'American Idol': The Ditty Dozen

TV columnist Lisa de Moraes was online Wednesday, March 12 at 1 p.m. ET to examine the final 12 contestants on this season of "American Idol." Will it be Gay Stripper, Virgin Nanny, Momma's Boy, Biker Nurse, Horse Pawner, Cap'n Dreadlocks -- or maybe one of the ringers? Speculate away!

The transcript follows.

Lisa Watches So You Don't Have To: "American Idol" | TV columns | On TV discussion transcripts.

De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.

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Los Angeles: Hi Pookie -- in your blog today, you suggested that "American Idol" had raised the wardrobe budget. Why did Ramiele miss out? Her dress was awful.

washingtonpost.com: 'American Idol': Best 12 Ever (washingtonpost.com, March 12)

Lisa de Moraes: Hi. It was awful, wasn't it. I wrote that when I saw Syesha walk out on stage. She looked much better than previous weeks. They also spent a lot of money making over David Cook, including not only his wardrobe but his hair. I originally thought the new look, including the new demi-comb-over was kind of Eddie Izzard: Standup Comedy Era -- though of course Izzard has a lovely full head of hair during his comedy days, but have come to realize the look they were going for with last night's hair was Munchkinland Coroner from "Wizard of Oz." I'm hoping my wildly talented producer, Chris, can scrounge up a photo to provide....

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Arlington, Va.: Lisa, I'm considering not voting for the hot blond chick, because I didn't like her song. What's the matter with me? Is this maturity creeping up on me? I don't like it.

Lisa de Moraes: Clearly testosterone levels are plunging ... so sad...

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Suitland, Md.: Lisa I just wanted to know if there is anyone on the show that you do like?

Lisa de Moraes: It seems you are among those who mistake snark for dislike. I love them all like children. Wild about them. Truly. Genuinely. Jason Castro's lovely eyelashes and sweet way of singing off key. Amanda Overmyer's chain smoking enthusiasm. Chikezie's actual talent. David Archuleta's talent and will to carry on in the face of scary stage parents. etc. Love them all.

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Detroit: Can we agree that this is the worst season of "Idol" ever, and that this likely will be the last season of the show? Come on, Pookie, be with me on this one.

Lisa de Moraes: Last night it reached 31 million viewers in its last half hour. Sorry, Pookie, not happening. I don't think this is the worst year. How can it be? Last year Beatbox Boy made it to the last night of competition. I rest my case!

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Pick Me: Pookie, I'm loving your recaps! Please tell me what The Horse Pawner was thinking. All she needed to do was to go up to people randomly and say "I'm going to sing 'Eight Days a Week' in a sort of bluegrass, rockabilly style." Without even hearing it, anyone could have told her it was a Patently Bad Idea. Wonder if she'll miss her horsie?

Lisa de Moraes: I have come to believe she did not actually pawn her best barrel horse. I think it ran away. After hearing her do her imitation of Minnie Pearl on "Hee Haw"...

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Tampa, Fla.: Lisa, love your column! What's your take on the professional performer vs. amateur controversy?

Lisa de Moraes: Season 1 winner Kelly Clarkson had already had a recording contract. This is nothing new. It's just that this year the press got all knicker-knotted over it.

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Silver Spring: I think someone switched Paula and Ryan's cups last night, 'cause he was on something!

Lisa de Moraes: I know -- didn't you love it? I'm hoping it's some new Coke formula and it will be introduced on the market on 'Idol Gives Back' night. Gonna buy me a case....

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Arlington, Va.: Hi. Any idea who does the arrangements on the Idols' songs? Are the idols on their own, working with the band, or directed by some producer on how the song is going to go? The judges often give the contestants credit, but I have a hard time believing some of the younger contestants are talented/seasoned enough to come up with their own arrangements.

Lisa de Moraes: I don't know the extent to which the contestants do the arranging themselves and to what extent they are the victims of the show's professionals. But Kristy Lee Cook -- I assume you're talking in reference to her "Hee Haw" version of "Eight Days a Week" -- clearly had told the show's music people she wanted to go this way. I think one of the problems with her number is that she seemed to have started singing either a half beat too soon, or too late. She never seemed to be in sync with the band. Not that it would have salvaged the song...

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A revelation, indeed!: I can't believe I'm going to publicly declare that I thought Chikezie was (in two words) phe-nomenal last night! Just when I thought "Idol" had lost the ability to surprise me. Do you think he can pull off the same next week?

Lisa de Moraes: I hope so. This may be "Idol's" first genuine shakeup. Usually by now we know who's going to win -- I think Simon had called it for Carrie Underwood by this week that season. But Chikezie he seems to have changed the equation last night. Unless it was a one-night fluke..

