Reality, Non-Reality and Everything In-Between
Lisa de Moraes
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, March 28, 2008
1:00 PM
Post TV columnist Lisa de Moraes was online Friday, March 28 at 1 p.m. ET wonders if rockers and "American Idol" ever will mix, investigates who killed the "Bionic Woman" remake, and ponders the possible "Beverly Hills 90210" spin-off.
The transcript follows.
De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.
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Herndon, Va.: Can you please tell me when "Ugly Betty," "Chuck" and "24" are returning? I also don't like the fact that "Men In Trees" is now on at 10 p.m., when I have to go to sleep because of my work schedule. Any chance they may might make it earlier in the future? Thanks
Lisa de Moraes: Hi. I assume you're fans of all three. It's not good news for you. Good News: "Ugly Betty" is back April 24. "24" is back next January, though Fox is working on a "24" made-for-TV movie to run earlier next season to tide you over. "Chuck" is coming back, but not until next season. It's among the batch of this year's freshman series that's getting a "do-over" next season because the network liked the show and liked the numbers they were seeing, but feel it needs to be launched all over again, with a summer promotion, etc. to get it back on track. ABC's "Pushing Daisies" and "Private Practice" are also on that list.
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Silver Spring, Md.: Have you figured out whether or to what degree the judges influence the voting? My husband thinks that if the judges trash an idolette, they get voted off; I'm not so sure how closely the voting is tied to what they say. Am I not watching closely enough, god forbid!? Love your column -- it's worth watching the show to have a great laugh reading your column the next day!
Lisa de Moraes: Thanks. And I think Simon savaging a contestant can send some of them packing, but not an Idolette the little girls and middle aged women have a crush on. Like Sanjaya last season, who lasted so far into the competition you could see Simon was getting unnerved. Simon finally decided, and said so on air, that nicking Sanjaya was just rallying his fans to vote, so he was going to stop actually critiquing Sanjaya... Paula never trashes an Idolette and Randy is, well, Randy. Though, I have to say, he was uncharacteristically grumpy last week. Even Seacrest noticed it...
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Baltimore: I know you have made sport of David Caruso in the past, but until I started watching reruns of "CSI: Miami" on A & E I never really understood why, remembering him as a decent actor on "NYPD Blue." But jeez, if anything you have cut him too much slack. He delivers the most mundane lines of dialog with the slit-eyed intensity of a man who has just corned John Dillinger. What happened? More importantly, why does he get work? He makes William Shatner look well-modulated. Thanks.
Lisa de Moraes: He gets to work because the show is doing well in the ratings, mysteriously. He's hilariously bad and I'm not sure what happened because, yes, he used to be a decent enough actor. Now his entire repertoire is putting his sunglasses off and on, cocking his head to one side and putting his hands on his hips. ... I keep waiting for "SNL" to do a sketch on the David Caruso Acting Academy...
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Nonwriter: So getting all huffy and sniffy and indulging in a pig wallow of self-pity is how writers respond to Zucker's hilarious promo? No wonder it's so hard to find a funny sitcom on TV. But ... did a union writer write it?
washingtonpost.com: Writers Aren't Laughing When the Joke's on Them (Post, March 28)
Lisa de Moraes: According to "My Name is Earl" creator/exec producer Greg Garcia, the promo/recap that is going to run at the start of the show's April 3 return to the air, featuring NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker playing himself, was indeed written by his staff writers and they are Writers Guild of America members. He also says it was his idea to have Zucker in the promo and it was written for Zucker. Garcia said he was surprised by the reaction of some other writers to the promo, which popped up yesterday on NBC.com and got picked up by bloggers who seemed pretty steamed about it...
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Washington: Lisa, how does Jeff Zucker keep his job? He has presided over NBC's crash to the bottom, but he keeps getting promoted. I just don't get it.
Lisa de Moraes: He gets credit for using smoke and mirrors (super-sizing, etc) to keep NBC afloat for a couple more years than it might otherwise, but he gets demerits for not having the skills to develop hit series when he was head of entertainment in Los Angeles at a critical period when the network needed to replenish its stock of hits. The finger pointing, however, should be put on the guy who hired someone who'd executive produced Today show for a decade, and barely watched any primetime entertainment programming, to run the entertainment division at such a critical period in the network's history. That would be Bob Wright. Zucker is a very bright guy and has argued, apparently successfully, that no broadcast network can achieve the kind of success NBC had in its glory days because the business has changed so drastically. He's not entirely wrong, but a lot of NBC's problems could be solved by putting a monster ratings hit on its air. Imagine the shape that network would be in today if it had "Grey's Anatomy" and "House" and "Two and a Half Men" on its schedule..
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St. Louis: What's happening with "Shark"? Is it coming back? If so, when? If not, why not? Thanks.
