Celebritology Live: SJP -- Hot or Not?; Heather Mills -- Rot or Not?

Liz Kelly
washingtonpost.com Celebritology Blogger
Thursday, March 20, 2008; 2:00 PM

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Gene Weingarten's Chatological Humor.

Celebritology Live Archive


Liz Kelly: Happy spring and good afternoon from windy Washington, D.C. where cherry blossoms buds are burgeoning and Russell Crowes frolic in the streets.

Let's get down to business.


Anywhere: I know this news is a few weeks old, but I was wondering what are the last names of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's twins? Since his real name is Marco Antonio Muniz Ruiz?

Liz Kelly: I don't think we've actually been told what the official last name will be for Max and Emme, but if history is any guide I'd bet on "Muniz." Marc Anthony has two children -- Cristian Anthony Muniz and Ryan Anthony Muniz -- with former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres and a daughter, Arianna, with another ex girlfriend.

Or, I spoze J.Lo and M.Ant could always opt for a hyphenated last name, a la Brangelina's kids, the Pitt-Jolies. Or is it Jolie-Pitt? Enh, same diff.

Liz Kelly: And in the People mag cover shot, is it just me or would it have been to much to ask to get a shot of the babies while they were actually awake?


Long time fan: You may not have time to read it (or maybe you already have) but do have any thoughts about the essay on celebrity gossip in today's Salon.com? I admit to being one of the "who the hell are these people?" readers.

Who the hell are Heidi and Spencer? (Salon.com)

Liz Kelly: At first blush, this is a good read. I have to admit that I didn't have time to fully read the article, but I managed to ingest most of the first page and scan all of the second. The author, Rebecca Traister, makes a good point -- the gossip game is changing.

"The pleasure we take in snurfling through the trash bins of those more rich and famous than we seems to be waning."

Hmm. Really?

What she seems to be lamenting is the death/dearth of the celebrity print mags of yesteryear and attributes that to apathy by a public oversaturated with celeb news. What I was surprised to find undiscussed is the shift away from print to the Internet as the prime delivery system of celebrity gossip. Like everything other news sector, the Internet is killing print celeb news. Traister talks about a different, younger audience without discussing the fact that the "Hills" generation was raised on the Internet. So, of course, teens seeking the latest about Heidi and Spencer are going to find up-to-the-minute information online, free, instead of paying to get the week-old news in People.

So, I say A for effort, but maybe a B- on execution.

I think one great point Traister makes is about the changing scope of who we define as celebrities -- that reality show stars are now sharing the "Star Tracks" page with genuine A-listers.


Alexandria, Va.: My boyfriend happened to catch a glimpse of that picture of Donatella Versace and Woody Allen. His first question was, "who is that guy in drag?" Since then he's randomly complained that her image is stuck in his head and is freaking him out.

What is her deal anyway? Does she really think she looks good like that? My average male boyfriend thought she was a dude. That can't be good.

Liz Kelly: See, I don't get tranny so much as I get a weird cat-faced woman vibe from Donatella. She is ruining her face with plastic surgery -- as if the bleached out hair and skin tanned to leather weren't bad enough. I mean, those lips have so much collagen in them they actually look painful. I would imagine that the skin has its limits and she's got to be approaching it.


Lost: (apologies to all the non-Lost watchers) Is this the last Lost for a little while? How long until the rest of them are ready?

Liz Kelly: Yes, tonight is the last "Lost" until April 24th.

I am including this slight detour into "Lost" territory because I know it will make a lot of non-watchers happy. Better start gearing up for some Friday lists.


Baltimore, Md.: Will today be "All Heather Mills, All The Time." After reading the judge's statement in which he cataloged Mills' most egregious behavior (renting helicopters just because they would cost her husband a lot of money) I have to believe the woman is seriously unbalanced. She even claimed to have been Sir Paul's co-writer and to have once been asked to be Larry King's permanent guest host. There's little doubt in my mind that she will decamp to the U.S. because her unpopularity in Britain will make it impossible for her to be on the street.

And this woman has custody of Beatle spawn?

Liz Kelly: The judge certainly didn't hold back when detailing exactly why he considered Heather's case for a bigger payoff to be insupportable. The judge called her "her own worst enemy" and characterized her testimony as "not just inconsistent and inaccurate, but also less than candid. Overall she was a less than impressive witness."