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Washington: Little David A. has scary stage parents? Tell us more!

Lisa de Moraes: Remember his tale about the time his voice gave out while he was performing at a charity fundraiser or something and his mom leapt up on stage and finished the song? I think I need say no more...

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Staunton, Va.: What do you think the chances are of Jason Castro winning the competition? I love him.

Lisa de Moraes: Adore him. Okay, I really adore his eyelashes. But he's not going to win, though he'll get close, which in many ways is better than winning because if he wins he'd have to sing this years Made for "American Idol" Treacle Tune, which would not suit him. If he gets close, he'll get some recording contract and continue to sing the kinds of sweet songs that make chicks in mosh pits swoon...

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Kristy Lee Cook: I thought that "8 Days a Week" could have translated to a country version -- but not that kind of country version.

Lisa de Moraes: Of course, if someone with genuine talent had done it, but alas, we did not get that last night. We got "Eight Days A Week at the Round-Up."

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Baltimore: Okay, we all know who should go, but who will go? I think we may have seen the last of David Hernandez...

Lisa de Moraes: According to my Idol blog's Completely Unscientific Poll, it appears Kristy Lee Cook is toast, though she was clocking 56 percent of the gonna-go votes, which is not as commanding as last week when someone snagged 86 percent, I think it was. Last week -- an eternity ago.

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Upper Peninsula, Mich.: I guess I'm old. I always assumed a certain permanence of the Beatles' music; that their music would at least outlast me (I'm 44). Based on last night's 12 performances, can I assume that roughly half of the world under age 28 (and everyone under 20) is completely devoid of any Beatles in their life? How can that be? How can someone who sings anything not know the words, or even the melody, to one single Beatles song? How can someone be so ignorant of the repertoire as to think "8 Days a Week" is the best song to run through an Opry treatment?

Lisa de Moraes: Fortunately, some teens and twentysomethings are learning about the Beatles. Remember, they're teaching a course in Beatles at that college David Hernandez attended...

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Washington: Miss de Moraes: As usual, "American Idol" producers are saying this is the most talented crop of contestants ever. In my estimation, it is the exact opposite. I think last year, and in years past, there were at least half a dozen "legits" for the top spot. This year only one, maybe two, generate any excitement at all. I think past years have been laden with R&B people, and they see more pop/rock folks this time, and that is what they want. What do you think?

Lisa de Moraes: Beatbox Boy -- he gives the lie to your entire line of thought. Sorry. You have no case...

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Bethesda, Md.: I am the only person in American that doesn't like David Archuleta? His voice is good, but when he sings he sounds like he's singing in a cheesy Vegas lounge act.

Lisa de Moraes: Doesn't that make him the next Justin Timberlake?

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Bethesda, Md.: So the Hee-Haw girl, the boy who doesn't know the lyrics, and a gay male prostitute, are all better then Danny Noriega and Boy-Who-Lives-in-a-Car? Maybe "American Idol" needs superdelegates to vote next time ... the public can't get it right.

Lisa de Moraes: Danny Noriega had a nice voice but, sadly, he was more focused on wiggling his hips and flipping his hair which, while charming in small doses, got old after the fourth week. He had to go. Boy-Who-Lives-in-Car was so interesting, but couldn't stop crying. He was the Mock Turtle of "Idol." That too would have gotten old. And who knows what behind-the-scenes diva drama he pulled that day in Hollywood when he dismissed the musicians. I'm guessing they did not put him through because he fell in to everyone's Life is Too Short category...

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Alexandria, Va.: Best three from last night: David Cook, Brooke White, Carly Smithson. I think last night they separated themselves from the rest of the pack and don't see anybody catching up -- except mini-David, who teenyboppers will love (Simon even referenced it as a talent vs. popularity competition). Make your pick on the winner?

Lisa de Moraes: I'm sorry, but Nanny Brooke is a mediocre singer who is brought to tears by her own performances. She has trouble playing the guitar while singing, which puts Jason Castro way ahead of her, among others. Cook has been good but last night he just screeched "Eleanor Rigby" which was only slightly worse than "Hee Haw"-ifying "Eight Days a Week." "Eleanor Rigby" is a contemplative song, not one to be screeched...

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Alexandria, Va.: Worst season ever is Season 3, even though it brought us J-Hud (and Fantasia's not too bad). But it also brought us John Stevens, Jon Peter Lewis, Camile, Jasmine (No. 3!) and assorted other badness.

Lisa de Moraes: I think you have a strong case. It had some of the strongest singers ever, especially Hudson, but also some of the very worst. ... This year is more consistent at least...

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BBFL: Archuleta forgot the freaking words! Wow. Up until this, I figured the biggest gaffe at this level would be one of the chicks tripping over her stiletto heels. He's not going to be voted off, though, I predict. He will skate by on his performance last week, since it was so good, but also because a couple of other people were so bad. I did not like David Hernandez, Country Kristy or Ramiele Malubay.