Lisa de Moraes: "Shark" is being moved to a new night, back on April 29, following "NCIS."
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Tysons Corner, Va.: What's the origin of your use of the word "shoes" in relation to "American Idol" contestants?
Lisa de Moraes: A long, long time ago, in a faraway land....actually I think it only started last season with the lovely Haley Scarnato who, based mostly on weekly displays of her long, long legs and her lovely, lovely "shoes," managed to make it all the way into mid-April in the competition before viewers decided they'd seen enough of both and booted her. As I recall (dimly) one of the judges was talking about her "shoes" -- Paula or Seacrest, no doubt -- and much snickering later, it had become a euphemism for breasts... Or maybe I just dreamt that and it started in the second season with Kimberly Caldwell. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it started with a discussion of one of the better endowed Idolettes..
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Alexandria, Va.: Re: "American Idol," I've noticed recently that Ryan Seacrest and the judges seem to go out of their way weekly to stress that "American Idol" is a talent contest, not a personality contest. Who do they think they're fooling? A talent contest wouldn't have had Sanjaya make it halfway through last season, or had Blake as a semifinalist. Furthermore, Ramiele wouldn't have avoided the bottom three several weeks running despite turning performances that were just as bad as Kristy Lee Cook's. Do the judges actually buy that the contestants are being judged mostly on their talent, or have they found some way to keep their heads from exploding from the disconnect from reality?
Lisa de Moraes: We all know there is no such thing as a talent competition in the pop music industry. How else do you explain Mariah Carey? The music biz is absolutely a popularity competition to a very large degree, and it's nice if the person has at least a certain level of talent. So "Idol" is only reflecting the reality of the industry. I'm not sure why the judges are so defensive about that this season, because in seasons past they've talked endlessly, especially Simon -- the only judge worth listening to -- about the winner needing to have "the whole package" including looks, personality, etc. Meanwhile, last I checked my "Idol" blog's Totally Unscientific Poll, more than 80 percent of people were saying they thought this season "Idol" was a popularity contest, not a talent competition.
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The Zucker promo: I think it is funny. Maybe funnier than actual episodes of "My Name is Earl."
Lisa de Moraes: I'm an "Earl" fan so I'm with you on the first point, but not the second. I giggled like a school girl watching the video. ... Especially the bit where he talks about having dated a chick with pink hair...
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"Saturday Night Live": Forget an "SNL" parody of Caruso; "The Soup" has been doing its part for months. On a different note, kudos to "SNL" for a hilarious parody of Suze Orman.
Lisa de Moraes: The Orman parody is brilliant. One of the best things on "SNL" these days.
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Re: David Caruso: Let's remember a time when there was a less one-liney, less sunglassy, less hand-hippy, less head-tilty David Caruso. A time when he wasn't so tough on interrogating suspects.
washingtonpost.com: "First Blood"
Lisa de Moraes: You know I love trips down Memory Lane...
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Washington: Lisa, what do you think prevents Simon from playing whack-a-mole on the swaying/clapping arms in front of him? It's the most irritating addition to this season, even more than the ask-a-Coke-question.
Lisa de Moraes: You are so right! I resent having my view of the performing Idolette obscured by the Waving Arms of the Mosh Pit Chicks. And when they're not doing The Wave they're doing The Wave Clap. Why can't they clap with their hands at waist level like the rest of us. It's like they've been told to clap with their hands over their heads. I wasn't kidding when I said in my blog that as I was watching the Mosh Pit Chicks to the Wave Clap I was dreaming about my father's weed whacker...
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Falls Church, Va.: A "24" made-for-TV movie? Would it forego the (supposed) real-time element, or would it just take us through two hours of Jack Bauer's life? Maybe while he sits through a long CTU staff meeting and fiddles with his Blackberry?
Lisa de Moraes: I like your thinking, but I think it's going to take liberties with the "real time" thing...
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Re: Shoes on "Idol": Oh Pookie, you must be repressing memories of "Idol" Mensa president Kellie Pickler. When she appeared on the show sometime after getting the boot, Ryan asked her what she had bought with her newfound money, and she answered "shoes." Ryan paused, look at her increased chest size, and replied "hmmm -- just shoes?"
Lisa de Moraes: Oh my god, it's all rushing back to me now. ... The horror, the horror!
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Princeton, N.J.: I have a totally ridiculous crush on Joel McHale from "The Soup." The problem is that I'm gay, and he's married with kids. Please help.
Lisa de Moraes: Pookie, don't despair. Married with kids means nothing these days...
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Another David Caruso Theory: I used to love him in "NYPD Blue" too, but I think that's because his "slit-eyed" intensity was new and different, and now we know it's just some shtick that we're all sick of.
Lisa de Moraes: Maybe that's it. He left "NYPD Blue" so quickly to go become a famous movie star, we didn't have time to realize he was just a tiny bag of tricks...