And, though I'm all for giving Heather the benefit of the doubt, you have to question anyone who claims she needs $6.4 million a year to raise her daughter in the manner to which she's become accustomed. That the judge granted her the equivalent of $1.2 million a year is actually surprising to me, too.

I think my favorite bit was Heather's claim that being married to Paul McCartney damaged her career. Nice try.


Boulder, Colo.: The babies are probably cuter asleep...it's a shame they look like their father.

Liz Kelly: Oh, come on... they're babies. You can hardly accuse them of looking like Skeletor already. They've got all that baby fat.


Bethesda, Md.: Heather Mills was paid $220,000 for Dancing with the Stars. That really surprised me. Do you think all the "stars" are paid the same?

Liz Kelly: But I thought Heather was dancing to raise money for her pet charities. You mean she actually lined her pockets by appearing on reality TV competition? I heard a terrible Heather Mills joke earlier today. I will not repeat it here. I will just make you wonder about it. It involved a chain restaurant. That's all I'm saying.

I think that $220,000 payoff is pretty standard for the show. When Howard Stern's fiance was approached the producers reportedly offered her $245,000. (She declined.) Where else is Steve Guttenberg going to make that kind of money?

And rumor has it that the actual professional dancers -- the ones doing all the heavy lifting -- make about $5,000 per week. Not that I'd turn down $5,000 a week, but that seems like a small payout for trying to make Penn Gilette look light on his feet.


Paps in real life: Hi Liz,

I was in L.A. last week and saw first hand the chaos of paparazzi. My friend and I were knocked off the sidewalk by about 25 paps following a starlet and escort. Could not tell who she was (or he for that matter) and I am a loyal celebritology follower. The woman behind me said it was Lauren Conrad.

My only thought was if this amount of paps were tailing her, what must it be like if Brit or Bradgelina are out? It really could be dangerous.

Liz Kelly: Right. I can't imagine the extreme annoyance of being hounded by that pack of vultures. Though there are some stars who manage to circumvent the paparazzi gauntlet. For instance, Sheryl Crow, who I talked to earlier this week. She moved to Nashville to get away from the craziness in L.A. (and be closer to family).


Takoma, D.C.: I have a question about Donatella Versace. Did she start out beautiful and get ugly through surgery? Or was she just funny-looking to start out with, and surgery is continuing that funny-lookingness into old age? Are there old pictures of her somewhere?

Liz Kelly: Good question, Takoma. I think it's been a gradual transformation. Here's an old picture of her -- looks almost wholesome, no?

Also, someone else wrote in trying to further a rumor that Donatella was actually born a man. The woman has given birth and although medicine is incredible, I don't think docs have figured that one out yet.


Speaking of Stern's fiance: Haven't they been "engaged" for five years now?

Liz Kelly: Nope, only about a year -- though together for seven or eight. I believe they plan an October wedding.


Washington, D.C.: So I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I've become addicted to the supermodel show on Bravo over the last couple of weeks. One of the male model's girlfriends was supposedly in the tabloids recently --something to do with Britney or someone related to her. Do you know what that was all about? It just seemed so random. Thanks!

Liz Kelly: Ya know, I tried to watch that show once. Hated it. Which is odd, cuz I'm all about vapid entertainment. I'm all about the "Real Housewives of NYC" these days. And, of course, that other show that we don't talk about here. The one that is going to end on a cliffhanger tonight and is the subject of an important washingtonpost.com feature.


Methinks: I saw the photo of Gwynneth Paltrow's new 'do and wondered, 'wha?' She got a couple of inches taken off and that's called a new 'do? Whatever.

It sounded to me like the woman suing Oprah over that money giveaway show has a case. If she has her communications all documented, how on earth could they say she didn't contribute to their development of the show?

Liz Kelly: Well, come on -- Gwynnie had some seriously long hair. It was approaching Crystal Gayle territory. Now it is a wee bit past shoulder length. That's a big change for the insouciant one.


Pictures of babies awake?: Liz, it is too much to ask that the babies be awake. When my daughter was that age, she was only awake long enough to eat. Babies sleep all the time (if you are lucky)!

Liz Kelly: Gotcha. But, dude, at a People magazine cover shoot for which the mag payed out the wazoo? I wanna see eyeballs!


Alexandria, Va: So, you dumped Hax, huh?

Liz Kelly: We were growing apart. But it wasn't her, it was me.


