.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Rockville, Md.: "Gene Weingarten: That Mr. Bush is an idiot. "

Of course you believe it. it makes lots of other things you say much more comfortable. But you could be wrong. All I see as "proof" are your opinions.

Gene Weingarten: Can someone decipher this post?

I can. That poster is an idiot.

Gene Weingarten: Ah.

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Dead cat: Perhaps your neice has simply acknowledged that cats are worthless. I don't understand it when people try to elicit sympathy for pet cats dying. They're gross.

washingtonpost.com:...

Gene Weingarten: Allow me to interpret Chatwoman's ellipsis, and the poster's boneheadedness.

Just last week, Liz lost her cat. Sudden, unexpected death. This is, Arthur, the beautiful cat of her new tat.

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Smelly Busrider: I must admit that I don't read your chat. My husband does all the time and anytime I ask him a question about social protocol, his usual response is "ask Gene." So here goes. I ride the bus everyday to work. It is about a 40 minute ride and is very crowded. There is one particular man that gets on the stop after me. And, he smells. Really. Bad. Like, singe your noise hairs bad. He actually boards the bus with his wife, who is seemingly clean and doesn't smell. I find myself wanting to take him, her or both of them aside to tell him that if he chooses not to bathe, that's fine, but that it becomes other peoples' problem when he boards a heavily crowded bus and snuggles in next to an innocent passenger (and on more than one occasion, that person has been me). But, of course, I won't/can't do that so what should I do?

Gene Weingarten: Nothing.

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Burger King: Seriously? Two million dollars in exchange for feeling downright terrible for two years? Sorry, not worth it to me. This coming from a non-fast food eater.

As for the coffee/cola, I could take them or leave them and I have given up both for several years as I was pregnant/nursing my kids. If the price went up enough, I would give them up again. And I have only been to Starbucks once. Not worth my money.

Gene Weingarten: I don't think you'd feel terrible! You'd eat very little. Drink a lot of water. I could lose 20 pounds and be happier.

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Harrisburg, Pa.: I can decipher Rockville's post. He does not believe Bush is an idiot. Therefore, he believes it is your opinion that Bush is an idiot. Therefore, he suddenly has realized that what you have been offering all these years are your opinions. It is finally dawning on him that you write satire. It will later dawn upon him that he has realized the world all wrong, and that Bush really is an idiot.

Gene Weingarten: Haha.

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Richmond, VA: I don't like the Family Circus strip but I had one of those moments the other day.

My 3 year-old daughter and 5 year-old son were playing rock-paper-scissors in the back seat of the car. The game eventually got boring with only 3 options so they started to throw in other objects. After tossing in car, street, etc., the following conversation took place.

Daughter: "Sock...um, what beats sock?"

Son: "Shoe beats sock...but what beats shoe?"

Daughter: "Dog poop."

Gene Weingarten: Nice!

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The torch is passed: Gene! Welcome back! We missed you. I actually had to WORK on Tuesdays.

Does you son still work at Fragers? In your absence, I was reading your old transcripts, and came across the chat that he and Molly hosted a few years ago. While I have long flung virtual panties in your general direction, Dan is funnier than you, and I have an enormous crush on him now. If he is still there, I will make it a point to go in and flirt shamelessly over paint products. I am 26 and hot, if that matters. Oh, and I'm a girl.

Gene Weingarten: He's still there. Good luck.

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Washington, DC: Are you a good sick person or pathetic and can't be left alone for more than five minutes at a time?

Gene Weingarten: I am better than many men, but not as good as any woman.

Hey, Liz, can you link to a youtube video called Man Cold, by the comedy troupe man stroke woman?

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Pat the Perfect, ME: re "That Mr. Bush is an idiot":

The poster perhaps didn't catch the antecedent, and thought it was a full-sentence proclamation, with "that" as an adjective, as in "that guy over there."

Gene Weingarten: Nah, the poster is just an idiot.