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"Deadwood" TV movie: When? Please, God, when?
Lisa de Moraes: Never, please, god, never...
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David Caruso?: I think what's incredible about Caruso is how he's able to turn every statement into a question. "It's ... cold outside?" With all the squinting and whispering, do you think Chad Michael Murray watches Caruso and feels like he's looking into the future?
Lisa de Moraes: I think we should all pick one day and make it our David Caruso day and everything we say will be turned into a question and we will wear dark glasses and keep our hands planted firmly on our hips and cock our head to one side. It could become a national holiday, David Caruso Day, like Groundhog Day ... only more fun...
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Anonymous: Do you have any jackets from Jackie's Phoenix Jacket Junction? On a different note, will we be pleased by the debut of MIL(Letter The Post And Affiliated Online Internet Companies Never, Ever Will Print Following M, I and L) Island?
washingtonpost.com: The Naughty Broadcasting Company (Post, March 25)
Lisa de Moraes: "F" -- there, I said it! The letter is "F." I love the Internet ... okay, I feel much better now. Meanwhile, I have not trolled Jackie's Phoenix Jacket Junction yet, but I will be sure to before Halloween...
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David Caruso: Not that I care about David Caruso's reputation, but perhaps the reason he acts differently on "CSI: Miami" is that he's playing Horatio Caine -- a somewhat bizarrely intense man -- rather than whoever he was playing on "NYPD Blue." (It might also have something to do with the quality, or lack thereof, of "CSI: Miami's" writers, too...)
Lisa de Moraes: A really good actor can "play" the phone book -- I think I read that somewhere ... though I take your point in re "CSI" writing. And yet, somehow the cast of the Vegas edition manages to make it look less cartoonish than Caruso. Maybe they just have a bigger bag of tricks than Caruso has. Somebody needs to introduce him to "eye tick," and "nervous cough" and "finger snap" and "eye roll" ... expand his repertoire...
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David Caruso Day: I love it. There's already a "Talk Like a Pirate Day," so I think the calendar has room for this one too. Just name the date!
Lisa de Moraes: Let's find out what is his birthday..
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"Idol": You still think David Archuleta is gonna be the winner? His performances the past few weeks have been pretty lame. I know, I know, the young chicks love him like a pet and will vote in droves for him. Also, the brief shot of his parents in the audience looked kinda creepy.
Lisa de Moraes: Every time they camera is trained on Scary Stage Dad, little David loses about 500 votes. ... It's starting to look like Coroner Munchkin may have taken over the lead, unless David really gets it together for Dolly Parton Week. Can't wait to see David Cook do his dark, edgy, smoky version of "Here You Come Again," or "Here We Go Again" or whatever the heck that song is called...
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"The Tudors": Are you excited about the Season 2 premiere? I know that it is historically inaccurate ... I know that it is a soap opera with fancy historically inaccurate duds ... but I still love it. Am I hopeless?
Lisa de Moraes: Are you kidding? Nobody loves a good T&A show more than moi! ... I'm all over this one -- you can watch it guilt-free because it's "historical/educational."
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Hartford, Conn.: Hello. Tiny hatchets? When will "Big Love" be back? Give it another chance -- it's so much fun. Thanks.
Lisa de Moraes: HBO says it's going back into production in May. When they put it on is anybody's guess. And yes, as I have said before, I believe this show would be greatly improved if all his wives were given tiny hatchets...
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A lot of NBC's problems could be solved by putting a monster ratings hit on its air: So true. But isn't network TV success cyclical, in the sense that each network historically has, at different times, been down in the ratings -- which led it to take risks with more inventive programs than it might have otherwise if it had been on top and had too much to lose?
Lisa de Moraes: Yeah, but what are the risks NBC is taking? "American Gladiator"? "Knight Rider"? ... Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of reality TV and I really like some of NBC 's series, but this is not a network that's swinging for the fences these days to try to revive its ratings...
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Dolly Parton week on "Idol": How about a duet of the Coroner Munchkin and the Horse Pawner doing "Islands in the Stream"?
Lisa de Moraes: Coroner Munchkin agreeing to share the stage? Hahahahahaha!
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Re: David Caruso Day: He ... my friend ... was born on... Jan. 7 ... 1956. (Quickly slides out of frame with my hands on my Caruso Handles.)
Lisa de Moraes: I don't think I can wait until January...
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Explains everything: Found this while Googling David Caruso's birthday: He once worked for a police department, standing in lineups for $25. Does that help?
Lisa de Moraes: It's explains where he went to acting school, yes. ... Thanks!
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Re: Caruso: One of my favorite lines from "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," by Seth Rogen: "Be David Caruso in 'Jade.' "
Lisa de Moraes: LOL.
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Washington: On David Caruso Day you also have to remember to give some terse instruction to a CSI staffer then slap your cellphone shut. He's finished with his calls before my phone even would have connected.