Sheryl Crow: She used "nonplussed" incorrectly in that interview. Ouch.

Liz Kelly: C'mon, give her a break. She's a musician, not a copy editor.


b-more, MD: Potential Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Davis sex tapes. Discuss.

Do we think that really is Kristen Davis. Is it odd this is coming out right before her first major motion picture?

Liz Kelly: The latest I saw was that there is actually no Kristin Davis sex tape -- just still pix. One of the New York dailies had a specialist look at the pix and he was 99.9 percent certain the woman was indeed Davis.

As for Lindsay, is that even shocking at this point?


Herndon, Va.: "Not that I'd turn down $5,000 a week, but that seems like a small payout for trying to make Penn Gilette look light on his feet."

It would take a magician to make him look light on his feet. He's just a big guy, Shaq doesn't look like the 'float like a butterfly' kinda guy either.

Since Sarah Jessica Parker was irritated with Maxim naming her Unsexiest woman I can't help but wonder...

Do any men find her attractive? Other than Matthew and the men paid to on Sex and the City? I know women seem to like her, though I have no idea why and I am a women, but Maxim ain't the first bunch of men to diss her looks. Men think she's great looking....from the neck down.

And Matthew should be happy that his taste in women is all that's being questioned about him these days, if you get my drift and I think that you do.

Liz Kelly: Yeesh, harsh. See, I think SJP is beautiful. It's an unconventional beauty, and that only makes it better. But I'm not a dude, and that's who you're interested in quizzing. So, would the 2.3 guys here please weigh in? SJP -- hot or not?


Beverly Hills, 9021..nooooo! : I nearly died yesterday when I saw that a re-vamp of this was in the works. Is nothing sacred?!?!?!! Do you think the kids will still go to the Peach Pit or the Peach Pit After Dark (ooohhhh). What a bad idea. Argh.

Liz Kelly: According to the Variety article, the new "Peach Pit" will be a movie theater run by one of the older characters. I wonder what poor Nat thinks of that.


Steve Guttenberg: I was watching Three Men and Baby while recovering from a night out this weekend (airing on TBS or TNT or the like) and was wondering what good old Steve Guttenberg was up to-and my husband informed me of his Dancing w/ the Stars gig.

Glad to see he is back -- and reminded me that they just don't make classics like Cocoon and Short Circuit these days....

Liz Kelly: He looked so... relieved and grateful to be back in front of a camera. I almost felt sorry for the guy. But, more importantly, didn't watching "Three Men and a Baby" only make you feel sicker?

Liz Kelly: Oh, and re: "DWTS" -- My favorite was the football player whose name now escapes me. He seemed really grounded.


Sheryl Crow's editor: Sheryl Crow: She used "nonplussed" incorrectly in that interview. Ouch.

Liz Kelly: C'mon, give her a break. She's a musician, not a copy editor.

Then she should speak as a musician and not throw around words she doesn't know the meaning to to try to sound important. Because it does the opposite.

Liz Kelly: Maybe she actually meant non-plussed. Maybe her baby hates traveling and has made that clear.

Come on now, lighten up. All I wanna do is have some fun.


McLean, Va.: Would you please use your connections to put me in contact with Gerard Butler? I think he needs to have his career put in my hands -- something like a Jamie Spears conservatorship but to save him from bad film choices rather than bad personal/financial choices. Phantom of the Opera, 300, that dreadful Hillary Swank movie, this Nim's Island kiddie movie with Jodie Foster, and now he's signed on for a movie with the Horrible Heigl.

He's too FINE for this drivel. He needs an intervention -- he needs to be saved from himself. (And I'm just the one to do it.)

Liz Kelly: DUDE! This is for you -- the Gerard Butler Convention being held in a couple of weeks right here in Alexandria, Va.! You, too, can take part in the GerryFest slumber party.

Oh, and just fyi, doesn't look like Gerry himself will be in attendance.


Football player DWTS: Jason Taylor

Liz Kelly: Thankew.


Wilmington, N.C.: Is there anything to the rumor the impending Madonna and Guy Ritchie spilt? It is odd that he didn't go with her to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony, but then Madonna has the reputation of being a control freak when it comes to managing her career/image...

Liz Kelly: Publicist Liz Rosenberg says things are fine between Madge and Mr. Madge, but I'm with you -- my radar definitely alerted me when Guy didn't join her for the Hall of Fame induction.