Part of me hopes that Ramiele gets the boot because she is really messing up the group shots. They have to pan out about five extra feet to get the top of her head in the frame she's so short. So, Archuleta will not go down in flames, but he has used his "get out of jail free" card, and used it in a big way. Hopefully he'll learn from this. How is it possible that the dude never heard of the Beatles, though?

Lisa de Moraes: I'm now wondering, when he sang "Imagine" a few weeks back, who did he think wrote it. (Yes, I know it was not a Beatles song.)

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Silver Spring, Md.: Lovely Lisa, what was Ryan whispering to Simon after a commercial break, and why was Simon telling Ryan "don't go there -- you know why"?

Lisa de Moraes: Ryan was whispering to Simon so he'd look important. You know -- "Oh, sorry, is the camera back on? I was too busy talking to the only judge who matters on this show about something pressing." Simon was telling Ryan "don't go there, you know why" because he was at a loss for something coherent to say and thought it would confuse and frighten Ryan on-air. Classic bully behavior. But Ryan was ready for it this year. Good for him.

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Washington: Not a question, just a thank you, we (my husband is a fan now too), really enjoy reading your column. It's a great pick-me-up after reading about all the death, dying and bereavement in the Metro section, let alone the plunging markets in the business section. I save your column for last to put me back in a good mood!

Lisa de Moraes: Thanks!

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Hudson Valley, N.Y.: I agree that ignorance of the Beatles songbook is shocking. What parent doesn't introduce their kids to the music of their culture? And the great thing about the Beatles is that they're so darn likeable and enduring; little kids can love the bounciness, grown-ups can appreciate the musicianship. My girl was singing Beatles tunes when she was five, for heaven's sake...

Lisa de Moraes: Clearly a case of neglect. My scientist parents tried to bring me up on albums about science. My childhood was about learning "educational" songs like this:

The air moves in,
the air moves out,
and tosses the light
of the stars about.
The moving air,
expands the light
and that's why the stars
they twinkle at night.

Only my grandmother was so horrified when she found this out, she went out and bought us rock albums -- including the Beatles...

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Scaggsville, Md.: Lisa, Just wanted to say how relieved I am that your "we watch so you don't have to" is back. I was getting concerned that my daily snark intake was going to be missing this season. Love your column.

Lisa de Moraes: I believe this is the first time anyone has ever referred to my We Watch and "relieved" in the same sentence.. Check out the blog too -- started with the auditions.

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Rockville, Md.: Isn't it interesting how international " American Idol" is this season? Honduras, Columbia, Nigeria, Australia, Ireland, the Philippines ... do you think this is intentional?

Lisa de Moraes: No, I think it's The United States. You know, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, wretched refuse of your teeming shores... sent me your homeless tempest tossed to me, or something like that ... (I just know I got that totally wrong and the Patriot Patrol will be on my case)...

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Falls Church, Va.: Please tell David Cook to shave that horrible soul patch off his face. Then I'll vote for him.

Lisa de Moraes: But then he'd look less like the Munchkin Coroner in the Wizard of Oz. No, he needs to grow the scrawny thing out into a full-blown van dyke, not shave the poor little thing...

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Falls Church, Va.: Ramiele Malubay clearly has the best voice, but not the X factor to win. She wasted an opportunity last night to sing a boring song just to remember her fellow idols who have been kicked to the curb. This competition is not about such meaningless feelings -- it's about doing whatever to win. I just don't understand how some idols can't grasp the suggestions from the judges to pick it up and "be out there."

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, she's way too wrapped up in her feelings for Danny Noriega. But she's led a sheltered life, pouring soy sauce into little plastic cups all day long. You're right, she has a really lovely voice and it's a shame she's not paying more attention to what's being suggested to her by Simon -- the only judge who matters...

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Singing Science Songs!: My parents got me those records too! Someone was kind enough to put many of them on the Internet as MP3 files. You'll love the nostalgia trip. Most of the songs were by Tom Glazer, I believe -- best known as the lyricist for the classic "On Top of Spaghetti." Just type "singing science records" into a search engine. My kids love them, especially the one beginning: "There is no disputin', there is no refutin', we're all indebted to Sir Isaac Newton."

washingtonpost.com: Singing Science

Lisa de Moraes: Nooooooooooooooo!

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Silver Spring, Md.: I like hearing the "Idols" but I can't stand Seacrest and his bickering with Simon. I just DVR the show, skip the taped stuff, skip anything Seacrest says and skip anything Paula says.

