Washington Sketch

Post columnist Dana Milbank, who serves as the capital's foremost critic of political theater in his Washington Sketch columns, was online Friday, March 28 at 10 a.m. ET to take your questions and comments about the things politicians say -- and the absurd ways they find to say them.

The transcript follows.

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Dana Milbank: Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages. I write to you from the Verizon Center in downtown Washington, where I have just watched four elephants cast their votes for president. Results will come at the end of this chat, with teasers throughout.

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Washington: Is it possible to cover current events in Iraq in your Washington Sketch? I'm a bit confused. Right now, the Iraqi government (having just hosted Iranian leaders) is fighting with its allies the Badrites (created and financed by Iran's revolutionary guard) and ISCI (whatever that is, it's supposed to be close to Iran too), against the Sadrites. The administration tells us this is a good thing because the Sadrites, though they apparently are nationalistic Iraqis, have some sort of connection to (wait for it!) ... Iran! I propose The Post provide us with some sort of pull-out multicolor diagram connecting all the players in Iraq to that Iranian leader guy with the unspellable name. Bonus points if you can connect everyone through Kevin Bacon first.

washingtonpost.com: U.S. Armor Forces Join Offensive In Baghdad Against Sadr Militia (Post, March 28)

Dana Milbank: It is theoretically possible to cover current events in Iraq in the Washington Sketch, much as I have done a Campaign Sketch on the road during the primary season. The main obstacle to this is: I am an enormous chicken, and I would have to go to Baghdad to do an Iraq sketch. In the nineties, I wrote for the Wall Street Journal in London and the bureau chief asked me to cover the fighting in the Balkans and in Northern Ireland. I instead chose to go to Belgium and the Netherlands.

That said, Baghdad frequently comes to Washington, and I will be Sketching Petraeus et al when they come to town.

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Boston: What do you make of Sen. Clinton sitting down with Richard Mellon Scaife and his newspaper? Are you as ill as I am? Is this an early sign of the apocalypse? Did hell just freeze over?

washingtonpost.com: Clinton: Wright 'would not have been my pastor' (Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, March 25)

Dana Milbank: This was the biggest scoop the Pittsburgh Tribune Review had since its path-breaking report that Vince Foster was murdered.

It was indeed a display of questionable judgment by the former first lady to sit down with an organ of the vast right-wing conspiracy.

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Harrisburg, Pa.: Are elephants allowed to cross over for one day and be donkeys? I know that in some states they can.

Dana Milbank: More about the elephants at Verizon Center:

Ringling Bros. circus is in town, accompanied by protesters from PETA. PETA, however, did not succeed at infiltrating the elephant balloting session held this morning for the benefit of the cameras.

The voters: Baby, Tonka, Luna and Asia, circus elephants all. Recruited by clowns wearing Clinton, Obama and McCain stickers, the elephants had to plant themselves in front of hay bales representing each of the the three candidates.

Baby went for Hillary, Tonka for McCain and Luna for Obama, leaving Asia, the lead elephant, as the tiebreaker.

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Cube City: Slate just started a Hillary Death Watch. Which is more likely -- that nobody on her staff will tell her about it, or that they'll tell her that Slate pins her chances of winning above 80 percent?

washingtonpost.com: The Hillary Deathwatch (Slate, March 27)

Dana Milbank: As somebody who has been on Hillary Death Watch since early January -- I have now attended three primary night funerals for her -- I welcome our sister publication to the wake. Clinton is well aware that her political obituary is written and awaiting the "send" button, but I think this only makes her more determined to remain in the race at least through the make-or-break Puerto Rico primary.

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Vernon, B.C.: Hi Dana, loved your book, "Homo Politicus," especially the dedication -- very appropriate. A sure sign Bush is no longer important and is officially lame-duck -- CBS didn't preempt "Guiding Light" yesterday to show his same-old same-old speech. Yay!

Dana Milbank: Good morning, British Columbia. I am delighted to know that "Homo Politicus" has crossed into Canada, an obvious benefit of NAFTA. I now regret dedicating the book to Tom DeLay. He has not called to thank me, which is why proceeds are going instead to the Alberto Gonzales Legal Defense Fund.

Bush gave a speech yesterday?

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Madison, Wis.: Charles Krauthammer complains in his column today that Democrats are distorting John McCain's statement about the U.S. maintaining a presence in Iraq for "100 years." Is he saying that Democrats finally have learned the art of Republican demagoguery? Will you answer such a blatantly partisan question? Why not?

washingtonpost.com: 'A Rank Falsehood' (Post, March 28)

Dana Milbank: Demagoguery is a proud bipartisan achievement. Krauthammer, like National Review earlier in the week, is correct that Democrats are distorting his 100 years remark -- but McCainiacs also realize that it was a dumb way for the candidate to phrase what was a reasonable policy, and he deserves what he gets. That, and his remark that the economy wasn't his strong suit, will be hard for him to escape. Similarly, beneath John Kerry's absurd remark about voting for and against the $87 billion was a legitimate attempt to explain Senate procedure -- but he didn't have a prayer of making that stick.

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Chicago: When the media has to choose from their two favorite candidates (Obama, McCain), who largely will prevail? Which administration would provide more material for the Washington Sketch?