Richmond: Men don't care for SJP cuz she's not voluptuous and she sounds smart.

Liz Kelly: I'm assuming this is a woman speaking.


Capital City:


Seeing Guttenberg on Dancing With the Stars reminds me of a great early Simpsons episode. Homer joins a Mason-like fraternal organization called the Stonecutters. Members of the Stonecutters sing the following song, describing all of the nefarious conspiracies they are involved in:

Who controls the British crown?

Who keeps the metric system down?

We do! We do!

Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?

Who keeps the Martians under wraps?

We do! We do!

Who holds back the electric car?

Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?

We do! We do!

Who robs cave fish of their sight?

Who rigs every Oscar night?

We do! We do!

Liz Kelly: Okay, I think this must be my husband because he sang the exact same thing to me after watching Guttenberg dance.


Methinks: The Jamie Spears takeover of Britney's life appears to be helping. So what have we learned, Liz?

Liz Kelly: That anyone, even Britney's formerly unreliable dad, is capable of running her life better than she can herself.

Also, that opening a restaurant with K-Fed is a good idea.


Housewives of NYC? Really?: You like them? I admit I liked to OC ladies, but ick, these chicks irritate me to no end. They have no sense of humor, are snobby, snooty, narcissistic, most have no fashion sense (other than they think if it's expensive it looks good) and I could go on and on. The OC ladies have their failings, but at least are more relatable, seem like they'd be fun to go out with, and to an extent make fun of themselves.

Of course, I am still watching the NYC one, but am considering changing that.

Liz Kelly: Oh, don't get me wrong -- I don't like them. I just like watching the show. They annoy me, too. They're values are all muffed up and it really irritates me to see that they are bringing up kids to have the same mixed up priorities.

Which one annoys you the most? For me, it's the tall wraith-like blonde -- Alex -- who lives in Brooklyn with her metrosexual hubby and kids, Francois and the other one (named something equally pretentious). Keep in mind, she hails from Kansas.


Mills/McCartney Divorce: I was never a big fan of Mills (because I have silly, fairytale ideas of the McCartney marriage that involve Paul pining for Linda for the rest of his life). So I felt sort of vindicated when I started the article on the judge also hating on her. But by the end, judge's opinion just felt gross. Why did he have to editorialize on her conduct? He's a judge -- just deny her the money and move on! Did this excessive commenting rub you (or anyone else) the wrong way?

Liz Kelly: Right, judges never editorialize. Enh. I think he felt that Heather had made a mockery of his courtroom and the entire proceeding. He was royally annoyed. And a big Wings fan.


23112: The other thing about the Kristin Davis photos is that they're apparently from 1992 or something. A long-gone boyfriend took them and then sold them (! apparently out of spite) once they were no longer together.

Liz Kelly: Right -- there's a lesson to be learned here girls. Ix-nay on the aked-nay ix-pay.


This according to TMZ...: A construction worker who worked in the movie business committed suicide at one of Mel Gibson's homes.

Liz Kelly: Right. That was included in this morning's Mix. Unfortunate choice of venues, but we have to assume this has nothing to do with the relative suckiness of "Bird on a Wire" or Mel's arrest ettiquette.


Not really gossip related...: but I filled out a bracket form for the NCAA tournaments. I'm a girl. I don't watch basketball. I have no idea who's doing well this season. As of now, the first three teams I picked are winning. I should go to Vegas.

Liz Kelly: You are a savant. A basketball savant.


Duck, N.C.: The only man here:

SJP is like that Seinfeld episode with the "two faced" girl... hot, then not...

Liz Kelly: Okay, so it depends on lighting, make-up and other variables.


American Idol: What do you think of American Idol so far? Lemme guess, you were rooting for Amanda the rocker/biker/nurse who got voted off last night? Or Carly, the Irish girl with the tats?

Liz Kelly: I haven't been watching. So, nyah! But if Amanda was the one with the Cruella Deville platinum n' black hairdo, no I wasn't rooting for her. I was hoping she'd get a makeover.


Hax: So you dumped Hax and kept Gene? Are you okay? Do we in chat land need to stage some sort of intervention or something?

Liz Kelly: Dude, Fridays were just getting way busy for me what with all the "Lost" to-do. And my week was getting to be more of a six-day week. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Carolyn deserved someone who was fully engaged.