Lisa de Moraes: I'm guessing advertisers have figured this out too and are making sure their ads are not placed right after Seacrest blah, blah, blahing. At least the smart advertisers are. Last night's bickering was cringe inducing...

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Ryan whispering: I overheard a little of Ryan's "oh, is the camera on widdle ol' me?" whisper. Apparently he was asking Simon to dial it down a little, because I overheard "coming across as obnoxious" and I saw Simon rolling his eyes at it.

Lisa de Moraes: Didn't Simon also say "No I did not" or something like that. Anyway, cheese it, guys. We want to have fun, not be witness to Dysfunctional Family Hour...

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David A.: No, I don't like him either. He's just a little too "precious" -- like those posters of kitties with huge eyes, awwww. (Blech!) And he sounds like he's singing on "Kids Incorporated." I wish he'd go away. Didn't used to like Chikezie, but man he rocked last night!

Lisa de Moraes: You don't like kittens?! With huge eyes?! I thought everyone loved kittens with huge eyes. David A. on the other hand, is starting to seem sad-ish. He seemed genuinely frightened last night, and not of performing or the stage or anything. He's practically a seasoned pro, having won singing competitions before. Something else was up.

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Big Fan: On the subject of "shoes", what has happened to Haley Scarnato!'s career (Season 6)? I wanted her to have my children.

washingtonpost.com: Former 'Idol' Contender Haley Scarnato Scared Out Of Nashville By Stalker (Access Hollywood, March 5)

Lisa de Moraes: Okay, I swear I had nothing to do with posting your question along with the link to the Haley Scarnato stalker guy. Anyway, this is what's happened to her. And let that be a lesson to all you chicks out there showing off your shoes at the drop of a hat... and by "hat" we mean -- oh, never mind...

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Not hearing the Beatles?: I can provide some perspective on this? David A is most likely Mormon, the same type of household I was brought up in. I also never heard Beatles songs until college because they were not allowed in our house, as they were "heathens" and I am young enough that I wouldn't have heard them through school dances or anything like that He is still under 18, he doesn't yet have the chance to have a college roommate obsessed with the Beatles to remedy the situation.

Lisa de Moraes: So, then how would he have known Lennon's "Imagine" which he did during his radical-hippie phase? I'm confused..

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Omaha, Neb.: I have missed parts of episodes. I tuned in at the middle of the show and quickly became confused about Seacrest and shoes. It would seem he was helping the pianist recover her shoes for a more comfortable exit. Then came the rhubarb. What was that all about?

Lisa de Moraes: Since the beginning of time, "shoes" on "American Idol" has been a euphemism for a chick's breasts. There, I've said it...

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Falls Church, Va.: What jumped out at me about Kristy Lee's hoedown was how uncomfortable and unhappy she looked. They all should know by now that the audience responds to their emotional cues: Chikezie and David Cook are totally comfortable and happy up there, and we feel that. Ramiele is tentative and strained. Amanda is living out a private joke that she's not sharing with us. I'm not going to vote for an Idol who's not pleased to be there.

Lisa de Moraes: I think she was unhappy because she realized she'd started half a beat too soon/too late, and did not know how to fix it mid-stream. She was slaughtering the song in front of nearly 30 million people. My heart bled for her -- seriously.

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Coincidence?: Paula starts returning to her "regular" behavior patterns just around the time that a huge news story about pharms in the drinking water breaks. Coincidence? I think not.

washingtonpost.com: Area Tap Water Has Traces of Medicines (Post, March 10)

Lisa de Moraes: I'm with you. I hope the I-team is on it...

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Troy, N.Y.: Hey Pookie. Do you think there was ever any hope for Kristy Lee Cook to be this year's Kellie Pickler? You know, mediocre talent, but just funny enough to watch that she gets a record deal?

Lisa de Moraes: No, she's not faux-dumb enough...

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Randaulawellcrest blather: I feel so bad for the contestants sometimes, too. These kids have worked really hard on their performance and want to hear from Simon (the only judge who matters) what he thinks and how they can improve -- and instead, many of them are forced to listen to all the bickering and blather. It's not at all entertaining, and is just plain rude. Ugh.

Lisa de Moraes: I agree completely. The Idolettes wind up looking like the adults, patiently waiting for the peevish children to finish their tantrum. I live for the day one of them shouts "Knock it off!" I had hoped Danny Noriega would be that person but, alas, he's gone.

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Arlington, Va.: Love your column. The last few weeks, I was soooo repulsed by Danny Noriega that I didn't realize how scary annoying other contestants are. How about Syesha? She's beautiful and talented and ... comes across as conceited. I get the feeling she'd put something in someone's drink to harm their voice and chances. Lady Macbeth?

Lisa de Moraes: I somehow missed Syesha's hidden depths. She seems like a goner to me... I'm out of time. Bye...

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