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Why I would not eat dog: True story...I was born in the Philippines, lived there until I was 10, when we moved to SF. My aunt's family lost their family dog one day, no one could find it. Later, one of the maid's sons said his family had taken it and eaten it. No reason to think he was lying, as his mother insisted on repaying my aunt on her meager 400 peso/month salary (back then, I think the peso was 20-to-1 exchange, so she made $20, not saying it was or is right). Huge hardship for the family--at least my aunt took the money as a token one month, but gave it back to his mom.

Perhaps without that experience, I'd be less hesitant to eat Fido.

Gene Weingarten: Geez.

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New York: I'd drink more coffee if the price tripled, because I'd be able to sit in one of those fine chairs at Starbucks adn relax, those chairs loser college students sit there for 6 hours despite buying only 1 cup, taking up an entire table for four with their laptop, books and laundry.

Gene Weingarten: Hahaha.

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i sorry liz: NFT

washingtonpost.com: U can haz my forgive

Gene Weingarten: Awwwww.

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washingtonpost.com: Man Cold

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Surprised so many people would cop to picking dog: Do you men know what "suckling" means? It means the animal is still breast-feeding. That means you just signed up to eat puppy.

Gene Weingarten: I know.

Gene Weingarten: More on this later.

Gene Weingarten: Actually, I already said it. YOU PEOPLE WOULD CHOOSE BABY LITTLE PUPPY.

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One more on race versus sex: My sister in law is black. Someone asked her whether she felt more discriminated against by race or sex. She said, "sure, I've run into the occasional barrier because I'm a woman. But not a day in my life goes by without someone, somehow, reminding me I'm black.

Gene Weingarten: I buy this absolutely.

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Now wait a minute: The question on the Whoppers says that the ONLY foods you eat are milkshakes and whoppers...so how can you possibly imagine that you could lose weight?

Gene Weingarten: I would lose weight if all I ate was one whopper and one shake a day. I'd lose a lot of weight.

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B.C.: What do you think of the new BC comic strip? I see it touches on jokes about drinking and adultery that seemed off-limits in the past.

Gene Weingarten: Hm. I hadn't read it. I just read the last eight days, and you know something? It's recapturing something of its roots.

Lizbeth? Can you link to the last 8 days?

washingtonpost.com: Well, I can link to the comic of eight days ago here and folks can use the handy calendar at the bottom to go through the other seven.

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Sleeping with accents: There was a song by a band in the 90s, Too Much Joy, called Long-Haired Guys from England, observing the same phenomenon you mention. First verse:

"All the girls in the record biz

Have credit cards, they subscribe to Ms.

But they only want to ....

Long-haired guys from England"

It also mentions "the guy from Midnight Oil, except he's bald and he's from Australia. It's sort of the same concept."

Finally, the singer comes to a conclusion

"I'm getting on an aeroplane,

Going somewhere where the girls are sane.

Maybe in London I can get a date,

Cuz I'm a short-haired guy from the United States."

Gene Weingarten: Bill Hicks had a great song called "Chicks Dig Jerks."

It starts: Hitler had Eva Braun, Manson had Squeaky Fromme...

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Sugar Land, Tex.: What do you think about Rush Limbaugh encouraging his listeners to vote for Hillary today? It's kind of the opposite of your poll findings a few weeks ago when it seemed the Democrats were more likely to "game" the system.

For what it's worth, I live in Tom Delay's old district and Democrats out-polled Republicans in early voting, which is unprecedented, so it may be happening.

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, I just heard about this. It is kind of diabolically clever.

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Anonymous: Gene, how tall are you and how much do you weigh?

Gene Weingarten: I am a hair under five ten and my weight fluctuated between 165 and 175.

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Washington, D.C.: Gene, I've got a bit of a dilemma at work. My boss has been promoted and her position is now open. I'm very, very qualified for it, but don't know if I want to be a manager. The problem is that a co-worker is going to apply for it and would make a horrible, horrible boss for me and the rest of my team (she's racist, loud, obnoxious, just a mess to work with). I've been approached by some other people in the office, encouraging me to throw my hat in the ring. What should I do?

Gene Weingarten: It's a dilemma! You may owe it to everyone to give it a shot.