Non-plussed: Without reading the article, I'm not sure if this gets Crow off the hook, but it does mean both "upset" and "unfazed." The OED added the second definition a few years ago.

Liz Kelly: I dunno, Herndon seemed pretty non-plussed by the whole incident.


Baltimore, Md.: SJP? She's attractive, but not overwhelmingly so. I can't see why anyone would call her ugly, but when I think of a gorgeous actress, she wouldn't be the first (or tenth) to spring to mind.

And, yeah, I'm a guy. I'm flipping between this and NCAA updates.

Liz Kelly: Thanks for staying with us, token dude.


Mills: I agree with Liz. I think, that after Mills poured water on PM's lawyer, the judge decided enough was enough and let his opinion be known.

Liz Kelly: Right. She'd crossed the line and he wasn't going to let her go without giving her a piece of his mind. And what a large, entertaining piece it was.


The Second Man Here: SJP: Not.

Weird-looking face.

Liz Kelly: Okay, another vote.


SJP: my husband finds her very charming (he'll say "charming" in his French accent).

Liz Kelly: And another.


Housewives of NYC: Oooh, Alex is at the top of my list too. It was mainly her fashion sense that I was referring to, and just everything about her just makes me want to scream. Her comments about socializing with high society blah blah blah.

But I think list, in order of greatest loathing to least would go: Alex, Bethenny, Jill, Ramona, and then that model lady whose name I can't remember.

Liz Kelly: I think you mean the Countess DeLesseps, who actually seems to be the most down to earth out of all of them.


Ashley Dupre: Can you believe Joe Francis, who just got out of jail by the way, offered Ashley Dupre $1 million dollars to pose for his magazine and go on the Girls Gone Wild tour? And then took the offer away when he found 7 videos of 18-year-old Ashley in his Girls Gone Wild footage? And now apparently Ashley was 17, not 18 in those videos! Isn't this one of the reasons he went to jail, underage girls in his videos? What goes around comes around, huh?

Liz Kelly: And, surprise, Joe says her age doesn't matter since there was no sexual contact in the videos. I'm not sure how that guy sleeps at night.


23112: I'm male, and very very rarely do I see SJP in a photo or on camera and think "she looks good there." When she was the new starlet in Honeymoon In Vegas and that movie with Steve Martin, she had something going on, but by SATC, I think it had passed, and the psycho clothes and dragging on cigarettes did NOT help. I'm not sure Maxim got it right, but they weren't off by much.

Liz Kelly: Okay, fair enough.


Lynne Spears: Will her "parenting" book ever see the light of day?

I can't wait to see the book tour, maybe Dina Lohan can appear with her!

Liz Kelly: It's been delayed indefinitely and Lynne, to her credit, has been keeping out of the spotlight and spending much time with her grandkids. And her other, preggo daughter.


Re: SJP: SJP does NOT sound smart. Have you ever heard her in an interview? No way.

Not a guy, and while I find her interesting and pretty in that uncoventional way as well, I totally get her unsexiness to men.

Strong features, odd fashion choices...it just doesn't add up for men.

Liz Kelly: Maybe you caught her in a bad moment. I wouldn't call her a Rhodes scholar, but she's got a brain in there. I thought she did a bang-up job on "Project Runway" this season.


"Lost" and disappointed: I was out of the country last week and my recorder only got 45 minutes of "Lost." "No problem" I said to myself, "I'll just catch the 8 p.m. rebroadcast with the cook pop-up captions. I see that some sitcom is in its place. Guess I'll have go to the online feed.

Liz Kelly: Right -- that would be my suggestion, watch online.


Washington, D.C.: I'm a dude, and yeah, SJP is hot, but she's really close to being ugly, kinda like Cameron Diaz. BTW, I've thought SJP has been hot ever since her Square Pegs days. I've got a thing for nerdy women, just ask my wife.

Liz Kelly: Okay, this is a new category: Hot, but close to being ugly.

I will never cease to be amazed and repulsed by the male thought process.


Anonymous: Speaking of Jamie Lynn Spears, I think I heard on one of those celebrity TV shows that she and the baby daddy are on the outs. What do you know?

Liz Kelly: I've seen reports -- some on the same days -- saying their on the outs AND shopping for an engagement ring. So, really, who knows?


Detroit, Mich.: You were asking for guys opinions on SJP -- definitely NOT hot. She sometimes looks like a tranny.