Dana Milbank: As a matter of selfish interest, Washington Sketch would benefit from a Clinton presidency because of the superior opportunity for gridlock. The Sketch also has high hopes for Michelle Obama, however, and is hopeful that a President McCain would continue his high-wire act of talking freely with the press.

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Arlington, Va.: Doesn't it seem that most of the commenters on your column have missed the point that it's more commentary than straight news reporting? Or do you think they just love to hate you?

Dana Milbank: I confess that I am not a regular reader of comments on articles -- doc says it's bad for the blood pressure -- but I had assumed that the vitriol on the web was fairly universal. No?

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Arlington, Va.: Dana -- you are so smug. It totally shows your anti-left bias. Or is it anti-right? Hmmm ... I am not sure -- but you are a real jerk!

Dana Milbank: So nice finally to hear from you, Rep. DeLay. I no longer regret the decision to dedicate the book to you.

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Arlington, Va.: Dana: I enjoyed your Sketch on the war "protests," but it got me to thinking, especially after my manicurist said that "we are back in the '60s." Actually, I think she meant to compare these recent protests to those I was present at in the early '70s, but whatever, I got her point. However, the protests today are so unlike the protests against the Vietnam War, which ultimately caused Nixon to end our involvement. Today, all we can muster up is a few people in pink, we accept a vice president who says "So?" about public opinion, and our involvement drags on. I think this is because there now is so much dialogue on the media and on the Internet that people talk a lot, but don't really do anything. Thoughts? By the way, I love seeing you on "Countdown," but you have a better haircut on the photo on The Post's Web site.

Dana Milbank: Hopefully all these questions from Arlington are not from the same person; if that's the case you need bipolar medication, Arlington. Actually, come to think of it, washingtonpost.com is in Arlington, so possibly nobody is sending in questions for the chat and the moderator is making all of these questions up.

As for the protests, I was shocked that the fifth anniversary of Iraq protests brought only a few hundred demonstrators to Washington. Sure, there's no draft, so it can't be compared to the sixties. But there was no draft in 2005, either, when 100,000 to 300,000 demonstrators showed up here.

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Anonymous: What, in your opinion, is the funniest thing about a U.S. government administration destroying two economies -- its own and that in Iraq -- creating over two million refugees in Iraq, directly causing the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, reducing that nation to chaos and rubble, lending immeasurable aid to the Islamic fanatics who recruit suicide-bombers and generally throwing out Constitutional government in the United States in favor of establishing a budding despotism that places an authoritarian state's security first in priority? The funniest, mind you. Not second or third funniest.

Dana Milbank: A vice president who says: "So?"

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Los Angeles: Howard Dean and uncommitted superdelegates, acting together, should: tell Clinton and Obama to form a joint ticket; use a coin-toss to decide the presidential nominee; require written confirmation by the coin-toss winner to support the other for president in 2016; refuse to support either candidate if they reject this approach. An Obama-Clinton or Clinton-Obama ticket enables Democrats to focus their considerable resources on McCain and Republicans now, rather than on each other. A joint ticket and coin-toss avoids past selection disappointments -- i.e. both Gore and Kerry selected poor vice presidential nominees in that neither choice helped carry a critical state nor gave inspiring vice presidential debate performances. A 16-year Democrat Presidential nomination plan is unusual but arguably necessary given the gigantic mess oilmen Bush and Cheney have created.

Dana Milbank: Thanks for getting up early, Los Angeles.

The only superior method to a coin toss, I think, would be to have the circus elephants make the choice.

I should point out that even the circus clowns were divided on the subject this morning. The clown named Alex, assigned to recruit elephant votes for Obama, was actually for Clinton. A clown working the Clinton corner, Tiele, was for Obama. And at the end the Obama clown assaulted the Hillary clown.

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McLean, Va.: Should the crowd boo President Bush when he throws out the first pitch on Sunday?

Dana Milbank: I suspect there will be some booing, but fans would be well advised to save some of that for the Nationals late in the game.

I'll be at the exhibition game Saturday with my hero and mentor, The Post's Bob Kaiser.

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Birmingham, Ala.: Do you think those "rich-guy Clinton supporters" who sent that blackmail letter to Nancy Pelosi really thought things through? I thought it was an incredibly stupid thing to do.

washingtonpost.com: Clinton Backers Rebuke Pelosi for Stance on Superdelegates (Post, March 27)

Dana Milbank: I actually think the Clinton campaign's claim that it didn't see the letter in advance could be true. The whole thing has reinforced a notion that Clinton is willing to bring down the Democratic Party with her -- in this case by defunding the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. But the donors must not have thought through the consequences -- that by antagonizing the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee they were antagonizing the very superdelegates Clinton needs.

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Minneapolis: How did Asia vote?!

Dana Milbank: Thank you for asking.

Asia, after a great deal of hesitation, settled in front of a black cloth on the floor in an area stained by elephant poop. the clowns whisked away the cloth to reveal the smiling face of Stephen Colbert. The other elephants, following Asia's lead, abandoned Clinton, Obama and McCain. Asia picked up the Colbert poster with her trunk. One of the clowns then attempted to balance the Colbert poster on his chin, but ceased this activity when he realized he was getting the slime from the elephant's trunk on his face.

It was, in short, a neat metaphor for this campaign season.

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