Lisa de Moraes: We will add it to the List ... all suggestions welcome...
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David and Jason: Are David Archuleta and Jason Castro sharing the same, umm ... recreational stimulants? I haven't seen those types of glazed looks since my trip to Amsterdam a few years ago.
Lisa de Moraes: I think are are mistaking David Archuleta's My Dad's Gonna Kill Me if I Screw This Up look of horror for "glazed." It's more a deer-caught-in-headlights look to me, Or a rabbit-in-headlights as I think Simon calls it. Whatever Jason's on, however, I want some of that...
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Washington: Okay, is anyone else alarmed that there are ten-times-life-size floating heads promoting HBO's "John Adams" in the post office?! So much for separation of church and state...
Lisa de Moraes: I think they're issuing an HBO John Adams stamp...
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Washington: So who is gonna snag "9 to 5" next week? I bet it's the Horse Pawner, and I hope she gets pwned!
Lisa de Moraes: That would be nearly as bad as this week's "God Bless the USA." I'm still having nightmares about that performance...
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Tiny Hatchets?: If Don Ho's song was "Tiny Hatchets" instead of "Tiny Bubbles," would he still be alive today?
Lisa de Moraes: Yes, and guest starring on HBO's "Big Love" if I were running the network...
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Severna Park, Md.: Remember when "30 Rock" was going to star Tina Fey's BFF Rachel Dratch, but then it wasn't, but that was okay because Rachel Dratch was still going to show up in a recurring role as a cat wrangler, which she did for like two episodes and then disappeared? I guess my question is, has anyone checked on Rachel Dratch recently? Is she okay?
Lisa de Moraes: It was clear they had decided to dump her and that was just a bunch of hooey.. Meanwhile, isn't it "The Girl Show," so why does it star Tracy Morgan? ... so many unanswered "30 Rock" questions...
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"How I Met Your Mother": What did you think of "How I Met Your Mother"? Yes, Britney was on it, and she got the show ratings, which is a good thing, but what about the show itself? I think that the Sarah Chalke business and the two-minute date showed some of the spark that the show has been missing a bit this season. I hope that it will flourish. I also see, however, how the show is setting the stage for having to wrap things up this year, if its bubble bursts.
Lisa de Moraes: I'm guessing Alicia Silverstone is regretting having dropped out of that episode when she discovered Brit was also cast. That's the role that went instead of Sarah Chalke and boy did the comparison between Brit and Sarah make Sarah look like a fine actress. I like this series but I thought the two minute date bit at the end of the episode was one of the most retro, contrived, lame things I've seen in ages -- pure treacle.
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Indianapolis: Conan goes on "The Tonight Show," and neither he nor Leno mentions that he's supposed to take over the show next year. Chris Hansen goes on Conan, and Conan never asks about the guy who killed himself because of "To Catch a Predator." Jeff Zucker knows as much about comedy as George Bush knows about the price of gasoline. There -- I feel better. Thanks, Lisa!
Lisa de Moraes: Um, you're welcome?
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Raleigh, N.C.: David Caruso seems to use the "smell the fart" school of acting, as explained by Joey on "Friends."
Lisa de Moraes: I just choked on my breakfast cereal reading this. I'd forgotten all about that episode. I really do miss Joey -- yes, I admit it...
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Washington: Pookiemon -- do you think the writing and acting has gotten any better on "Saturday Night Live" of recent? When Tina Fey guest hosted, I nearly blew chunks several times laughing my you-know-what-off during some of the sketches. I've watched the show since its inception (yes, I'm old).
Lisa de Moraes: It continues to have moments of brilliance, though it sags horribly in between. DVR will be the saving of this show. I know I'm watching it a lot more, now that I can zip through the unfunny bits and the commercials...
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Chikezie. Eh...: While I admit I haven't been a diligent "American Idol" watcher recently (with your columns, I don't need to be!), I can't bring myself to be verklempt over the loss of Chikezie. Apart from his fun-to-say name, I found him to be one of the least-interesting "Idol" contestants ever. He had a decent enough voice, but his performances never kept my attention. My reaction to him was always "eh..."
Lisa de Moraes: Except, you have to admit, the first Beatles week. That performance was brilliant. He has a really strong voice and in the hands of a good producer, would be great. ... You're right that he did not shine weekly. But that one performance should have carried him through several weeks more. Good news is he will be part of the tour ... not that I go to the concerts, oh no...
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David has Range!: He can look at lithesome, busty, sensitive ladies with the slit-eyed intensity of Heathcliff, and give his arms an I'm-ultra-sensitive-too angle, which is why they all find him smokin' hot.
Lisa de Moraes: I can't top that. I think we should end the chat on this extremely high note. ... David Caruso Day -- let's finalize plans next week. Bye!
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