Liz Kelly: Okay, okay -- enough already. I get the idea.


Nonplussed...: Oxford English Dictionary says: nonplussed means 'surprised and confused.' A new meaning, 'not disconcerted; unperturbed,' has developed recently in North American English, probably on the assumption that the prefix non -- must have a negative meaning; this is not yet accepted as standard usage

So Sheryl didn't use it wrong. You just spelled it wrong (!) The prefix 'non' doesn't take a hyphen unless it's followed by a proper noun.

Liz Kelly: See, Sheryl's on the cutting edge. It's my spellchecker that ran afoul of the latest usage.


Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: For those who want to look into the culture and practices of the paparazzi, I recommend the cover article in this month's Atlantic Monthly,

"Shooting Britney," by David Samuels:

Shooting Britney (The Atlantic.com)

Liz Kelly: Right, v. good article. Thanks Mr. Mens Wear.


It's been delayed indefinitely and Lynne, to her credit, has been keeping out of the spotlight : I was looking forward to reading her parenting tips. As a new parent I'm certainly interested in reading about what NOT to do.

Liz Kelly: Don't even risk tainting yourself with whatever it is she has or hasn't done. You'd be better off reading a goldfish care book.


Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: A couple of weeks ago, while I was at a bar in Dulles waiting on a plane, I sat next to a man and a woman who were passing the time in conversation while waiting for their flights. When the woman left. she offered the man her copy of Maxim. Could I have been sitting next to Donatella Versace?

Liz Kelly: Well, you're leaving something out here. What makes you think it was Donatella? Did you feel all matter in the room displace to accomodate her massive lips?


Alexandria, Va.: But wasn't that description of Cameron Diaz perfect? "Hot, but close to being ugly." Actually, as a woman, I know that many men find her appealing, but I think she's repulsive. I don't get it AT ALL.

Liz Kelly: I think Cameron is adorable. Man, I am learning that I am nowhere near as hyper-critical as I thought I was.


Joe Francis : is an idiot. It absolutely matters if she was underage. You don't need "contact" to be prosecuted under child pornography laws. Any explicit photos of minors are actionable if they are sexual in nature. There is absolutely no question in anyone's mind that GGW is sexual in nature. I can't wait to see the dweeb go back to jail. What a waste of space that one is.

Liz Kelly: Remains to be seen. I don't suppose he had parental consent?


M Street NW, Washington, D.C.: Guy here. Yeah, I totally get the hot but close to being ugly thing. It's exactly what I've recently been trying to explain about Uma Thurman and Judy Greer, star of the new show Miss Guided. Odd-looking hot.

SJP is on the other side of that line. Far over, IMO.

Liz Kelly: I'm trying to think of a male equivalent to understand...

Liz Kelly: Got it. Vincent Gallo. Hot, yet freakish at the same time.


Richmond, Va.: Amanda the rocker/biker/nurse is a one-trick pony. If it isn't a song that requires her raspy 3 martinis and a pack of cigs voice, she can't hack it. That trailer rasp gets pretty boring after 2 songs.

Liz Kelly: "Trailer rasp?" Snap.


RE: Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: I don't think this guy really works for the mens wear department.

Liz Kelly: You think someone would lie about that?


Richmond, Va.: If you don't take this question, I will dump a glass of water on your head.

Anyway, I never have watched "The Bachelor", but I happened to catch the premiere for this season. Did you see it? It was trainwreckterrific! My fave part was when one of the sleazy acting women stuffed her underwear in the hot British bachelor's pocket. He was appropriately "ewwed" out by this.

Liz Kelly: Okay, just putting this out there to avoid getting doused.

I did not watch. I take your word for it.


Paparazzi: Did you see the piece on "Today" about how any old nobody can now hire a crew of paparazzi ($250 an hour; fake bodyguard and/or publicist costs extra) to give them the same treatment that most celebrities (though not the celebutantes) would give anything to get rid of? (Yeah, Grammar Police, I know -- back off.)

I take this as further evidence, as though we needed it, that we're running out of stupid ways to spend money.

Liz Kelly: I did not. I might be interested in hiring them to tail producer Rocci. He is a total superstar at post.com.

On that note, I'm wrapping up a couple of minutes early today. See the "Losties" out there tomorrow in the 2 o'clock "Lost" Hour.


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