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Is this funny? : We have a four-year-old neice. My husband and I do not see her often, but last time (and after she was comfortable with us, obviously) we saw her we made up a game: We would stop what we were doing, look at her and say, "Do I know you?" She laughed out loud every time. We'd mix it up - I'd ask husband if he knew her, etc. But always met with laughter.

So I tried this on the nephews, same situation but ages 4 and 7, and neither laughed. In fact, they answered us very seriously. I see this as an indication that the neice's reaction is a sign of a great sense of humor - she gets it's an illogical question. I also see it that the nephews are doomed to toilet humor. What say you, Humor Guru - am I being biased?

Gene Weingarten: That's basic irony, the cornerstone of humor. I bet she winds up with a better sense of humor than they do.

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Nationals Park, DC: In todays's article about the new scoreboard in Nationals Park, the Nationals' "scoreboard producer" says that "We want to have entertainment going every second."

What ever happened to just watching a game or talking to friends and fellow fans instead of having an electronic cheerleader prompting you to cheer every 30 seconds or being subjected to commercials (cleverly disguised as Racing Presidents)between innings?

I recall my youth in the cheap seats of Shea Stadium, my relative peace and quiet only occasionally interrupted by Jane Jarvis on the Magnavox Organ. Contrast that with the 9 innings of non-stop noise one is subjected to nowadays, I question my decision to buy a 20 game package for this season.

Gene Weingarten: This is part of a general, gradual erosion of our attention spans. I agree with you, but I am old, too.

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Accented Parking Space: I had someone try to 'hold' a space once.

I tried the 'Gene' technique of moving into the space. The guy slammed his hand on the hood of my car and started yelling at me.

I wound down the window and said "Excuse me Sir, but do you know what diplomatic immunity is?" As he looked puzzled I continued "It means you can be run down flat and the holder suffers nothing more than being sent home from this accursed country, now are you really dieing for this space?"

He moved.

Of course it helps saying all of this in a strong British accent.

BTW - I don't know why the ladies of the US want to sleep with me because of my accent, I am just very grateful that they do. And the effect wears off - my wife doesn't even notice it anymore.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahahaha. That is an excellent story.

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Official Toddlerla, ND: Hope's dad here. Although you dubbed my second child "Official Baby" of the chat almost a year before my wife let me in on the joke, I've known for a while that my wife has a special appreciation for your talents. And for 18 months or more, I've played along.

Until last week. Now-toddler Hope was sick and my wife told me she had made an appointment with "Dr. Weingarten." At which point I questioned whether things were out of control; with all due respect, I wasn't sure that writing "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" qualified you to treat our sick child.

Turns out our regular family practice has a new physician who shares your surname. I have to admit my relief was palpable. Maybe my spouse hasn't lost perspective about this chat after all. Or maybe she has--if anyone flings a virtual diaper your way during the chat, that's probably a sign that she's raising Hope to be a fan of yours as well. (And if that happens, trust me--you're gonna want to duck!)

Gene Weingarten: I hope Hope (ha) didn't have what this Dr. Weingarten has. I encounter Weingartens every once in a while. My column this Sunday is an interview with a Weingarten who is my polar opposite. He is an expert in "compassionate communication."

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I've always said: It's better to be the boss than to have a new one. Go for it.

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, I mean the answer here, the correct answer, is probably Kantian: In this case, you need to do what is right for the world.

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Price of Alcohol: If the price goes up, consumption goes down. No need to guess - it's been done. Raising the price of alcohol and tobacco (via tax increases) is one of the most effective public health strategies that exists.

Gene Weingarten: But I'll bet you that the consumption that falls off is consumption by casual users, not people who really need to cut down.

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Emitting a HaHa: Have you seen Garfield Minus Garfield?

Gene Weingarten: Sigh. Yes. It is all over the world, and it is good, but I didn't want to be the 5,693rd site to link to it, since this is in my wheelhouse but I have been away.

Now look like what you made me do...

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It's about the food!: Gene, you just don't get it! There is no way that I could commit to 2 years of just one food and drink, whether Whoppers and milkshakes or steak and champagne! Food is one of my greatest joys in life, and the monotony of one thing for 2 years would be unbearable. Imagine 2 years of no chicken soup when you are sick, no blueberry pancakes from Eastern Market for breakfast, no sushi, no pizza, no turkey on Thanksgiving, no fresh asparagus (or asparagus pee), no chewy bagels with cream cheese, no pasta with a creamy sauce--no variety whatsoever. I'm not sure I could do that for 2 weeks, let alone 2 years!

Gene Weingarten: Well, then you probably should reject the 2 mil.

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Just Say, IN: Whenever you send us to Sunday Doonesbury, I see an initial two panels that do not appear in the print version of the Post. Why is the Post truncating the strip? Couldn't be that they're shrinking the comics section, could it? (Though Trudeau certainly gets a big chunk of space! he must have a good agent.)

Gene Weingarten: Almost all Sunday strips provide two throwaway panels; it's an option for the newspaper, and, alas, almost all Sunday newspapers exercise the option. I'll bet the convention ends pretty soon.

We are in a dying industry.

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Washington, D.C.: If you were starving, you wouldn't eat dog. Would you eat person?

Gene Weingarten: I'd eat dog. I'd just eat beetle, grub, etc. first. If I were starving I'd eat anything. This presumes a menu, though.

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Arlington : OK, but white bread, iceberg lettuce, and tomato -- I don't think anyone would poop for the entire two years.

Fiber supplements? Fish oil capsules? Is all that stuff allowed?

Gene Weingarten: Sure. That's not "food."

Actually, I assumed beer would be okay. Eliminating all alcohol would be a hardship...

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Washington, D.C.: I know a bunch of Republican Texans who are voting for Obama to keep Hillary out of the White House. Maybe they'll cancel out Rush. Egads. The gaming of America. Though, it is rather, um, American.

Gene Weingarten: It's really diabolical! It might work! I wonder what Hillary is saying about this!

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Santa Fe, N.M.: I hate feeling like the subset. There are people, you know, and then women people, black people, etc. Non-standard people. If you've ever been made to feel your outsider position, it's pretty horrible. This may be one reason that women who were assumed to be safe Clinton votes are supporting Obama: we understand what discrimination means and have suffered from it. We also understand that subset: black has a harder time than subset: women.

I agree that my generation is getting pretty close to gender-blind. When I was a little girl, I thought it would be cool to have a woman as president. These days, I think it'll be cool, and it'll happen before I turn 40. Not this year? No biggie. It's inevitable.

Gene Weingarten: Right.

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Alexandria, Va: Gene Weingarten: You are a calmer person than I. I would have slowly driven into the spot. Like the tank didn't do with the lone brave man in Tiananmen Square. I just would have moved inexorably forward.

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You know, there's a problem with this. When you left your car, what's to prevent these guys from coming back and letting all the air out of your tires or something? As satisfying as it would be to get the space, these jerks would just make you pay in the long run. There's no benefit in escalating the situation. But maybe I'm just thinking like a ninny woman.

Gene Weingarten: You're right.

But guys don't think that way.

I probably would have stood around until they left. Hm.

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Fred Armisen: For those who are counting these things, "Armisen is the second Latin-American Saturday Night Live castmember, after Horatio Sanz (Sanz is Chilean while Armisen is Venezuelan on his mother's side). Armisen, being part Japanese, is also the second Asian-American castmember of SNL after Rob Schneider who is part Filipino" (Wikipedia). Who knew?

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Re: You what else is insane? Those of you who would rather starve than eat some unusual food, prepared in a traditional way by skilled chefs in a foreign land. Because I love you all, I will not say of those of you who chose this option that you are pampered, haughty, effete snots whose sensibilities justifiably create the stereotype of the coddled, insular, chauvinistic, unworldly American. Clearly, in addition to being spoiled fancypantses, you have no idea what starvation means, and what desperation it occasions. I would say all this, but it might offend you.

I would walk into the woods and eat berries and roots, kill me a rabbit, build a fire and roast it and have a great meal.

Thank you

Gene Weingarten: Not in this country I created. There are no woods, berries or roots. Just restaurants.

Okay, we are done. Hey, let's meet on Thursday morning. This will be fun, maybe.

Also: I know I was off my game today; I feel like I was thinking through a sheen of KY Jelly or something. Next week better.

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